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This email arrived in my inbox this morning and I wanted to share it here, not for the kudos it offers to me, but for the encouragement it might offer others who live where this woman has lived. I hope we all know by know that only God can win someone to his love and affection. Don’t get me wrong. That some of the things I’ve been involved in provided a conduit for him to be revealed in her is wonderful and encouraging to be sure. But the larger story is of how God makes his love known to people who have not known a lot of love in their lives. I want to share her story because I know there are hundreds if not thousands like her out there.

They were raised in the demands of a religion devoid of love. They didn’t find it from their overly-religious parents, and never found it whatever kind of “faith community” they were raised in. But God never gives up. He pursues us with a love that can overwhelm all of our failures and hurts.

If you’ve never known God’s love for you, don’t give up. Just keep asking him to make it real to you. And if you know God’s love be aware that some person like this one may cross your path today and perhaps God can give them a glimpse of himself through you. Perhaps a smile or a gracious word from you might open a door that will allow God to find someone he has been looking for, for a long time.

Words will not come close to expressing my thanks to you for your book He Loves Me. I was born into a pastor’s home. There was no real love but lots of condemnation. I didn’t hear God’s love preached from the pulpit. My childhood was an extremely sad place. When I was six I went forward to accept Jesus as my Savior six nights in a row at children’s camp. When my father asked me why, I replied, “Because I’m not too good saved yet”.

That has been my journey. No love at home so I couldn’t believe that God loved me. To say I have struggled with God would be a huge understatement. I have walked away for years at a time, come back when I was hurting from my choices of looking for the love and approval I so sought.

Last June after a particularly hard time I heard about the book The Shack. Oh my goodness! It tore apart all the false beliefs and showed me a Papa I had longed for. I’ve shared that book with my friends and talked about it to anyone who will listen! Over the next months I read So You Don’t Want to Go to Church Anymore. That book knocked my socks off. Then came along He Loves Me. “WOW!” is all I can say. Papa will have to bring to your heart the understanding of how powerful your book has been in my heart and my life. It has changed everything. Even that is a big understatement.

Wayne, one day we will meet in heaven and I just to warn you, I am going to be the one who jumps up and down telling you about how Papa used you in my life. We are now studying your book in our Bible Study and the women are loving it. Thank you for the remarkable work he doing in my life because of finally understanding HIS LOVE.

I think God did let me in on what happened in her heart. I teared up reading this. I can only imagine what it must be like for someone who has never known love to find for it full and free inside God himself. Isn’t that what the gospel is all about? We all have a Father that loves us more than anyone on this planet ever has or ever will.

THE SHACK will reach 23 different translations in the next couple of months, expanding the audience for that little book. Most of the publishers overseas are secular publishers, many of them doing books about other philosophies and religions. When many of our overseas friends find that out, they write us concerned that a company that doesn’t believe in the message will alter the translation to fit their own objectives. I’ve answered this so many times for people that I thought I’d address it publicly here.

I can appreciate the concern, but it seems to fall into a bit of the Christian paranoia that the world is always out to get us and to intentionally distort our message. In the early translations of THE SHACK, we have not found that to be the case. Believers we know in those countries, who were concerned as well that the translations wouldn’t stay true to the book, have since written to tell us that the books are remarkably accurate to the spirit and content of the story.

And why wouldn’t they? Publishers have a vested interest in getting the story right. If they unfaithfully translate books, they will get caught by the many readers who can and will read both translations. If they change a book’s content their credibility and future sales will suffer in irreparable ways.

Why didn’t we stick with Christian publishers? We wanted this book to get into places Christian books don’t normally go. And we’ve had wonderful results from early translations that have been done by secular companies. Even those that had fears a nonChristian publishing company would water down the book or change its meaning, admitted later that the translation was far better than they expected. But no one agrees on every detail. Translation is more an art than a science, since many phrases and words do not have exact counterparts in other languages. Some interpretation is essential to the process, but we have been pleased to hear that translators have been faithful to keep as close to the original as possible.

It has been said that just because people are paranoid doesn’t mean there aren’t others out to get them. Maybe it’s also true that just because people disagree with us, doesn’t mean they are going to distort our words to further their agenda, especially when it is in their financial interest not to do so. I find many believers by and large live with far too many suspicions of other people. They’d prefer to live inside of those fears, then let circumstances play out and see if there is in fact a problem.

