Wayne Jacobsen

Helping People Feed Themselves

I still get a bit freaked when I see that 50% of our expenses last year went to help people in Kenya and South Africa. That’s not how we designed Lifestream to function, but God had plans that went way beyond our own.

If you haven’t followed this saga over the past decade or so, it began with a set of relationships both those I had at home who could afford to help, and with Kenyans abroad who needed help. Over the last 8 years we have channeled over 1.3 million dollars to help our friends in Kitale with orphanage, school, medical expenses, and micro-finance loans and their friends in Pokot with a medical clinic, food, water (drilling six wells), schools, coaching, and business loans. Our goal has been to help tribespeople whose cattle-drive and nomadic economy was wiped out by a prolonged drought. We continue to send $10,000 per month over five years to help when no one else would. I am overwhelmed and grateful that this much generosity would flow through our little corner of the web.  Who would have thought?

We now have an opportunity to help them add some agriculture to their community by helping them plant crops near the wells we drilled for them. We’re going to start with one, of the six they’d like to have over the next few years.  They will serve 2-7 acres with irrigation and allow them to begin to grow their own crops. In hope and faith they’ve already begun to clear the land. Each agricultural enterprise will cost about $25,000 US and I’m curious if there is anyone out there who would like to help us do that?

Here’s what they wrote me:

We have been praying so much concerning our brothers in North Pokot on how we can get simple irrigation system to cover two acres of land. The starvation over there is high,and they have been affected with outbreaks of diseases due to lack nutritional value in their food. Some already tried farming especially those who stay around the wells to plant little plantation but because of drought the cops dried up. Sometime when we go there we cannot hold the tears to see the starvation but the monthly support of food donation it has really saved their life, especially old aged and breastfeeding moms but the rest are in great distress. The coaches and the committees of Ngetut village where we proposed to have first irrigation. Surprisingly they have started clearing some parts of the bush, preparing for irrigation. Thomas tried to stop till we get a cheaper plan, but they told they are doing it in faith, that one time God will provide. This people are really having great faith.

God is good. He recently  connected us with one good man who is an expert in fixing simple irrigation system and he has been installing this irrigation system to the farmers in dry areas like Maasai land and some parts of Busi, so we got his contact and visited him. He was installing to one group of women in Succo, as you may see in some pictures (see above). We invited him in our office and we shared with him at large concerning North Pokot and simple irrigation. He gave us the quotation and sketch for two acres.

The man who will be supervising the work recently found them a solar panel from one of the NGOs that work closely with Red Cross.  It has the capacity of generating enough water to cover 7 acres. So in the future they will be extending to the capacity of seven acres as God provides. You can see from the picture above that they plan a very rudimentary water tower with pipes and valves to help irrigate the land when the rains don’t come. They will be doing the work as our friends from Kitale will be coaching them.

What amazes me about this project is that none of these funds benefit those in Kitale who are doing so much work on behalf of those in Pokot. Who does that? Who lets so much money flow through their hands when their needs are great as well, but they have compassion for the people in Pokot whose needs are even greater.

So I am coming to the readers of this site once again. Any amount you can send will be helpful. I am always amazed at the response that we get from those of you who have partnered with us in this corner of the world. If you don’t know our ongoing story here, you can check out this blog from last year.  If you have it on your heart to help these Kenyan people suffering under such a huge strain, you can direct it through Lifestream as contributions are tax-deductible in the US.  As always, every dollar you send goes to the need in Kenya.  We do not (nor do they) take out any administrative or money transfer fees.

If you would like to be part of this to support these brothers and sisters and see the gospel grow in this part of Africa, please see our Sharing With the World page at Lifestream. You can either donate with a credit card there, or you can mail a check to Lifestream Ministries • 1560 Newbury Rd Ste 1  •  Newbury Park, CA 91320. Or if you prefer, we can take your donation over the phone at (805) 498-7774.

Thank you in advance for your gifts and prayers.

 

 

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A World Full of Love

It was an interesting flight home from South Africa on Ethiopian Airlines. Because their movie selection wasn’t the greatest I found myself on my iPad most of the way home with the interactive map playing on my TV screen.  It was amazing how often I looked up and saw our plane flying over some place where I’ve been or where I have connections with people. The map was my ever-present call to celebration of relationships I treasure, and prayer for their ongoing journey.

