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What I Have Learned About Friendships

For those who follow this page and The God Journey, we’re having quite a bit of discussion about relationships and community. Learning to live in the love of the Father, and then out of that love to others opens the door for the kinds of relationships that we crave and that God designed us for. But these kind of friendships don’t happen quickly and can’t be manufactured by human engineering. They are deeply rooted in a heart God is healing and allows us to engage others with freedom and joy.

I wrote this over a year ago and found it in an old file today. Here are some things I have learned about relationships over the course of my life:

Friendships that are filled with love, grace, and shared wisdom are the best treasures we’re given in this life—those that are filled with laughter, that speak truth graciously, and that serve each other generously. They will last a lifetime and are more valuable than gold.

If you value any thing more than your friends, your friendships won’t last. Bet on it.

It takes two people and a significant amount of love, grace and time to build a friendship in which the glory of God can be revealed. It only takes one of those people and a careless act of betrayal to destroy it.

Failure alone won’t end a friendship. Abandonment will.

No matter how broken a relationship is, it can always be reconciled if both people are willing to invest the time and effort to own each other’s story. But the process demands a healthy dose of honesty, tenderness, and openness to see things as they are, not how we want them to be.

Real relationships are not about just being nice. There is no relationship without authenticity and truth. Light and love travel together, as painful as that might be at times. But that’s a glorious mix.

Learn the wonder and power of forgiveness so that other people’s failures don’t become your issues.

Too many people want a relationship only for what they can get out of it, and will not always be there to help others when the friendship asks something of them.

Your coping mechanisms might have saved you in trauma when you were younger, but they will subvert healthy friendships now. That’s why wholeness is worth fighting instead of simply passing your pain on to others.

If someone is making accusations about another’s motives to you, you can bet that they are also doing it about you to someone else.

When the conversation shifts from how we share together what God gives, to demanding for ourselves that which we think we deserve, that friendship has been sacrificed on the altar of selfish ambition and vain conceit. It’s a really bad trade.

Those who give up on a friendship, had to never know the joy of that friendship to begin with.

Most people are users, pretending a friendship to benefit themselves. But users won’t change without being loved, even if it takes a number of discarded friendships for them to learn that. Love them anyway, just do it with your eyes open!

When accusations enter a friendship before the person ever sits down to discuss his or her concerns, you can be sure that gossip has had its course and the accusations will be distortions at best, or outright lies at worst.

It’s easy to stab a friend in the back, because they are trusting you not to. Betrayal is an act of cowardice.

When people give up on a friendship without even a meaningful conversation where they seek to hear as much as be heard, you can be pretty sure it was always a one-sided relationship to begin with.

To live inside of lies you have to block out any voice that challenges your thinking. When you live in the truth you need no such protection.

My dad taught me that my word is my bond. If you say it you do it. If you cease to respect your own word, you’ll gather no respect from others. And don’t confuse someone’s love with their respect. They are two separate realities. You can love someone you don’t respect, but the great friendships are filled with both.

Proverbs says that telling lies about someone is an act of hatred, no matter what excuse you give yourself.

Those you love the most, can hurt you the deepest. Keep loving anyway!

The best counsel I know for the kind of deep friendships that spawn true community come from Paul’s words in Philippians 2:1-4- “Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.” No man or woman can live that way by their own efforts. It takes a rich and real relationship with Jesus to be transformed enough by him to have the freedom to live like that.

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The Best Laid Plans…

Despite assurances that we were going to launch our new website this past weekend, I have now been notified by the development team that it will be delayed at least a week due to a catastrophic server failure that resulted in a loss of two weeks worth of work. I’m embarrassed and frustrated that we haven’t been able to deliver to you what was promised to me. Our original date was January 1. That got pushed back to February 1, and now we’re being pushed back even further.

I’m sorry to have given out information that later turned out to be undeliverable. I’m most disappointed that we cannot launch our new video series, Engage! I’ve gotten a lot of email about it but it was designed to fit the new platform. Since the website will be delayed at least a week and possibly two, I am going to check on some other options to add the first episode to our current website on a temporary basis.

Again, please accept my apology. We’re going to try to get all that fixed as soon as we can.