I think Jesus said it best. Be as wise as serpents and as harmless as doves. Keep your eyes open, but don’t live to speculation when reality will always unfold on its own. That we can be kind and gracious to all, but not be played as a fool by those who are truly malicious.

I know it’s been a while since I’ve written here, and I apologize for that. This last two months have been crazy and we’ve been horribly busy on so many fronts. What extra time we had, we grabbed to enjoy our children, grandchildren and friends. While this new year has been incredibly difficult at the outset for a number of reasons, I think God is clearly giving us a way forward. I continually live amazed at God’s ability to adapt his purpose and plan even through the most confusing and distressing of circumstances. Even when our lives are in turmoil, he stays constant—always present, always moving forward, always caring deeply for his children.

This weekend Sara and I have begun our third move in the last eight years. Crazy, isn’t it? My parents lived on the same farm for over 40 years. But it seems God has led us to move on yet again. Over the next few days we will be moving 15 miles south from our present home in Moorpark. We will now be residents of Newbury Park just a couple of miles off of the infamous 101 Freeway that runs up the coast of California. In some amazing ways God opened the door for us to get this home at the end of a very quiet street that borders some open space. I am really grateful since this former farm boy has always found city life in Southern California a bit claustrophobic. This will be a lovely setting for spending time with fellow-travelers on this journey, and hopefully an inspirational spot for the writing I hope to do in the coming years.

We will also be much closer to Brad and Kelly and their family, since our initial podcast adventure has taken us down other roads together we never saw coming. So all will be quiet here over the next week as we get moved and settled. Then we’ll be ready to start this new year and see where Father might lead. Of course, the podcasts continue, of course, if you want to keep up with us there.

We often pray for those being touched by the things I’ve written. In the last few weeks we have a lot of email from people in very desperate circumstances who are finding fresh hope again in the love of the Father. May that be true for you as well, wherever you happen to be on this journey.

I got a beautiful email last week and wanted to share it. I do so well aware that it could be easily misunderstood. This sister is in the early stages of moving from the stale emptiness of religion into a fresh and vibrant relationship with Jesus. God is revealing himself to her. Recently God began to open her eyes to one of the ways in which he works. I love it and resonate with the content of this exchange. This is God’s heart for her, her husband and many others.

However, I don’t want you to be put off by the form in which she shared it. She shares it as a conversation between her and God. I do believe he speaks like this, but people who don’t understand may feel that God never speaks to them this directly. I doubt it was a voice she heard externally, nor a conversation quite this way. When God reveals himself to us, he spills into our consciousness with insights that we then put to words. I think it is absolutely fair to characterize it as a conversation as our sister has below, but it could mislead others who think that engaging God happens quite this way.

So don’t focus on the form, focus on the substance of what’s shared below. I think it will encourage you too, especially those who are in the middle of this process:

I have really been praying a lot lately about the decision to leave church and how it has meant being misunderstood by so many people. So as I sat there I started asking why the journey out of (organize religion) needs to be a lonely one, I don’t always get an answer but the freedom to ask Him for some kind of insight has made me feel more like His child and less like an acquaintance.

With that one question I opened up Pandora’s box so to speak. I’m getting better at hearing that still small voice in my heart and it seems that sometimes the Father especially loves to have our ear. Immediately I felt like He was asking me if I really wanted to know Him. Of course I said yes! So he gently reminded me that there is a lot of him to know and that to know him is to know Truth. He IS truth. So much of what we have been taught is not the truth about Him, as if any religion could contain the One who breathed out the stars. “It’s so hard for you to see me through the deception that swirls around you like snow in January“. Instantly I got this image in my mind of a snow globe with the little plastic snow flakes floating slowly down. If we take a big step back from the noise of religion all the deception will fall away and what is left standing will be the Truth. “This is the beginning of really seeing Me”.

I also felt Him say that religion encourages us to live in our heads but to see Him we need to live on our hearts. So hard to do when you’ve been hurt I thought. “Children are all created to live in their hearts. Look at how easily they love and accept. But every time someone hurts you, you pack up a box…maybe trust or courage and you move it upstairs…from your heart to your head. After a while you’re living in your head and my voice gets far away.”

