Behind the Scenes

It’s been a slow, steady climb out of the trauma toward the light of normalcy again.  It’s just over there. I can see it from here, but it still eludes my grasp. Many of you keep asking for an update, so here it is.

It’s still hard to fathom that a week ago today a surgeon cut into my chest and heart to replace a valve that had reached the end of its usefulness. Before surgery he told me I had a fifty/fifty chance of surviving 24 months without surgery and after it that my life expectancy is now what it would have been if I’d never been born with the offending valve.  The marvels of medical science is astounding.

Just remember I’m still in my post-surgical haze so everything is clouded by that. This has not been easy. Dealing with the trauma my body has suffered is unlike anything I’ve been through before. My medical team says the metabolism of my body dealing with all that trauma is like running a marathon every day for about two weeks. I can’t imagine that since I feel so lethargic and unfocused, but I’ll be glad when those two weeks are up.  That said, I notice every day that things are improving, some pain less intense or of less duration. I have a bit more strength to breathe deeper, walk further, or stay awake longer.

Two days after surgery I was released from the hospital to continue my healing at home. It was great to get her, though my world is still pretty small at this point. I’d hoped I’d be able to do some writing or at least some reading in the great expanse of uncommitted time now available to me, but I can’t focus enough to do either.  So instead I am learning  to rest and let this body heal. It’s so weird just sitting around, having the time but not the energy to do things that I love.

I had to return briefly to the hospital yesterday due to a potential complication, but that situation turned out to be a fall concern so I’m still on track. Though the next week is still the most difficult, I get the idea that I won’t be doing much through the end of the year.  I can’t say that God has been overwhelmingly present in all this as some have prayed, but I know he has been there alongside holding me in his presence and the guiding hand behind so many other hands who have touched and inspired me.

One of the great joys in this has been finding an astounding medical team just down the street. When this began I had friends push me toward the best medical care available to me in Southern California for this kind of operation. It turned out that one of the leading surgeons had just been hired away from Cedars-Sinai Medical Center by our local hospital to create a new world-class heart-care center in Ventura County. Fortunately I’ve gotten to stay close to home and he and his team have been fabulous. I couldn’t be more grateful for their skill, care and their accessibility.

More than anything I’ve come to appreciate the love of family and friends.  Even though Sara has been dealing with her own medical challenges for the last few months involving some significant back and hip pain she threw herself into the breach to help with my needs and fully supporting me emotionally through this entire process. Even though I knew this surgery was in my future, when it all came down, it did so far quicker than I could process. I was three days from flying to the midwest when informed that surgery needed to be done right now. It all felt so disorienting and yet her calm and caring presence would cut through the options and help me clarify what needed to be done and when. None of those choices i liked, however. (On the positive side, having it so quickly means I’ll fully recover in time for the Israel Tour I have at the end of January.)

My children and grandchildren have been great as well. Offering very welcomed distractions and helping Sara with my needs. I’m so grateful that they wanted to be with me through all of this and I have treasured the extra time I’ve had with all of them and the concern they have demonstrated for me.

I have also appreciated the brief visits of good friends from all over the world. Someone even came by from Tennessee who was in LA on business, and I’ve had others connect by phone or by Skype. You can’t imagine what a delight it is to have someone show up unexpectedly in a long, slow day and bring a spot of sunshine into it.  So if you want to check in don’t be shy.  If I’m not up to it we’ll be honest, but please don’t assume I’m not. Conversation with good friends is incredibly healing and if I can’t take your call, please know that hearing from you still brought a smile to my face.

One last thing.  Here I am on Monday night with a Lindsay the birthday girl who wanted to celebrate by being with Sara and me. Her family also got me that cute little Panda, named Pepper, to grasp to my wound when In need to cough. Every time I do, I reminded of their love.  It turns out that Lindsay, who initially blamed herself for hurting me because my incident first happened playing soccer with her, is now being credited with potentially saving my life. That incident alerted the doctors to a more immediate surgical response than they had planned.  One said she’d probably saved my life. So Lindsay pulls the hero card when she needs, as when she wants to visit, but cannot due to other needs prods further with: “But didn’t I save his life.”  So incredibly Lindsay and tirelessly cute!

