How Do I Love My Transgendered Child?

21 Comments / Culture Watch /

The letters come in now two or three a month. They’re all similar. In a moment of honesty an adult child has just informed their parents that they are transgendered or gay. Their question is always the same.

“What do we do now?”

Most parents are not prepared for this. Few have even thought about the possibility, especially if they raised their children in a Christian environment. This is something that happens to someone else’s children and now they have no idea how to respond, caught between the contempt they were taught to have for such claims, and the affection they have for the child they’ve loved heart and soul since birth.

It’s not an easy question to answer and I know many people will disagree with what I write here, but here is how I help parents respond to their child. I’ll admit I’m still sorting through all this in my own heart because it seems a tight-wire act to be sure. I assume people write me, however, because I embrace Biblical views of doctrine and morality. I also believe that the only hope of human transformation is through God’s kind of loving. In my view that’s what the Incarnation was all about: God winning by love and affection what fear and obedience could never untangle.

The question for us is whether we can love deeply someone who is embracing an identity or morality with which we don’t agree or approve. I used to think not. Love is the reward for conformity. If you don’t approve of what people are doing, you hold them at arm’s length hoping that shame will inspire them to repent. I never saw that work, however. Instead I kept reading about Jesus who could love people though they had not yet embraced God’s view of things. He saw the loving as opening a door to them, and the Pharisees derided him for it. But love is not about approving or rejecting, it’s about caring for people even at their most broken.

However you think of transgendered or gay issues, I hope we can agree that God’s love is the only thing that can work deeply enough in the human heart to change people. If that’s true, they have to taste of it before transformation is possible and often that love is first reflected in the actions of another who is learning to love as he loves. We all need to learn how love finds its way into relationships that view identity and morality differently than we do?

And to be honest, I’m not sure what the moral issues are with a transgendered person. Scripture doesn’t seem to address it except in one passage from Deuteronomy about clothing, but that really isn’t the same thing.  What is really going on when someone feels their anatomy is at odds with their psychological make-up? Is it a twist of darkness, or something else? Could it result from how the very distorted views we have of masculinity and femininity by the world and by religion?

My heart goes out to anyone caught in this struggle and I prefer to commend them to God to sort it out in the best way he can in each life. Most transgendered people don’t talk about it as a personal preference realizing how much it will impact others around them. For them it is a quest for survival itself. Most have contemplated suicide and too many have followed through with it rather than risk exposing their struggle to others. Is that what we want? I don’t. I have no doubt that God wants to be inside their honesty and struggle inviting them into his life and I want to be there with him.

So however these issues make you uncomfortable, it is worth sorting through them and learn how to support people in this struggle and what their parents are going through, rather than making them feel ashamed. If you don’t love someone who is transgendered, you’ve never dealt with the issue. You may think you have in Facebook postings and comments about your moral claims and the contempt you hold for those who see these things differently. That’s where political battles are fought and where judgment knows no bounds. Many would rather put these issues back in a closet never stopping to realize how oppressive that is for those who don’t fit into their preferred norms.

But when your child or a good friend lets you know that they have never felt comfortable in the body or the role society has put on them, what are you going to do? The parents writing me are often embarrassed that it’s happening to their child, worried about what family and friends might say, and scared of what the future may bring. They are also grieving the loss of long-held dreams and hopes they had for their child, and themselves. As one parent told me after their daughter announced she was transitioning to male, “I know my head was spinning for the first days… just totally spinning and bewildered.” And it’s normal to look for someone to blame for the crisis—their friends, the media, or even past discipline issues.

Fair enough. This is usually a shock to the parents and it’s not uncommon to seek a quick fix they hope will stuff it all back in the bottle. Just remember your son and daughter has been tortured with this struggle for a long time. None of this is easy for them. Before they come out to you, especially because they know how hard it would be for you, they already tried to stop it. They’ve repented and tried to pray the thoughts away, but their feelings haven’t changed.

As your head stops spinning, you’ll have a choice to make. Is your child someone you love deeply? If they are, then nothing has truly changed in your relationship with them. They are the same person they were an hour before they told you, it’s just that now you know more about what is really going on inside them. Can you imagine the courage it took for them to invite you to look deeply into their soul, especially when they know you’re not going to be blessed with the news? If you think this is coming from a broken place in their heart, wouldn’t you want all the more to be inside it with them, rather than abandoning them at so vulnerable a time?

Of course they are looking for your approval. They want nothing more than for you to embrace their newly announced identity and celebrate it with them. They too have tied love to approval. Some will even determine if you love them or not by whether you give them your blessing and may reject you if you don’t.

