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There is no more important question any of us will answer in our lifetimes, than who is God really? Is he an abusive bully demanding the universe do his bidding, or is he an affectionate Father inviting us into the fullness of his glory? How do we answer it? We sort out the story of Scripture, we look at the reflection of his nature in Jesus, and we let the Holy Spirit unveil him in our hearts. It’s a process that takes a life time. But having been one who lived in the fear of appeasing God every day to one who has lived with a growing awareness of his affection over the last twenty years, I can say sorting that out is life’s greatest adventure. And finding a way to live in his affection 

Last week I exchanged some email with a lady who is sorting that out in her own life. I thought others of you might enjoy reading over my shoulder as this life awakens to a greater reality. This is Joani’s original email:

I’m just finishing He Loves Me and chapter 22 discusses the difference between “save me” prayers and “God glorify you name” prayers.  On page 178 you write, “This is the prayer the Father always answers, ‘Father, may the purpose for which you have created me and placed me where you have in the world be fulfilled completely.'”  How is asking God to fulfill His purpose in us different from evangelical songs asking God to “use” us? I think it’s in your Transition series where you discuss God “using” us as a putrid idea, and you used your daughter coming to you saying, ‘Dad, use me,” as an example to verify “use me” as unhealthy.  I agree with you.  The idea of God using us does seem unhealthy.  

How would you distinguish between the prayer of “God’s purpose” and “God’s using?  I read your prayer on page 178 as passivity but not the “Relax, I’m your heavenly Father and have the best in store for you” kind of passivity. I read it as a prayer of passivity where I’m basically a doormat for God. I come from an abusive background, and have not been won into trust about passivity. Passivity has been a terrible experience in my past. Passivity means I have no voice or value so I’m resisting this prayer of passivity.  So what is the context for the idea of God having a purpose for us? 

My response: Wow! A doormat for God? Don’t know that I’ve heard that expression before. I guess it all depends on how we view God. If he’s a demanding taskmaster who wants to ruin our lives with his “purpose” or exploit us for his gain, then you’re right.  It’s a pretty disgusting notion. But if he’s the Creator, who loves us more than anyone ever has or will and wants us to be a part of his incredible purpose to redeem the world to himself and help set captives free, then who wouldn’t want to be part of that?  I don’t see God’s “purpose” as our obligation at all. I see it as an invitation to fulfill all that we were created for before sin and religion twisted us up.

So I don’t know that your question is about vocabulary here, but about how we perceive God and our place with him. That may be shaded by your background for sure.  I understand why being used by another person or deity for their purposes would be pretty disgusting. But if he knows you better than you know yourself and he wants you to know absolute fulfillment and joy and would never ask anything of you that would violate your personhood or compromise your freedom. Who wouldn’t want to discover what he’s about in the world and join him in it? God’s giving beats our trying to get any day… 

Joani responded:   

You hit the nail on the head about the issue not being about vocabulary. The issue is whether or not we know him, and you’re right — if we know who God actually is then why wouldn’t we want to join him on this journey!  And after reading your email I realized more clearly how I still see God as the family and neighbors I grew up with. In essence, I see God as a dictator, absentee father, bully and constant rule changer so that I never have a chance of succeeding. What an appalling view!

I was brought to tears with your sentence, “. . . (he) . .  would never ask anything of you that would violate your personhood or compromise your freedom.” I found that absolutely remarkable! I didn’t know that about God and putting it in such terms was both eye-opening and heart-wrenching (in a good way).

I’ve almost always viewed myself as insignificant or inconsequential — as a cookie-cutter person or generic box of macaroni (for lack of a better illustration) to be kicked around. I’m starting to see that’s no longer acceptable. I can’t hold my son, for example, as significant and loved by God and claim I’m not.  I haven’t been trying to be stubborn or set myself apart. I was simply thinking like the stray dog — unable to trust or receive love. 

You said in a different way what you’ve always been saying about God’s love, and it’s what I needed to hear.