So thanks for all your love and prayers.  I’ve been well-carried through this bump in the road and am so grateful to all of you, many I’ve never met, who walked with me through this ordeal. Please be aware of others around you may need this kind of care and may have far less people who care than I do. Love goes a long way to healing a broken heart, of whatever stripe.

The Shack movie is being finalized for it’s March 3 release. A trailer should be out in the next week or so, hopefully sooner. There are lots of moving parts to get all this through the studio machinery.

On a less complicated note, this weekend the producer and screenwriter of the movie adaptation of So You Don’t Want to Go to Church Anymore were in town. We recorded a video (pictured above, and now being edited) for use on a crowdfunding page we will be setting up over the next few weeks. What a joy it was to reconnect with both of them and their passion for this story. This story was never even supposed to be a book. It started out as a website, but people said they wouldn’t read it off a website, so we printed it up into a book and though it has been free since we wrote it, it has sold over 400,000 copies.  That was shock enough, I never dreamed it could be made into a movie.  It isn’t a dramatic story in a visual medium. It’s thirteen conversations between two men and that doesn’t make for a compelling movie. All the drama of the story goes on inside. So, we’ve adapted the story, added a lot more plot between the conversations and now it is a compelling and sometimes humorous story.

Jake is playing a game and doesn’t even know it. But when a crisis at work and a desperate need at home challenge his faith, it gives Jake a chance to reconsider everything and find his way out of the game into a vibrant connection with God that has interesting implications in his life.  Now with a screenplay completed that is generating some buzz in the industry, we are ready to see if we can find the funds to shoot the movie.Ninety percent of the stories that make it this far never get made into a movie, because finding the money is the hard part. We already have some solid interest on the investment front, so our producer is saying now there’s a 90% chance this movie will get made.

But we don’t want to do this on investment dollars alone. He also wants to have some dollars in the movie that are strictly from people who have a passion for the story and that can give us a seat at the table to help protect it’s message. So we’ve come up with the idea of seeing if there are people who love this story enough to help us raise part of the funds through Lifestream Ministries. Not only will that give you a tax-deductible receipt, but Lifestream a stake in the movie. If it generates a profit, our share of return will go to help fund our various projects in the world. For those who contribute we will also be offering an escalating array of gifts to connect them with the movie process. That will include free DVDs when the movie is completed, autographed copies of the book, and a free subscription to an insider mailing list as the film develops . People can even become co-executive producers and join me for a day on the set to see how it’s all done.  But mostly this will allow us to keep shaping the story to have maximum impact in the world.

That web page will be up in a few weeks, but I thought I’d give you a head’s up if you wanted some time to think and pray about joining our team. If you’re curious to know more, you can listen to a podcast I recorded with producer and screen writer while we were still hammering out the story a couple of years ago. You can find it here.

Three years ago for my birthday my daughter gathered letters from people all over the world who wanted to tell me what my life and friendship meant to them. That book is one of my most treasured possessions. Reading it is like attending my own funeral, things that people often don’t appreciate about someone until they’re gone. It has often been a great encouragement to keep living the life God has given me, even when things get rough and I’m misunderstood or even falsely accused by others. Affirmation is a powerful gift to give someone.

I’ve told Sara that those leaders speak to both of us, but she waved me off. They’re for you, she said, not for her. So for her birthday this year I made her own book. I asked people that knew Sara well if they would contribute a letter for her book. People were so willing and excited to tell Sara what her life has meant to them. And I found out Sara was right. What they said about Sara was so different than what had been said about me and painted an incredible picture of this woman I’ve had the privilege of living with for the past 41 years. I’ve always known she’s a magnificent treasure even as I get to see more of that treasure every year. But I was reduced to tears numerous times as I edited through the letters and created her book, adding pictures all the way back to our college days. It’s my latest work, and it was written for an audience of one! It may be my best book because I had so much help. But you’ll have to visit to read it.

I want to thank all those who contributed to this book. We will both be forever grateful that you have honored her with your expressions of kindness and friendship. Your words have washed over my wife like a refreshing shower after a hot day. She opened it last Sunday and just thumbing through it choked her up.  Now she’s had more time to read the individual letters and she thanks me every day for doing this.