But most will know that they’ve just dropped a bombshell on the family and will hope that you’ll simply love them enough to work through this newfound information with them, whether you can approve or not. They will know you’ll need time to find a new footing in your relationship with them. Few people know how to love what they don’t approve. But God knows. He does it every day, with every one of us. Maybe it’s time we learn, too.

Let them know this isn’t going to be easy for you, but you want to learn how to respond in ways that are helpful to them. It will take some time for you both to learn. “You can’t expect me not to miss my little girl. I will. But I also realize you are the same person no matter how you present yourself on the outside and I want to love you no matter what, down whatever road you travel and I want to be a champion for you to find real joy and peace as you sort all this out.”

Let them know their decision will not change your love for them and your desire for them to find a life of joy and fulfillment. Even though you know that will only come in a transforming relationship with God’s love, you don’t have to push that on them.

Perhaps this is the hardest part of parenting, even in lesser ways when our children make decisions we don’t agree with in their careers or continuing to date someone we don’t like. Hopefully you’ll choose to discover the deepest realities of love and learn that being alongside your son or daughter even when they are making what you consider to be the wrong choices. Only there will you have the opportunity to share your love and your thoughts with them when they are ready for it.

If you want to be with them, put your love for them above everything else. Their choices are not your responsibility. Love doesn’t demand agreement and it doesn’t force its way on others. It will make them feel secure not threatened. Be with them and offer your thoughts only when they ask. When you learn not to manipulate their choices to do what you think best, they will want your input even if they don’t follow it right away. Remember this is all a journey and neither of you knows where it will lead in the next year, much less the next decade or two.

This is where you’ll learn each day how to listen to God and follow his lead. You cannot do this alone, but with him you’ll learn something about loving at the deepest level, when it sacrifices your hopes and dreams to support another person on their journey. You don’t have to forsake your convictions to do it. All you have to do is love like Father has loved you.

Can you love wholeheartedly in spite of the fact that someone is doing something with which we don’t approve? If so, you’ll offer a great gift to the world that will go well past your child or friend. It will be a lifeline to anyone around you lost in sin, bad theology, or hurtful behavior.

Every time you love like that you put God’s presence in the world, where he is able to do what is best to lead people to the light and to true freedom he has for them.

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Drawing a Line Where Lines Don’t Have to Be Drawn

11 Comments / Phenomenon of the Dones /

By Wayne Jacobsen, a new chapter for the book he’s writing on The Phenomenon of the Dones

 

“When I told my friends I’d left the church, they didn’t want to talk to me anymore.”

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had that conversation with people who are completely surprised that formerly close friends would so suddenly cut them off. Leaving a faith community after many years of service and with many friendships is rarely made in haste or with joy. It is usually born out of prolonged pain and frustration. Statistics show that most who have left did everything they could not to reach that conclusion. They tried to be a voice for change, but were pegged as complainers. When that failed they tried to hunker down, ignore the things what disturbed them and focus on the positives.

But their attempts didn’t work. The final straw is rarely the most significant one. It’s simply the one that said they couldn’t go on like this any longer. Whether it was the last manipulative sermon or announcement from the pulpit, political intrigue they could no longer ignore, or simple exhaustion from wrestling with concerns no one else seemed to share, they finally come to a resolute decision because their conscience could do no other. Of course they want their closest friends to understand even if they don’t agree or aren’t ready to make the same decision. They assume their friends will be interested in that journey, but once they begin to talk about it they are treated as a pariah. Because religious performance has schooled them in living for the approval of others their desire to be understood comes off a bit too passionate, and often too sharp.

Because Christianity, however, focuses on right versus wrong, many reach that decision by concluding something is wrong there and they have to leave. Thus they are doing the “right” thing and those that do not support them are doing the “wrong” one. They may load up on Internet articles damning religious institutions as the harlot of Babylon, or blame a key leader or contributor as the leaven infecting the whole who ruined it for them. They make their quest a moral one and see anyone opposing them as no longer following the truth.

The stage is set for intense conflict and all the more because of their treasured friendships and their productive history with the congregation. The dialog of departure is too threatening to the future of the congregation to let it happen unchecked. Their story quickly finds its way into the ears of the leaders who realize the inherent danger of discontent spreading throughout the congregation. It’s amazing how quickly they can circle the wagons by marginalizing any malcontents with gossip and innuendo. There’s nothing more threatening to the viability of any group of people than people leaving it especially when they have a compelling explanation and long-term friendships. They have to characterize your decision as theologically wrong, and the gossip that ensues intends to destroy your reputation and make people afraid to engage you, even if only to not run afoul of the leadership.

So on the one hand you have people making tortured decisions wanting others to understand that decision and perhaps to even join them, and on the other a group of people who feel judged and wounded by that decision and don’t feel so friendly. My experience says that both sides wait for the other to make the first move, and both will wait for years. “I left six months ago and not one person has called me.” Or, “They just vanished one day as if your friendship had no meaning to them.”