My heart goes out to people like Joani who are sorting out how God really thinks about them. I know it isn’t easy to see something in your heart that your mind doesn’t fully embrace yet.  I know how discouraging and how scary to think of God as an abusive Father who will exploit you instead of one coming to set you free. So much of religion paints him that way, as an offended, angry deity always disappointed in us. And because of our shame it is easier  to believe that than that he is an affectionate Father delighting in them each day and drawing them ever-more surely into the reailty of his love.

But we have to see that struggle as his more than ours. When I read Joani’s email, I am so encouraged because I see God is unraveling her old way of thinking and that she is getting her ready to see his love in a way that will capture her heart. Every word of her emails breathes with that reality.  

What I wrote her next, I’d want to say to all of you in this same struggle:  

“God is moving something in your heart to a place of greater freedom. It may be taking awhile because the brokenness runs so deep. And I do understand how easy it is to get discouraged with the passing of time and still battling the darkness. But you need to see this not as your responsibility to change your own thinking, but as Father at work in you to win the heart of a daughter he so loves. The struggle is understandable. We’ve all been through it, though certainly at different depths and through different experiences. But you will get through this.  He is winning your heart from unworthy conclusions about him that others have given you to the reality that only he can give.

“He is making himself known to you. As best you can each day, try (however fleetingly) to relax into the trust that he is doing this in you not asking you to do it yourself.  He knows how lost you are.  He knows how painful it has all been, but your desire for him and the reality of his love will win out.  He’s at work already.  The day is at hand.

So when you get discouraged and are overcome with tears, let them flow. It is all part of draining the old lies and wounds and letting you see beyond that into the richness of his love for you. And when you sense that love let the joy flow. It runs in fits and starts as the old gives way to the new.  Let the process play out.  Don’t try to rush it and don’t judge yourself for it not being fulfilled yet. This is in his hands and there’s no better place for it.

His love for you has always been there and no less true today just because you can’t see it clearly. But you when you do you’ll find great joy in your Heavenly Dad.

I’m praying for you…”

And for those who want further help learning how to let God build a relationship with you, Wayne offers a series of short videos to help coach you into responding to what he is doing, rather than trying to get there in your own wisdom or strength. They are called Engage. They are free and you can find them here.  

“Have you talked to Pastor?”

Everytime I hear ‘Pastor” used as someone’s first name, I cringe inside.  My yuck meter goes off because using titles for each other is one of the things Jesus asked us not to do.  Why do we continue to violate it every day?  

I got this quesiton in my inbox the other day:  

Matthew 23:8-112 reads, “But you are not to be called ‘Rabbi,’ for you have only one Master and you are all brothers. And do not call anyone on earth ‘father,’ for you have one Father, and he is in heaven. Nor are you to be called ‘teacher,’ for you have one Teacher, the Christ. The greatest among you will be your servant.

For whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted.”

My Question is how does this apply to today?  And does using titles so as to not offend make sense in Scripture?

How do I apply this today? I don’t use such titles for myself and I don’t use them for others either. If someone is going to be offended if I don’t call them “Pastor” or “Reverend,” I don’t spend a lot of time with such people.  Their love of titles is a demonstration that they don’t have the heart of Jesus.  I’m not saying they are not saved, simply that they are not living very deeply in his reality.

People say they do it only to show honor, but isn’t that exactly what Jesus is talking about? Titles separate us from each other, putting some in a special class.  Jesus wanted us to understand and appreciate that God alone stands above, and all his people stand alongside each other.  Pastor, elder, apostle, may describe a function God has given us in the body; it is not and never can be our identity. Once it is, everything gets twisted.  

It isn’t easy negotiating an unknown and potentially serious medical condition especially when you are the mom of young children. A friend of mine is facing that challenge. It’s been going on awhile and still the doctors still aren’t sure exactly what she’s facing. She wrote me this week about being overwhelmed with the fears of what it could be and the weariness of dealing with the symptoms and tests.  My heart hurts to her and many others I know facing similar circumstances. As I prayed for her my mind was drawn back to an email I’d just read from Patricia in Wisconsin. In fact, it had come in two minutes before the one I received from this young mom.  