I know many of you haven’t gotten the chance to know Sara. While she travels some with me, she can’t possibly go all the places I go nor is she called to. Many of you have heard me talk about her in my writings and recordings and I’ve even done a few podcasts with her, but I know many of you haven’t had the opportunity to sit with her and get to know the person behind the name or the voice. Those who have amazed me with the things they wrote about her. Here are just a few of them:

“…your gracious sense of hospitality, the way you never seem to judge anything we do but support us no matter what…”

“So often you’ve gone out of your way to do things for others even when that meant sacrificing on your own part. Nobody I’ve ever met has wanted to do more for others than you.”

“You have shown me nothing but kindness and love since I walked through the door.”

“I still feel completely loved and welcomed when I’m with you.”

“You were the physical representation of what God was inviting me into—love and acceptance.”

“When you least expect it, here comes a tender word from Sara asking how we are doing, and letting us know that she is thinking of us and knows how hard some of our days must be.”

“Your honesty and openness in sharing your story just makes the Sara we know even sweeter. Each time we see you I am more and more impressed by the way Father is moving you into a deeper place of trusting Him.”

“You care about people more than yourself or things.”

“You really understood my heart, you understood just how much pain I had been in and you didn’t back away from sharing that moment with me.”

“You care so deeply for your garden and the love that you pour into the space is evident not only in the breathtaking flowers and landscaping, but also in the atmosphere there. Your appreciation for beauty and the way that you cultivate it is incredible. There isn’t an inch of that space that you do not know or has not benefitted from your skillful touch.”

Sara will be the first to tell you that she’s far from perfect, that life isn’t about getting everything right. Folks schooled in religion find it way easier to focus on their weaknesses rather than celebrate where God’s glory displays itself through them.

We just don’t affirm each other enough. Perhaps we’re too insecure or self-focused, but can you imagine the world we’d live in if every time we were with someone we found something gracious and genuine to say about the gift they are in the world and the gift they are to us individually? Word of affirmation and gratefulness encourage God’s work in us like nothing else and after editing this latest book, I want to make sure I put even more of that in my conversations with people.

Don’t wait for a funeral or even for someone to edit a book. You can salt it into any conversation with these simple words, “You know what I appreciate about you…”

Imagine the gift you’d give someone who doesn’t often see their life the way God does.

But first, I came across this quote the other day by Christoph Friedrich Blumhardt from his book, Everyone Belongs to God.  Immediately my heart resonates with this, but I realize how it is polar opposite to the way I used to think when I was younger. The hope then was to go from seeming powerlessness and helplessness to acquiring the knowledge and power to be able to fix things for myself and others.  But time and reality has won me away from such misguided notions.

You must learn to accept your weakness, your own poverty, and your own limitations, especially when the going gets rough. It is just through your weakness that our Savior can do his work (2 Cor. 12:9). He can manage what you cannot!…It’s often better not to get too involved in other people’s affairs, wanting to have a say in everything, because most of the time we don’t really know what the right step is. In the end, only God can work things out. Especially where there is sickness, poverty, or strongholds of temptation, you will have to realize your helplessness. You don’t need to be a knight in shining armor who is all set to kill the devil – no, we must learn to step back in faith and hope and keep the power of Jesus firmly in the center.

Brad and I discuss this quote on last week’s podcast because I wanted to know how he would think of it.  I now think we are at our most powerful when we put no confidence in our own abilities and can then allow God’s grace and strength to shine through our weakness.  If not, we become the annoying fix-it person who is out to get everyone else to do their bidding.

Now an important note about updates from our websites:  FaceBook has made it more difficult for you to view feeds from pages like Lifestream.org, TheGodJourney.com and FindingChurch.com. It is part of their strategy to increasing access through advertising and to create an addictive environment so that you will find it difficult to avert your eyes from FaceBook. What began as a way to connect people is now a full-fledged advertising venue.  Talk about mission creep!