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An All-New Lifestream.org & a Series Called “Engage”

Sometime this weekend, the new Lifestream.org site will launch. It has been in the works for over six months. Most of why we had to redesigned this site has to do with some back-end realities that you’ll never see that will help us streamline many of the things we do on that site. But that gave us a chance to update the look of the site and reconfigure it to be far more user-friendly with the current content we have. With our new back-end features, we will in time be able to help people connect with other folks who resonate with Lifestream content in their own area, but it will still take some time to configure that, and it will only be for those who opt-in to use it.

The reason I’m telling you now is so you’ll understand any delays and complications that will result from this switchover. Hopefully it will be seamless, but since we’re also switching servers it may take some time for everything to get in place. If you encounter that problem, we apologize. The switchover will come over the next few days and will take some time to propagate throughout the web.

We will also be launching next week a new feature at Lifestream called “Engage!” This will complement two of our major free resources—Transitions and the Jesus Lens. It will be a series of 3-5 minute videos designed to help coach and encourage people in the early stages of connecting in their own relationship with God. It is not a curriculum, nor a set of steps to build your relationship with God. In fact, it’s the opposite. This is not how you can build a relationship with God, but learning to recognize how God is building one with you, which is a very different process. Knowing him is not about your effort or achievement, but learning how to relax into the reality of his love and beginning to recognize his whispers in your heart and his fingerprints in your life.


Engage: Recognizing How God Is Building a Relationship With You!

It will only provide a context for people to explore their own connection with Father, Son, and Spirit so that they can find their own unique walk with him. Each video will also include the opportunity for comment, questions and discussion as they process this in their own lives. I realize that the use of video for this purpose is limited, and that it would be far better for them to have someone they could sit down with face-to-face as they explore their own journey. So I’m doing this not just to help people walk with Jesus, but also to give people who want to help others learn how to walk with him an example of the kinds of things that can help people on this journey.

In the end, I’m not at all sure this will be helpful. We’re going to try it. If it is, we’ll continue. If not, we’ll take it down. In any case we will be offering this, like all our best resources, free of charge. How can we do that with the great expense of video production? Because we’ve always had people who find these things helpful willing to contribute to the costs so that others can as well. We trust that continues here so that others around the world can have access to resources like this one.

We’ll announce here when Engage is ready to launch and I’ll look forward to feedback from people who want to utilize that resource.

Here’s a sneak peek at our new look, if you’re interested.

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How Ideas Spread

Every day I get new books, manuscripts, DVDs, CDs, and web links from all over the world, many by people I don’t know all of them asking if I’ll help them get a book published, review their work on my blog, or at least post a link somewhere. Unfortunately I get way more of this stuff sent to me than I can possibly process. t try to at least steal a glance at each one to see if there is anything Father is wanting me to do with them, but even that has grown so overwhelming that I can’t do justice to any of them.

So my stack of books just grow and grow so does my sorrow that I simply can’t get to everything sent to me and I don’t have the opportunity to encourage those people that have something wonderful to say into the world. That’s probably why I enjoyed this interview so much. My friend, Kent, pointed me to an interview between Seth Godin, author and Internet marketing guru, and Krista Tippett on her radio show, On Being about The Art of Noticing and Then Creating. There is a lot of good stuff in that interview especially for people who want to bring their art and craft before the world and see if it can find a hearing.

But I especially liked this part, because he also gets tons of books and manuscripts sent his way hoping he will mention it to his audience. Here was his response:

In a media-saturated world, we want to get picked. So like you, every day people show up to me and say, pick me, put me on your blog. If you would just talk about me, then my art will reach everyone I want to reach… That’s not the way (this) works; it’s bottom-up.

So what I say to people is, I’m not in charge of what’s good. I don’t get to pick what’s a purple cow, what’s remarkable — anything. That the world is, the bottom is, everybody, I’m on the bottom too, everyone is. So tell 10 people — there are 10 people who trust you enough to listen. And if you tell your thing to 10 people — if you send your e-book to 10 people — if you do your sermon to 10 people or show your product to 10 people and none of them want to tell their friends, and none of them are changed — then you failed. That you didn’t really understand what was good. But if some of them tell their friends, then they’ll tell their friends, and that’s how ideas spread. So it’s this 10 at a time — 10 by 10 by 10.

How do you put an idea in the world that resonates enough with people if they trust you enough to hear it? That then it can go to the next step and the next step.