No, that doesn’t happen everywhere. There are congregations and pastors secure enough to let people have their journey, and if they no longer fit in, still treat them with kindness and generosity. However, I don’t get email from people leaving those fellowships. I get it from those who are either harassed as someone who has rejected God or ostracized as if they were some kind of virus.  The latter is part of their attempt to get you to admit you’re wrong and come back. In their minds they do it for your own good. This is how they “love” you, by withholding their friendship until you conform again.

This is a treacherous time for all concerned. Like me you may need to take some distance from religious obligation to find freedom from it. Because I performed well, I could easily get sucked into that way of thinking if I hung around others who were pursuing it. To get away from it and have the time to cultivate new relationships not so mired in it was incredibly helpful for me. But I never lost my heart for those I’d left behind. They were only doing what I had done for years and rather than condemn them for it, I wanted to stay in touch with them in case a similar hunger got the better of them as well. And I discovered that as I learned to live inside the Father’s affection, it became easier to be around performance-based people and not be drawn into its orbit.

People often ask me if there’s a way to leave a congregation without hurting others. Of course there’s nothing we can do that will guarantee people how people will respond, but as I’ve watched people over 25 years go through this process, I’ve discovered there are ways we can make it easier on yourself and others you care about.

Leave quietly. Unless Jesus clearly asks you to make some kind of last stand, and let people know that you’re leaving and why, find a quieter exit. And if you do feel called to lay down the gauntlet, pray again to make sure you’re not just misreading your own desire for personal vindication as the leading of the Spirit. The more hurt or betrayal you feel from others, the more your flesh will want to respond this way. Doing so, however, will burn bridges Jesus may still want you to cross.

Remember how long it took for you to see through the problems and come to the conclusions you have.  Give time for the Spirit to do that same for them. You cannot make a more clear statement than simply withdrawing your participation you need not beat them over the head with your reasons. One of the best books I’ve read on the subject is Tale of Three Kings by Gene Edwards. His advice is to leave quietly without trying to take anyone with you. Let God deal with their hearts. If people ask you what’s going on, don’t make “last-stand statements” about leaving the horrible “institutional church” to follow Jesus more freely. People will not be able to understand that language until the Spirit stirs similar hunger in their own hearts.

Talk about it in ways that impart grace to the hearer. When you find people who are also done with the traditional congregation, you can talk freely, encourage each other’s journeys, and work out your frustrations at how the system may have hurt you. With those who are still in it, however, it is far better to speak more gently, leaving a door open if they want to explore it more, not forcing your conclusions on them before they are ready to hear.

Don’t try so hard to be understood and don’t cast aspersions on other people or leadership. Of course I’m not encouraging you to be dishonest. If there is real corruption in the leadership or dynamics in the congregation others need to be warned about, do it cautiously. However, you don’t have to tell people everything and overwhelm them with your hurts. Just let them know you’re reconsidering some things in a prayerful season. If they’re interested they will ask for more, but discern those who are genuinely hungry and caring from those who just want to hear some salacious gossip to feed the rumor mill.

It is not your job to convince others that what you’re doing is the right response against injustice or evil. Laying out all your frustrations may well damage the relationship and force them to make a judgment about you when they don’t even understand what you’re doing. In many cases you probably don’t understand all that’s going on yet either even in your own heart.

Be careful what you share on social media. Not everyone in your pool of relationships will appreciate being confronted with your journey every day. Many people early in this journey take out their frustrations on others by wrapping their story in newfound controversial theological views they know will be a poke in the eye to people in their family and their former congregation. They seem to need the validation of being provocative and enduring other people’s reactions. In time they will come to see that though it makes them feel as if they’re doing something important, they are actually alienating people that Jesus also loves. Many of these will complain about the loss of friends they’ve suffered and play the martyr role in their search for truth, but they have only brought it on themselves.

There’s nothing valuable about working out your issues in public environment, and it only invites greater hurt. This is best done in personal conversations with people who’ve been down that road already and can listen, understand, and help you think through where some of your thoughts might lead.  You will discover that your views will shift dramatically over time and that the closer you come to his truth you will discover a huge helping of gentleness and humility that can encourage others without attacking them. Being antagonistic doesn’t open people to your point of view or to the God you’re learning to love, but caring about them as people on a journey will.

Avoid drawing the hard line. If people ask where you’ve been, instead of telling them you’ve left the Institutional Church never to return again, think again. That may be how you feel today, but grace is best lived with daily bites. You may feel the need to leave now, but you don’t know where this journey will take you or how God might lead you down the road. Who knows that God might call you back into a more congregational environment for a number of reasons? You don’t even know if the decision you’re making is temporary or permanent?