However, if you’re missing these updates, you can restore them by going to the corresponding FaceBook pages: Wayne Jacobsen (Lifestream), The God Journey, or Finding Church, clicking on the “Liked” tab (see picture above) and in the drop-down menu click on “First” instead of using the default.  If there are updates on those pages, they will now show up at the top of your feed.  You can do this with any pages you want to follow and with the profiles of your friends and family by finding the drop-down menu under “Friends.”

It’s your feed, you ought to get what you want to see, not what FaceBook wants you to see.

You can also subscribe by email to the blogs on all three of those sites, so that when a new blog is posted you’ll receive it in your inbox. Just look at the top right hand page on those websites for the box to enter your email address.

Sara and I have arrived in the Sierras, Shaver Lake, CA our home away from home this time of year. I enjoy coming up here for a number of reasons. In the slower pace of summer it gives me a place to reflect on what God seems to be doing in my life and a place to write the projects on my heart.  Coming here also takes me back to the places where I vacationed in my childhood—alpine lakes, mountain meadows, and rocky outcroppings to scan the horizon by day or the undiluted stars at night.  It is hear that God has often spoken to me in ways that have been transforming as I go for a hike in the woods. No place on earth restores my soul more than here.

It also gives me four weeks visiting with my dad as he just turned 91.  He still cuts firewood, clears his driveway of snow in the winter and continues to listen to Jesus now two years out from my mom’s passing.  It also brings us near the Central Valley where Sara and I lived for 25 years and were we raised our children.  We have lots of people in this area that we have known for multiple decades and it is always good to catch up with them as well, or at least as many as we can fit in.

Today two people we’ve known for over forty years and have shared this journey of faith with in two different congregations are coming up for the day.  I love those  connections. The nourish my heart, but to have them Sara and I have stayed very intentional over the years of inviting people back into our lives and have probably done it far more than others have done it with  us, but they always seem to appreciate it.

And we’ll also get some vacation time in with our children, grandchildren, and other extended family who enjoy these mountains as much as I do.  But since we’re not close to all the things we do at home, things will slow down a bit at Lifestream. We’ll still be filling orders, but not quite as fast as we normally do. I’ll still blog a bit, but not as much as normal and I’ll still respond to emails, but that, too, will take more time.  This time is about listening and refreshing not keeping up with demands on my time. I hope y’all understand and give me some added space.

My podcast at The God Journey will continue for the next three weeks, as Brad and I had recorded some in advance, but after that we may have a brief hiatus as we are taking some time out this summer.

I am continuing the book discussion about Finding Church and today we’ll start chapter 5.  It’s not too late to join us. You can jump in at chapter 5 or review the previous chapters there as well.  This chapter shows how quickly and easily the history of our religious institutions departs from Jesus’ priorities by putting a premium on managing believers rather than helping them learn how to live in the fullness of his love.

Finally we’re in the last few days of getting people signed up for Israel. There are a few slots left and are available on a first-come, first-served basis, but registration must be completed by August 1.  You can get all the details here.

Registration closes in nine days!

If you’re interested in The God Journey tour of Israel with Brad Cummings and me, the time is at hand. August 1 is the cut-of date for registration we still have some slots for you if you’d like to join us. I know it is quite a time and cost commitment but was pleasantly surprised last time to have people come who didn’t think they had the means but watched God provide.  It is truly a once-in-a-lifetime experience to explore the Holy Land and see the land where God made himself known and out of which our Scriptures arose.

We have some amazing people already signed up and as happened last time I know you will enjoy the time getting to know others on a more relational journey from all over the world as much as you’ll enjoy the sites in Israel.  It’s a win/win.  You can read about our last tour here, or get the details for this one and sign up for this one here.

This land and its people are pivotal in the biblical story and it is here that history will reach its conclusion. No, God is not more present here than he is anywhere else on the planet, but if you’ve never been you have no idea how it will impact you to be in the very places you’ve read about so often and how it will change your reading of Scripture for the rest of your life.

For more information and registration click here.

Helping People Find a Better Path

As I write this, I’ve just returned from the east coast, in what proved to be an intense but fruitful time. So many people I met on this trip were in the throes of severe crisis, looking for a way to navigate their need with a loving Father alongside. Some had recently lost children to tragic accidents, one was about to lose her child to a congenital medical condition. Others were battling guilt from past religious experiences, or loneliness after no longer feeling connected to the congregations they used to attend.

