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I don’t know what’s going on exactly, but I’m getting a bit of email these days from folks that are finding freedom from depression in part because of some of the things they’re reading here, but I think we all know who is really responsible for their freedom.

But it blesses me nonetheless to hear how God is drawing people out of long and deep places of darkness and setting them in the warmth of his life and grace. I do think Christianity as religion actually promotes and prolongs depression with its focus on performance, its trust in intellectual answers alone and its use of guilt to try to make people do better. As well-intentioned as all that might be, it can be incredibly destructive for people caught in depression.

I got this earlier in the week with a book order from Rick:

I am so thank for your willingness to make the Jake book and Transitions available for free. God has used you to literally save my life, I was severely depressed and ravaged with guilt a year ago and considering making an end of myself, but now I live free knowing that I have an affectionate father who loves me. Thanks be to God for your ministry.

And I received a longer story from a sister still in the process, but I so appreciate where God has led her and where he continues to lead her. I met this lady this past summer and she lives in what’s called the Heartland of the US.

I am 45 years old today. One psychologist estimated I have suffered from chronic mild depression since I was 12 years old. I have to date never been suicidal. However, I have so bought the lie that if I did everything right, then I would get to look emotionally balanced and mature. The way I have addressed the problem has been so shame-based. Mature Christians don’t get depressed.

Religion, especially the brand I was raised in, put I high premium on rational thought, logic, creeds. Emotion and passion were pretty suspect. Well, I don’t have to be embarrassed about being an emotional person anymore. Organized religion tends to shun and stigmatize mental illness. I had another friend who lost her husband to schizophrenia. She said if he had had cancer she would have had overwhelming support, but got very little when her husband left her and their children as a result of his mental illness. Most of these illnesses are not about making “right choices†at all.

One pastor told me if I just found goals and vision for my life I’d be excited not depressed. OK I am already finding everyday life overwhelming, and he wants to add tasks to the pile. He’s been down; he’s been sad. He doesn’t understand depression. What I needed most was to be let off the hook.

I am still struggling, but for the first time I realize He loves me whether I get over this thing or not. It’s not up to me. I have been so ashamed of this weakness. Whether I break free from depression or not, I am still free because I don’t have to fight and try so hard to be healthy. He can do whatever He pleases with me because I trust Him. I’m going to stop demanding that He change me and see what He does with it. It’s spoiled my relationship with my Father long enough.

John Eldredge once said to me that some of the best times, the most restful and inviting times, he had with me were when I was a mess. And for years I’ve thought what the hell did he mean by that. Now I know. In those moments I stopped trying so hard to be perfect and just was what I was. Being me even the broken messed up me was better than the fake striving I invented because I was ashamed of the real me. I think he said that to me in 1998; I am as thick as a post—but God loves me anyway.

Last night my husband was just driving me around because he had to get me out of bed and break up a crying spell. We talked about medication or another counselor. You know that scripture in which Paul brags about how religious and what a great Pharisee he was. Well I’ve had three counselors, a psychiatrist, a curse breaking, demon kicking prayer guy, theophostic prayer, etc. I’ve been through ancient paths and living waters programs. I’ve read a library of books. I said I give up. I surrender to God. Now those weren’t all bad things really. You see getting over being a depressed person has been what my relationship with God has been all about. I can be part of the adventure right now; he loves me as I am. If this battle could be won by learning, talking, confessing, rebuking, forgiving and believing, it would have be won by now. I am not worried about or embarrassed by depression and anxiety anymore. Now that I am convinced I am loved nothing else matters; it’s all I ever wanted.

I really think laying down the fight and embracing love will go a long way towards leading me through the final stages of healing. I think at the bottom of depression is I am unloved and unlovable. I will always be very, very sensitive and there is no doubt a good purpose in that. There is much I have thought needed to be fixed that doesn’t need to be fixed. I love this quote from John Milton’s sonnet about going blind. Here’s the one of the greatest poet’s in Western literature. He’s losing his sight. How is he going to read and write? The last line reads, “They also serve Him who only stand and wait.†One of my favorite poems. Anyway I go on and on. This in an incredible epiphany for me; you had a hand in it. I thought you would enjoy knowing.

I love what God did in Rick and what he is doing in this sister, and their experiences speak louder than anything I could say. I always encourage people to take depression seriously. Religious folks tend to blame themselves and try harder, which, as you read here, only intensifies the depression. This is a battle few can fight alone. If you’re caught in depression find someone to help you walk out of it. Don’t find someone steeped in religion and human performance, because that won’t help. That’s often why a secular counselor can be more helpful for someone in depression than a religious one. But get help! Causes very for different people, but it is important that you find a way to reverse the spiral and find your way into greater freedom.

