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So You Don’t Want To Go To Church Anymore? [Audiobook]

Authentic Relationships

1 Comment / October 22, 2015

Are you tired of relationships that never seem to share the depths of spiritual life? Find out just how awesome Jesus-centered friendships can be…

Book Description

In a culture that promotes isolation and autonomy, this book reveals life-changing methods for creating healthy relationships and authentic community. Readers learn to apply New Testament principles that capture the essence of Jesus’ teachings about effectively caring, serving, and loving one another. Beginning with God’s simple command to “Love one another,” this book shows how to:

develop deep, genuine friendships
model to others a relationship with Jesus
create meaningful interaction with strangers
avoid the pitfalls of judging others
show people love, acceptance, kindness, and respect

Complete with discussion questions, this book is appropriate for both individuals and church groups. It is a must for all Christians who wish to practice being the church rather than merely attending one.

From the Back Cover
If you value friendship and community, Authentic Relationships will inspire you with fresh insights for meaningful interaction with others. Authors Wayne and Clay Jacobsen give practical examples of how to apply the principles of “one anothering,” drawing from the rich fabric of biblical guidance and instruction.

Beginning with God’s simple command to ove one another, this book shows you how to create authentic and loving relationships and communities. Authentic Relationships captures the essence of Jesus’ concern and service demonstrated to his disciples and followers. It weaves a fine tapestry that will help you develop genuine friendships and reveal to others the depths of your relationship with Jesus.

In a fast-paced culture that values independence and autonomy, the principles of “one anothering” can transform your relationships and broaden your community of true friends. You’ll learn new methods for opening doors to deeper friendships and meaningful interactions with strangers. If you seek to strengthen relationships with other believers, you’ll learn how to be the church rather than just go to church. This book helps you avoid the pitfalls of judging others and inspires you to engage people with love, acceptance, kindness, and respect. Wayne Jacobsen lives in Newbury Park, California, but travels internationally as director of Lifestream Ministries. He is a contributing editor to Leadership Journal and the author of The Naked Church, In My Father’s Vineyard, and He Loves Me.

Clay Jacobsen, Wayne’s brother, has directed The Jerry Lewis Telethon, Dr. Laura, Entertainment Tonight, and Prime Time Country. He is the author of The Lasko Interview and Circle of Seven and resides in Camarillo, California.

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So You Don’t Want To Go To Church Anymore?

5 Comments / October 22, 2015

Jake Colsen, an overworked and disillusioned pastor, happens into a stranger who bears an uncanny resemblance (in manner) to the apostle John. A number of encounters with John as well as a family crisis lead Jake to a new understanding of what his life should be like: one filled with faith bolstered by a steady, close relationship with the God of the universe. Facing his own disappointment with Christianity, Jake must forsake the habits that have made his faith rote and rediscover the love that captured his heart when he first believed.

Compelling and intensely personal, SO YOU DON’T WANT TO GO TO CHURCH ANYMORE relates a man’s rebirth from performance-based Christianity to a loving friendship with Christ that affects all he does, thinks, and says. As John tells Jake, “There is nothing the Father desires for you more than that you fall squarely in the lap of his love and never move from that place for the rest of your life.”

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Five Hundred Episodes of The God Journey

Behind the Scenes / September 15, 2015

Last week I taped the 500th episode of The God Journey with my former co-host, Brad Cummings joining me again. It will air this Friday morning. (We actually taped the 501st one as well, since we couldn’t stop talking!)

When we began over ten years ago, I would never have guessed our little radio show on the Internet would have survived this long or would have touched the people it has touched. On Facebook last week I asked those who wanted to celebrate this journey with us, to either post or send me thoughts about what this podcast has meant to them and their journey. I’ve been overwhelmed by the responses.

I’ll share many of those below, but before I do, I want to share what this podcast has meant to me. Through this podcast my friendship with Brad grew and it provided an environment for my own discovery and growth as we talked about things neither of us had contemplated before. It also put me in touch with thousands of people all over the world who are on some incredible journeys, with a passion and depth in God’s life that has enriched my own relationship with him. It’s still a bit weird meeting new people who know everything about me and my family. I forget just how much of our personal lives have found their way onto that podcast, and how much that has encouraged others.

