Note: This is the ninth in a series of letters written for those living at the end of the age, whenever that comes in the next fifteen years or the next one hundred and fifty years. Once complete, I’ll combine them into a book. You can access the previous chapters here.  If you are not already subscribed to this blog and want to make sure you don’t miss any, you can add your name here.

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I know there is a supernatural world all around us, but I don’t seem to be tuned into it. What did Jesus mean when he said some were given to know the mysteries of the kingdom and others were not? Would he leave me out? 

— Marcus, former pastor, now car detailer and father of 3 teenagers in Arizona

Marcus, 

I love your hunger and appreciate your concern, but you can rest assured that Jesus wants you to see into his reality more than you want it. 

Unfortunately, many followers of Jesus have only learned to follow the Scriptures or some leader and not his Spirit who guides us into God’s reality. It is so easy to look with our physical eyes or listen with our physical ears and think with our own reasoning, that most people never learn the joy of life in the Spirit. 

Our physical senses and scientific instruments can only measure the physical world, and the more advanced science becomes, the harder it is to recognize the spiritual dimension affecting everything around us. But there is. And yet, our view of the supernatural has been so over-sensationalized in Christian sermons and novels most people miss the genuine while seeking after audible voices or physical engagements with angels and demons.

As mysterious and powerful as the supernatural can be, it mostly doesn’t come to us that way. My encounters are far more normal and natural when they happen than most people would think. It’s only when I look back that I am awed by all that God did. In the retelling, it is easy to embellish and exaggerate stories in a way that cause people to think they are made up, and reject the supernatural or discourage them from seeing it in their own lives. That’s not to say some encounters can’t be awe-inspiring in the moment, but those are extremely rare by design, and if you’re looking for those to be normalized, you will miss just how his Spirit works. 

I’m glad you haven’t given up that hunger, Marcus. There are no rituals or principles, even biblical ones, that can replace a life of perceiving and responding to his work in you. The wind of the Spirit blows across our lives every day inviting us beyond the world that is temporal, and fraught with pain, illusions, and selfishness, so that we can anchor our hearts in the kingdom that is eternal, unshakeable, and true. Learning to sense his movements around us will lead to a growing fullness in his presence as well as provide the courage and wisdom to navigate any difficulties we face.  

He can show you what he wants you to know, feel the emotions God wants you to feel, and to ensure that you see what you need to see to know how to respond to what’s going on around you. I wish more people were tuned to the realm of the Spirit, which is what this letter is about.  

What Many Long to See

Jesus told his disciples that “Many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see but did not see it, and to hear what you hear but did not hear it.” (Matthew 13:16-17) What an amazing gift we’ve been given to see the world around us as God sees it. That hasn’t always been true. Before Jesus’s redemption on the cross that removed our shame and allowed us to rest confidently in his presence, people could not behold him. Still, spiritual blindness can be a problem. 

That’s why Jesus said things like, “The knowledge of the secrets of the kingdom of heaven has been given to you, but not to them (Matthew 13:11),” or, “He who has ears to hear, let him hear (Mark 4:23, et al).” It is easy to conclude that only a selected few get to see into the supernatural world. So, Marcus, your question about being left out is a fair one. Many don’t see Jesus engaging them in a way they can recognize, and wonder the same thing. 

Looking closer, however, the ability to perceive was not in Jesus’s hands. He was aware that the realities he was bringing inside the human experience were so incredibly different from the world they lived in, that most people would miss them. That’s what he meant when he talked about a narrow road, “Small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it” (Mark 7:14). He wasn’t distinguishing between saved and unsaved, but recognizing that those who learn to follow are going to be few. 

That’s not to say he would only reveal himself to a select group of people, but that only a few would be ready to see and follow. I’ve no doubt Jesus wanted to include everyone, but not everyone was ready to be included. Having eyes and ears that can perceive spiritual reality is available to anyone who is ready. Tuning into that frequency is where we discover what’s true about God, ourselves, and the choices we face, as I talked about in my last letter. 

He wants you to have eyes that see and ears to glimpse into that world enough so that we can live freely in truth. In these ever-darkening days, we will need to be more sensitive to him than ever. 

Calluses and Veils

So how do we cultivate a heart that can see and hear the secrets of the kingdom? Let’s look at how Jesus spoke of it. 