So how do I fix that?” I asked. “You don’t” was the instant reply “I do. I move the boxes downstairs one at a time so you begin to live out of your heart again.”

” So how do I let that happen? How do I know it’s you?”

“I will begin to move boxes downstairs one by one. As I help you unpack it you will begin to recognize ways in which I am teaching you to trust me. As you start to recognize each lesson you will also see more and more of me in it.”

As He spoke to my heart is was as if my spirit recognized the Truth and freedom and love in His words and my skin even felt tingly. It was as though He was infusing me with the strength to believe something that would require me to turn away from so much of what I had been taught for so long. I felt such hope and peace even in the face of going on in this without the support of our Christian friends. I know it has been hard for my husband as he is very hurt that people he believed to be close to us have walked away. I asked God to help him see this wonderful Truth and to help him to hear His voice more and more like I was beginning to. ” What should he be doing to hear your voice?”

“What does your husband know about a father/son relationship?”

Well, I know his dad is a workaholic and so he learned very young that to earn his father’s attention and approval he had to work…for…it….. Ohhhhhhhhh”

“What am I asking him to do right now?”

“Nothing. He has walked away from all the ministries he was in and now even church. He doing nothing right now”

“And because the doing and the relationship were so inextricably tied together it means the relationship he thought he had with me has been taken away and he just can’t see me very well right now. It’s like the shadow of me that he had in his peripheral vision is gone. But that’s OK. He’s where I need him to be because I am about to replace that deceptive shadow of a relationship with something far better.”

“So that can apply to almost all of us. What we learned from our parents or other significant people about what a parent/child relationship is has distorted our concept of what our relationship with you can be?”

“Exactly. And that is why so many of your friends have reacted so strongly. What you are suggesting goes against everything they have been taught about maintaining a relationship with me. If they stop the doing they won’t be able to see what they think is me anymore.”

The way He spoke with such compassion and tenderness about His children that are still living deceived was so beautiful. Immediately I felt my defensiveness fade away and I began to see them as He sees them.

For so long I never knew that He wanted to interact with us in such a personal and direct way. Imagine, my Creator conversing with me like an old friend. So many people think that we have to talk to God like he is the untouchable King and we are the unworthy slaves. But He calls us His children…His friends. I understand what so many have expressed. Now that I know the depth of relationship with Him outside of religion I will NEVER go back.

Don’t get caught up on the form of this sharing. There is a lot of wisdom and God’s heart in the content of it. I hope it helps you respond to him as well.

Yes, I did. Both Sara and I voted for Barak Obama. I know that won’t sit easy with many of my evangelical friends. I’ve received scores of emails the last few days warning me that this election was pivotal for America and that God wanted McCain to win. One even sent me a dream he had of Obama plotting with Satan to destroy the United States.

I hate fear and all that it destroys in the human heart. People still don’t see how horribly binding it is and how it distorts us into really creepy people. Emails from Christian friends driven by fear and appealing to fear in hopes of conforming the culture to their expectations, sickened me. I know they are just misguided. I know God loves them deeply, and that they are responding the only way they know how. But it is time for God’s children to move beyond fear. This whole world is in HIS hands and we are his children living in it. We need not fear anything, because God’s kingdom is the unshakable one. His purpose will endure and we dare not look to the governments of men as our hope.

Even though I disagree with many of Obama’s social policies, the Republicans needed their comeuppance. I am a life-long Republican, and have never voted for a Democratic presidential candidate. But eight years of Republican arrogance and corruption in Washington has devastated this nation and destroyed our reputation abroad. How could I reward that with my vote? Are the Democrats any less arrogant or corrupt? Of course not!

But Obama sings a different tune. He speaks of hope and sacrifice, of bringing people together instead of manipulating our political differences to chop this country up into little pieces. To be honest, I’m ready for some sacrifice. My generation has saddled future generations with a horrible debt and an irresponsible, short-sighted, selfish approach to the problems of our world. It is time for a different course. Yes, I know when President Bush in his first campaign talked about being a “uniter not a divider”, he completely ignored his own promise. I can only Obama won’t do the same. I hope he’s serious about being a President for all of the people, even those who didn’t vote for him. I hope he brings diverse factions together and helps them learn to work together, rather than running headlong into a Democratic agenda. Time will tell.

