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A Response to Why I Don’t Go to Church Anymore!

Last week I received an email from someone who had read Why I Don’t Go To Church Anymore Hopeful that I had just had some bad experiences, he wanted to invite me back into the box. I thought his spirit was marvelous, though I think his vantage point was somewhat limited. I thought you might want to look over my shoulder at how I responded to his concerns. I know many of you have these issues raised all of the time. (My comments are in italics, his in blue.)


Let me say at the outset that I appreciate you taking the time to write me over this article. You obviously have some concern for my spiritual health and perspectives and graciously sought to offer me a different point of view. Few people take that that kind of risk. That said, this might be a difficult conversation to have. It seems to me you see only one method for the church to express its life together and I have experienced many ways that offer far more relational engagement than happens in most institutions today that call themselves ‘church.’ Since I thought your appeal sincere, let me try to respond to the issues you raised:



It sounds like you have attended one too many of those kinds of churches where the worship was a concert and the preaching was more of the pastor’s opinions rather than God’s.


Wrong assumption. I was a pastor for more than 20 years and I left it not because I had bad experiences, but because I had good ones, lots of good ones, but they never let people experience the fullness of what it means to live in Christ. As a writer, speaker and Contributing Editor at Leadership Journal, for more than 20 years I have been in thousands of services in some of the most revered ‘churches’ in the country and around the world. I didn’t give up on it after too many bad experiences, but because I saw it at its best and it still fell woefully short of what my heart yearned to experience as I read Scripture.



It is sad to see what has happened in churches all across America…and people have lost sight of what why we should be gathering together. Hebrews 10:24-25 “and let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds, not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging on another; and all the more as you see the day drawing near.” Wayne, according to your article it sounds like you understand this command to gather together with other believers.

I don’t see Hebrews 10 as a command but as wisdom not to live independent, selfish lives but to walk alongside other believers in mutual encouragement and shared wisdom. I find that more real in relational environments where people are sharing freely what God is doing in them rather than in those places where only a handful do all the talking. How can we encourage each other when we’re mostly looking at the back of each other’s heads? I think we both know lots of people who attend services, but never truly sort out how to walk with others in a way that stirs us to the deepest life in Christ. What’s truly sad about only seeing the ‘congregational’ model for doing this is that there is nothing in Scripture that demonstrates or encourages us to file into a building on Sunday morning for a set of songs and a lesson for the week from the same voice, no matter how gifted he is. The early church gathered in homes and shared freely together from all the gifts of the body as they sought to know Jesus better. Do you know of any New Testament model for doing ‘church’ the way you do it? Jesus didn’t do it. He didn’t teach his disciples to do it. And there is no hint of it in Acts or the Epistles. This is a form that evolved in religious institutions since the 300s AD and the current model is one Calvin adapted for Protestants from the Catholic liturgy. I find that heritage a bit suspect.



It sounds like the church needs a guy like you to be a great testimony of how believers are supposed to be acting. It sounds like you might have a regular group of people that you gather with on a weekly basis. That’s good! Who is the gifted teacher in your group? Or do you listen to preachers on TV…I guess you probably wouldn’t.

I know you didn’t mean it this way, but I no longer think Christianity is a way to act. It is a way to live in him where he transforms us from the deepest part of our being and it expresses itself in us reflecting his compassion and character to others around us. I think that is a work of the Holy Spirit, not listening to gifted teachers alone. Don’t get me wrong. I appreciate the elders, teachers, prophets and others that God has placed among the body to help us know him better. I have many that I not only listen to but also walk with locally and from around the world. But I’m convinced that teachers who minister the life of Jesus help others be dependent on him, not on themselves.



I’m sure you would agree that Jesus was the busiest man on earth…but why did he take time out to go to the synagogue… Luke 4:16 “And as was His custom, He went into the synagogue on the Sabbath day” How are you following Jesus example in that?

Jesus grew up in a Jewish culture and went to the synagogue on Sabbath to engage that culture. But Paul was thrown out of the synagogues and the early church didn’t continue to attend it. Though we know the folks in Corinth met on the first day of the week, it is not clear from the text that everyone else did as well. We do know they got together as I do with believers multiple times during a week, but it is not clear that they were trying to follow Jesus’ example at the synagogue.