It told an amazing story that I thought would encourage this mom and perhaps give her some insight as to how to deal with the latest round of tests.  Here’s what Patricia wrote:   

I hit a bit of a wall a few weeks back waking up feeling as if there was a black cloud hovering over me. I asked Jesus, “What is it that I’m not getting about your love for me? ” I asked him to show me. I was pretty discouraged, Wayne, not understanding why. I headed out the door to water the flowers. Being with flowers always seems uplifting. Stretched across the walk was a big snake. Although I assumed it was non-poisonous, my reaction could be described much like when you slam on your brakes when someone suddenly cuts you off in traffic. Frightened, I stomped my foot and the snake quickly slithered into a space between the walk and the front porch. Great, I thought, now it’s in the basement! I had a vision of it hanging from a pipe the next time I needed to make a trip downstairs.

 

Just then Jesus seemed to speak to my heart. “You become afraid, stomp your feet driving your fear deeper inside.” The next morning I went out to water the flowers and once again there was the snake stretched out across the walk. This time I turned my empty bucket upside down several feet away from it and sat down. I had an interesting conversation with Jesus about my fear. The next morning the snake was there and the day following that. I began to say good morning to the snake. Although I didn’t feel the need to drape that baby over my shoulders I appreciated it’s presence. I began to view the snake differently.

 

By the end of the week he was gone. So was the discouragement. I was left with a deeper, more authentic relationship with Him.

Our fears only grow greater in the darkness and our view of God much smaller. I love this story of the snake and the fact that Patricia would sit down near it and have a  conversation with God about her fears. I love how that engagement changed her view of the snake and her connection with the Father who loves her so much. When people encounter difficult circumstances, some try to ignore them, others dwell on them with fear and panic. What would happen if we sat down with God in the face of our fears and talked it out with him? I’ve often heard preachers or worship leaders telling us to lay down our fears when we come to him. In their minds admitting to fear is proof we have no faith. But that is only denial. It takes far more trust to bring our fears along as we sit or walk with him. 

So I sent this story to the young mom facing the scary medical diagnosis, with this encouragement:  “You and God can find some deep, deep fellowship staring down your fear and finding out that your whole life is in Father’s hands. It has always been. So is everyone else’s. And those are pretty good hands to have it in, regardless of the outcome.”

She wrote back saying my email had begun to draw her into different space. “Your last email made the tears fall… I talked to God… felt like I was flinging myself into his lap like my kids do when they are hurt and scared. I want those deep conversations. I’m tired.”

Awesome. What other option to any of us have? We can’t change our circumstances. We can’t win over our fears. We can only sit down in the midst of them and let Father do what Father does best—draw us into freer space.  Fear only makes God seem more distant.  He is not.  It’s not in his nature.  If we take the time to sit with him and let him sort out it out. He knows how to handle it all and make himself known to us.  As he settle us in his love our fears lose their power as we know we are not alone and that the one who is in us is greater than any circumstance confronting us.  

What else are we going to do, throw a tantrum and drive our fears under the porch where they only becomes even scarier?

I am finishing up my time in Europe and am ready to leave for home tomorrow. It has been a spectacular time, first with the family God has given me celebrating our anniversary. We saw so much together, laughed so hard, and enjoyed each other. Sara and I agreed that these days were some of the most enjoyable of our lives.  Then I went to France to gather with some “friends and friends of friends” to share God’s life. We had people from France, Ireland, South Africa, the U.S., England, and I’m not sure where else. What great days, so encouraging and stimulating. 

For the past five days I’ve been in the south of France near Nimes, through five days of conversations about our life in Jesus and how he invites us into the new creation of a live well loved instead of negotiating the demands and obligations of religion. They have been so warm and responsive and it has been such a joy to watch God warm hearts and stimulate journeys that have been wearied by the false teachings of religious performance. I am reminded again how much God’s work has continued to shape in my own life and how differently I think and live now than I did twenty years ago.  I would not trade this way of knowing him for anything. 