This was a hard vote for me. McCain was my favorite Republican candidate from the beginning. I was surprised he won the nomination, but then even more shocked that he once nominated he became a mouthpiece for the worst elements in the Republican party. He quickly abandoned his life-long principles to appeal to the base of a party sadly out of touch with the demands of our time. I was disappointed by the lack of experience and gravitas in his vice presidential choice. I was disappointed in his negative ads that depended on rumor and innuendo. McCain has served this country well in days gone by. He didn’t do it so well in this campaign, except for his concession speech last night. That’s a McCain I could have voted for, even though I was disturbed by the mocking anger of those in his audience. He had to keep rebuking his own supporters who demonstrated such contempt for Obama. I hope that tells him something about the campaign he ran.

I know this won’t make sense to those who only focus on gay rights and abortion in voting for president. But I look at other issues that are being ignored to the detriment of our country. We need to build credibility abroad and make significant reforms at home. Obama offers us a fresh course and seems to display the intelligence, passion and fair-minded resolve to help us accomplish that. I do regret that he will serve with such overwhelming Democratic majorities in both houses. That doesn’t bode well for serving the interests of all of the people. But I’m rooting for him to get this right and demonstrate a generosity of spirit to those who don’t see the world the way he does.

And when I watched the faces of my African-American brothers and sisters last night overwhelmed at the election of one of their own to the highest office in the land, I was overwhelmed with gratitude. The greatest stain on our nation’s history is the white arrogance that first owned slaves for hundreds of years, then when freed kept them repressed economicaly, socially and politically for over a century and a half.

Sara and I just spent a week in Virginia visiting Thomas Jefferson’s home in Monticello and the historic colony of Williamsburg. To think that the man who penned our Declaration of Independence citing that “all men are created equal,” and then returned to his plantation in ownership of African men and women only shows the extent to which human blindness can reach.

What a moment in history! An African-American family will occupy the White House. So many said it couldn’t be done. And while it alone won’t make up for 400 years of abuse, it does open a very wide door of hope for those who have been most marginalized in our culture. How could we deny them this joy, this fulfillment that all men truly are created equal. I will pray that this reality further heals the despicable divide in our culture and allow us all to celebrate what we hold in common.

The stakes are high. The opportunity is great. I do pray that Obama will be blessed with wisdom and insight and that he will live up to his promise to not represent the narrow interest of party, but do work for a common good that offers equal justice for all.

On January 20, Barak Obama will take the oath of office, looking down the Mall past the Washington Monument to the steps of the Lincoln Memorial where Martin Luther King gave his famous “I Have a Dream Speech.” His election doesn’t fulfill all that King hoped for on that day, but it is a giant leap forward to fulfill a promise too long denied to people of color.

Some day I’ll be able to tell my grandchildren that I voted for the first African-American president of these United States, not because he was black but because he held the best promise to reverse the course of our failed politics and open a new chapter on American public life.

I pray he lives up to that promise. If he doesn’t, it really can’t be any worse than the last eight years.

Sara and I made it home from Virginia, and we had an awesome time all around. We met some incredible people and connected with some dear, old friends. I took questions from about 300 folks in a Presbyterian Church about THE SHACK and met with all kinds of people on relational journeys who are learning to live loved by God.

It’s great to be home for a while. If all goes well I’ll not have to board another airplane this year. Awesome, if true!

Someone sent this to me the other day. It is from a website called: The Ongoing Adventures of ASBO Jesus.

I love that. The dogma, doctrines, and rules just will not hold up when the storm surrounds you. Love, trust, and relationship with Jesus will. I get hundreds of emails from people who know the rituals, doctrines, and rules well. They have observed them all of their lives, but when the tide turns against you, those things are as shifting as sand on the shore.

Learning to live inside a relationship of love is where real Truth is found. Settling into the confidence that Jesus and his Father love you and that you can trust them no matter how hard the wind blows or the rain falls, is as certain as a granite boulder.

I’ll admit it isn’t easy making the shift. I hear that every day from people and I still remember my own. It’s incredibly disorienting when your doctrine lets you down and your rules aren’t enough to sustain you. It’s easy to get angry at God and others.