I’m amazed at all the people who listen, many from the very beginning and even more in awe that some people today still go back through the archive and have listened to all of them over the past year. We will talk more about this on the podcast this week, but no one is more amazed than I am at where this little podcast has gone and the lives it has encouraged and connected. I continue to meet people around the world who first connected on the forum, blog, or Facebook page of this podcast and ended up in close, personal friendships. I am grateful for the ways you engage each other, how you’ve shared the podcasts and books with your friends. This was the audience that launched The Shack, when no one else even had the book. Who knew at the time it would sell over 24 million copies worldwide and now being turned into a movie?

I am so grateful to all who wrote and share their thoughts. We probably have been encouraged way more than we’ve encouraged others. If you’d like to add your thoughts you can do so in the comment section below.
Now here is what some of you said about The God Journey podcast.

Claudia: Changed. My. Life.
Traci: Having a couple of guys talk about freedom, life, and grace in a way that stirs the depths of your heart and soul – how do I put it into words? The beginning of understanding “he loves me and he is especially fond of me.” It was life changing.
Rick: Thanks guys, your Podcasts really helped me leave a restricted mess called religion.
David: They are a breath of fresh air in a world of stale ideas.

From Chris: Thank you so much for sharing the awesome truths about our Father’s intense love and affection for us!! I have been digesting and meditating on these truths the last few years and God has brought so much freedom and joy to my life. I spent the first 20 years of my Christian life nearly killing myself trying to gain God’s acceptance and approval through my performance. However, I am so thankful that for the last three years He has lead me to Bible teachers like you guys that teach the truth of our God. These truths have been like refreshing water and a healing ointment to my soul.
From Greg in NY: Thanks for doing so many. They are an encouragement to me, and so many more. Since we first learned of your writings back in … maybe 2002? When you were writing “the Jake book” chapter by chapter online…. you (both) have been an encouragement to me to continue to listen to, follow, and want to really know Father, who loves me more than I can truly understand. And I’ve found equal encouragement in listening to your words and conversations, which echo those that God has been whispering in my own heard and mind. My first thought when I read your post was to share our new song, This Journey, because it celebrates what this journey has meant to us.
Jarred: I’m not your target audience by any means, as I’m 20 years old and have virtually no church background. Just wanted you to know that I really enjoy your podcast. I particularly enjoy your discussions about relationships, and your ideas seem to coincide with the ones I’ve built over the past two years. To keep the story short, I moved out of my parents place and moved in with my best friend’s family. I already had a very close relationship with my friend, but what caught me off guard was how out of nowhere I began to build a relationship with his father (who also listens to this podcast). We just started talking, and somehow it grew into an authentic, loving relationship with no authority; just conversation. I’ve been thinking about this more lately, but I really feel that genuine relationships with God at the center bloom naturally. Forcing it, especially in the way religious organizations seem to, leads to an insincere relationship where barriers, such as authority or conformity, prevent individuals from connecting. How can someone be the treasure they were created to be? I’m sure this is something you’ve already explored.
‪Karine: I’ve been listening for a number of years and the podcasts have been such a support though many difficult times can’t thank the lord enough for you both and the commitment to doing this.