Throughout the whole trip I have visited many religious buildings where at great expense and time people have tried to create buildings worthy of God, when the only temple he desires to live in is us, and the only one he wants to build is his church as he invites us to love others as we’ve been loved. While the buildings are magnificent in beauty and engineering, they have not helped those who frequent them know God as intimately as he desired.  He cannot be found in buildings, no matter how ornate.  If he is more real to you in a Cathedral than he is in your own home, you have missed the most powerful lesson of the Incarnation—God is with us in our world, every day, every moment.

I’ve also visited many places where protestant Christians were imprisoned and tortured by the all-too-easily threatened Roman Church. It’s horrible what they did in the name of God to those who sought to follow Christ without following Rome. Obviously they did not know God or his love.  Yesterday I was at in Aiques-Morte a walled city built in the 13th centuryby Louis IX at a French seaport on the Mediterranean.  The Tower of Constance (pictured above) was a garrison when it was built was converted to a prison for Protestants in the 18th century.  Perhaps the most well-known is Marie Durand, who engraved the word “resister” (below), which in English means resist, into the edge of the well and it can still be seen.  Along with as many as 200 other prisoners she had been imprisoned from the age of 15 until she was freed at 53. Despite the power of the Roman church in her day, she knew the glory of resisting what is false to embrace what is real and that to submit her conscience under the threat of torture would deny her the freedom Jesus purchased for her.

She knew resistance is not futile. It is necessary and because so many like her refused to submit to Roman torture, God’s glory grew in the world. In a day when people find it difficult if friends and family judge them for following their freedom in Christ and not conform to religious demands of our day, it was a great encouragement. Yes it is not easy being judged by those you love, but it is still a far cry from being imprisoned for resisting religious leaders who have not a clue who God is.

Summer is here, our grandkids are out of school, and in celebration of our fortieth wedding anniversary that happened last month, Sara and I are off to Europe with our children and grandchildren for the next couple of weeks. We are looking forward to some of the things we’ll get to see there, but more importantly we are looking forward to celebrating the family that God has given us. We’ve never done anything like this and are looking forward to spending so much time together. This is one fun family to hang out with! 

However, since this is a two-horse operation, the offices at Lifestream will be closed until June 29 when Sara returns.  We’ve got people to still fulfill book orders for those who want them, but other than that, things will be quiet here. I’m going to spend as little time as possible with email and websites during my time in Europe. There will be no new podcasts unless something amazing happens. I may post a few pictures on my Facebook Author Page if I find the time and Internet connection.

I will be staying on in Europe to connect with some brothers and sisters in Barcelona, attend a gathering of Friends and Friends of Friends in the south of France, and finish off sharing with a group of believers near Nimes, France.  If you want more information on those you can get it on my Travel Page.  

If you have anything important for me, please wait until early in July to write.  You’ll get a more reasoned response and my inbox will not get so full.  We are blessed to be able to take this time and celebrate God’s goodness and take a break from all the writing and interacting to just enjoy the Father’s work in us. This is a very special time for us and we’re excited.  

One more note: The Shack Movie went into production this week. You can read more about that here. Just be warned this is one of those websites I detest with annoying and intrusive ads and a really lame preview trailer.

I meant to tag on some sample quotes from Josh Packard and Ashleigh Hope’s new book, Church Refugees yesterday and in my haste forgot to tag them on to my review.  So I will include them here. I know many of you will enjoy this book and the insights it offers…

How can the church possibly hope to survive and thrive as a relevant and meaningful social institution if it keeps spitting out Ethan and people like him? If people who are so dedicated to the church feel the need, ultimateily, to leave for their own survival, what does that say aobut the church and it’s future?  … He and his wife didn’t give up on God; they gave up on the institutional expression of church. They didn’t stop doing things to advance what they believed to be the work of God; they stopped doing things to advance the work of the church.  Their suubstantial energies and skills are now poured daily into activities and structures that happen completely outside the purview of organized religion.  They’ve opted for relationship over structure, doing over dogma, and creating with rather than creating for. 