But there is no better time for Jesus to show you the way that really is Truth and Life. And finding that, you’ll find the incredible peace that endures even through the most despicable of tragedies.

But finding a relationship with Jesus and his Father is where this relationship really begins.

Sara and I spent the weekend in Charlottesville, VA with believers from all over central Virginia as well as those from as far away as Texas and Ohio who came to join us. Someone from ASSIST News Service wrote up an article about the weekend. You can read it here. We had three packed days of conversations with some wonderful people who are sorting out what it means to live in the love of the Father.

On Friday, Sara and I got to go to Monticello, the home of President Thomas Jefferson (pictured above) and then spent the last two days in Colonial Williamsburg exploring our early American heritage. Dovetailing with my work in BridgeBuilders, this has been a wonderful time to re-examine the history of those men and movements that culminated in our Declaration of Indendence and then a new government based on principle not monarchy or heritage.

Today it is back to work in Richmond with some dear, dear friends. One is writing a book on communion that will be an incredible gift to the church. Tonight I’ll make a a presentation at the Third Presbyterian Church of Richmond on THE SHACK and related topics. Then Sara and I will spend Friday and Sturday with some fellow-travelers on the north side of Richmond before heading home on Saturday night.

Sara and I are off to Toledo and the Detroit area for the weekend. As I wind things up today I am overwhelmed with joy at the way Jesus changes people and how he opens their eyes. I got this from a twenty-year old sister this morning who hales from the Pacific Northwest. She gave me permission to post her story because I thought it would encourage others of you who are at a similar place in the journey.

Wow! What a journey it has been for me since reading your book, So You Don’t Want to Go to Church Anymore. Your book of truth has brought me to a whole new level of deepness, since my not being involved with the institution.

My journey thus far, having spent 20 years on God’s beautiful green earth, has been centered around the system of what is referred to as the modern day church. I have been brought up in the institution, and I have done the time. From accountability teams, to door to door outreach teams, and just about every leadership role in the system, besides the role as Pastor, I have been there. I fully understand the depth of your book, and how the importance of being a follower of Christ is not, and should have never been, based on, “What can I do? What program or organization can I be involved with to be a good Christian and show the world I am a light and not like them? Nevertheless, I harbor a deep love for those caught up in the system, and I passionately crave for them to one day understand it’s not about rules and programs. It’s about the Father of Lights, the One who desires full relationship. The One who craves for us to sit on His lap like a Father, and talk to Him. Just talk to Him.

It has been so hard for me to be able to explain to those caught up in the system, where I am at with my loving Father and why I do not attend an institution. I find myself at a loss of words when it comes too people questioning why I don’t go to church anymore, and why I don’t join outreach teams anymore, or how come I am not on the praise team playing my drums. So many questions, and so little answers I have been able to conjure up to come out of my mouth. My desire is to fully love, and to know what it means to be fully loved. How does one try to explain the question, “Why?”

My parents, my friends, and those I have worked with in the system, ask me, “Why are you doing this? How come you aren’t involved anymore? We never see you at church, and we are worried for you.” I have the same answer for all who ask me questions as these, “I have found my Love. I have found the one that hung out with sinners and loved on them. I have found the one we say we have programs for. I have found the Jesus that loves every man the same, He is my Love, the One who first found me.”

I have chased revival, I gave up everything in plans of moving to attend a school of the supernatural. I tell you, what a change I have come to. And thank God for that! Revival is right here in my heart with the new journey! THE GOD JOURNEY! I am starting a whole new life on this journey! Having literally nothing but God, is beautiful! Scary and challenging at times, but let’s roll!

Thank you for spending countless hours and days and years, writing this book so a 20 year old such as myself, can say, I’m not alone on this journey, there are others who understand true love. The love of Jesus. The relentless tenderness of His desire for us to just live life freely, with no system of have to’s or binding rules. The foundation on my heart, which has been knocked down and rebuilt, is finally being built up again, but this time, being built with the Chief Cornerstone, Papa. Thank you again, for sharing your journey, and allowing me to again build this foundation of living freely with my Abba.

Gotta love it!