If you haven’t heard my voice blathering enough on the web, there are two new interviews now available.

A few months ago I did an interview for a Canadian TV show called On the Edge about the Jake Colsen book and my other passions in this kingdom. . That interview is airing today (Friday) at 2:30 p.m. Pacific Time on the Miracle Channel in Canada. You can stream it online if you like by going to The Miracle Channel and clicking the ‘Watch Us Online” button. It will also re-air tomorrow (Saturday) afternoon at 3:00 Pacific Time. This is the second part of the interview. The first part aired last week, which I didn’t know about. The final part will air next weekend (February 23-24) at the same times.

I also did a podcast interview with the folks at Plain Truth Ministry that is now on their website. This is as clear an introductory piece as I have done on Lifestream and what we hope Father accomplishes through my writing and sharing. You can listen to my interview here.

A great big thanks to all of you who have offered your input. For those who’d like to see the back cover concept to date and to get a bit more feel for what’s in the book, here it is!

Look at the cover below:

And if you haven’t commented yet, please feel free to…

Many of you know I am involved in helping bring a new novel and novelist to the public table with a book that has captured my heart. The folks I’m involved with want to do a bit of focus group consideration for a cover concept. If you’d like to give us your feedback, that would be awesome.

Look at the cover below:

The less you know about the book, the better, since we just want some reader input from the cover design itself. If you don’t mind could you either leave a comment here or email me to let me know what you think.

What feelings or thoughts does this cover evoke for you?

What kind of book would you expect behind the cover?

Does this entice you to read it or turn you off?

Are you male or female?

Feel free to make any other comments about what you like or dislike about he cover.

We hope to have the book out around May 1.

Thanks.

The last few days have been filled with preparing for trips in the next couple of months, including quite a few BridgeBuilders events. I head to Tulsa for the weekend, gathering with some long-time college friends and sharing with the folks at Bread of Life on Sunday morning. This is part college reunion and part spiritual retreat taught by one of the people who greatly impacted my journey at a young age. So, I’m really excited to be going and seeing what Father has in mind. Beyond that I will be in Central California, Nashville, Washington, DC and South Dakota in February and March.

And because so many people have asked us for these, we are releasing two new CDs at Lifestream. We have now placed mp3 files for the audio versions of both He Loves Me and So You Don’t Want to Go to Church Anymore on one Audio Book Combo Disc. The cost for this one CD is $14.00 and gives you both books. Both of these are available on our book or audio collections pages.

Also, we’ve just released the second archive disc for The God Journey. This CD holds the mp3 files for all the podcasts Brad and I did between March 31, 2006 and January 2007. Cost is $12.00. Both of these discs are data discs containing mp3 files and will not play in a CD player. You can however access them by computer, mp3 player and on most new DVD drives. Find out more on our book or audio collections pages.

This morning I have started to read Matthew again in my own readings. It’s been quite a while since I’ve been in one of the Gospels and I’m always excited to get a fresh look at the life of Jesus and how impacted people around him.

I hope you don’t mind reading over my shoulder again. It came in an email from someone in Iowa who has recently discovered our website. He told me about a friend of his that he is watching Jesus change before his eyes and the joy of it. I thought you’d love this story and it might encourage you to follow the nudges Father puts on your heart too!

And anyone who’ll barbeque in the snow is a friend of mine. But when they do it for the reasons below, it’s really awesome!

I am warmly filled with the walk of a brother that is new in his faith and just getting to walk with God and see and hear the new things he is learning. Is it right to be proud of the work that God is doing in someone else? It is God doing it and it is so cool to sit back and watch Him form this brother into the image of Christ right before our eyes.

This brother had a dream. He was grilling in his backyard, he is a big griller, and everyone loves to go to his house for fellowship because he cooks the best food. He saw hands reaching into his grill to grab the food. When he looked up, the hands belonged to homeless people that were in his backyard eating his food.

The dream troubled him until he wondered what would happen if he went down to the inner-city and setup his grill and fed anyone that came. So, he made some calls all on his own and the Salvation Army said they would pass out flyers for him during the week to let people know and he could use their back parking lot on a Saturday. As the word got out among his
friends we all wanted to go too.