No, I don’t try to fix all of that in a few hours or a few days, I simply look for a way to walk alongside people at that point in their journey and encourage them down the better road. If grief is isolating them or turning a couple against the other, I look for that path where grief promotes healing and encourage them to go that way way. If they are trying to earn their healing with one more prayer, or pretending to have “faith”, I help them relax and entrust all that to Jesus’ love for them rather than their own effort.

In every uncomfortable situation we stand at a crossroads. One path leads to greater freedom and life, the other to greater pain and destruction. Sometimes people can’t see the path to life and that’s where we can help point it out to them in simple encouragements. It isn’t always easy to see, but it leans toward trusting God to do in us what we could never do for ourselves.

I just put up a new blog today about handling the truth with love, which is part of my continuing series on The Phenomenon of the Dones.  That dovetails with this encouragement quite well. If you haven’t seen it, you can find it here.

Updates

Come check out the changes at TheGodJourney.com. Now that The Shack movie is all but completed, Brad is back at co-host and we have re-designed the website for easier navigation and an updated look.  For the last issue we rolled out a new website for Lifestream.org. This month we have just completed a re-design of The God Journey.com d our new website this year, come take a look.  Everything I’m doing is easily accessed from the front page.

Join Brad and I in Israel for TheGodJourney Tour. Because the release of The Shack movie conflicted with our Israel dates, we had to move them to earlier in they year. We will now be headed to Israel January 25 through February 4, 2017.  The pre-trip to Petra has moved to January 22-25.  If you’re interested in joining us you can get all the details here. For those interested in the release date of the movie, it is now March 3, 2017.

The movie of So You Don’t Want to Go to Church Anymore, called Out of the Game, is moving along nicely and stirring up some interest even among Christian filmmakers. We are getting ready to raise the needed capital to go into production. If you’d like to help with this project, either by being an investor in the movie, or through contributions to Lifestream, you will get your chance shortly. Keep an eye on Lifestream.org for details.  (If you’d like to subscriber to the blog, you will receive notifications by email whenever we post news there.

Torrential rains this spring have given us another setback in Kenya with a break out of Typhoid and malaria. Medical teams are in that region now to offer vaccinations and medial attention. If you’d like to help us with this need, you can get more information here.

The on-line book discussion of Wayne’s Finding Church continues in our new forum.  Come join us if you’d like to discover how to embrace the church that Jesus is building in your own corner of the world.

For the readers out there I’ve recommended eight good books this spring that I think many of you would enjoy. If you’re looking for some summer reading, scroll back a couple of months through the blog. You’ll find books on God’s mystery, discussing sexuality with your daughter, on death and tragedy, and even a book on marriage by a family court judge.

Upcoming Travel:  I’ll be in Alberta Canada from June 3-13, and then on it looks like I’ll be in Nashville and Bowling Green, KY on July 7-12, but that isn’t final yet.  Get all the details on Wayne’s Travel Schedule.  If you’d like to know when Wayne is visiting near you be sure and sign up for our mailing list and include your location so we can send you a notice.

In Case You Missed it…

• Here are the best 23 minutes I have on my Hope the church Jesus is building. These were my opening comments to a gathering near London.  You can listen here
• When God doesn’t seem to move as fast as you want, learn about his Slow and Glorious Working.
• At TheGodJourney.com we’ve been talking a bit about sexuality and salvation, but not together!  Let’s Talk Sex and Who Doesn’t Need a Friend? Also, find out just what’s broken about evangelical theology in How Contrarian Are We?

To get all the latest information as it happens, you can subscribe to the blogs at Lifestream or The God Journey and receive notification in your email whenever we post something new.

All new!  Still free!

If you haven’t visited The God Journey website for awhile, now would be a good time.  Brad is back as co-host and we have a full re-design of the website and the podcast to update the look.  Still the same conversations, with new artwork and imagery and it’s still free!

Brad and I continue to explore our journeys and invite others along for the ride. We’re always blessed by the email we receive from people who are encouraged, challenged, or enlightened out of our conversations and thoughts about the journey.