My route took me north from Johannesburg to Addis Ababa, Ethiopia, where I changed planes to fly up over Europe landing briefly in Dublin before carrying on overseas and final touchdown in Los Angeles.  As I flew over South Africa I prayed for those I had met during my stay and prayed that the conversations we had would bear fruit in their lives with joy and freedom. Then it was over Kitale, where we have helped build an orphanage and support a school. Soon after we were over Pokot where many of you have invested so much resource to help 120,000 people build a sustainable economy after their nomadic ways were devastated by a prolonged drought and where the Gospel is reaching many of those with newfound joy.

Then I was in Ethiopia briefly and I have two good friends with very deep connections there. After take off we flew across the Mediterranean where my family had had such a wonderful celebration of our 40th wedding anniversary a couple of years ago. My family brings me such incredible joy and wonder! And yes, Israel was just off to the right where I have led two tours in the last three years with people from all over the world as we found our way to being a family while we discovered the Holy Land. One of the great joys of this journey I’m on is that I get to meet some of the most incredible people in the world. People learning to live loved are engaging, warm, and lovely. They are easy to communicate with, to laugh and to cry with. Those I meet caught up in world ambition or religious obligation are not nearly so. These relationships make me a rich man indeed and always help affirm the path I’m on.

Then it was across Europe with France on the left, which I may visit this fall and Switzerland on the right where we have some close personal friends. We arched over the UK and landed in Ireland where I get to celebrate the Father’s family whenever I land in either of those two island nations.  Then it was out over the Atlantic crossing Canada near Winnipeg, where my son’s girlfriend is from, and I had reminders everywhere of people I love that stretch from Prince Edward Island to Vancouver Island.

Finally we crossed into the U.S. and over the town I visited with good friends in Wyoming last year. Each reminder brought a warmth to my heart and a reminder of God’s incredible work in the world to bring people to himself and help them discover the Life that really is life.

I’ll leave you with two things: If you’re interested here is some audio from my Sunday conversation with a roomful of people at “Grace Kitchen”, a community of people risking their traditional congregation to discover what it means to be a family sharing Father’s love together, and a number of others who joined us that day.

And here is an interview I did with a young blogger Muizenberg, where I taught at a YWAM DTS for a week.

It’s been great to be home reconnecting with Sara this weekend and reliving my trip to South Africa and all the people I got to spend some time with.  Blessings to you today and all that encompasses your life.

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Homeward Bound from South Africa

In just an hour I leave for the airport to begin my 32-hour door-to-door journey home from South Africa. I leave my 2.5 week stay with fond memories, overwhelming gratitude for all the care extended to me, and so many newfound friendships with people I’ve come to love whose journeys I admire out of the rigors of religious obligation and into an endearing relationship with Father who loves us all. It is not an easy journey to reconsider the things you’ve been taught that turn out not to be so true, and to reshape a way of living around the Father’s work in us, rather than what we consider to be our work for him.

One theme of this trip has been learning to enjoy the presence of God and let him enjoy us, taken from this story I told on a recent God Journey Podcast.  It has really found its way into my heart and how the Father wants us to enjoy the reality of his presence and how we often settle for knowing about God or following his principles, than actually knowing him.

I have held conversations with groups as large as 150 and as small as one person, a couple, or a family of five. I spent four days with a group of young people whose passion to discover how to live loved was infectious and rewarding. I’ve had countless conversations celebrating God’s love and helping people consider the ways God works.  This is where religious obligation gets it so wrong. We think God responds to our human effort to find him, rather than his work to find us. We were never intended to carve out a journey with him by our own wisdom or will.  It is his to do and as we learn to recognize him as he is pouring his life and love into us, the relationship begins to grow.

This is my prayer this morning for all I’ve met on this journey, and for me as well:

Be assured that from the first day we heard of you, we haven’t stopped praying for you, asking God to give you wise minds and spirits attuned to his will, and so acquire a thorough understanding of the ways in which God works…  As you learn more and more how God works, you will learn how to do your work. 