He said those who could not see had “callused hearts.” (Matthew 13). By that he meant their hearts were hardened to what’s true because they lived so long by their own wisdom and desires, even using the Scriptures to make doctrines of their own preferences. 

So, while seeing, they couldn’t really see, and hearing, they couldn’t really hear. They interpreted everything in their own self-interest. Thus, Jesus disguised his words in parables, so they wouldn’t have to reject him yet again. Each time they ignored his leading, the calluses grew thicker. Those who were ready, he pulled aside for more detailed explanations. 

This same problem impacted the early believers as Paul warned them, in the last days hardened hearts would embrace “a form of godliness but denying its power” (2 Timothy 3:5). It’s easy to turn religion into a practice at the expense of presence. He also wrote of false teachers who acted with hypocrisy and lied habitually because their “consciences have been seared” (1 Timothy 4:2). 

The callused heart or seared conscience seems to result from bypassing the overtures of the Spirit in deference to our own ambitions. This is not people making honest mistakes, but those who persistently ignore the Spirit’s overtures to them until it becomes nearly impossible to recognize him anymore. 

So, it is possible for us to be near God’s things but be blind to his reality. In I Corinthians 3 and 4, Paul spoke of a veil that blinds us to his working. This result from substituting religious performance and arrogance for the desire to know him. He specifically tied it to the reading of Moses, which brings a veil over our hearts (3:14-16) The performance-based approach to God blinds us to the relational journey. And yet, many Christians today want to post the Ten Commandments in classrooms or promote Moses’s example of leadership as a guide for church life. That’s the veil, trying to see God through a legalistic lens.

In the next chapter, Paul wrote of how a similar veil influences the world. “The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel that displays the glory of Christ…” (4:2-4). It is why he preached Christ, because only he can lift the veil to let them see clearly, which is exactly what he wants to do for us. 

So, if you find yourself unable to sense his presence in and around you, or feel you’ve been ignoring his nudges, you may need to turn back to him and ask him to soften your heart. He forgives so readily and over time you’ll begin to recognize his nudges again. But for most people like you, Marcus, I suspect that you’ve not had the opportunity to discover how his Spirit is making himself known to you. 

The Prayer

The prayer Paul held in his heart for the Colossians (1:9-14 Message), is often one I pray for myself and others:

“(I am) asking God to give you wise minds and spirits attuned to his will, and so acquire a thorough understanding of the ways in which God works…. As you learn more and more how God works, you will learn how to do your work…. (with) strength that endures the unendurable and spills over into joy, thanking the Father who makes us strong enough to take part in everything bright and beautiful that he has for us.

There is so much in those few words; let them capture you. Holding them in my heart helps me tune to the Spirit’s frequency as I recognize how he is working around me. This is where guilt, self-blame, and desperation are not helpful. Trying to be good for God or filling your head with Bible instruction won’t help either. 

Asking him and being patient will help you discern the spiritual world around you and how his Spirit blows through it. This is less about miraculous signs than it is a growing discernment of what he is doing around you and how he is revealing Jesus to you. Celebrate each nudge you feel, each bit of his wisdom that he puts in your mind, and follow where he seems to be leading you.

Rest and quiet are your friends here. Desperation in prayer or action puts us right back in human-effort mode. Staying relaxed in Jesus’s love allows him to show us what we need to know when we need to know it. If he’s not revealing anything to me today, all I need to do is stay open so I’m ready when he does. Trusting him with timing will help immensely; begging for answers we want will only distract you. His timing isn’t anywhere close to what we’d expect. 

Seeing his world in yours is a slow process with a glorious arc. Don’t pressure yourself for quick results, and let him relieve you of unrealistic expectations. This counsel from Julian of Norwich, who lived in the latter half of the 14^th Century, is helpful. “We need not worry if we cannot “find” God, for we are only responsible for seeking; no formula exists for finding. The revelation of the Divine Presence is always unpredictable and surprising.” (All Shall Be Well by Ellyn Sanna)

Don’t look for “words” and visions, bells or whistles. What you’re looking for are glimpses into his kingdom in thoughts and nudges that cause you to think differently than your natural inclinations. As you begin this journey, his Spirit will want to help you discover just how deeply loved by God you are, and free you from shame, guilt, and fear that makes it more difficult to see. That’s how he removes the calluses. 

As you awaken further to the Spirit’s work, you’ll have a growing sense of what’s really going on around you and not just what you think might be true. Seeing into his world will be a powerful source of comfort, peace, and courage in the face of your most challenging circumstances.