The encouragements in Scripture about following Jesus focus on our daily response to him, as best we discern his leading. Making stands based on some newfound conclusions or what you think is “right” versus what is “wrong”, don’t usually stand the test of time anyway. By stating them too early you paint yourself into a corner that you may not end up wanting to defend. Transformation of our thinking and our living takes place over time and we can’t possibly guess today what we might know better years from know.

Those who have left their congregations causing the least amount of damage and maintaining many of their friendships didn’t draw such hard lines. Instead they talked about needing a sabbatical or a taking a break from the activities that have exhausted them so they can once again focus on their relationship with Jesus. They may tell people they’re considering what the church is and how best for you to engage her in this season of their life. The more you personalize God’s leading the less they will need to feel rejected. I’ve often told people who ask me where I go to church, that I no longer attend a specific congregation, but I am exploring more relational ways of doing church. That has opened a door for many a thoughtful and sensitive conversation. If you need to resign from leadership positions or other responsibilities keep do it direct and kind. Keep in mind you don’t owe anyone an explanation no matter how badly they want one. Just tell them that you’re convinced this is what God has for us at this time.  It’s hard to argue with that.

Make your decision seem less final and less judgmental by seeing it as a season in your life in which God might be shifting your priorities or perceptions. The less threatening you make it, the more people will be able to care about you instead of choosing sides. That is the best way for you to see it as well. How many times have we made ironclad decisions for life that turned out to be wrong? We are all growing, all learning to follow him, and its best for us to see that as leading in the moment, rather than new rules to live by for the rest of our lives.

If they are interested they will ask for more and even then be sensitive to how much you share. Where they are genuinely concerned, open up more freely. Where they become defensive, back off a bit. This is about caring for them, not feeding your need to be right.

Realize new relationships will not come easily. Many people think they will leave their congregation and suddenly discover a lot of people ready to fellowship in more relational ways. Unfortunately that’s not usually the case. Many congregations are so ingrown that people have few other quality friendships beyond its borders.

Once you’ve left, what are you going to do to find new relationships? If you just think your congregation is fatally flawed, you may want to try some others to see if they are less so. Many take this option and find their way into larger congregations where they can just put in their time and be less conspicuous. Those who have the most success here usually go to smaller congregations closer to home and find people to love rather than a program to entertain them.

But for those who are really giving up on religious obligation and want to find more relational connections, don’t think finding a new group or even new friendships will be easy. You’ll want to find people of “like mind”, and if you do, great, but the best friendships don’t come out of finding people who are already like you, but growing in friendships through your differences. Look to love whomever is before you rather than trying to find a group of people on the same journey and it will be less frustrating.

Many find this a lonely season, especially if they made their decision alone but that isn’t bad either. Loneliness is often not about the lack of other people, but our lack of connection with Jesus. This is a great time to get to know him and learn to rest in his love, so new friendships can grow more without loneliness twisting them to your preferred ends..

Be a force for greater unity. Jesus’ most passionate prayer for his followers is that we’d all be one. If you’re finding your way out of the traditional congregation, don’t be shy about loving people who still go. If they are open to friendship without either of you trying to “fix” the other, pursue it. Keep the conversation on “Jesus” instead of “church” and you’ll find more fruitful conversations.

As you find more freedom in his love, you’ll find their guilt and condemnation will have no place to land. You can even expose it gently and honestly, even humorously, and those who really care about you will learn to lay it down at least in your presence. And they will when they see it no longer impacts you. They may want that freedom for themselves, but let them ask. That doesn’t mean you have to hang out with toxic people who try to put their bondage on you, but you will be able to love more freely those lost in the darkness.

Just don’t try to get people to see what you see. Trust the Spirit to do that as you simply enjoy them where they are on their own journey. In doing so you’ll fulfill the heart of the Father for increased love and affection. Some even find themselves once again in traditional congregations but as very different people who are no longer

Don’t forget to love. The real freedom from religious obligation comes as we learn to live in his love rather than create a new set of obligations to get others to follow. That even includes people we disagree with and those who mistreat us. That takes time, however; so don’t force yourself to live beyond your own freedom. As I said above, you may initially need to take some distance from those who hold you in judgment or try to manipulate you, even family members. But that will change over time.

As you discover how much he loves you that relationship will transform everything about the way you see him, see yourself, and see others. You increasingly find yourself disconnected from obligation and the ability to be manipulated by guilt or fear. You’ll be able to be around others, even those who disagree with your journey and not be influenced by their angst.

It’s a tough lesson to be sure, but one that will reap great rewards. If we try to force others to our own conclusions we’re playing the same game of conformity and manipulation that they are. Love doesn’t press; it entreats. It cares for someone looking for the conversation that may be bring light when people are ready.