Kim: Oh my goodness…the podcasts were my lifeline, as far as having someone who understood, for months after leaving the institutional world we’d been part of for 32 years! I knew God had led us out, and you, Wayne, He loves Me, and the podcasts really helped confirm and affirm the journey we knew it was time for us to begin. He Loves Me, changed my life, actually! Note to Brad Cummings: Your laughter!!! Oh my, how I miss the sound of it!! Hope you are doing lots of it these days! Enjoy you both and the encouragement you’ve been. Can’t wait to hear number 500…Live loved!!
Shari: I’m just so grateful for your podcasts over the years. It really does help to hear another voice echo what Father puts on my heart about fellowship and church. It’s easy to fall back into wanting the social life created within an institution but that comes with so much restriction and falseness. I love to live free in Fathers love and your podcasts remind me to stay the course. Friends are fewer but they are truer.
Scott: A friend recommended So You Don’t Want to go to Church Anymore? And that led to the podcast which led to The Misunderstood God book which led to being the heretic that a lot of my Christian friends think I am now. Thanks a lot! No really, I’m not kidding. I really enjoyed the podcast when it was you and Brad, but I think I’m getting more out of it now
Chris: This podcast has meant so much to me. “An ever expanding conversation” is a good way to describe it. I’m so thankful to God for bringing voices like yours into my life and freeing me from religious thinking at such an early part of my walk. Thanks for the conversations!
Terri: I quit my job at the local church back in ’05, hoping there was a better way, but feeling as if I’d ruined everything. You guys convinced me otherwise. At your encouragement, I spent the next two years in the Gospels getting to know Jesus, and oh my word! The last 10 years have been nothing short of spectacular. Thanks for being there and inviting us into love with Dad.
Dawnna: I can echo many of the comments about The God Journey being a lifeline. I didn’t have a clue the depths of my hunger in wanting to know the love of Father and the church Jesus is building until I started listening to the podcasts. You set my heart on fire. And it all started with your opening lines “living outside the box of religious performance and inside the Father’s affection”. That’s all it took to launch me on my journey. Thank you for being the vehicle in which God called me to open my eyes to see Him more intimately. I will always be eternally grateful.
Ashley: The podcast, in addition to the website resources, has been an amazing support in my journey to getting to know my Father for who he really is. So grateful for the perspective shifts you and your guests provide in my thinking about how to live this out every day.
Doug: Wayne and Brad, this may be after you tape, but the podcast has certainly been used in my journey to freedom from the shoulds and into the freedom of living adventurously expectant in the love of Papa.
Hayley: I LOVE your podcasts! Happy 500th taping!
Jerrine: So grateful for your podcasts and encouragement to live loved.
Pat: Your podcast has been an encouragement and a sane voice of the faith.
Bob: I found the God Journey just as the Pharisees’ showed their true selves where I attended and was an usher, worship team singer, and men’s group breakfast cook. Since I left, not one man from there has called me for golf, beers, hanging out. But Wayne and Brad showed me a new path, a new journey if you will. Now when I am asked if I go to church, I say “I am on a God Journey”. And the conversation begins.
Randy: I have really enjoyed The God Journey. Thanks to Wayne and Brad for taking the time to show us Jesus all these years.
Timothy: I just want to thank you both SO MUCH for having taken the time for these podcasts over the years. They have helped me immensely in my walk and relationship, through some VERY difficult times. In addition they have been a big help in connecting with the body worldwide in a very real way.
Kedish: This podcast has encouraged me a lot and is helping me also to be in the Journey of learning to know our Father’s heart (to rest in His love) away from religion and the system in the world. I really enjoyed it God bless you brothers.

John: What I have learned? I have learned that God loves me not for what I could be, might be , or when I get my crap together or performance of likeability or spelling in an email….. He Love Me in all my mess and doubt and pain and brokenness. He Loves Me one hundred percent NOW. Just as I AM …. My question is not to you, but to my Papa.. “How Deep Is Your Love?”