 

From one of the people they interviewed: I had a chat with a pastor at a church that I was interested in attending, and I said, “I don’t want to hear about what you believe; there will be plenty of time to talk about that later.  I’m not interested in seeing if we agree, because I’m sure three will be disagreement.  The only question I have for you is, How do you deal with people who disagree with you?  How does the church handle that?”  Because really, for me, that’s the most important thing.

 

Again in these stories we see a return to the concept of the reluctant leaver, which echoes back to the refugee.  People are trying, sometimes for years, to make church work for them before eventually, reluctantly moving on. And when they move on, they move to things that look nothing like the activities that consume the traditional church. They move on to community gardens, art therapy, meals in living rooms around a communal table, Internet chat rooms, and quilting groups.  Nobody, not one single respondent mentioned replacing church with a worship service or with a sermon series or with committee work. They are replacing church with meaningful activity that engages their communities and build relationships, things they find missing in the church.

 

As we say throughout the book, they’re leaving to do more, not less, and they’re doing it with a broader and more diverse community. They aren’t exhausted or burned out. They aren’t retreating to small like-minded groups. 

The Dones might lament the loss of the church and grieve the abandonment of an institution they once loved and were so hopeful for, but that won’t stop them from actively expressing their faith. As one respondent, Ava, tod us, “There’s pain in leaving.  There’s loss. But there’s hope, too. We’re able to do things now.”

I just finished Josh Packard and Ashleigh Hope’s book, Church Refugees. I’ve been aware of this book for five months now and have become acquainted with one of the authors. I’m working on a longer review of it. It’s a great read that you’ll enjoy if you care about the state of Jesus’ church today and what he is doing beyond the walls of our conventional congregations. One thing it does so well is dispells the myth that you have to belong to a “local church” to have a vibrant and fruitful relationship with Jesus and engagement with his people and the world.  For now, I just want to share this quote with you about those who are leaving:

They aren’t weaker Christians than those who stayed.  They aren’t less faithful. They aren’t backsliders or spiritually immature. They have simply endured too much in the instituaionl church and see no reason, theologically or practially, to continue in that relationship

Get yourself a copy.  You won’t regret it!  

It’s a scary moment when someone realizes knowing about God is not enough to fill the longing of a heart that wants to know him. But if years of religious involvement has not made that connection, where do they look now?  The search to know God beyond the concepts and rituals of religion can be disorienting and unnerving. They question everything they’ve been taught and wonder if any of it was real.

I’ve watched many people go through this transition, which is why I recorded the Engage videos years ago. A lot of Christians who attend church haven’t really developed an ever-deepening relationship with the Father, even though Jesus came for that purpose. They believe in him as some distant presence, but haven’t yet engaged his presence beyond the principles and concepts they believe to be true of him. He is not a presence in their day real enough to give guidance and strength as circumstances unfold. Instead he’s a distant thought, a hopeful idea, even a place to invest their prayers in hope of a desired answer, but not someone who knows, them loves them, and wants to walk through life with them. 

It’s one of the saddest realities of institutional church life. Even those who’ve been through extensive discipleship training can end up better at religious practice and miss what it is to engage him. That’s because a real relationship with God is not something we can build with him. It’s what he builds with us. Instead of trying to achieve it, we need to learn to recognize how he is doing this in us. 

Here’s a recent exchange with someone who is in the middle of this process herself: 

I just listened to Engage 1 & 2 and the tears are flowing as I realize after all these years (52 years of church life and living for God).  I now struggle with the doubt of His existence.  How could that be?  After all the study I’ve done, the years of believing what I was taught,  after all the “following hard after Him,” which included years of writing devotional stories and teaching others about God and His love, how could I be in this place.?  What has happened to me? All these years I believed He was real and now after years of hard situations I am left wondering if what I was told was true. Is He real?  What have I believed all these years? I want Him to be real so badly yet I am questioning it all now. I feel so horrible that I am in this place.
All I can do is ask Him, as you suggested.  “God if you are real, would you reveal yourself to me?”  I honestly struggle to believe that He will answer that cry.  Many years of His silence after years of begging prayers has brought that to me.
Thank you for these videos.  I truly hope and pray that God will reveal Himself to me in a way that I will know in the depths of my being His existence so that I never doubt again.