I understand people who think that if they can just find the right promoter or platform, who will push their writing/art/songs/thoughts out onto the stage they would have the success they crave. But that’s not how it has ever worked with me. No one ever promoted my stuff that didn’t also want to turn me into a commodity for their own success and financial return. God has been gracious to not let that happen for me, and my books and podcasts have simply found their way into the world because other people enjoyed them and talked about it with their friends.

I have lots of people want me to “pick them” and their project, thinking that I can promote it into the space they desire. But I’ve never sought to promote anything, including my own stuff. My desire has been to make things available that impact me and let God do with it what he will from there. But I have felt the pressure to “be in charge of what’s good,” even though I haven’t had the time or perspective to do it. These words really spoke freedom to me. I’m not the one who can decide after all! Yeah! I actually knew that. Some books I have recommended have found a huge reading audience. Others, I have recommended similarly have not. And it isn’t always the better books that resonated with the larger audience. In this age of diffused media no one gets to choose what’s good. Advertising and endorsements are not near as effective as simple word-of-mouth.

The one departure I have from Seth’s approach above, is that if ten people don’t get as excited about your project as you are, you’ve failed. I don’t think all things worthy in our culture find the largest audience. And those that do find the largest audience almost always get twisted in the acclaim. If you can simply do what God asked you to do, simply make it available as he asks you to make it available, then you can trust him with how far it goes in the culture. And if our God puts wildflowers in the hidden places of the mountains that no one can see but himself, does he not delight in our writing, or art, or thoughts even if he is the audience of one that enjoys them? And the creativity on our part does wonder for us.

The world doesn’t value what God values. When we get attached to the outcome, our art gets twisted, our relationships will get twisted, and in the end we’ll get twisted. God’s way of putting things in the world is far more organic than the way the world lusts after success. So if you have something to share, share it. Worry less about getting it to someone famous to be your champion, and simply share it with ten friends who trust you enough to give it a chance. If it’s going to catch on, it will from there. If not, you may want to rework it or simply realize this was a gift to God.

And by all means, when you read something, hear something, view something that has touched your life, pass it on in whatever way you can. Tell people about it, recommend it in a blog or in social media. I know hundreds of people who have done that with some of my things, not as a favor to me, but because they were genuinely touched with something they wanted to share it with others.

That’s how ideas spread. Don’t wait to be discovered. Don’t be self-promoting, it’s obnoxious. Simply share freely in the space you’re already in let it grow from there.

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Incredible Triumph in Unthinkable Tragedy

One moment, she was a healthy student beginning life at the university with plans to study medicine. In the next, she’s completely bed-ridden have been struck down with Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (M.E.), which means inflammation of the brain and spinal cord. The only way she can write is via her iPod Touch, a couple of sentences per day.

I told you a bit of Jenny Rowbory’s story two years ago, because she sent me a copy of a book of poems she wrote dealing with God in the midst of her intense struggle. I found them incredibly uplifting and insightful, and we arranged to have some sent to the U.S. so we could make them available here. We still have a few copies left if you’re interested, but that’s not why I’m writing this.

She is now marking her eighth year dealing with this horrible disease, made all the more complicated by the fact that many doctors don’t regard her condition a true physical problem and think of it has a psychosomatic disorder. She has been thwarted in her attempts to get medical attention, and getting funding for research in this area has been difficult. She is now hoping to use her condition to raise awareness of M.E., and fight back against a health-care system that has been unresponsive to her needs, and to many other cases like hers. She’s written a blog to increase this awareness, by also including a video of her first 18 healthy years. I hope you can take some time to get to know Jenny a little bit and pray for her, and for the cause she carries on her heart. She has not only been the victim of this disease, but also the injustice of a medical culture that won’t take her disease seriously. And yet, she continues to embrace a vibrant and growing trust in who God is. You can read her blog here and see the video.

If you don’t have time to go there, this is the crux of her mission:

There are M.E. patients who have been campaigning for decades and they say that nothing has changed in 20 years; they are still treated with the same derision and ignorance now as they were back then. The situation needs to change right now. If you, dear reader, are looking for something worthwhile to dedicate your life to, this could well be it. Patients are suffering and dying so don’t tell me to be patient and that things will change for the better ‘in time’ or ‘soon’. Nothing will change unless someone does something. Now is the time to act. If you have any power or influence at all, please use it. Help us. Fight injustice. Be a hero.