Ken: I believe I have been following Wayne for twenty years now. Just when I was about to go full tilt house church out of frustration with the typical congregation model Wayne’s word of caution helped me avoid another cul-de-sac , and am now gratefully disillusioned .. the ping-pong that Wayne and Brad provided weekly was extremely helpful to know others were on similar journeys and the grace at which you both allowed another season of life to not derail your friendship was priceless. Glad you get to record a 500th podcast together.. Looking forward to the laughter and the serious .. you both do that so well.
Liz: I’ve really enjoyed hearing what I believe the Lord has been speaking to me for the last thirty yrs, confirmed in so many lives in so many different places around the world. It’s always encouraging to hear of others experiences and perspectives. I love the fact that we are all works in progress and Father is not in the cloning business. It’s all about our love relationship with Him, which in turn enables us to truly relate to each other in love. Jesus is indeed building His church and there is not an ounce of religious ambition, obligation or conformity anywhere to be seen—just real people, free to be honest about where we’re at, encouraging and being encouraged as we learn to live in the Father’s love and view life and each other from this perspective.
Charlie: You guys have brought such a fresh blend of personality and life to a subject I had only previously known as cold and uninviting. Both of your work is very much appreciated, we all need more people like you guys! I feel like in my time listening along, that I have gone from walking to running and have grown immensely. The training wheels are off and the rush of riding absolutely free is beyond description! Thank you for your courage and determination to stay true to the course, and for offering such a life-giving resource for free. You have shown us all truly what life with God all about and that this life is worth living!!
Kevin: I remember listening to you guys some years ago. I was at the gym and your were discussing if penal substitution was good or bad-now I didn’t know what that was but thought it was something quite different if you get my drift!
Tracy: Hearing your perspectives (even when they differ) has been life changing for me! Thank you for providing a safe place to ask big questions, and know in a deeper way just how much God loves me.
Heather: The podcast really helped me sort through all the emotions of leaving the institution. It was comforting and encouraging to hear that others had similar incidents and feelings.

If you’d like to add your thoughts, you may do so in the comment section below…

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The Political Battle of Our Time

Culture Watch / August 26, 2015

I don’t often use this space for political commentary, but a new election cycle is in full swing and though my hope for a better world is not invested in politics, I care deeply about governance in our society and the decline of quality in political leadership over the last fifty years. I am convinced that the great political battle of our time is not Republican versus Democrat, or liberal versus conservative, but the people versus a government industry that is ripe with corruption and who use every election to exploit the legitimate passions of the electorate to enhance the personal ambitions of the one percent. This industry is made up of a diabolical, symbiotic relationship between politicians, Wall Street bankers, media personalities, and lobbyists pursuing their own selfish ambitions for wealth and power.

And I’m not saying that there aren’t good, conscientious people working for the government who want what’s best for the country, I’m just saying their voices are drowned out by the human quest for money and power by those at the top. While many of them may have begun with a passion for the common good, it is almost impossible for humanity to fly so close to the power and money that collects in Washington without abandoning their principles to benefit themselves as every one else around them is doing.

I am not suggesting this is well-organized conspiracy of elites, but the simple fruit of hundreds of thousands of people doing what most people do every day, maximize their opportunities to make money and gain power for their own comfort and security. It’s called capitalism, doing what you can to better your own life. But when a certain class of government elites profit off the vast resources and power of the government, it is crony capitalism, a system contrived by the rich and powerful that undermines equal opportunity for everyone else. They spend the people’s money to buy votes and grant special favors to their friends while their own personal power and wealth grows.

Republican, Democratic, and Independent leadership are all in on the joke. They can posture for the cameras and feign great disagreement over core principles, but when the lights go off they all shake hands, make deals, and laugh at how easily the American people are duped by their game. That’s why no matter who is in power, the federal deficit grows along with the size of government itself. They delight in stalemate because they really don’t want to solve the problems that they use to divide the electorate. It’s those who go into government service with little equity come out remarkably wealthy and well-connected. They are well-paid actors creating a government of the wealthy, by the wealthy, for the wealthy. When will the electorate decide that enough is enough!

These politicians are not public servants, but parasites on the American dream, who quickly turn into lobbyists or pundits when their terms are up to leverage their power into even more wealth. Media personalities are not purveyors of truth, but players in a game that twist facts into their own power-building narrative. All are beholden to Wall Street bankers who take turns rotating into government jobs to write their own regulations and purchase the political influence they need.

If you don’t believe me, read the eye-opening books by Mark Leibovich that unmasks the illusion Washington culture tries so hard to keep secret: This Town and Citizens of the Green Room. Ask yourself why the wealthiest counties in the United States surround Washington, DC, when they produce nothing except an endless set of laws and regulations while lining their own pockets and why our government officials are more concerned about lavish parties than providing health care for our veterans. And if they can’t get such a noble mission right, why do we think they will succeed at lessor tasks.