Glimpses of God’s World

Most people have misconceptions about the supernatural that limit their ability to engage with it. This is often complicated by those who claim to listen to the Spirit as they manipulate others or build a following. There are many charlatans afoot who dazzle people with their miracle stories, contrived smoke-and-mirror “encounters”, or made-up prophecies. It is easy to fake such things with a crowd, either to build a following or harvest a financial windfall, but it confuses the genuine seeker who doesn’t see the Spirit working like that in their daily lives.

Don’t be fooled by the counterfeit and be careful not to use it as an excuse to reject the genuine. Pretenders can be spotted when you see their “prophecies” don’t come to pass, honest questions provoke their arrogance and anger, and how extravagantly they indulge themselves. The true work of the Spirit leads to increasing authenticity, humility, generosity, tenderness, and an honest portrayal of the supernatural in which everyone can participate. 

Thinking of God as “up there” somewhere as your prayers bounce off the ceiling will impair your ability to glimpse into his kingdom. Heaven, where God dwells, is not primarily a geographical place but a spiritual dimension that surrounds us at every moment. Beholding that world will continually shape in a wonderful way how you live, see, and listen. 

Putting Together a Puzzle

I hope this can help you, Marcus. Recognizing the spiritual world around us is more like assembling a puzzle than a list of instructions or a crystal-clear vision. We sense it in bits and pieces as we go about our day and then watch his Spirit fit them together to help us understand what he wants us to know. 

Certainty isn’t even possible here. Paul admitted his own limited perspective, “We don’t yet see things clearly. We’re squinting in a fog, peering through a mist” (I Corinthians 13:12). Don’t you love his honesty? Those who claim to see spiritual things with absolute confidence are making it up. Perfect clarity will only come when our redemption is complete at the appearing of Jesus. 

Until then, we peer into realities greater than us all, not trying to figure it all out, but simply to recognize what the Spirit might be showing us each day. Paul used the word ‘enigma’ to describe how we see his kingdom. It’s like a puzzle or a riddle for us to explore as he gives us greater understanding. Watch for the fingerprints and nudges of the Spirit; make note of them, but avoid rushing to your own conclusions. That’s what we often do and then we’ll find ourselves chasing our own wisdom again instead of being more settled in his. 

Discerning the Spirit or the times we’re in is not about “getting a word” from God; it’s about letting the wisdom of the Spirit seep into our consciousness. It will seem like a puzzle with lots of clues until the penny drops and we see what he has for us. It’s extraordinary, how the nudges, glimpses, and conversations help us see into his world. Pieces of insight will come from Scripture, random thoughts he brings to our consciousness, conversations, observations in nature, dreams, song lyrics that jump at us, or movie scenes that move us deeply.  

Resist the urge to read into things on your own, as if everything is a piece of that puzzle. Doing so, you’ll contrive your own insights again. Let the Spirit highlight what is from him. Look less to get specific questions answered as seeing what he is revealing. The first puts our focus on him, the latter puts it on us. What the Spirit reveals may have nothing to do with what we are asking of him. He is simply showing you the way things truly are, so you’ll know how to live. He will give you a different way to think about him or something you’re facing. 

Why does God choose to engage it this way? Couldn’t he just be clearer from the outset? I don’t know that God has chosen to speak to us in riddles, I just think it looks that way from our side. The Creator connecting with his creation is a reality all its own and we wake to it like a small child growing to appreciate the world she is in. Everything comes in bits and pieces as she learns to navigate the world outside the womb. 

When glimpses come, ponder them in your heart and see what other clues or confirmation the Spirit might bring to clarify his work in you. As the Spirit shows you where God is working, he will confirm in multiple ways what he wants you to know. 

Having a community of friends who are on a similar journey and comparing notes is incredibly helpful. Don’t look for people who are spooky or super spiritual with “revelations” about God that put others down, but find down-to-earth, genuine people who are learning to embrace Father’s love and being honest about their uncertainties and mistakes. 

If you find one or two who have more experience than you, all the better. Ask if they’ll help you learn to see better. I’ve been fortunate over my lifetime to have continuing engagements with “older” followers of Jesus who encouraged me in different ways to relax into the flow of the Spirit. They didn’t teach me techniques or try to control me; they just allowed me to watch as they followed, gave me honest feedback about my perceptions, and encouraged my spiritual hunger. 