Today marks the day eight years ago when my life changed. I have spent several months writing this post, a sentence or two per day, by wiggling my thumb to jab out letters on my iPod Touch and it has very nearly killed me. It has been worth it though because today, I refuse to let doctors make me feel so small inside. Today, I refuse to let them strike the type of terror into my heart that makes me cower at the very word ‘doctor’. Today, through this, I have stood up to them. Today is the day their power dies. Today, hear me roar.

Hers is a compelling story, not only of dealing with a debilitating illness, but also doing so with her feet firmly planted in a Father’s care for her, in spite of the fact that she has not healed her in the way she’s wanted and prayed for earnestly. Her story will change you. Her faith in the midst of the unthinkable will embolden your own trust in a loving Father, who doesn’t wave his magic wand and make our lives the way we want them. I’m including one of her poem’s here that display not only the depth of her struggle, but also her playfulness with God about it.

Can’t You Be A Magician, God?
© Copyright 2009 by Jennifer Karen Rowbory – Used by Permission

Can’t you be a magician, God,
if only for one day?
Forget about being wise and good
and do exactly what I say.

Can’t our prayers be spells, God,
if only for one day?
The right words in the right order
and bingo! We’ll have our way.

Make me better now, Lord
please no more delay.
I want to force your hand, Lord,
to make my illness go away.

If you live in England or outside the U.S., please order directly from Jenny’s website, so that she benefits the most from the sale of her book. If you live in the United States, you can use the link below to order through Lifestream. The money from sales here will also go to Jenny’s medical treatment.

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Community Without Conformity, Collaboration Without Control

In a conversation almost twenty years ago, someone asked me how I thought the church should function. At the time I was still enjoying how much the Father’s love was reshaping my relationship with him and with others. I remember responding, “The church? Honestly that’s not my priority right now. I’m still exploring what it means to live loved and may not even get back to the church for another ten years.”

Well, it took me a bit longer than that. At the time, I thought everything had to do with the church. I had been in leadership positions in various institutions for twenty years, convinced that if we could just get church right, people would have the relationship with God they wanted. But that didn’t happen, especially because all of my experience with church had to do with conformity-based environments. Someone had a vision or a program and community only rose out commitment to that task. But as I was soon to find out, when you’re no longer on that task the “church” relationships evaporate.

That’s not to say I didn’t have numerous fruitful and endearing relationships within this groups, but they were still influenced by our need to believe the same things. That’s what’s wrong with conformity-based environments, people try to fit in often by trying to say and do the right things, rather than being open, honest, and real about their spiritual lives. And a conformity-based environment has to be controlled by some kind of leadership structure that has unquestioned authority. What has amazed me is how many of those relationships reconnected years later and with the corporate structure was no longer between us how freely and quickly the friendships deepened in our passion for Jesus.

For the last fifteen years, I’ve been able to taste of community with other believers all over the world who, when they are deeply related to God as Father can share community without conformity and collaboration without control. Of course, that only works where Jesus stays at the center of each heart and where people are not going to bully others to get what they need. That sometimes happens when weaker brothers and sister seek to exploit the community or collaboration for their own agenda. So maybe true community can seem transient at times, particularly with the failures of people, but I’ve also known community friendships that have transcended decades and their is nothing richer and more engaging than that.

So now I find myself contemplating community again. How can we share vibrant, growing friendships and share the life of Jesus together without someone having to impose their plan, vision, or program? And I’m excited at how subversive love-based relationships can be in revealing Jesus to the world. We cannot create real community by human effort, but we can cultivate the environment around us in which real relationships can connect and grow as we follow Jesus. We can watch him knit friendships together in larger networks freely and joyfully and watch what kind of amazing collaborations can unfold from that. It’s what he’s about in the world, “to bring unity to all things in heaven and on earth under Christ.” (Ephesians 1:10) His church is not expressed in the man-made institutions that have co-opted the terminology, but in the lives of those who have been drawn into relationship with him, and the growing conversation and unity of heart and spirit that comes from walking alongside others who are also growing in that relationship.