On a snowing Saturday morning a couple of weeks ago we loaded up and headed down there. It was a great time! We tried to give these men and women back their dignity by calling them by name and talking to them without any expectation of anything in return. Not even listen to a
salvation pitch. If it was appropriate we would pray with them if they had concerns that we could bring to the Father.

Two guys that were traveling together, Joshua and Michael were such a blessing to us. We enjoyed their fellowship and laughed with them when Joshua said the City Union Mission was unsanitary, he had slept under the bridge in the rail yard because he knew he wouldn’t get sick, instead of sleeping inside in a dorm full of coughing men. What a sweetheart. We prayed for their safe journey and that they would be able to catch a west bound train for San Diego. We loaded them up with food and toothbrushes and sent them off into the snow.

I don’t know what it was, but there was something different about those two; they blessed us more than we blessed them. “Show hospitality to strangers, some in doing so have entertained angelsâ€. All of this because a new brother in the Lord had a dream and he followed thru on it. I don’t know if they were angels and I don’t care, I just really loved the community and love we had that day for each other. Will we do it again? When the Lord sends along another dream, you bet!

The February 2007 issue of BodyLife has just been posted at the Lifestream website.

The lead article is titled Windblown: What Life in Jesus Looks Like and is an extended look at what Jesus was trying to communicate with Nicodemus the night they met to discuss the kingdom. Living in the fullness of Christ is not a matter of embracing theology ritual, or ethics but to engage him by the Spirit and follow him wherever he leads. There’s also some wonderful letters there from many of our readers who are on some amazing journeys, as well as some new information on new things going on around Lifestream.

With this issue we also include two different downloadable PDF files—one for printing and one for viewing. We hope this issue encourages you to keep to the journey God has put before you and draw you into his life and grace.

I got some questions the other day from a reader on the role of shepherding in the body. I know others have similar questions to his, so I thought I’d post our exchange here in case it will help other sort through these issues.

I was wondering if I could ask your opinion on something I’ve heard you make reference to, and seek a bit more clarification. I have heard you make reference to Ezekiel 34 in connection to who is to “shepherd the people” in the New Covenant. That the solution to the “bad shepherds” was not to replace them with “good shepherds”, but to do away with that whole system, and that God Himself would be the Shepherd to His people; that “my servant David” (i.e. the Messiah) would be the shepherd to the sheep. Obviously Jesus is the fulfillment of this prophecy, Who professes to be the True Shepherd.

My question is this: There do seem to be passages that assign a “shepherding role” to key leaders in the Body of Christ. Jesus, when comforting Peter after the denials, tells Him to “feed my lambs, care for my sheep, feed my sheep” (the task of a shepherd), and then we have Peter’s instructions to his fellow-elders, “Be shepherds of Gods flock that is under your care…” (1Peter 5:2), and in Eph 4:11, where it is said that Jesus gave some to be “pastors” is the same word used of Jesus as the “Good Shepherd”.

So while in one sense, it seems we are all sheep to Christ our Sole-Shepherd, in another sense, it seems the Scriptures do indicate that certain members of God’s flock share in the role of “shepherd”; that certain “elders” are “under-shepherds” to the Chief Shepherd; that Jesus does raise up certain individuals to be “shepherds” for the sake of the flock.

Can you offer any additional clarification? Is not this Chief-Shepherd/Under-shepherd paradigm what the typical Church System would claim to emulate? And if we do have “good shepherds” caring for the flock after all, how does this reconcile with Ezek 34?

Here’s how I tried to answer those issues in a 100 words or less: I agree with what you write here. I think the problem for me comes in how we’ve applied that over 2000 years, so that the idea of shepherding people no longer carries the sense of reflecting Jesus’ care in other lives, but in managing them as a wholly ‘other’—the clergy/laity distinction. I know some of that terminology is used in verb form (shepherding as opposed to shepherds in I Peter 5), but there is a marked contrast from the Old Testament to the New as to how the word shepherd is applied to human leaders. No human being, except Jesus is designated as a shepherd in the New Testament. Jesus became the Good Shepherd for all the sheep, promising we’d be one flock with one shepherd.

But I also see that there is a recognition that there are more mature brothers and sisters in this journey who have the calling and equipping to spend a significant part of their time coming alongside younger brothers and sisters helping them get this journey. But to describe that as being an under-shepherd moves away from biblical language and is grossly misunderstood semantically in our day. Shepherds often have a sense of ownership about sheep—‘my sheep’. They are threatened by ‘sheep stealing’ in the body and often treat the ‘sheep’ as different from themselves. None of that would have been in Paul or Peter’s mouths. So I do see this as a semantic problem in part, and also a management problem. To describe institutional leadership in this language definitely corrupts it, putting the emphasis on leading the ‘thing’, not equipping and caring for lives.