I realize people get nervous whenever someone encourages others to sense and follow his Spirit. They, like me, know too many people who claim to be following God’s voice when they were pushing their own agenda. Most people who use “God told me to…”, use it to justify their own desires or to end an uncomfortable conversation. Don’t fall for it. Don’t let anyone else tell you what God wants of you unless it confirms how he’s already been leading you. People who know God would never say, “God told me to tell you,” but instead would express, “I had a thought the other day and I’m wondering if it might be helpful to you.” 

Maybe the value of uncertainty in the Spirit’s leading is how easily it exposes those who speak with false confidence. Those who are really learning to listen hold their conclusions more lightly and would never tell someone else to do what they think is best. They actively seek the input of others to help them wrestle with what the Spirit might be saying. Over time, you will become more confident in following the Spirit’s nudges, but far from certain that you have it all right. 

In the meantime, know that he will never lead you in a way that violates God’s nature as the Scripture reveals it. He won’t direct you to lie, betray, cheat, injure, or accuse others of malicious motives. He’ll be teaching you how to live in his love. He will show you the way the world is, God’s order to the universe beneath the games of darkness that broken humans play. You’ll discover the power of gossip and jealousy destroys relationships, the lengths people in pain will go to survive, even if they hurt people they love. You’ll recognize the controlling cadence of political speech and religious services, the empty formulas behind popular entertainment that dulls our hearts to God, and the hype used to manipulate the emotions of a crowd. And you will know these things because you’ll recognize them first in yourself. Doing so will transform you to a wiser and kinder you, easier on others’ mistakes because you’re aware of your own. You’ll find the freedom to apologize for bad choices instead of doubling down on them to justify yourself. 

Life in the Spirit

It is said that people are either motivated by their intellect or by their emotions. Knowing which will allow you to manipulate them for your own ends. Jesus had something different in mind; that is, living out of our spirit instead of just our thoughts or feelings. Our spirit lies at the core of our being where his Spirit makes connection with us. 

Paul talked about life in the “Spirit” as the way we walk in the world. In the Greek, there are no capital letters, so translating that phrase with a capital “S” may have changed his meaning. When I was growing up, life in the Spirit meant obeying God’s instructions. In effect, we would become robots following preprogramed instructions from God, which were often Scriptures we had interpreted to our own comfort. 

What if Paul was inviting the followers of Jesus to live out of their spirit instead of their thoughts or emotions? What’s the difference? Instead of living by principles our intellect can understand, or being controlled by our capricious feelings, we would live out of that part of us that connects to God. Getting in touch with our spirit is where we gain the eyes to see and ears to hear. 

That fits the journey I’ve been on for some time. It allows us to participate in transformation so that our intellect and our emotions are informed by God’s reality and his purpose in us. When our spirit comes alive with his, we are partners in the joy of an ever-growing relationship—our person merging with his.

Living by “the spirit” is what flows out of that union. It isn’t following our intuition; it is deriving our motivations from eyes that see a better kingdom. This is where we come to know we are loved, begin to recognize his nudges, and find reserves of strength that go beyond our own. He doesn’t want to tell us what to do, but for us to become one with us, so that we’ll see his character increasingly reflected in our nature.

Having eyes to see and ears to hear will take us on an ever-unfolding adventure of his Spirit adding insight and freedom to our journey as we live by what’s true and what’s loving in the world of chaos. 

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You can access previous chapters here.  Stay Tuned for Chapter 10.

Note: This is the seventh in a series of letters written for those who will be living at the end of the age, whenever that comes. Once complete, I’ll combine them into a book. You can access the previous chapters here.  If you are not already subscribed to this blog and want to make sure you don’t miss any, you can add your name here.

“Since I got back from Afghanistan, I have noticed a growing anger and aggression among my Christian friends. They seem to want to force God’s kingdom on others, some are even taking weapon training to prepare for what’s next. I want to see the kingdom come, but something inside me is unsettled by this. Where is Jesus here?  

Aaron, 38, VA mental health counselor near Dallas, TX

Hi Aaron, 

In my last letter, I wrote about the joy in learning to follow the Lamb wherever he goes. It’s not lost on me that the book most centered on the end of the age uses the image of a lamb almost exclusively to describe Jesus’s final redemption of the earth.  