Can you imagine a growing network of people who simply love and care about others enough to walk together without demand and expectation? There’s nothing more incredible than warm friendships sharing a relationship with God and for the next season I’m want to explore that more, especially with seasoned saints around the world who are tired of man-made illusions of community and want to have a conversation about how we cooperate with what God is doing to break down the dividing walls of that shatter relationships, and learn to truly live in love. The current podcast at The God Journey, A Greater Gathering, unpacks this desire to help people participate in that greater gathering Jesus is calling out of the world, beyond the limitations and abuses of our religious institutions into authentic connections and real friendships.

If you only listen to one podcast this year, this is the one you will want to hear. There is a greater gathering going on in the world that transcends whether or not your part of a regular congregations, that’s not based in your attendance at a meeting or your faithful cooperation to someone’s program. Rather, it is based on the deep and engaging friendships of those whose lives are being transformed by Jesus, so they don’t have to live protectively and defensively in the world, but generously and sacrificially because they are at rest in Father’s care for them. The conformity and control won’t be the issue, but growing relationship with him. I want to have that conversation with all kinds of people around the world and see what Father has been seeding in the hearts of those who’ve been learning to live in his love for decades, that may help us see how he is gathering his flock together.

I don’t know of a person whose passionate for God who doesn’t yearn for real and fruitful community. Jesus put the desire for connection in the human heart that only he can fulfill and then we can see it reflected in friendship with others as well. It may have often been disappointed by those who only wanted to use it for their own gain, or those who tried to pressure us to serve their agenda. We’ve confused our church institutions, for the reality of the church itself. But I’ve seen the firstfruits of that real community all over the world and I want to be part of a growing conversation that explores how we can engage these kinds of friendships and help others do so as well. This next week a local group of people are going to begin that conversation here, and I hope the podcast spurs on a wider conversation that will help others see the church Jesus is building and engage it with him, without the need to control people, or prod them toward a conformity that subverts the transforming power of Jesus in the human heart.

It’s not ours to do, but it may be ours to see him more clearly what he is already doing.

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Kintsukuroi – How Broken Pottery Becomes Art

A friend in Japan sent me this image today and I found it quite compelling. It illustrates the art of kintsukuroi, which literally means “to repair with gold.” It is the art of repairing broken pottery with gold or silver lacquer to make the final piece a greater work of art for having been broken.

I love how image illustrates what my Father does in the brokenness of our world. He’s able to pick up the pieces of our shattered lives and craft them back together in a way that makes us an even better reflection of his glory than we were before. Amazing. Just amazing!

Is that why God is not so easily threatened by the problems and challenges we face in this age? Where we see evil and failure, he sees the opportunity to craft a better piece of art. I’ve been through some horrible things in my life and have suffered some crushing disappointments, but as I look back I see God doing his work of healing in all of them that led me into a greater place of freedom, healing, and joy. Yes, much of that was through many tears and anguish, but I just kept coming to him and surrendering as best I knew to what he was doing in me.

I love where I’ve landed in his life and I know much of the joy that I live now came out of those selfish and arrogant places that were crushed in times of personal failure, betrayal by others, frustration, or grief. As I look back, however, I do see others who were part of those same circumstances that didn’t find the same healing and freedom. Instead their brokenness caused them to withdraw into their own strength and fight harder for those things they think they wanted. They end up imprisoned by their own will in sorrow, stress, and pain. His healing does not come from trying to save ourselves, but only when we give up and come to him and let his healing patch us back together.

And the end result can be so exquisite as you can see below:



One of the phrases Eugene Peterson uses recurrently in his translation of the Bible (The Message) is that Jesus will have “the last word on everything thing and everyone.” He uses that for those Scriptures that talk of Jesus being seated at the right hand of God and all things will be put under his feet. I love that thought.

It’s one I explored further in In Season, because my dad always had the last word on his vineyard. Even though many workers came to harvest the grapes or prune the vines, he was always the last presence passing through his vineyard. He would go behind everyone else and find whatever was missed, fix whatever was wrong, and ensure that it was all just the way he wanted it.

No matter what happens in this age, he will get the last word. He doesn’t have it yet. Many times the wicked seem to prevail and those who cheat seem to get ahead. But if we keep our eyes on him, we’ll be able to see things as they really are and be at peace even in a world that is falling apart around us. Why? Because he can have the last word on everything that happens to you today, and he will have the last word on everything in this entire age soon!