But, yes, I agree that there are elders and other gifts in the body who are a great help to equip, release, strengthen, rebuke, and facilitate the life of the body. I just think if we don’t keep the Shepherd definition attached clearly to Jesus alone, others start co-opting his place in the lives of others. This is most often with the best of intentions, but it is no less destructive when people start to follow another human, rather than Jesus…

You’ll love this! My friend Gayle Erwin (author of The Jesus Style) has just released his latest book Not Many Mighty. Sara and I have been reading bits of it each morning before work and it has been so refreshing.

With his unique sense of humor Gayle retells the Old Testament stories and recounts the foibles of the early apostle, to drive home his point. God does not choose the most deserving people to work through, but common people who have known failure and heartache and who even make lots of mistakes trying to follow him. This book will encourage you cease from your own labors and learn to rest in his while it reacquaints you with a different side of our Biblical heroes than you usually hear.

It’s available from his Servant Quarters website. And if you haven’t read The Jesus Style yet, do yourself a favor and order that one as well.

Here’s an excerpt:

The more we look at the preconceptions of the apostles in the Gospels, the more we realize that Jesus chose a group that we would call losers. Keep in mind that he did not choose these men from the halls of academia. Education of that day was religious schools for Torah stud. Thos who lacked the intelligence or motivation to achiever were released to get a job. So, where did Jesus find these men? At work! These men were somewhere down the ladder in terms of intelligence…

So Jesus apparently chose the apostles to show us whom he could use. That overwhelms me with encouragement. For this inner circle, Jesus chose a group that affirmed the trend we see from the Old Testament—only the weak and foolish need apply. (I Corinthians 1:27)

I’m off tomorrow for a weekend in Turlock, CA and a weekend helping some people focus on the cross! Pray for us if you think about it…

I’ve had a bit of an email exchange of late with someone who has struggled with visiting her parents because they always pressure her to sing for their fellowship when she’s there. She didn’t like the pressure and having been a performer in the past, she was concerned that being in that venue would trigger those old appetites for performance.

Our conversation was a bit about the difference between honoring our parents with love and respect and being manipulated by them. Honoring our parents doesn’t mean we do everything they ask. That’s control and co-dependence and a host of other things that aren’t healthy for them or us. But I also mentioned that the work God was doing in her would really make performance tasteless over time. That’s the way it has worked for me. When you start this journey you think you’re going to die giving up the old ways you enjoyed seeing your gifts touch others. But in time you come to see how empty that is, and when that’s true you’ll never be lured back to it again. That allows you to freely go in those environments when he asks you to to help trigger hunger in others, without fearing that it will drag you back into the same old bondage again.

This is her resonse. I love what she wrote here, especially about keeping our eyes focused on the pleasure and purpose of our Father:

Thanks for getting back to me, Wayne. I so relate to your experience. I believe that I have offered my gifts to be shared with my parents and their church because I really have come to a place where I just want to bless them and encourage them. I don’t need to prove anything to them, and you’re right, they probably won’t be able to comprehend what we’re talking about. But I also feel in my heart that I’m weak, and could easily get sucked into these old patterns of performance. I spent some time with the Lord on these questions today, and He put me back in that wonderful, safe place of freedom with Him.

Over the past few years of listening to him, asking tons of questions like a child, and receiving healing, he has shown me that my performance-tendencies came from the fear of disappointing others. He really, really HATES fear! And today I was asking him what is the lie behind the fear that I’m feeling creeping up again. Here’s what he said the lie is: “If my parents (or other authorities) don’t affirm me, I’m a ‘bad girl’. I can’t be trusted. I’m ‘in sin’.

And here’s what he spoke to the lie: “If that’s true, then I’m a bad boy, I can’t be trusted, and I’m a sinner too. In fact, that’s what the Pharisees accused me of. I overcame because I stayed tuned in and focused on the pleasures and purposes of My Father. You do what you do in freedom, when it originates with the Father. Fear and frustration come when it originates in your ‘need’ to please others.†His grace is such a SAFE PLACE and there is no manipulation or love withheld in him, even if my choice isn’t “rightâ€.

What great language! Freedom in Father is unlike anything this world can offer. It can take you right back to where you used to be, to incarnate his love there, without being victimized by the expectations of others or by the fear that God will withhold his grace if we make a mistake. What a truly safe place to be!