And that goes for all of us. So whether your place in the journey has you inside an established congregation, or learning to live in the joy of his church outside of them, we’d all do well to treat each other with love and grace. Our unity will never come agreeing on all the finer points of doctrine or observing the same practices, but by caring about each other in spite of our differences and looking for ways to encourage others to draw more closely to Jesus.

Live true to his work in you and generous with others and you’ll fulfill all he has in mind for you and you’ll also be a blessing to his wider church in the world.

_________

This is part 17 in a series on The Phenomenon of the Dones by Wayne Jacobsen who is the author of Finding Church and host of a podcast at TheGodJourney.com.  You can read the first half here and subsequent parts below. It will eventually be made into a book for people to read more easily.

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Explaining Jesus’ Death to a Five-Year Old

2 Comments / Uncategorized /

I just got this email this morning from a friend:

Hey, my 5 year old has been asking, “Why did Jesus have to die for us?” It may just be too early for her to wrap her mind around this, but do you know of any resources or a way I might explain this to a kindergartner? In fact, why don’t you just come over and lay it all out for her:) Is there anything on Lifestream that I can read/watch that might make it easier for me to parse it out to her. She seems to really want to understand this. Which I think is very cool

I think it’s pretty cool too.  It’s like Missy asking why the princess had to die in the Multnomah Falls story.  Great question for a young lady.

So I wrote him back that though I couldn’t come over today, the best thing I know is how Brad and I wrote about it in A Man Like No Other: The Illustrated Life of Jesus, a book where we put words to the art of our friend Murry Whiteman capturing the life of Jesus.  I sent him a few pages that I extracted from the book.

And then I thought maybe others would appreciate those pages as well.  So, here is a brief excerpt of the book A Man Like No Other.  There’s five pages here, so either download it or scroll through it to get the whole story.

ManLikeNoOtherExcerpt

Unfortunately many don’t know about this book, because it has never made it into a distribution channel for a wider market. But it is a full-color coffee table sized book that is one of the most compelling examinations of the life of Jesus after stripping away all the religious falderal we have given to the Gospels over the past 2ooo years.  It is not a children’s book, though we find children are drawn into the paintings and are then able to grasp the heart of the story we tell. We’ve heard of stories of professionals putting it in waiting rooms and it being the most read book in the place, and a great conversation starter.

This is a book that will change how you read the Gospels and will help get you acquainted not only with the Jesus of Scripture, but the Living Jesus as he wants to reveal himself to you.  If you’d like a copy, you can find out more and order it through our store.

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I’m Headed to Michigan and Wisconsin

4 Comments / Travelogue /

This is the trip we planned for last year and never got to take.  I was supposed to fly out November 11 to Appleton and move across Michigan until I ended in Flint.  However, my doctors had other ideas and two days before I was supposed to leave they ordered me to cancel the trip and schedule open-heart surgery to do a valve replacement.  That surgery happened on November 10. So we are rebooting this visit to Michigan and Wisconsin for April 27 – May7.

It has not been easy to reschedule this trip, but I think we finally have it done, Lord willing, and no more surprise surgeries. We also had to make a few changes in the trip. We’re starting in Michigan this time and working our way west to Wisconsin. And unfortunately I won’t be stopping in Flint since the people who invited me have moved away. So, instead I’m starting in Grand Rapids, working my way up to the Upper Peninsula and then across to Appleton. I’m really excited at how this came together. In fact, we just added Grand Rapids this morning with a Thursday night meeting at a coffee shop there and a Friday gathering for those interested.

You can get the full schedule here.  I’ve also re-scheduled the East Coast trip I’d had planned a few weeks ago, before I needed a second surgery for my gallbladder.  Sheesh!  Maybe I’m done traveling. Who knows? But we’ve re-scheduled that for June 2 – 12 and are working on a trip to South Africa in early July.  You can see how those trips are shaping up as well.

If you’re nearby and want to come join us for some conversation and getting a chance to meet others who are on a similar journey of learning to live in the Father’s love, shoot an email off to the hosts nearest you. These are informal gatherings and you’re welcome to be with us.

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The Gift of Encouragement

10 Comments / Encouragement /

Did I get one yesterday!

The last few months have been difficult for a number of reasons, not the least of all is some health issues I’ve had to deal with. The health issues are getting behind me now, I hope, but some of the other stresses surrounding my life seem to be festering again.

I get a lot of encouraging mail, but yesterday someone took the time to write me a lengthy email just to tell me how the see Jesus reflecting through my life. It couldn’t have come at a more amazing time. I can’t work out again except to walk, so I’d just been on a two mile walk mulling over some things with God.  And while some interesting thoughts came to mind during the time, I always come back processing which of those were God’s thoughts and which were mine. Often I don’t answer that for days or weeks.