Colossians 1:9-10

I love discovering the ways in which God works and simply following along with him. It yields such amazing fruit far more than anything I could accomplish by my own strength.  Last night I sat and listen to some people give me feedback about what my time with them had meant. I heard things like, “taking the complexity out of a life with God”, “being so real and being so gentle”, “how restful you are in exploring this journey”, and “where have you been the past 56  years?”  I was deeply touched to hear what had communicated to them.  Only I know how much of a miracle it is for his life to take shape in me. No one knowing me 30 years ago would have said such things.  Learning to live inside his work is just the best and I am so grateful for how he is taking shape in my life.

It has all been such a joy, but my heart has already turned toward home and a much longed-for reunion with Sara, my family, and those crazy pups!  There’s nothing like being “at home”, both in the Father’s love, and in Sara’s presence.

Next stop….  Sara!

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Lifestream Audio Close-Out

We will no longer be selling CDs of Wayne’s audio teachings here at Lifestream. Over the years the income we have derived from these sales has helped us pay for our websites and some of our other projects in the world, but the time of CD audio is passing so we’re going to discontinue the infrastructure we’ve needed to keep this going.

You can access the free recordings on-line here.

So beginning today the audio teachings we think are the most helpful will be joining the free side of our website. You can listen to them online, or download them to include in your mp3 player. We will not continue to make and sell CDs.  However, for those who would prefer a CD, we are having a close-out sale of those remaining in stock. If you would like to have them, you’ll need to write to our office and let us know which ones you want. We will be selling them at half-price, plus postage.  Because supply is limited you’ll need to claim yours by writing Sara (office@lifestream.org) and she will let you know if they are still in stock, and what the cost will be including shipping.  Then you can go to our On-line Giving Page and pay for your order there.

The CD collections we still have in stock are:
  • Transition (8 CDs)
  • Combo Book Disc (1 mp3 disc) HE LOVES ME and SO YOU DON’T WANT TO GO TO CHURCH ANYMORE in mp3 files with Wayne reading
  • Heart of Relational Church Life (4 CD)
  • Letting Jesus Perfect Your Faith (4 CD)
  • Letting Jesus Take Shape in You (4 CD)
  • Living in Father’s Delight (4 CD)
  • Abiding in the Vine (1 CD)
  • Seasons of the Vineyard (4 CD)
  • Essentials of the Journey (4 CD)
  • Finding Your Place in the Body  (4 CD)
  • Get real! Get Free! Get Holy!  (3 CD)
  • Living in God’s Reality  (4 CD)
  • Living in His Kingdom  (4 CD)
  • Power of the Cross  (4 CD)
  • Security of Father’s Love  (4 CD)
  •  Sharing the journey (2 CD)
  • Thinking Outside the Box (4 CD)
  • Will the Real You Please Stand Up  (3 CD)
  • Superdisc (mp3 files of all audio recordings)

When these are gone, they’re gone. We’re not going to be printing any more CDs. I remember when we stopped audio cassettes, and now CDs…. Technology just keeps shifting. Downloadable audio is so much easier, and now it’s free as our gift from Lifestream!

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Why Every Day Is An Adventure

Somehow all of that faded away a a couple of decades ago. I discovered that my plans were mostly, well, my plans. I thought they were God’s because it was stuff on my heart after I had prayed for wisdom, but I came to discover that they were mostly formulated so I wouldn’t have to worry about what I’d say. But more and more I noticed that God was nudging the conversation elsewhere and sticking to my notes became more difficult and less effective.

I discovered that my “preparation” was about my need to have all my ducks in a row and it kept me from helping people by joining them in their world, sharing where needs and interest lie, rather than where I was comfortable or thought I’d be most entertaining. It was a gradual process of learning to encounter people in “their time” rather than my own. I also learned that God was more concerned with how I was living alongside him and loving who is in front of me today than he was giving me a topic to speak on a week from now.  He is the God of the present after all. And while I was praying for future events, I was missing opportunities right in front of me.