Do you ever listen to any convicting messages from any preachers…or do you believe that all preachers are useless?

Who said all preachers are worthless? I’ve never said any such thing. I appreciate those who speak God’s words in environments where people are equipped to live differently. But I do not think they are the center of life in the body. I think Jesus is the only focus of body life and brothers and sisters who learn to share his life together will grow far more deeply and experience greater life together. You also assume that I enjoy staying away from challenging thinking on this life in Christ. That couldn’t be more untrue. I want to hear everything Jesus wants to bring into my life and challenging thoughts are the most transforming. I regularly listen to others growing on this journey, though I don’t get it from those on TV. They rarely speak or even live the truth.



The danger is that with your point of view…you have the power to control what you hear….and if it is too convicting or boring you can change the channel, or turn the CD player off? What if God wants to convict you through the preaching of His word from a gifted preacher. I hope you are surrounded with the kind of people that Paul mentions in Ephesians 4:11 so that you can experience the blessings of verses 12 & 13 to prevent you from the being like those in vs. 14.

Here’s where you’re caught in your way of thinking. Preaching means so much more than you understand it to be. Just because we call Sunday morning lectures preaching doesn’t mean they are that. We grow in him not by hearing biblical preaching, but by seeking him, listening to him and living in him. Preaching can open the door to that, but it cannot do it alone. Proclaiming the gospel and the realities of this life in Christ happens far better in settings other than

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I Love Watching God Change People

Still no baby yet! My daughter is beginning to feel some contractions this afternoon, however, so it might not be long. Until then, I thought I’d share with you the transformtion going on in a life. Last week I got this email from a brother I met this fall and whose group I got to hang out with for a weekend. Here’s how he summed up what God is doing in his life and then my response follows:

My wife and I just listened to a bit of disc 2 in The Security of Father’s Love. Man did that speak to me. I find myself constantly trying harder, only to find myself falling short time and time again. I also tend to question the sincerity of my heart. I know I just need to accept the fact that God loves me and there is nothing that I have ever done, or could do that would diminish that one bit. Why does that seem easier said than done? What have I done to myself to get me to think this way? Perhaps I have not been truly trusting God to be God. Maybe I have been more focused on changing God under the premise of changing myself. He is what he is and there is nothing I can do to change him. I just need to pray to him that I accept who he is and not what I have tried to create him to be.

On the home front I am very excited about what has been happening in my home. Ami and I have been inviting over lots of people to our house. Almost all of them are nonbelievers. I believe that God has put them in our path for a reason. As a matter of fact, God is really expanding my horizons because a few of them are gay. Don’t get me wrong, I am not a gay basher but I never would have thought to invite them into my home under the guise of keeping my children free from impurities. What a Pharisee! I now see that if my children do realize that they are gay, I have a wonderful opportunity to show them that we can love the person unconditionally and yet not approve of their choices.

Looking back, I was trying to find other Christians to invite over, but now I feel that I had it all wrong. While I was focusing on other Christians to fellowship with and to make friendships with, I was completely missing the people standing right in front of me. I have found a lot of people that really do appreciate both friendship and an invitation to our house. Even though they are nonbelievers, there is a certain fellowship there. I am not going to look for the first opportunity to pounce on them with some nifty Bible verses, but rather I am just going to be there friend. If God presents an opportunity to share the Truth, then that will be obvious and I will be willing to do so. The last thing I want to do is get in God’s way.

Love your journey, love your heart and love what God is showing you. When you get over that hump of somehow having to earn Father’s affection, you won’t believe the freedom or transformation on the other side. I wish I could just throw you over it, but this is something Father reserves for himself. It happens just like it is happening in you… You see some things, wonder about some other things, keep drawing near, learn to ignore the guilt, follow him, follow him, follow him. And then one day it is different. The old nagging thoughts are gone and a new freedom blossoms. You won’t be able to take credit for it, but simply sit in awe at Father’s working….

If I knew of a way of hurrying that I would give it to you. I guess you can’t rush freedom. He is working at the deepest core of your being to set his life freely there and let it flow out of you. And I love how God is giving you a heart for folks around you! Even unbelievers. Great stuff!