If we’re serious about fixing it, it’s time we voted out the career politicians and elect a new class of citizen politicians, those who want to put the common good above partisan politics. They will spurn special interest money as tainted attempts to purchase influence. They will demand accountability from government workers instead of guarding their job security when they are corrupt or incompetent. They will not be career politicians, but men and women who have been successful in the private sector and who want to go to Washington not because they need the money or power, but because they want to broker solutions that will take government back for the people. And, they will go back to their homes and careers once their service has ended.

No, this is not in support of Donald Trump’s candidacy. While he does talk in refreshingly honest ways about political corruption and boasts about the politicians he has bought, he is part of the problem and has benefited for a long time from the corruption he now mocks. We need people with greater depth, graciousness and far less vitriol and ego.

Is it too much to hope that the ship of state can be turned from such dark waters? I don’t think so. If the we as citizens demanded more of our elected representatives they would have to respond. But it will take a lot of us caring enough to speak out, reject the status quo, and look for a different breed of politician.

At the very least we have to start laughing whenever our current politicians and bureaucrats refer to themselves “public servants”, because they only ones they are serving are themselves.

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CHURCH REFUGEES Could Be A Game Changer

Phenomenon of the Dones / June 11, 2015

By Wayne Jacobsen

Fourth in a series on the The Phenomenon of the Dones
(Read: Part 1 • Part 2 • Part 3)

If you read one book about the church this year, you’ll want to read Church Refugees. Dr. Josh Packard and Ashleigh Hope are sociologists and while researching the current trends of people’s church attendance made a surprising and unexpected discovery. They identified a significant number of Christians who no longer attend church services and yet are thriving in their spiritual life. They call them “the Dones” because they are done with the traditional congregation having felt it was stifling to their own spiritual journey.

To their surprise they discovered that most of them had not lost interest in their faith, faded out the back door, or preferred to watch football on Sundays. Instead they discovered them to be high-capacity Christians who were committed givers and deeply involved in leadership. They didn’t leave quickly or easily, having spent years trying to encourage change or simply find a way to get along. They eventually left because in all conscience they conclude that the way things are being done in their congregation threatens to compromise their faith. They sought community over judgment, mission over machinery, rich conversation over pat answers, and meaningful engagement with the world beyond moral prescriptions. While leaving is not easy as they suffered the judgments of former friends and colleagues they soon discover that there are plenty of resources for growth, meaningful connections with others on a faith journey, and ways to touch the world beyond the congregational system.

This book is a game-changer for how we perceive the church and understand those who no longer find our institutions helpful to their journey. It has the potential to obliterate the myth that our local institutions are the only or even the best way to engage the life of Jesus and his mission in the world. That’s not what the authors have in mind since they are both avid attenders themselves. They simply wanted to explore the phenomenon and seek to help congregations understand why these people are leaving and perhaps reconsider how to revitalize their institutions so they wouldn’t have to leave.

This is a compelling read that is hard to put down. The researchers mix their findings with first-hand stories from their respondents that will challenge whatever view you hold of the church. No doubt many will find it difficult to admit that passionate followers of Jesus are thriving outside our institutions, preferring the narrative that you can’t be a true Christian if you are not connected to a local congregation. The hungers, however, are real and if they won’t be served by our existing congregations people will go looking elsewhere. Obligation alone will not save these institutions.

For those who have already left you’ll find encouragement that you’re not alone in your desire for a more vibrant experience with God and his church and that it is possible to fulfill it in other ways. However, the terminology the authors use will make you cringe at times. Even the title, Church Refugees, is more than a little condescending to those who are no longer part of a traditional church. Calling them “The Dones” or the “Dechurched” doesn’t help either and you’ll find that language on almost every page. Just keep in mind this is a book by insiders, for insiders, about outsiders. It only uses “church” for institutional gatherings and posits those outside of such institutions as the “dechruched”. But it doesn’t dismiss them or the sincerity of their faith. I’ve not been an active participant in an institutional church for over 20 years, but I don’t consider myself a church refugee or that I am dechurched. I have never been more alive and engaged with the church Jesus is building in the world in so many expressions outside our traditional congregations. The church in Scripture was never a religious institution with weekend services and top-heavy bureaucracies. The church is the family Jesus is building in the earth and it cannot be contained or managed in any human organization. While it can take expression there, it can also take shape in many ways beyond it.