I get asked that question probably more than any other. How do I find fellowship if I’m not part of a traditional congregation?

It’s true that there are a lot of wonderful people who attend traditional congregations, but as many have found it’s also not easy to build relationships there unless you’re involved in all the programs. Even then, it can be difficult when people already have their friendships and very little time or energy for more. And if you ever leave a congregation because you’re exhausted by the behind-the-scenes politics or because the pulpit messages are laced with guilt and performance, you’ll find just how shallow those relationships are. Many of your so-called friends will forget about you or exclude you because you’re no longer part of the same work. Then what do you do?

One of the difficult realities people face when they leave a congregation is finding ways to connect with people. But that’s only so because we’ve always expected others to provide the fellowship opportunities for us. Some look for a nearby house church or think of starting one, hoping to draw others into a similar task, but that can also replicate the same problem. The good side of this is that people who find traditional congregational life unsatisfying, don’t do so because they’re loners. They actually want friendships that rise out of a common passion for Jesus and are looking for ways to walk with other believers in a deeper community.

If you’re new to this journey and have found your old friends pulling away from you, first know that you’re not alone. Almost all of us know what that’s like. We know the loneliness and the desperation that can set in. But the loneliness can be a great tool to draw you closer to Jesus. We often try to fill the God place in our life with others and thus miss how he wants to do it. So literally put him first. Find your life in him, not in your friendships with others. Learn the joy of waking up in the affection of Father each day, even if it takes months to learn.

As you learn to live in that freedom, ask him to give you away to others during your day. It is the task of the Spirit to set us in the family, not ours to find out what we think is best for us. That said, Sara and I just don’t wait on the couch expecting someone to come to our door and ask for fellowship. Instead we’ve been pretty proactive each day about looking for opportunities where our lives can intersect others.

In the last 8 years Sara and I moved twice to localities where we knew no one, and both times we just started loving up on our neighbors and others we met through work and other community engagements and watched a new network of friends develop. We followed those distinctive nudge in our hearts to go meet some believers in a congregation, fellowship groups, mission settings, and other local ministries. . Even though we didn’t join any of those things we met people there with whom we have maintained relationship and watched friendships deepen. We’ve volunteered in community projects and made intentional efforts to be a friend to our neighbors. Not all we met in our new surroundings were (or are) believers, but we have eventually found our lives so full of others, some to love and some to journey with, that we felt our lives quickly filling up.

Live loving toward others near you where that is possible, taking an interest in them whether they are believers or not. See where those relationships go. Don’t try to “build relationships”, because that puts an agenda to them that will drive people away. Desperate and clingy destroys the hope of organic relationships. Just love others and let relationships take their course. Some will deepen and grow, others will just be a passing moment. If God leads you to engage believers in places where they gather, feel free to go. You can be alongside others even in congregational settings without having to buy into all the baggage and without disaffecting them from what is meaningful to them. This is not an exact science, it is a journey and God knows the friendships that you need and how to bring them into your life.

Stay in touch on the web with connections God seems to make there. Travel a bit to meet others to whom God is bringing a connection. Resist the urge to treat relationships as a convenience and make some sacrifice to engage others. Everything about our world trends away from relationships and so will we if we get so overwhelmed with life that we only have them when its easy or convenient. Friendship is about laying your life down for others knowing that Jesus is always laying his life down for you. Friendships will grow best when we’re not trying to control them or trying to get others to act according to your expectations.

In the long run, it is trusting that God knows how to bring you into relationship with others and show you the way forward. It is out of that trust that real relationships can begin and grow.

[A personal note: To those who have been praying for my Dad, he got home Saturday from nearly 3 weeks of surgeries and re-surgeries and his home, healing, and grateful. Thanks for your expressions of prayer and love for us during this time.]

A couple of items first. At the left is the cover to our newest edition of So You Don’t Want to Go to Church Anymore. It has been printed in Russian. How fun is that? Also, I’ve been a bit overwhelmed with some medical emergencies in our extended family over the past few days that are slowing things down a bit around here. Please be patient as these things unfold.

I do want to share a letter with you that I got a few days ago. I love stories of how God sets people free and I know they encourage others as well. I got this from Tammy:

I have a stack of Christian books a mile high. To me, reading is a bit like breathing. But of all the wonderful books I’ve read none of them have touched me as much as He Loves Me. It was so bizarre reading it because it was as though you had somehow read my mind and quoted my thoughts in your book!