But I do hope you’re enjoying the ride, because it’s going to be tough to get off the coater at this point…

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Standing At the Edge of Eternity

I attended the funeral of dear, dear friend yesterday. He was 57 years old and was suddenly and tragically killed last Thursday when a 19-year-old drove a dump truck through a stop sign and plowed into my friend’s car killing him instantly. I’ve known Steve for over 20 years as a close friend. We even served alongside each other in the Father’s kingdom when I was part of a more traditional congregation. Those who spoke of him yesterday rightly captured his child-like exuberance, his bedrock integrity and his passion for God’s truth.

At such moments I’m always struck by how fragile life is and how empty our pursuits in this world. At the end of it all what always matters most is our relationships with people and how we have encouraged them on this incredible journey of knowing the fullness of Father’s life. Steve lived like that. Even through some of my darkest days, he proved to be a faithful friend who sought the truth more than the comfort of an illusion. We stayed close even though life took us in different directions. Though I will miss him here another treasure of mine has been deposited in eternity where we will reunite one day.

His death also brought together a group of people who were walking with God together ten years ago and who were scattered shortly thereafter by a power-struggle between those purported to be leaders. I talked with many of those people at the graveside earlier in the morning and then as we gathered for a memorial service around noon. It was so good to see how many of those relationships were still intact and that they had survived the lies, the pain and the separation of a decade ago. As we sang songs of praise together I looked around the room and flashbacked to better days when we had shared the courts of the Lord together with love and affection. I was truly blessed to stand again with brothers and sisters I have deeply missed, even though our journeys took us different directions.

It took the death of a common friend to cut through the garbage of our different perceptions of God’s work and celebrate what was real in our relationships together. I had a very blessed day connecting, even if briefly with so many old friends and find that love truly does endure all things.
Perhaps the better we know this Jesus, his death will do the same thing for us and all the other pieces of his incredible family scattered through time and over the whole world.

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Pain-free Isn’t All It’s Cracked Up To Be

On the Today Show this morning Melissa Stark reported on a five-year-old girl that has Congenital Insensitivity to Pain With Anhidrosis (CIPA) . She cannot feel any pain. She can feel touches and tickles, but absolutely no pain at all. She can run into a door and get up and keep on running and not even think twice about it. You would think a child free from pain would be a blessing every parent would want for their child. Not so!

The parents call it a living nightmare. She has no idea when she is injuring herself. At three she put her hands on a scalding hot pressure-washer and didn’t know to let go. It severely burned her. She has to be watched every moment to protect her from herself.

Melissa asked the parents, “You would never think you would want your child to feel pain, but you do?”

“We sure do!” They responded. “It’s a warning system. Hey! Something is not feeling so good! Let’s get it looked at.”

My heart went out to this little girl and her family. It also made me think about how valuable pain is. We mostly hate it, try to avoid it or blame God for it. We think it is a curse. The causes of pain might well be, but pain itself is a gift from God, both physical and emotional. It tells us that something is wrong and we need to stop and deal with it.

That doesn’t make me any more excited about having pain. But in this fallen world, the alternative would certainly be worse.

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Helping People On the Journey

I’ve been meeting on Wednesday nights this fall with a group of young believers about 30 minutes east of here who wanted to get together and discuss the journey. Most of these spilled out of various more traditional congregations over the last few years. Instead of holding a teaching seminar of some kind, we’re creating an environment were people can freely discuss their own personal journeys and ask any question they or make any comment they think will be helpful.

As a loose framework to hang our thoughts around we’ve used a small handout called ‘Getting It, which you can download as a PDF document here. I’ve gathered a lot of these observations over the last few years in trying to help people discover how to live free in Christ and to engage real and effective fellowship with other believers. I find conversation on these topics are helpful to people sorting out their journeys.

Our conversations have been incredibly real, practical and free over the first three weeks ’ve been refreshed and encouraged in my own walk. We’ve talked about a number of things that have helped people sort out the journey including:

  • What it means to let God work in us rather than try to control the growth process ourselves.
  • How do we reconcile the love of the Abba Father with the Scriptures of God’s sternness and discipline.
  • The freedom to acknowledge things as they are not the way we think they should be, nor even the way we want them to be.