This may be the most important church book written in this decade. Whether you like what their research shows or not, Packard and Hope have done us all a service by giving us an accurate picture of the religious landscape rather than relying on our biases or experiences. What we do with them will have great impact on our engagement with the church.

If you share the hunger of the Dones but still hold hope for our Christian institutions, it will help you be a voice for change so those hungers can be served instead of frustrated. If you’ve found it necessary to leave you’ll find great encouragement in knowing there are others finding opportunities for growth, deep fellowship and mission beyond the programs of our congregations.

Hopefully it will help us all see the church as a bigger reality than our human conventions can contain, and affirm that what’s most important is whether or not people are following Jesus, not which building they go to on Sunday morning, or even if they go to one at all.

Church Refugees • 143 pages in hardback, paper back or ebook. Order from Amazon.com

__________________________

Wayne Jacobsen is the author of Finding Church and host of The God Journey podcast, where he you’ll find his conversation with Dr. Packard about the Dones on May 1st and May 8th episodes.

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Why People Are Leaving

4 Comments / Phenomenon of the Dones / May 29, 2015

By Wayne Jacobsen
Third in a series on the The Phenomenon of the Dones
(Read: Part 1: The Secret is Out • Part 2: The Labels That Divide Us)

What does it take for someone to leave a congregation of people they have loved and served alongside, often for decades? Why would they suddenly break away from close friends and lifetime traditions to wander into a lonely and uncertain future only to be accused of being selfish, bitter, or rebellious?

Except that it generally isn’t sudden at all, and not at all what they had hoped for. Yes, there came a time when they stopped attending, but none of “The Dones” I’ve met over the past twenty years left easily or suddenly. In fact most have wrestled with the decision for years in the face of some concern or unmet hunger. Initially they thought others around them would resonate with their passion, or be grateful if they identifie a problem that needed attention. To their shock, they found their repeated attempts to discuss their concerns or hopes fell on unsympathetic ears.

Try as they might to bring positive changes, they only meet resistance and eventually disrespect and frustration. “That’s not the way we do things around here.” Many give up trying to convince others, but their hunger continues to until sitting in the congregation becomes painful. After years of struggle they finally feel they have no other choice but to follow their hunger instead of quietly going along. As much as they want to stay with people they care so much about they find they can no longer participate in meetings that have become a detriment to their spiritual passions.

While the process is similar for most that I know, the reasons can be quite different. Recently I asked people on my Facebook page what it was that finally made it clear that they needed to leave their congregation. I got over a hundred responses from people that were consistent with the thousands of stories I have heard over the last two decades.

Forty-two percent said they were worn out by the machinery and the need to serve it. Some of that is burn-out from having to do more than they had time or energy for, but for most it means that the cost it exacted wasn’t worth the fruit it produced. Rarely does anyone say the congregation was all bad except in the most abusive cases. Mostly they say the demands of the congregation began to displace their passion for Jesus and that scared them.

Twenty-three percent said they no longer respected the leadership, either because they were dishonest, demanding or manipulative. This didn’t result from a bad confrontation or two, but a series of experiences that consistently eroded their trust and respect.

Twenty percent they simply hungered for more authentic relationships, feeling the ones they had were too superficial or governed by pat answers instead of people really getting to know them and wanting to walk alongside them in their joys and struggles.

Twelve percent wanted more of Jesus and his life than their congregation offered. The focus seemed to be on things other than helping people learn to experience the fullness of life in him.

Three percent reported no dissatisfaction at all, but simply felt led by the Spirit to move onto a different stage of their journey.

Of course my pool of respondents did not include those gave up on God when they gave up on their church. Many do, seeing the failures of their institutions or its leaders as proof that God doesn’t exist, or if he does, at least isn’t engaged with them. It’s a tragic legacy of systems that often do more to perpetuate programs than demonstrate Father’s affection.