Only in the first chapter of Revelation does Jesus appear as the Lion of Judah. In every reference thereafter, he is portrayed as one like “a Lamb who had been slain.” He is the one worthy of worship and to unseal the scroll of the last days. The Lamb overcomes darkness and introduces a future free of it. In the end, all of that is celebrated at the marriage feast of the Lamb.  

And yet, “Lions not Lambs” is a popular meme for many Christians today on bumper stickers, t-shirts, and social media. I get it. Sick and tired of losing to a secular agenda and belittled by a left-leaning press, many conservative Christians want to assert whatever power they can muster to bend culture back to their preferences. Thus, they seek political power, often by less-than-honest means, or adopt a Seven Mountain Mandate to dominate the culture with their beliefs. 

There is no end of so-called prophets or apostles tapping into that frustration. Their anger and their war metaphors run counter to the nature of Jesus. They have yet to realize that when you seek to dominate the world, you will become like the world, and in doing so, unwittingly leave the true power of the Gospel behind. When you chart your course by anger, it is impossible to stay inside his love and recognize how God works far better through our kindness than our belligerence.  

It is a message long lost in the realms of Christianity where many see themselves as another interest group vying for control of the culture. Though their desire to spread the life of Jesus may be genuine, they have taken up the wrong tools. They assume the conquering hero at the end of the age will look more like a roaring lion than a wounded lamb, but Jesus’s kingdom doesn’t work that way. The nature of the Lamb will prevail, winning by love what coercion can never repair. 

There is no better image to keep in mind to warn us away from putting our hope in human effort. Compelling others to do what we think they should do, even in the name of God, will make us despots in the end. Few human leaders have held on to their honor or their kindness to others in the wake of rising human power—political, military, or religious.[PD1]  Amassing power will invariably drive us to compromise our character and make horrific alliances with ungodly elements in our society that will render the Gospel impotent. We can attain our agenda at the same time we subvert his kingdom.

True Power

Aaron, to follow the Lamb wherever he goes, we will need to see power in a different way. True power is found in loving, even to the giving up of our lives for the welfare of others. It looks weak, of course, when arrogance and bullying seem to win so easily over kindness and compassion. But the meek will inherit the earth, and until we choose to lay our lives down instead of forcing our agendas, we will never discover the greater power that has the capacity to transform this world.

It’s easy to see why we do it. When someone takes advantage of us, it’s only natural to want to fight back. Fighting for a righteous cause may seem like our duty on the surface, but your restlessness is the Spirit warning you away from such tactics. Jesus’s words to Pilate explain why: “My kingdom is not of this world. If it were, my servants would fight to prevent my arrest. My kingdom is from another place.”

Take a beat and sit with those words. It’s one of the most profound things he said. 

Like us, his own followers missed the point. James and John wanted fire from heaven to consume a group of Samaritans, and Peter cut off an ear of the high priest’s servant. Acting out of our human aggressions will make it harder to recognize how Jesus leads us. Our fears will seek a Lion-Redeemer to right the wrongs done to us, and we’ll find ourselves more distant from Jesus. Only a growing trust in him will put us in touch with the Lamb-Redeemer and the power of humility, kindness, and compassion. None of the fruits of the Spirit encourage us to get even with those who mistreat us or take control of others for God’s sake. Instead, the fruit of his love in us leads to peace, patience, kindness goodness, faithfulness, and gentleness. 

That does not mean that nations don’t have the authority to make laws and police them nor that a military cannot restrain the power of evil growing in the world. God has sanctioned such things, even if they often lead to injustice and corruption. The levers of power, however, will never bring redemption to humanity. 

Yielding to the urge to dominate only makes sense to those who have lost sight of the power of his love. When you learn to serve the world as Jesus did (Mark 10:42), instead of dominating it, then you’ll find the true power of redemption. Only he can teach you how to embrace tender-heartedness in the face of your fears, but here are some of the things that help me: 

1.     Separate yourself from angry voices. 

That’s not easy in our day because there is so much outrage just under the surface of so many in these ever-darkening days. 

The media have discovered that tapping our anger or fear will hold our gaze. Denigrating our perceived enemies helps garner votes and raise funds. It’s also true in our pulpits and those who claim prophetic gifts—whether they are railing against the ways of the world or the failure of Christians to live up to God’s standards. Even when sharing good news, their countenance is twisted with anger and their voice is pitched with rage.

While anger can provoke people to action, it does not endear them to Jesus or his purpose in the world. Righteous indignation is a great way to justify turning our fears into hatred. The voice of Jesus comes with tenderness and invitation, even when he clears out the temple or confronts religious leaders for their hypocrisy.  