But yesterday I returned to an email in my inbox that couldn’t have been timed more perfectly.  And there were some phrasings in there that came straight out of my time with him. I rarely get such immediate or concrete confirmations, but because this lady took some time over the weekend to put some of her thoughts down and send them to me, my day seemed a bit more miraculous yesterday.  I was deeply touched. I wish I could share with you the email I got yesterday, but it would be horribly self-serving to do so.

It came from someone I’m just getting to know better, though they’ve been reading some of my stuff for awhile. I stayed with her and her husband once, very briefly and years ago, but more recently I had some longer time with her and her husband on a trip. Her email was not just about me or my writing, but also about what God had been shaping in her heart and mind by reading and listening to some of the things I’ve been involved in. And it had the time arc of more than a decade so some of the longer-term fruit could be recognized and celebrated.  Some of my things had helped her recognize and affirm what God had already put on her heart and gave her the courage to follow it, even when others around her were less encouraging.  She talked about a newfound hunger for Scripture, how much she’s enjoying the work of God refining her, and the joy of meeting other people I know in the world. (I do know some pretty amazing people.) She closed with a Scripture verse for me that touched my heart.

After sitting with it for a few hours, I wrote her back:

“What an incredibly sweet letter to brighten my day!  Thank you for taking the time to put your thoughts together and sending me such an encouraging email.  in the midst of my recovery here.  I was deeply touched, not only by your appreciation for my life, but even more for the work that it has encouraged in your own. I love that God continues to prune, refine, and recalibrate us so that we can live every more freely and daringly in his reality, instead of being lost in our own perceptions and preferences.  I get to meet some of the most amazing people on the planet and see firsthand what God is doing in them to shape his glory in them. Watching those people love, relate, laugh and enjoy God and each other together is always a joy for me personally.  I am deeply touched this morning. More than you know some of the specific things you said have illuminated what God has been speaking to my heart in some key areas. I’m so grateful to receive this from you this morning.  Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!”

Why am I sharing this with you today, especially without all the details? Because I was reminded how powerful encouragement is, and following through on something God has put on your heart.   It isn’t always easy and it sometimes feels a bit weird, but you have no idea how much you touch someone when you just write them a note, however briefly, to tell them what they mean to you, how Jesus is reflected in the way they live their lives, and how your life has been touched by them.

None of us hear that enough. Why? Because most people are too busy fighting for their own survival that they don’t pause to think how much someone around them might be blessed by an encouraging word. The impact it had on me yesterday was profound. It shaped my entire day and probably this week.

And it is something that’s so easy to do for others.

A few days ago someone sent me a blog posting about a couple who’d lost their twenty-year-old daughter in a tragic car accident last week. Their daughter wasn’t the driver but in the article they referred to THE SHACK and how much it had helped them find God in their own tragedy. They encouraged everyone to go to the movie. A few minutes later I had the thought to call them just to encourage them in the pain of their loss. Yes, it felt weird. They are not going to know who I am and I’m not even sure what to say. Besides, I didn’t have their phone number. As I tried to talk myself out of it, I realized I might be resisting the very Spirit I seek to follow. A quick Internet search got me their number and a few moments later I was talking to both parents sharing a bit of what God was doing in them through their own grief and to let them know I’d be praying for them

Encouragement is the least costly thing you can give someone, but may also be the most priceless. Looking for a way to sneak into someone’s life and leave them with words that will draw their heart in gratefulness to God may be the best way you can impact someone else today.

That may be why Scripture tells us to “Encourage one another daily.”
No better gift.
No better time.

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It’s the Process Not the Product that God is Focused On

5 Comments / Uncategorized /

The must frustrated Christians I know are those who compare themselves to perfection every day.  Whether it’s the perfect circumstances they seek or the perfect behavior they feel God demands, they constantly fall short of their own expectations and either get angry with themselves for not doing enough, or with God for not making their life the way they think it should be. I lived in that land of futility for many years.

The most contented Christians I know are those that recognize God is good and gracious, that life in a broken world is often filled with failure and pain, and that each day is part of a larger process drawing them ever-closer to the orbit of the Father’s love and glory.  Their goal is not perfection on any day, but to find ways to embrace a loving Father in the midst of their hopes and disappointments, their joys and their challenges, and struggles and their successes.

In short, they are not focused on the product they think they should be, but on the process that draws them ever onward in their desire to know him and bear his glory in the world. These thoughts were triggered by a quote that a friend sent me a couple of days ago from a former priest who lived in Germany over five hundred years ago.

“This life therefore is not righteousness, but growth in righteousness, not health, but healing, not being but becoming… We are not yet what we shall be, but we are growing toward it, the process is not yet finished, but it is going on, this is not the end, but it is the road. All does not yet gleam in glory, but all is being purified.”