New episodes post on Fridays. There are 532 shows in the archive. Every where I go people tell me how much my weekly conversations with Brad, others, or myself has helped to bring freedom and joy to their journey. We even included on the new page a list of some of the sweet things people have said or written about the podcast.  I’ll also include them here:

“I don’t think you realize what a lifeline the podcasts have been.”
“You articulate what I am feeling. Somehow I don’t feel alone when I listen to you and Brad talk.”
“Your conversations are like a cool breeze on a hot day.”
“It’s simply two real guys talking about life…”
“Keep slinging that freedom all over the place.”
“My entire outlook on life has changed overnight! My life has Life again!”
“The podcasts also gave me language and an eye to see what God was doing inside me.”
“Your compassion for both God and his children is refreshing and honest.”
“Yours is a sane voice in a crazy world.”

Who would have thought when we began recording our conversations 11 years ago, that it would have gone on this long and been helpful to so many?  We are blessed by the continued encouragement we get to record conversations that Brad and I find so joyful even if they were not.

It seems our lives are measured in dog years.  Yesterday morning, on what would have been her thirteenth birthday, we put the remains of our beloved dog to rest in a corner of Sara’s garden.  And we cried, both at our loss of Sheba’s presence and in celebration of the love we shared together for so long.

We’re grateful for all thirteen of those years.  She wasn’t supposed to have so many. At six months of age our vet told us she wouldn’t live past five since she had such severe hip dysplasia. We were shocked at the news. Dogs don’t live long enough as it is, but only five years! As the news settled in Sara took a firm resolve.  “If she only has five years I am going to make sure they are the best five years any dog could ever have.” And she did, so much so that Sheba just kept on enjoying the life Sara made for her for eight extra years.

As we buried her ashes, we gave thanks to God for the gift Sheba was to our family.  She was a friend  to everyone and embraced life with a passion.  At the same time this black lab/German shepherd mix was a gentle soul. She thought fetching balls was a waste of time, but couldn’t resist a stick thrown into the ocean or a mountain lake. Swimming must have felt so good on her damaged hips. Perhaps her favorite thing was going for a ride in the car. You just mentioned a ride and she would go crazy, rushing for the door roiling with impatience.  Even if Sara didn’t have anywhere to go she would take Sheba for a ride anyway almost every day. She was Sara’s constant ompanion when working in the garden until her back legs wouldn’t follow her to get down there anymore, then she would sit on the grass watching Sara’s every move.

When she came into our lives I was still writing So You Don’t Want to Go to Church Anymore, Sara had just earned her Master’s Degree in Guidance and Counseling and was employed by a local high school.  The God Journey wasn’t even a thought yet, nor was The Shack. We had no grandchildren. Sheba saw us through the joy of those years, as well as their challenges. And she fell in love with each grandchild we had and treated them oh so gently loving each grandchild in turn and winning them into her friendship.

On Easter a week before she died, all the kids were packed up ready to leave and were heading for the front door. All of a sudden we heard one loud bark from Sheba laying a rug unable to get up on her own.  That bark said everything:  “Don’t you dare leave this house without saying good-bye to me.” We all laughed at her indignation and rushed back to include her in the good-byes.

Yesterday morning we also reflected on what Sheba demonstrated to us about God’s love and care.  She was always there providing comfort and joy in the best and worst of times. Dogs are faithful no matter what. And you have no idea what adoration really is if you didn’t see Sheba watch Sara walk through a room. Her eyes were fixed on her with a look of wonder in her eye. She thought Sara was the most incredible human being to walk this planet.

We are embracing the grief now that our home is a bit emptier without her. We talk of her in the special places in our home where she used to keep watch. We speak of her often and how much we miss her. We made a video of her life to the tune of You Have a Friend in Me. We reminisce. We cry. We pray. Grief is a glorious process of crying out the pain to reclaim each memory, eventually taking out the sting of her loss and reveling in the joy of her time with us. It takes time, but it will work.

Yes, she is just a dog, but she’s was a beloved member of this family. She was a big part of the past 13 years and will always be a treasured part of our lives.  We miss her and all she represents to us.

But time marches on.

A new pup has already taken up residence in our home.

The Zoey years have just begun.