But for every person that has left, be they pastor or parishioner, there are dozens more who are thinking about it and second-guess that decision every time they sit through another meeting that doesn’t address their deepest hungers. Many stay because of the relationships , others out of obligation no matter how painful it becomes. Actually they are “done” too, attending in body only and with decreasing frequency and it is only a matter of time before they stop as well.

Simply put, most of “The Dones” left because their spiritual passion could no longer be fulfilled where they were. So what may look like someone just walked out one day isn’t true. It is almost always a long, protracted process that even they resisted until they could do so no longer and still be true to the Spirit’s call inside them.

The process is hard on everyone. In the first few months many of those who leave are racked with guilt and second-guess their decision frequently especially if it is difficult to find others on the outside who share their hungers. And it’s hard on those they leave behind, who often feel rejected by those who leave. Harsh words and judgments are exchanged as each side seeks to convince themselves they are doing what’s right and want to convince the others for their own validation. Nothing will destroy friendships faster and lead to animosity and hurt that will spread throughout the community.

Those who have left are not your enemy. If they were your friends before, wouldn’t they still be your friend now even if you think are concerned for them? Wouldn’t loving each other be vastly more important than how we gather or don’t gather on a Sunday morning? Maybe if we were less threatened by their hunger we could celebrate their to find an environment more meaningful to their faith.

Certainly some who leave find their way back when they can’t find the community they are looking for. Most, however, after a year or two begin to find themselves connecting to others who share their hunger for more authentic and generous community in small groups or growing friendships without the need or expense of sustaining the machinery. They spend more time in conversations that nurture their faith and less time planning meetings and maintaining structures.

People who lose hope that the institutional model can provide a lifetime environment for community and growth may not be the death knell for the vitality of the church; maybe they are the hope that there’s more than one way the church takes expression in the world.

For more information on “The Dones”, read Dr. Josh Packard’s research into this phenomenon in his new book Church Refugees.

__________________________
Wayne is the author of Finding Church and host of a podcast at TheGodJourney.com.

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Forty Years of Transformation

8 Comments / Uncategorized / May 17, 2015

What happened between these two photos?

Life! Forty years of it, that transformed two naïve lovers into a couple that really gets each other and who are still celebrating an ever-deepening love and appreciation of each other.

It’s amazing what forty years and tons of grace will do. Through those years we’ve celebrated together with overwhelming joys and cried together though mind-numbing sorrow; we’ve known the drudgery of mundane days and the simple pleasures of long walks, deep conversation and hilarious laughter that would have made sense to no one but us; we’ve fought with each other and our own frailties enduring seasons of frustration that seemed so dark; and at every turn and we’ve discovered things about each other that only made them more endearing.

The one constant has been that we’ve always found our way to each other as our affection has grown. The idealism of our youth has been forged by time, circumstance, and no small measure of grace into an ever more precious treasure that we savor today with the contentedness only long-term love can know. We are far different people than we were when we started out, but what we have become wouldn’t be possible with out the other—their patience, their perseverance, and their love.

I have great memories of that college sweetheart I married 40 years ago, but I wouldn’t trade her for the woman she has become. She is so much more a complete human being and an absolute delight to share life with.

Sara, on our 40th anniversary, I want you to know how much I adore you for all the beauty and joy you’ve added to my world; how much I admire you for your wisdom and all that you have faced and overcome, and I appreciate you being faithful to every promise we made so long ago. I could not imagine having lived my life without you. You are the most important ingredient in everything I’ve done. None of it would have happened without your support, friendship, and love.

You are the greatest gift God has put in my life and I will love you more each day we have together.

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Unconditional Love

Uncategorized / April 17, 2015

I’m at the airport this morning getting ready for my trip to Denver, and then continuing next week to Richmond, VA. This is an amazing trip with lots of meetings for reasons as diverse as sharing the journey, consulting with a publishing company that is looking for an appreciation for the “Dones”, to meeting with some people from Kenya who might be able to help us formulate a development strategy for Pokot, and finally to helping a friend with his novel. It will be 12 days with a host of meetings and connections that I hope will advance God’s kingdom in the world.