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Belonging or Fitting in

Sara and I have just finished Dr. Brené Brown’s latest book, Daring Greatly. In all honesty, we did not enjoy it near as much as her second bookThe Gifts of Imperfection, which was more tightly written and seemed less like a publisher-motivated book to keep the franchise alive. Nonetheless this one had some great moments in it.

In one chapter she is dealing with the difference between true belonging with others and simply fitting in. She concludes that merely trying to fit in is one of the greatest barriers to really belonging. “Fitting in is about assessing a situation and becoming who you need to be in order to be accepted. Belonging, on the other hand doesn’t requires us to change who we are; it requires us to be who we are.” (Emphasis hers.)

Her words directly apply to how we can foster community among those who want to share a journey of faith and why conformity-based environments can only provide an illusion of community, but not its reality. Conformity groups set an ideal and ask people to pretend that’s what they are to fit in. They feel threatened by people’s honest questions and struggles and will often penalize or marginalize those who don’t do what they are expected. Real community, however, creates a safe place for people to be authentic and would rather celebrate in the struggle rather than force them to act better.

Once Dr. Brown asked a large group of eighth graders to break into small teams and to come up with the difference between fitting into a group and belonging to a group. What they came up with surprised her with their simplicity and insight:

  • Belonging is being somewhere where you want to be, and they want you. Fitting in is being somewhere you really want to be, but they don’t care one way or the other.
  • Belonging is being accepted for you. Fitting in is being accepted for being like everyone else.
  • I get to be me if I belong. I have to be like you to fit in.
  • How amazing that 13 and 14 year-olds would already know the difference, even though they admitted that they had few places they really felt like they could belong. The people with whom you share true community are those who love you where you are and see no value in making you pretend to be anything different. That’s where real love can be expressed and the incubator in which real transformation can take place.

    How do you find a group like that? I know thousands of people who are looking for one. But the key is not to find a group like that so much as it is to be a person like that. When you can help others find a safe place for their struggle, you’ll find a safe place for yours as well.

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    Lifestream In Other Languages

    I’m blessed and amazed at how much of my writings have been translated into other languages. Of course some of that has been by publishers who want to sell my books, but the vast majority of it has been done by volunteers who have given their time to translate book or articles so that people in their language group could have access to them. Over the last couple of months we’ve added a lot more of our translated versions of our Living Loved articles on our International Translation Page. Check it out if you know of people that might be interested in some of these things and cannot speak English. And please know that a lot of this has been made possible by people who have been incredibly generous with their time.

    We’ve also just been able to add some of my Transition teaching in French, German, Portuguese, and Russian because I was in places teaching some of that material where I was being translated and recorded. They are not completely the same material, and not all the recordings are in the best quality, but they are offered freely so people can engage that teaching if they want to. You can access them from the links above, the International Translation page or directly from the Transitions page.

    Also, So You Don’t Want to Go to Church Anymore has also been released in an Italian version and He Loves Me will soon be available in a Russian printed version. That should make the Vatican a bit jumpy, eh? We are also working on published versions of He Loves Me in Castilian and American Spanish. The pdf versions have been available for some time, but we’re now looking to print them and offer them by e-book.

    Lifestream has also been involved recently in translating and printing 3,000 copies of He Loves Me in Swahili (pictured above at left) that will be distributed free of charge in Kenya, Sudan, Uganda, Congo, Tanzania and Burundi. We’ve completely underwritten the costs for translating and printing this book after repeated requests from our friends in Kenya, who wanted that book to be a resource for that region of the world. They have just been printed and are now being distributed.

    The whole process has been quite a story of God’s grace and provision and the process itself has already borne fruit. Here are some of the stories that have been passed back to us:

    Thank you very much for the funds you support us for translation and printing. I was chatting with the translators and they reached a point where they started giving testimonies on how the book had changed their life in that short time. On shared about learning the language of God, and said that when you trust God, you will find yourself cooperating with his work going on in you and around you. So these, brother, together with comments from the printers really show what God wants for enhancement of His Kingdom worldwide. Another said that it is true that God never want us to trust others, he wanted us to love others but to trust Him alone. They also noted that grace doesn’t diminish God’s desire for our holiness but clarifies the process.