Martin Luther

I love that.

Relax!

Enjoy the process of God at work in you, to will and to do of his good pleasure, rather than frustrate that you are not yet the product you wish to be. It’s the journey with him, rather than the destination that’s important.  Rest in knowing that God has a way to walk you through what you’re facing today and in the process shape you to be more freely his. Pain doesn’t confirm his absence. Unanswered questions doesn’t mean he is silent. And unresolved circumstances are not proof of his inactivity.

He is at work in you and around you and though you may not see the outward evidence you want so desperately to see today, his glory is being worked in you. You’ll see it more clearly down the road, but it won’t help much to fret about it today.

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.  

2 Corinthians 4:16-18

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When Is THE SHACK Coming to Your Country?

1 Comment / Church Life /

Brad Cummings, a co-writer on the book and producer on the film just put out this information:

THE SHACK MOVIE crossed the $50M mark on Tuesday and it continues in wide release, so that’s fantastic. And it’s set to be released in BRAZIL April 6th–where the has sold some 5+ Million copies. Octavia Spencer is down there on a press tour and is being incredibly well received. Pray for the impact it can have on that nation, and many others!

It’s already been released in: ISRAEL, JORDAN, IRAQ, LEBANON, EGYPT, VIETNAM, The PHILIPPINES, LATVIA, POLAND, ARUBA, CURACAO, the WEST INDIES, and SURINAME.

This next week begins some of the global roll-out:

3/30/17 in GREECE
4/6/17 BRAZIL, GERMANY, SWITZERLAND, ARGENTINA, CHILE, COLUMBIA, COSTA RICA, DOMINICAN REPUBLIC, EL SALVADOR, GUATEMALA, HONDURAS, NICARAGUA, PANAMA, PERU, SINGAPORE
4/7/17 AUSTRIA, TURKEY, MEXICO,
4/13/17 URUGUAY, SLOVAK REPUBLIC
4/14/17 ECUADOR, VENEZUELA
4/20/17 PORTUGAL, THAILAND, BOLIVIA
4/26/17 SOUTH AFRICA
4/28/17 BULGARIA
5/13/17 JAPAN
6/9/17 UK
6/16/17 SPAIN

If your country isn’t on this list, I don’t not have more information at this point. Be patient. It will get to you eventually. I have no idea how these decisions are made or why it gets to one country before another.

But I do hope you all get to see it at some point, and multiple times, too. I’ve seen it 13 times and continue to pick up new insights as familiar as I am with the story.

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The Food Has Arrived

1 Comment / Kenya /

A couple of weeks ago I told you that the drought in Kenya had returned this year and they were in need of an additional $8,000 to purchase food or people would starve to death. Thanks to your generosity we were able to share that food with them.

We already send $10,000 per month over a five year period to help them build a sustainable economy and develop health strategies to save these tribal people from the mass starvation and disease that was killing so many of them. We are always grateful for the generosity that comes from people like to help us do that in this corner of the world. It’s great to get some pictures like the one above and these two below that celebrate their joy and receiving sustenance for their very lives.

Here’s is their latest report from last week:

We purchased maize and beans 150 bags and 50 bags respectively and we distribute equally to the remaining families. God bless you abundantly. The villages were very happy praising God for the provision of food.

Also the villagers, they are happy for our coaches who are tirelessly doing coaching and training the community on doing business, digging toilets and keeping their utensil clean. This has curb down the rate diseases caused by micro-organism bacterial. Through that training the 25 women has prepare a closed box with a small hole and every time they meet they deposit Ksh.60 and they said , they are doing that for a period of time , then they will call our coaches , committee and us to open it and see what the lord is doing through this training. Really this training has transformed many and we are continuing doing coaching.

On side of toilets and hygiene they have done excellent work, since there is no more cases of outbreak of diseases caused by human waste/ Our committees together with our community health workers are doing a great job and may God bless them abundantly.

In the picture above the people are divided into families as the food is distributed to all who have need.  Here are a couple more below.

Unloading the trucks with food for the people of Pokot

Families open their gifts

Thanks to all those who gave to help.  The needs here are ongoing as is our giving to them. If you don’t know our story here, you can check out this summary from last year. If you have it on your heart to help these Kenyan people suffering under such a huge strain, you can direct it through Lifestream as contributions are tax-deductible in the US. As always, every dollar you send goes to the need in Kenya. We do not (nor do they) take out any administrative or money transfer fees. If you would like to be part of this to support these brothers and sisters and see the gospel grow in this part of Africa, please see our Sharing With the World page at Lifestream. You can either donate with a credit card there, or you can mail a check to Lifestream Ministries • 1560 Newbury Rd Ste 1 • Newbury Park, CA 91320. Or if you prefer, we can take your donation over the phone at (805) 498-7774.