As I go, I thought I’d leave you with this exchange that explains why I’ve never liked the term, “unconditional love.”

Eileen: I enjoyed your books He Loves Me and Finding Church so much and can’t wait to get the latter one on audio book. Well the question I have that I struggle with a little bit us is Gods Love unconditional? My husband and I listened to a message titled “choose life” in which he suggests that there is no such thing as an unconditional love. Even Gods love for us is conditional. Some of the examples he gives are, “ask and you shall receive, knock and it will be opened, you are my friends If you keep my commandments. Those are all conditions he claims. He loves us despite of how we are, which I do agree with, God is love but not unconditional I struggle with. At least that’s what I heard from his message. Wanted to hear your thoughts on that.

My response: When you hear someone teach and it doesn’t sit right with you, there’s usually a good reason—his Spirit within you. When your yuck meter goes off, trust it! In this case it is well-set.

To take Jesus’ invitation for us to engage his Father and turn it into a condition for us to earn his love is poor scholarship at best and manipulative at worst. Seeking him is not a condition for us love, it’s an invitation to draw near to him so we can see how he’s making himself known to us.
You’ll notice that I don’t use the term “unconditional love.” I know a lot of people like that term, and though I like what they often mean by it, I don’t like using it because it gives the impression that something called “conditional love” actually exists. It does not. You either love someone or you don’t. If you can stop loving them because they do something wrong, stupid or hurtful, then you didn’t love them in the first place. God’s love is not conditional, he loves us all the time, even at our most lost and broken. His love never changes. The drama of our story shifts when we begin to discover how loved we are and then respond to him in a way that allows our engagement with that love to grow.
But that doesn’t mean that our actions don’t have consequences. We reap what we sow, but that isn’t God ceasing to love us, it’s the way he made the world work so that we would learn from our mistakes and that our brokenness would invite us back to him. He keeps loving us through the consequences of our own choices, always making a way for us back to his heart.

Eileen: I just wanted you to know that what you said makes perfect sense…that’s the way I’ve carried out my life, but when you’re repeatedly told you have to be in church, you start to believe that your the one doing something wrong. I’m so grateful that God has put you in my path, if for no other reason than to confirm what I’ve always believed—you can win people to the lord by just loving them.

Amen to that!

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Communion At the Dining Room Table

6 Comments / Uncategorized / April 6, 2015

When your ten-year old granddaughter asks if we take have communion with our Easter dinner, the only reasonable answer is, “Of course!”

I love that she’s had it enough here to think about it. I love that her mom and her had discussed Jesus serving it to his disciples as they were working through the events of Easter week. This is a child who has never been in a Sunday school or attended a Sunday morning service. She has grown up with Jesus as a part of her daily life and in the community of friends and family who are seeking to follow him.

So after the meal, we took bread and broke it. We took grape choice and toasted the One who have up so much so that we could have life and freedom in him. And we focused on Jesus and that we would one day be re-united in eternity with some special people we’ve lost recently to this age. It was the high point of the day!

Later I was reading an article someone sent me that only an approved clergy member can “sanctify” the bread and juice and only in approved locations, where people truly worship. Yes, my Yuck Meter pegged. Jesus celebrated a meal with his disciples and told us to remember him every time we partake of that meal. We did a horrible thing when our “religious leaders” made the meal something that could only be celebrated when the “right person” consecrated it. That made the Lord’s Supper a contest of power to decide who can serve it and who can take it, and have argued for centuries argued over its meaning and substance.

Such is what man does when he takes a simple gift of Jesus and turns it into a religious ritual fraught with fear. Contrast that with the early church, who for the first 300 years of its existence would not have conceived of celebrating the Lord’s Supper at any place other than the family dining room table. Imagine what it did for that woman who made the bread and poured the wine as Jesus made himself known at her table that evening as the church gathered to celebrate his life in them.

Isn’t it time to reclaim the simple things Jesus gave to his church and celebrate them in the midst of our lives? “This is my body. This is my blood. As often as you do it, remember me!”

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