    God has opened another door in prison ministry. One of our IGEM members, who is a senor person in prison, he has taken Jesus lens DVDs and he has shared with me today how God is touching the lives of people. Now he is studying the copy of He Loves Me in Swahili language, which he believes it will be a great blessing for the prison ministry.

    Actually brother this book will change the atmosphere of Africa and turn hearts back to what God’s wants us to do.

    I am grateful to all of you who have found these materials so helpful that you’ve taken the time and effort to make them available to those who cannot read or speak English. There is certainly a hunger around the world for people to learn to live loved and free in the Father’s life.

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    Lessons from the Tragedy III: Triumph Out of Tragedy

    If you’ve reached emotional overload from all the coverage of the tragedy in Connecticut, or find that it is exacerbating your fear and anger at a broad range of people, turn it off. I honestly think too much of the kind of coverage we get in our media seriously warps our view of the world, either with more grief or anger than we’re equipped to bear for a circumstance you’re not even involved in, or by wiping out our emotional capital so that we won’t have it to give to the people around you. Television coverage does not exist to help you deal with this crisis, even though that’s how the newspeople portray themselves. Television exists for one purpose, to garner ratings by feeding whatever insatiable appetite the available audience has. The media wallows in tragedy by imposing their presence on grieving people and then trying to link the rest of us emotionally to the victims so we’ll be hooked on the grief. This week they used Newtown, CT as a production studio to shoot their latest product and when the audience is no longer interested, they’ll move on to the next calamity and invite us into that one as well. The fact is we don’t truly know these people and as sorry as we can be for what they are going through, we really can’t grieve with them in a way that matters to them. The end result is that we personalize a tragedy we’re not involved in and the ensuing publicity creates an anti-hero of the shooter that is likely encouraging another tormented soul to do something more heinous to garner even more attention for himself and his pain. That’s not to say there aren’t legitimate reasons for us to be aware of an event like this, to have compassion for those whose lives have been destroyed, and to provide an opportunity for us to consider how we keep this from happening again. But that doesn’t demand we watch wall-to-wall coverage or think we’re helping others by doing so. It will use up your emotional strength that is better spent on people around you that you already know—young children who need love, or a teen misfit that may be contemplating something similar. Television gives us the illusion of community, while it actually splinters us even further from relationships where we can actually have an impact. We grieve alone in our own homes, for people we don’t know. And because we’re not involved there is no capacity to see how God’s grace is unfolding in people’s hearts who are part of this. For surely he his inviting people into a greater reality of his life and love. In the aftermath of evil he is always at work to bring life out of death. He doesn’t have to orchestrate tragedy to engage it, or to weave it into the tapestry of our lives for his good. And while that does not minimize the grief people bare who have lost someone significant in such a senseless and selfish act nor the comfort they will need to work through it, it does give us hope life doesn’t end with loss. I’ve thought a lot about evil in our world and its impact, not just about sudden tragedies like this one, but more systemic injustice that makes society incredibly unfair. Some have way too much and others far too little. Some seem to encounter one continuous struggle after another while others live in relative ease. Yes, difficulties can result from our own poor choices, but often it’s just the reality that pain is not distributed evenly and neither are material comforts and blessing. Some see that as God being unfair, but it is really a commentary on how humanity has marred the creation with its own inequities. God is the presence in the world that comforts the afflicted, he invites those with much into a generosity for those who have little, and offers to teach us to live differently so that they do not bring unnecessary pain on ourselves or others. I’ve known people who have suffered incredible tragedies and have come through into greater places of joy and compassion as God made himself known in their grief. Though nothing makes up for the loss of a loved one, God can hold people in that loss and bring them into a wider space of knowing him. I know a couple whose only child was murdered in the Virginia Tech massacre. She had only been away at college for a few months. When I hear them talk of Father’s comforting love, it reminds me how much bigger God is than the evil in the world, and though he doesn’t stop it all he never stops inviting people into his life. Though the Psalmist promises that God will defend the widow and orphan against the oppressor, and that he will deliver the righteous from affliction, we know that doesn’t always happen in this life. Too often evil prevails. John the Baptist was beheaded by Herod for speaking the truth. Many of our early brothers and sisters