So, if you have fallen for the voice of the angry prophets and preachers, even if they promise revival, walk away! If they grasp for political power and the rule of law, they are building an earthly kingdom, not Jesus’s. If they justify lies and anger to restore Christianity’s power, they have missed God’s heart. God’s kingdom does not impose morality on a hostile people but invites the broken and traumatized into the wonder of his love. 

God would say similar words to them that he spoke to the false prophets and teachers of Jeremiah’s day: “I did not send you; you’re not speaking my words and you are causing great hurt and destruction by deceiving my people. Stop it.” But they won’t; building personal networks and raking in money is too intoxicating. So, it’s up to you to separate yourself from angry voices. 

One of the best decisions I made was to turn off those voices that didn’t speak with the tenderness of his love. I unsubscribed from a Christian magazine whose worship of celebrity constantly frustrated me. I spend less time with people who simmer in anger and those who mock and scoff. You don’t need to confront them; just take your distance and marinate yourself in the love of a Father who agonizes over the lost. 

Pride and arrogance are easier to recognize when you don’t take in a steady diet of them. Never trust the words of an angry person, no matter what “truth” they may be expounding. Whatever they have learned, they did so without engaging Truth himself and thus their heart is not refined in love. There is no anger in God’s redemption for the lost and broken.

2.     Think reconciliation, not payback. 

I grew up thinking God only loved the home team, those who follow his commands, and was vengeful to the away team who did not. I worked hard to ensure I stayed on the home team, and this dualistic thinking allowed me to take up the language of vengeance with any who didn’t serve God the way I did. 

The Old Testament set me up for that, but I began to discover how incomplete it was without Jesus showing us a very different picture of God. The conclusion that he is a vengeful deity toward those who fail him is a misunderstanding of his nature, which is why he shocked the Pharisees. “Love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back.” Why would we do that? Because that’s what his Father does: “He is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.” (Luke 6:35-36)

I never heard that in Sunday School. And yet, in the middle of his torturous death, Jesus asked for the forgiveness of his enemies, not their punishment. He took their vengeance into himself and paid them back with grace and forgiveness. In doing so, he showed us how to embrace his Father’s love in a way that brings his kingdom into our world.

So, when someone angers you, take a breath. Ask yourself how you might respond graciously. Don’t ask how you can get even; find a way to be kind. We are ambassadors of reconciliation, not purveyors of vengeance. You can even practice turning from anger when other drivers provoke your rage. Instead of ranting at them, even internally, discover what it means to drive graciously, then do in everything.

That’s the way God has treated me. He seeks reconciliation, not retribution. He has never bullied me into obedience. He’s not overbearing or manipulative and is even kind to me in my mistakes and failures. His goodness opens the door to knowing him, and yet he always leaves the choice in our hands. That’s how love works, even when others abuse it. 

Father Gregory Boyle of Homeboy Industries thinks of it this way: “Kindness is the only non-delusional response to everything, which is to say all other responses—rage, anger, self-righteousness, high horsiness—everything else is delusional. Kindness isn’t.”

It takes more wisdom and grace to live inside love than it takes to give in to your fear, anger, or desire for vengeance, and fight the world on its terms. Nothing disturbs our fleshly inclinations or our religious prerogatives more than choosing a path of tenderness in the face of hostility.

3.     Entrust outcomes to God

From our youth we’ve learned how to use every resource at our disposal to manipulate others to the outcome we want. It doesn’t always work, but not for lack of trying. However, we are not responsible for the outcome of anything, only our response to him. 

The One who loves you most and wants the best for you has relinquished the power to make you follow him. Redemption can only happen where people embrace it freely and discover a love so compelling that they want to be a part of it. That’s why we can’t live this way without leaving the outcome to God. It takes more strength and wisdom to give up power in our relationships than it does to manipulate them. 

I would not be married today if Jesus hadn’t taught me that lesson over the last twenty years. When I came home from a trip a few years ago, and discovered Sara had left me, cut off all communication, and was initiating a divorce, I couldn’t have been more shocked. I had no clue this was coming, especially since I knew of no conflict between us. From those actions and the note she left me, I knew she was in trouble. I’m not a perfect husband, but I knew I wasn’t the person in her letter. 