My response:  You might be thinking about this a bit backwards.  He has not been silent.  It’s not in his nature. Every day he whispers his love and desires for you.  Religious performance just tuned you to the wrong frequency.  Now he is re-tuning you and this disorientation is part of it.  You’ve pushed away from that which you’re familiar with, but it didn’t bring you life. Now you’re learning to live differently inside the reality of who he is. 

He’ll show you, just don’t put any expectations around it.  Just look for him and listen for him.  In the past you were trying to make it happen, now you’re going to let him make himself known to you as he desires and you’ll find yourself relaxing into that reality.  It takes time, that’s why human performance is easier to sell.  We want to be in control, but that only makes it more difficult for us to see him. 

This is a great journey, one I wish we’d all taken when we were younger.  But if we didn’t then, it’s a good time now. I know it seem so risky, but since he is in it the risk is just a perception of our own uncertainty.  He can work with that!

These words are powerful for me.  You have given me eyes to see something I cannot see.  I was talking to God today about my doubt of His existence and how I “feel” like this is going to come down to something I have to do in order to believe, and I remembered your words and was grateful.
I have listened to several of the Engage series and am also listening to The Jesus Lens series:
Here are two things that have struck me. 
1. My view of God.  I see God as distant, a far off, over in the corner with His hands folded watching what’s going on.  He’s watching over things, making things work together for good, etc.  I realize I do not see him close to me, like I do Jesus.  I see Jesus with His arms around me, giving me a hug on BEHALF of the Father. 
2.  I heard the words today about making God in our own image and it struck me.  Unbeknownst to me I have done that.  With the religious teachings and my limited understanding I’ve made God into the image in my head….

I love what her heart and mind are sorting through here.  She’s seeing things from a very different perspective and that will bear fruit over time.  This process is not quick or easy, but once we learn to engage God as he wants to engage us a whole new life in him opens up that is filled with adventure and hope. 

If you’re wrestling with some of these same realities, why don’t you join her working through Engage?  It’s a series of short videos about recognizing this amazing process.  You listen to one every couple of weeks or so and process it in your own work with him.

On the recommendation of a friend, I purchased Hope for the Flowers and read it Saturday night with my ten-year-old granddaughter. No, it isn’t a children’s book, though it is easy enough for them to understand. It is a book about life and freedom and our failed attempts to find it by human effort. A friend recommended it to me a few weeks ago, surprised I’d never read it or heard of it.  It was originally published in 1972 after all.  

It’s the story of two catepillars trying to find the meaning of life and being sucked into a pillar of catepillars who are climbing all over each other to try to get to the top of the heap, because of an insatiable drive for to be high up in the sky. They don’t know realize the desire can only be fulfilled by flying, so they climb all over each other trying to get as high as the can.  The form a catepillar pillar.  Even though those at the top feel superior to those below, they are not really flying after all. Catepillar effort can’t fulfill its own destiny. Only those who give up their life as a captepillar to find its way into a cocoon can the transformation take place. 

Hope for the Flowers is an amazing story of the failure of human effort and how all our attempts only manipulate others to try to find what we seek so desperately. It’s about learning to die to ourselves to embrace the insatiable desire Go dhas placed deep within us. It’s a story of transformation that comes only as we come to the end of ourselves and embrace a reality far bigger than any of us. It’s a simple but powerful look into the world of butterflies to once again realize that God has put before us every day the most amazing image of how he wants to work in us.

Read it with or without a ten-year-old at your side and you will be invited again into a world of transformation, where our deepest desires invite us to a greater reality than human effort can ever achieve. Instead of disappointed hopes, you’ll find the path where flight is possible and where freedom and joy become a part of every day life.