  • The role of disciplines that bore people to (spiritual) death and finding reality in a relationship that captures our hearts throughout the day.

We have to literally put a ‘pause’ on the discussion at our cut-off time, encourage people to process what we’ve shared as they live on the next week. What I have enjoyed most is seeing how effective this environment is to help people on the journey. We go from hilarious laughter one minute, to deep tears and discovery the next. I used to think lectures were the best way to help people ‘get it’. Over the last few years I’ve seen that people learn far more in an environment of dialogue where they can freely struggle, question and get input in their time, not when it fits someone’s curriculum. No wonder the gospels are filled with simple conversations Jesus had with people. Yes, there were times he spoke to crowds, but the most effective instruction came when he helped people sort out what God was doing in them.

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So You Want to Start a House Church

Do you want to read over my shoulder again? I had this email exchange this week with a brother the other day in New Mexico. I never know how to respond to stuff like this. I am blessed that people are willing to look outside the box and see what God is asking of them, but always a bit concerned when it looks like they’re just going to grab another box. While Paul talked often about the church in various’s homes, he never used the term house church. I took a chance on this one and wrote back what was in my heart:

God told me to prepare 6 months ago to start a house church and has been teaching me through prayer and his word all he wants me to know. Then a couple of weeks ago a brother pointed me to house2house, which finally confirmed to me that God is planting the same seeds universally. Then I listened to your series on ‘the relational church” and “The power of the Cross” and received further confirmation. Anyway, I am starting to network in to greenhouse, house2house etc., and our house church starts Dec. 1. If you are ever passing through plan to visit and share some of his love.

If God has led you to ‘start a house church’, by all means do so. I think it is fabulous when people get together in homes to share his life together. But could I at least have a shot at stretching your thinking a bit? While I love the folks at greenhouse and house2house and appreciate their passion, I think it is also possible that they are just building another box in which people will try to contain God’s working. And like all boxes, they won’t work. Our God is too big and his ways too mysterious for us to contain in any specific methodology. These resources can serve a valuable function in letting folks know they are not alone in their passion to discover more relational and relevant expressions of church life and give them tools God might want to use to help us live in him. But if we let them sidetrack us by putting all our marbles into a new box called ‘house church’, we’ll end up back where we started.

I’m convinced that building the church is Jesus’ job. Ours is to proclaim the gospel and help others near us find a relationship with God that is real every day. I much prefer people to think in terms of learning how to live in God and share his life together rather than starting a house church. The latter is already laced with so many expectations that it might actually do more to thwart God’s working than it will release it. Jesus wants us to free people to be his. By learning to listen to God together he will build a life among you that will reflect his glory and you will experience whatever expression of church life Jesus wants for you.

That may look like a house church, it may also look like a hundred other things. I have seen too many expressions of Jesus’ church around the world to know that any one box is unworthy of him and copying other people’s models won’t produce it. It also puts our focus on the wrong thing. By trying to ‘start something’ we often miss what it means to let Jesus lead us into intentional community with others that is life-changing. Only by following him and sharing our common lot as failed human beings on the way to being transformed by Jesus, will we ever discover life in the body of Christ as Jesus designed it for us. I certainly don’t want to dampen your excitement about opening up your home, but if I can save you a few years of being side-tracked into a specific form that may not be what God wants for you, perhaps it was valuable.

I agree, I have already been struggling with the box of ‘House Church’ especially the title. God told me that (we are the) church sometime ago and most mornings on the way into work I pray for his presence at church today, and he honors that request. It doesn’t matter if we are with believers or nonbelievers, the outpouring of his love ushers in his presence. My hearts desire is to bring more people into his presence and disciple them into his kingdom.
The title is baffling my wife and I presently, Do you have any suggestions?

Every group I’ve ever worked with confesses to struggle to find the right title or name for their group. Most just decide on something out of exasperation. That’s as true of names as it is of terms like ‘house church.‚ I was in a few of those myself.