were beaten and stoned for their faith. Many children have died in war and of hunger, and some have battled debilitating diseases all their lives. Is it fair that some have it more difficult than others? This age can be incredibly cruel, but God’s measure of justice will go far beyond this age. His perspective encompasses all eternity and told us that true wisdom would as well. Our life in this world is like the dew on the morning grass, it is only a very small part of why God created you. If we only measure our lives by what happens here, we will have a distorted view and end up discouraged and hopeless. That’s why Jesus told us to invest our treasures beyond this life and to keep our eyes on things above where hope and joy prevail of the pain and sufferings of this life. And I’m not talking specifically about just getting into heaven hear or escaping hell. I was taught that at the end of the age God those who have “accepted Jesus” go to heaven and those who haven’t go to hell. I don’t find Scripture pre-occupied with that question. It doesn’t invite us to “accept Jesus”, but come to engage God as our Father through the work of the Son. Salvation is in knowing him, not jumping through some religious hoops. (I am trying to avoid a discussion about hell and what it is, because that isn’t the point of this piece. If you want to know my thoughts about that you can listen to this podcast.) Our life here is preparation for what lies beyond. That’s where God will make sense of this age. I can’t be too specific here because Scripture only hints of realities I don’t think we can even imagine on this side of it. But it is clear that God’s justice will prevail and the inequities of this life will be resolved by him. The oppressed will be vindicated and righteousness rewarded in ways that the world systems do not. I’m pretty sure we’ll be surprised about who is honored and in what ways. It won’t follow the values of this world, even our religious one. For sure we will all get to see our lives as they really were, owning our failures and celebrating our faithfulness. This won’t have any of the guilt, or sorrow in it as we think of it, because shame will be gone and there will be no competition with each other. This is not God embarrassing us by parading our sins in front of everyone else, but giving us the opportunity to participate in his kind of healing that involves confession, forgiveness, and reconciliation in a celebration of grace. That’s the way his kingdom is. We’ve all done destructive things, whether they’ve been out of willful choice, broken places in our lives, or in complete ignorance. Maybe we’ll get the chance to sit down with those we’ve wronged in this age and have the opportunity to engage them beyond the self-protection of our flesh and the shame of sin. To have the chance to right our wrongs, to confess openly and be forgiven graciously, and to forgive freely is the essence of heaven’s impact on human relationships. I am finding that to be one of the greatest works of God in this age and what brings the greatest joy in human relationships. Now that we’re uncovering more of who Sara really is, I am quite aware now of things past that I’ve said and done that were heard and felt differently than I intended. Being able to see that now through her eyes and own it with her continues to be a great joy for both of us. She has no desire that I grovel in the pain of it, and I have no need to hide from it. We’ve both been blessed at the discoveries we’re making and it has deepened our relationship and our joy with each other. When you’re free of guilt and shame, you can truly deal with our brokenness and the pain we’ve caused others in a wonderfully healing way. I can imagine a lot of that happening in eternity, and it is probably one of the best ways we get to participate in eternity now. Holding grudges, covering up our mistakes, and judging others only drives us to further despair and hopelessness. Owning our failures, seeking forgiveness, and freely giving it to others is what breaks the power of evil and brings hope for the future. If you want to be the antidote to selfishness and evil in the world, live there! In the end evil will be destroyed and God’s triumph will remain. We get to taste that here in his comfort at our loss, his interventions on our behalf, and in the way we love others. But we await a day when we will revel in the fullness of his triumph for eternity. Life lived in that reality is full of great hope and joy even in the midst of tragedy. That’s what Scripture encourages us to place firmly in our minds. There is trouble in this world, but we do not need to fear because he will overcome the world. Christ in us is the hope of glory, not getting what we think we deserve in this age. No we don’t yet see all things subject to his will and desires, but we will. Now we see him and can take great comfort in the fact that he will get the last word on everything going on in this world. He just hasn’t had it… yet!

    And on a personal note, Sara and I want to pass along our Christmas blessings to all of you–that you would know the warmth, peace, and joy of his presence this season and into the new year. We are so blessed by all the people God has connected us to around the world and are warmed by the incredible Christmas greetings we have received from so many of you. Please know that you hold a special place in our hearts and we pray God will continue to draw you ever-closer to his heart and set you ever-more free in his life. Merry Christmas.

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