Thank you in advance for your gifts and prayers.

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In Recovery Again

12 Comments / Behind the Scenes /

Just when I thought I’d survived my birthday and was getting back to a more normal routine, a medical emergency again intervened. I woke up on March 22 in the middle of the night with severe abdominal pain. Thinking it was food poisoning from the night before I tried to ride it out. By 5:30 am, I knew that wasn’t possible and woke up Sara to head for the Emergency Room. Being so close to my heart surgery, the doctors’ first concern was that summon the sac around my heart had either ruptured or become infected. Early tests indicated otherwise, which sent them down another track. After two days of testing the discovered that I needed my gall bladder removed, which was done on Friday morning by laparoscopic surgery that took four different small incisions to do the deed. I returned home later that afternoon to begin recovery.

Again.

Welcome to my life! What a crazy four months it has been since my last surgery, recovery, two-week trip to Jordan and Israel, back for THE SHACK opening and then quick trips to Wyoming and Montana. I thought I was getting my groove back. In fact, I had finally scheduled the make-up trip that my heart surgery cancelled, to Michigan and Wisconsin at the end of April and early May.

I just got a call from the hospital doctor that the biopsy showed no bacteria and no malignancies, so I’m grateful for that. But honestly, I’d rather be in Vermont tonight, which was my original plan than sitting home nursing a very sore abdomen. I was supposed to be on the east coast between Boston and Baltimore with lots of people I was looking forward to seeing. It’s hard to be on the bench again, or should I say couch and I am feeling a bit too badly at the moment to even make use of the time to write. Hopefully that will change by the end of the week. And guess what, I’ve got to start walking again for a couple of weeks until more strenuous activity is allowed.

There are times when things like this come up and I can see how God wonderfully spins these things together. Even my heart surgery with its cancellations seemed important to take care of a congenital need I had and the fact that it didn’t keep me from the Israel trip was a bonus. This last week, however, has seemed more like an attack of some kind, as if the enemy thwarted something God was about. That happens too. Paul wrote to the Thessalonians about his attempt to visit them again, “For we wanted to come to you — I, Paul, more than once — and yet Satan thwarted us.” I don’t know that it was Satan in my case. I’m sure a lessor demon would have done, but I’ve been feeling a bit robbed this week.

Oh, we’ll reschedule the time back east, already looking to nail down early June, but it’s more than that. And will God make better use of Plan B? Of course he will. He’s just like that. But that doesn’t mean that his way always unfolds without conflict. That’s why he calls us to be faithful stewards, praying and responding as we are able.

and praying for others too. One of the hardest things to do with growing trust in Father’s affection is not to become fatalistic, and assume that whatever happens is what God wants. There are two kingdoms at war around us. Sometimes because of the obedience and prayers of the saints Father’s will happens, and sometimes the enemy has his way. I have greatly appreciated all those who have written my through this second surgery with prayers for my recovery. Also pray for God’s will to unfold in the places he wants to send me these days. I don’t claim to know for sure, but there seems to be some resistance.

And I know that while we may not win every battle, we do win the war. Victory is guaranteed, I only want to ensure that my heart is yielding every day his lead and that I am brimming full of his life and power.

And I pray that for you, too!

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Wayne Appears Saturday on Up For Debate

20 Comments / Uncategorized /

First thing first. If you’ve not heard yet, I had a slight problem around here that forced me to postpone the trip I had planned to the East Coast over the next ten days.  I woke up early Wednesday morning with excruciating stomach pains, and thought I’d had food poisoning from dinner out the night before for my birthday. The pain only worsened, however and by 5:30 am Sara and I were headed to the emergency room.  It took two days to diagnose the problem as a gallbladder attack and that it needed to be removed. This morning at 7:30 we did the deed, only four months after my heart surgery. How crazy is that????? Well,it had to be done. All went well and I just got home a few minutes ago, very grateful for God’s provision and his love expressed through many of you during this ordeal. Now, I got two weeks of recovery.

However, I was already scheduled to appear on Moody Radio’s “Up For Debate” show with July Roys tomorrow (Saturday) at 11:00 am Central Daylight Time and according to everyone I’ll be fine to do the show by phone from home. Of course that will depend on how much meds I’m on then.

They are having a panel discussion about “The Shack” and whether or not people should take the theology to heart. The host seems to have enjoyed the movie, though she thought it flawed. You can read her blog about it here.  One other guest loved the movie and the other two did not.  Should be fun.  You can listen in live here at 12:00 n Eastern Time, 9:00 Pacific Time. Those in other time zones can figure it out from there.

I was on this show a couple of years ago about my new Book “Finding Church” on “Is Attendance Is Mandatory?”

For those of you reading this after the fact, you can listen to it here.

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