Looking back, I wonder if the struggle itself shouldn’t tell us something. If God wanted us to make an it and name it, wouldn’t he give us clarity about what we should call it. I find great freedom now merely talking in terms of function, not names. Names are way we distinguish ourselves from others in the body and I‚m not sure it‚s a Godly thing we do. It‚s more utilitarian, which often leads us to convince ourselves that God is in it when he isn’t…. Just thoughts, at this point, Bro! I don’t have definitive answers myself.

So the people I’m with now are talking about learning how to live out intentional community together. It makes a lousy name, which is intentional on our part. We want to be focused on the relationship to God and our relationships to each other not on creating some kind of institution, even a household one. So instead of ‘starting a house church’, we’re ‘opening our home for people who want to share the journey of knowing Jesus together’. That keeps the focus in the right place and won’t separate you from others God might want you to touch who aren’t ready to join something else.

What an awesome God we love. As you were writing your response last night my wife and I were deciding that we did not need a name for our “house church” because that would potentially limit His work before we even started and since our call to ministry is so unpredictable why limit his ministry without even realizing it. So we decided to just invite people from all walks, whom we feel God has put in our path, to a weekly potluck and to expect God to take it from there. Actually sounds like a real challenge of obedience for me. I must admit that experience has shown me that he is a much better at orchestrating than I am, but I continue to attempt to maintain control. Thank you so much for the prayerful communication and wisdom. It is nice to be confirmed in what some are calling rebellion and what I know in my heart is obedience.

Fabulous… I think you’ve hit it on the head, Brother and pray all God’s best as you explore what it is to simply walk together with other believers as God calls you to!

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Jesus IS our Life!

Sometimes the most incredible letters in the world arrive in my email box. This is from a woman in New Zealand who has found her life in Christ despite incredibly desperate circumstances. I know of no greater miracle than when Jesus’ life holds someone close enough to himself in the worst of circumstances that they find songs of joy in the darkest night:

For about a year now I have been reading your website, and gained much encouragement from it. But this morning I read the email from a brother in Christ and I cheered because they were my own sentiments. For me it isn’t that Christ has the answer but Christ is the answer.

February this year after 6 weeks of jaundice (and all its nasty side effects) I was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer and told there was no medical hope for me. But hope is what I have, because hope comes from my newfound deeper relationship with an amazing heavenly Father. As I was bombarded with a lot of advice I felt the Lord continue to say’ trust in Me’. When I was trying to figure out whether I should change my diet, again, it was still ‘Trust in Me’. When things got hard for me to understand I found the answer. I had the answer: “Christ in you, the hope of Glory’. So I am not striving but am living in this day our Father has given me. The first 8 verses of Proverbs 3 regularly remind me what (he asks) of me.

I am in no way musical but I now have a song in my heart, and find myself singing songs I learned when I was first saved. They tend to be Scripture in song and full of praise.

As a family we have been out of institutionalized fellowship for about 18 years but this year we have truly experienced being part of the body of Christ. When I was diagnosed my husband wanted to call the elders and anoint me with oil and pray. Our first question was ‘who are the elder’ but it soon became clear they were other believers that fit the Bible’s requirements. What a joy for my 4 children (16 to 22 years) to experience the fellowship in our home of elder men that expressed this deep love for their mother, father and themselves. I have met people from all over who have told me they are praying for me, that is an overwhelming humbling experience.

I would never have put my hand up for cancer but I wouldn’t trade all the wonder and joy I have experienced knowing the Good Shepherd is looking after me, and especially that as a family we are hearing his voice and following him.

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I Am Not Undecided. I Am Appalled.

For the first time in my life I did not vote for a presidential candidate today. Oh, I voted. I voted for all other offices national, state, and local and I voted on all the propositions that overwhelmed the California ballot this year. But I didn’t vote for president. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever not done.

I am not undecided. I am appalled. I am appalled by the dishonest, angry rhetoric of this campaign that has further divided our nation at a time when we need to humble ourselves. I am appalled that both political parties have been corrupted by special interest money that rewards political cronies rather than to champion justice in our society. I am appalled that both campaigns preferred to spread lies about the other than to inspire the citizenry to a higher common good worthy of the place we hold in the world.

And while I have more in common with Bush’s agenda than I do Kerry’s, I found myself grieving President Bush’s arrogance in the face of truth. The fact that he doesn’t seem to learn from past mistakes left me less confident that he should be entrusted with the awesome might of our military and the lives of young people who serve in it. I kept waiting for him to demonstrate some humility and a desire to cooperate with others that speaks of the Father he claims to follow. I never saw it.