So I’m learning to walk with God each day in whatever circumstances I’m in.  I don’t show up with my plans anymore, but simply with a prepared heart ready to see what people are hungry for and how I might help. Oh, I might have an inkling of things God will sprinkle into the conversation, but I use them only if they unfold in the moment. It has been so much more helpful to people who are really on a journey of living in the Father’s love to let them shape the conversation and offer myself as a resource for their journey, rather than try to dazzle them with mine.

And it has helped live more full in the present, whether I’m home, on a plane, or in a far off land.  That’s why I have come to love this quote by Aldous Huxley because it captures the possibilities that every day affords us:

Every moment of our human life is a moment of crisis; for at every moment we are called upon to make an all-important decision – to choose between the way that leads to death and spiritual darkness, and the way that leads towards light and life; between interests exclusively temporal, and the eternal order; between our personal will, and the will of God.

A Quest for Values

I realize this can be read from the darkness of performance, where a demanding God is looking over our shoulder every moment judging everything you do or say. That is how I used to see him and I didn’t enjoy quotes like this because they just made me paranoid. No matter how many good decisions I made, I know I wouldn’t get them all right and I was far more aware every day of where I fell short, than where I had leaned into love and life.

That’s the problem with performance-living. Every day demanded perfection, which of course wasn’t possible so every day ended in frustration and confession and pledges to try harder.  But you now what? No child would learn to play piano, baseball, or ride a bike if they had to be perfect at it on the first day. God intended life to be an adventure, not were we get it all right today, but where we simply make progress in learning to walk alongside him and see the world through his eyes. Then we’ll know how to live and that will spill over in helping others.

I love how he is setting me free on the inside to be more aware of what’s unfolding around me and have a sense about how I might be loving, kind, or helpful to others. It’s not a demand of his; it’s an adventure of mine to learn a bit more each day what an amazing world he created and how I can be in it to bring hope and healing rather than more destruction.

Nope, I’m not perfect, but I am making progress and I honestly think that’s all he desires for me.

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Pouring Out God’s Love in a Broken Place

It always brings a smile to my heart to see people smack-dab in the middle of their calling, especially when it invites them into the most desperate needs of human culture. I love that God calls people to invest in people in places like this when they could be living easier lives back home. And yet, the way they live and love here it is obvious that this is not a painful obedience to do something God demanded of them. Instead they are here with great joy and overwhelming love for the people they get to serve.

One of the things that blesses me about how God works in our lives is that he puts a passion in our hearts for that which he invites us to be a part of. I’ve watched Penny and countless others over the years come here and pour out their lives to help make a difference with people who have so little and to share with them how deeply loved they are by God. Their joy in the task God has given them, overflows in my own delight at the incredible ways in which our Father works.

I told Penny Dugan’s story in He Loves Me, the lady that returned to live with and care for her ex-husband as he was dying with AIDS. It began a worldwide ministry of loving people infected with AIDs. Based in Kansas with a care center and homeless ministry there, the ministry took on this project here to spread more of Father’s love in the world.

In the next couple of weeks they will be taking over 100 kids from the township to a camp they sponsor to share the love of Jesus with them. This ministry operates on a shoestring and is one of two ministries we support through Lifestream to help with their challenges. Many of you know about our outreach in Kenya and we appreciate your help there.  The Ukukhanya Care Center is the other one, and having visited there this morning I’m aware of their great financial need to keep things running here.

If you are looking to make a difference with some of your resources somewhere in the world, would you give them your prayerful consideration?  You can find out more on their website, or you can donate through Lifestream here. As always, every dime goes to the ministry itself. Lifestream take nothing out of it for our own administrative needs.

Here are some pictures from our visit this morning:

Above:  The township of Ntzuma

Residence wing at the Ukukhanya Care Center

Penny (left) and the Hillary (right), director of Ukukhanya Care Center with
two children from Ntzuma who are headed for camp next week.

 

Guess who!

 

 

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The Impact of Living Loved

This week I am a guest on The Born to Be podcast with Daron Earlwine out of Indianapolis, IN.

I had a wonderful time talking to Daron and appreciated the frank discussion we had about what it means to live loved, to discover the purpose God has for us on this broken planet, and our very disfigured views of what it means to be successful. Hint: What is honored among men and woman is highly desirable in the eyes of God.  We had a wonderful conversation considering these things. I think many of you will enjoy it as well. Daron taped this for his weekly radio show in Indianapolis and the longer version for his podcast.