Without ever talking to me, her therapist had assumed her rising PTSD was caused by an abusive husband, and coached Sara into leaving me to escape the horrible pain that raged in her body. From the start, the counsel I received was not to rush after her and confront her. “Keep your heart open; let her come back to you in her time” was the most difficult counsel I’ve ever followed, but I’m glad I did. 

When I had contact with Sara, I assured her that I loved her and would be willing to work through anything, but I forced nothing. The first time I saw her three weeks after she left, she only wanted to discuss how we would handle the grandchildren post-divorce, and that’s all we talked about. I left a hundred questions unasked and a ton of comments unspoken. I let her have the conversation she wanted, and when we parted, she asked if I wanted to spend more time together. I was both shocked and thrilled. 

The next day, she came over and stayed for six hours. Again, I let her shape the conversation. She said later that my tenderness caused her to reconsider everything her therapist had convinced her to be true about me. In a few weeks, we were finding our way back and, with a new therapist, discovered that Sara’s PTSD had been caused by childhood trauma that had lain hidden in her memories for over sixty years.  

Our love eventually triumphed over her trauma. Didn’t Jesus do the same when he brought us his kingdom? He didn’t force himself on broken humanity, but gently demonstrated the love of his Father, letting each decide whether they would embrace him or not. Even though it eventually cost him his life as the powers that be rejected his message and his kingdom, he knew the only hope of reconciliation could come from the free choice of loved people. 

4.     Learn the Path of Least Control 

My first experience with this came over 30 years ago when my co-pastor and a small group of elders lied about a resignation I had not offered. My first inclination was to come back and fix the lie. I had the power and affection to right the wrong. However, I also had this nagging thought that I later identified as Jesus’s leading: “I have more to teach you if you walk away than if you stay.” I had no idea what that meant and eventually conceded to it partly because I didn’t have the will to do to them what they had done to me, even if I was in the right.  

Unfortunately, that didn’t bring reconciliation with them. But whatever they stole from me, and it was significant, Jesus repaid many times over and made me more resilient in tragedy by teaching me a different way to live inside his love. It’s the only way to overturn darkness in the world; vengeance can only meet pain with more pain. 

If you hear these words calling you to be a doormat for the abuse of others or a whipping post for their rage, you’re not ready for them. Giving up control doesn’t diminish our authenticity nor prevent us from establishing boundaries where others seek to harm us. Jesus didn’t let the Pharisees co-opt him, nor did he react to their threats. 

That would be easy for Jesus, right? He knew God had his back, regardless of what others hurled at him, and it would all give way to a greater redemption. And it will be easier for you when you discover that God has your back and hasn’t left you to your own devices. Until you have enough security inside God’s love, you won’t be able to stop trying to take control. This is a steep learning curve to realize control is an illusion and Jesus’s ability to care for you can lead you through the injustice or accusations of others. 

Giving up control to others does not mean giving into their control. “Religious” people often have an agenda and will use any means necessary to force it on others. In doing so, they operate in the wrong spirit and do more harm than good. When you discover that people are lying to you or about you, or trying to control you with guilt or shame, walk away!

Learn to say, “I am not treating you this way, and I hope you’ll stop doing it to me.” Even though Jesus didn’t seek to control others, you would never have called him a push over. He submitted to their abuse only when his Father asked him to, and when he had the internal strength to endure it for a greater purpose. Even on the cross, he wasn’t powerless.  By loving in the face of their dishonesty, forgiving their abuse, and allowing their evil to crush him, he opened wide the doors of redemption.

Aaron, you can’t lay down your life if you don’t have the freedom not to. Giving up control is not weakness. You can be firm in kindness and say no to whatever is not in your heart to do. Being firm in what’s true and kind in the face of rejection is the greatest nightmare for those who seek to control you. It may make them even angrier, but it will set you free to honor the work of Jesus in you.  

God’s power at the end of the age is not boast and bluster, threats and anger; it is the gentleness of a Lamb. It is in the power of love and lives laid down that God makes himself known in our world, which is why Jesus told us to be “as wise as serpents, but as innocent as doves” (Matthew 10:16). Let’s join him. 

Centuries of Old Testament stories conditioned us to expect a God that comes to exact vengeance. That’s what Israel’s leaders hoped for its enemies, and they missed his first coming. We are in a similar danger if we look for God’s vengeance instead of his redemption for the world he deeply loves. 

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You can access previous chapters here.  Stay Tuned for Chapter 8.