For along time I have felt so weary of “Christianity”. I don’t know how many times I must have told my husband “there has to be more to it than this…”. But I mistakenly thought that I wasn’t trying hard enough… not reading my Bible enough or attending church enough. What else could be making me feel so empty? It all came to a head when last spring I found myself fighting another battle with major depression. One Saturday my husband said he just couldn’t do it anymore. He just couldn’t give me what I needed and it had drained him of his very life and that maybe we shouldn’t be married any more.

I remember so clearly going into my bedroom and falling on my knees beside the bed. I literally began yelling at God. “Why? Why have you abandoned us when we have tried so hard? What more do you want us to do?”. And in my heart I heard Him say “Nothing. I want you to do nothing but give it all to me. My love for you has never depended on what you do. If I had fixed your problems in the midst of your best effort you would have believed that you had earned it. But now I will show you that my best gifts come when you know you don’t deserve them.”

Wayne, it all turned around that day. I began having revelations from God like I have NEVER experienced in my life. Not that I was hearing an audible voice, but His Spirit was communing with mine in such a way as I could hardly keep up! Moment be moment He began giving me bits and pieces that made every incomplete picture in my life make sense. When I prayed for Him to change my husband as much as I was changing, He asked me if I really wanted to be different or did I only want to change as much as could be used to guilt my husband into change? When I prayed in anger because my Christian “friends” had abandoned me He asked me if I wanted revenge or redemption? On and on it went. Sometimes many times a day these amazing truths came to me and all I could do was weep that He had reached out to me with His very “voice”. Finally one day I fell on my face on the floor and declared, “You are MY God”. And I haven’t looked back since.

I began to recognize the lies that I had been told about God. All of them in church I’m afraid. I began to see how much I had feared Him. I summed up what I imagined He thought of me in one word—”Disappointed”. Praise God for an amazing Christian counselor who began to set me straight about who I am to God. She’s a pastor’s wife yet she often says she doesn’t fit in church. It has gotten in the way of too many people and their Father.

So much has happened in the last 8 months I could write a book myself! My marriage is better than EVER! I have been so overwhelmed with Fathers love that even colors look brighter. Even on days that I face a struggle I am filled with joy like I have never known. I look around my church now at faces that look so sad. I listen for people to laugh and shout about God’s love (because thats all I want to do) and all I hear is silence. One day I asked God how Christians can be so silent about something that fills you to overflowing? He simply said “if they REALLY knew how much I loved them, they would not be able to keep it to themselves. Tell them.”

Only a few days ago I came across He Loves Me and have already finished it. I laughed out loud when you said that people who knew that God loved them would never be able to keep it to themselves. Amazing how Father is teaching us about love!

I am preparing to take a small group of ladies on a journey into this book. I pray they will discover the joy that I have found. Thank you for putting into words what so many of us have learned at the Father’s knee.

I was having coffee with a friend yesterday. She has been so hurt by religion and I want so much for her to be free. As I shared some of these things with her she asked quietly, “Why can’t they tell us this from the pulpit?”. I too pondered the question until God’s voice (that I’m learning to listen for and recognize) spoke again. “This lesson of love will not come from the pulpit right now. It will begin as a silent revolution. One heart to another, telling of my love, seeing people set free.”

Thank you again Wayne. Perhaps someday God will allow me to put my journey to paper as you have. God is using you to set His people free.

Well, I guess she has already put it to paper, or at least to html. When I wrote Tammy asking for permission to share her story, this is what Tammy wrote back:

Feel free to use my email and my name. I would be blessed to see it posted where it may help someone. In fact, I would love to correspond with anyone who would like to know more about how Fathers love has changed me as a woman, wife and mother. There is nothing that I have gone through that I am ashamed of. What God has done for me is His gift to me. I simply see sharing my story as a small gift to Him.

I am so overjoyed in my new found freedom that it is hard not to share it. I find myself asking strangers “Has anyone told today that God loves you?”. For the first time in my life the fear of rejection is overpowered by Love.”

I love it when God transforms people by his life and grace.