I know that risks the wrath of people like Chuck Colson who wrote in his Breakpoint commentary a few days ago: “Voting is not an option for Christians. It’s a biblical duty, because by voting we carry out God’s agency; we are His instruments for appointing leaders.” I’m not so naïve as to think that we are the instruments by which God carries out his purpose in these things, however important I deem voting to be. And I reject his assertion that voting is a biblical duty when it isn’t even mentioned in Scripture. It does say clearlyl that he is the one that raises up rulers and removes them from office. He has already chosen our next president, for whatever reasons best serve his purposes in the earth.

Could Jesus have said it any more clearly than he did to Pilate? “My kingdom is not of this world. If My kingdom were of this world, then my servants would be fighting…” While I would say Jesus uses our participation as responsible citizens in whatever environment we find ourselves, I think it is a grave misunderstanding to think that we alone are his agency to appoint leaders. Nor should we assume that we can fight with the world’s weapons (including political campaigns) and not end up pressed into the world’s mold.

In the end I could not bring myself to vote for either candidate, or for any of those from the lesser parties. I wasn’t looking for a perfect person but a man worthy of the office to which he aspired. I did not want to merely vote for the one least flawed. So I guess I did vote today. I voted in protest against an election process I found repulsive and against two candidates who acted more like name-calling bullies on a kindergarten playground than statesmen who would put the common good above their own self-interest.

So instead of voting for a candidate I did not respect, I grieved for the state of our nation today and I prayed. I prayed for the eventual winner whomever that might be. (Since the campaigns have amassed $78 million for post-election litigation we may not know who that is for some time if the election stays close.) When our next president is finally elected, I pray God would visit him in the night and reveal himself to that man. I pray he would have the humility of heart to bind up the wounds of this election and not exploit them for political gain. I pray he would walk gracefully before the world and lead our country with wisdom in these difficult days. And I pray he would be a man of compassion and justice for the powerless in our world.

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The Reflection of All That God Is

Yesterday I shared a chorus that John Beaumont heard in a vision of God’s glory. Also in that sharing he tried to describe the glory of God as he saw it and came to understand it:

All I saw was radiant light, but as my eyes were open, I saw something about it. It was like the one light went through a prism and came out like a rainbow. I was taught that the glory of God is the sum of all the individual characteristics of his nature—his love, his power, his mercy and his wisdom. All that is God’s nature, but in Scripture glory is never that quite. It is the revelation or the showing forth or the manifestation of all that God is. It is the showing of it that’s the glory. John wrote, “We beheld His glory, glory as of the only begotten from the Father, full of grace and truth.” The two dominant colors of the rainbow for them were grace and truth but every aspect of his being shows forth in his glory. That’s what I saw there.

Something else caught hold of me. I went back to the book to find out that it is wrong to think that glory primarily relates to heaven. We say someone has gone to glory. But God’s glory is not primarily that. Why did he create mankind? Why did he create the entire universe? His intention was that there might be a display of his splendor—an expression of all that is in his heart and all his abilities and capabilities and majesties and wonders and glories—all of that showing forth! The far-flung corners of the universe speak of the immensity of God. The sweetness of a little flower shows his wisdom and the tenderness of his spirit toward that which is fragile.

There is so much in all of it. I have cried a lot lately because I was made to be a reflection of his glory and I regret every past stumbling, failure and missing the mark so deeply because I deprived God of what God deserved in me. And I feel like that about the church of Jesus Christ. The grievous thing about it all is that God ought to be magnificently glorified in the church. His rainbow ought to shine out—the living God revealed in the people of God.

And that’s all that matters. We were made for that and for that to be taking place now. We don’t need more preaching. We don’t more of a lot of things that people think we need. But we need the shining forth of the divine, the radiance of Father’s glory by living as Jesus did—as God’s servant on the earth.


Listening to that touched a deep place in me. That’s what I want too! I want to be a reflection of his glory to people around me and I passionately pray that the Body of Christ in our day rise to become that reflection of his life in the world.

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