This is how they described the podcast:

On today’s podcast, Daron and Wayne discuss the idea of living from a place of being truly loved and the impact this has on our purpose, as well as many other areas of our lives.  When we experience a loss or we either lose a dream or a dream has been stolen from us, how do we react? What do we do? Wayne has experienced each of these things in his life, and has some wonderful advice on how to respond and how healing comes from God’s Love.

You can listen to the podcast here.

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Do We Really Believe He Can Do It?

The Incarnation demonstrated that our fear of God was a perception on our part, rather than what God wanted or deserved. Jesus was among humanity and no one ran away in terror. What God had lost in Eden, he was finding again—a home among his Creation.

The temples, cathedrals, and even our “church” buildings represent the opposite of that reality. They were designed to create a sacred space that would elevate God beyond human engagement, to leave us feeling insignificant in his eyes instead of empowering us to draw near to him in confidence. The Incarnation proved that God wanted to inhabit all of life with us and make our homes, workplaces, and recreation sacred because he would be with us in them.

That was Stephen’s point when he declared to the mob ready to kill him, “The Most High does not live in houses made by men.” (Acts 7:48) Perhaps nothing is more scandalous about the Incarnation than that the holy God could live joyfully among broken humanity, and nothing more amazing about the New Covenant than that God wanted to take up residence in the human heart. Jesus never wanted an opulent building to be the enduring image of his church. He wanted a living temple made up of men and women from all over the world who have abandoned their agendas to embrace his.

“In him the whole building is joined together and rises to become a holy temple in the Lord. And in him you too are being built together to become a dwelling in which God lives by his Spirit.” (Ephesians 2:19-22)  This is no physical building that Paul describes; it’s just the metaphor. For the first three hundred years of the church’s existence, no one thought of the church as a building and no one thought to build one. His temple is alive, beginning in an individual’s heart and then knit into a worldwide network of interconnected lives whose very relationships put on display the glory of the Lord. There’s no way human effort can build that, and all our attempts have fallen woefully short.

This is a long-running theme in Scripture. God wants to invite us into his reality and we keep trying to create our own for him. It started in a garden with Adam and Eve’s desire for knowledge apart from their relationship with him. It continued when Israel wanted a king rather than to trust God to lead them. Whenever they were under threat they counted horses and chariots to measure their chances in battle, unable to believe that God with them was greater than all the resources they could muster. Now the focus is on the church, and whether or not we truly believe it is something only Jesus can build.

 


The above is taken from Chapter 12 of Finding Church:  “Not Made With Hands.”  This past weekend I spent time in Maryland with a larger group of people who had read and studied Finding Church and wanted to explore its themes with me. Over our two day together we meandered through some lovely discussions about God and his life among us. It was the final leg on an east-coast swing that began in Boston and ended in Baltimore. Over those 11 days I saw people from all over the spectrum of people learning to follow Jesus as a real person in the universe. Some were just starting, still questioning the religious obligation they had been raised to serve, others were much further down the road finding great freedom and joy in their life with him.

I find other people’s journey into this reality so inspirational. So many are navigating some painful and challenging circumstances with Jesus as a practical presence dwelling in them giving them hope and direction day by day. Some are attending more traditional congregations and others have long ago left them to find fellowship and mission in the world beyond them.  Every time I travel I am deeply touched by the people God allows me to know in the world and the joy of helping people see a bit more clearly where Jesus might be leading them, rather than where religious rules and approval might drive them.

For all of us the joy of this journey is found in a growing trust in Jesus’ ability to work in us and to build his church in the world. Those who battle misery the most think they have to figure it all out and do by human effort what only he can do. Of course that will only lead to frustration and futility. The more we know we’re loved, the freer we will be to trust. These are not activities we have to find our way into. These are the realities he wants to win us into. As long as we’re stuck on trying to get God to do what we think best, trust will not grow in us. But where we begin to see that God is good and will do what is right, we can begin to recognize his whispers and fingerprints that draw us into so magnificent a love.  And in that love, we know that God is for us and and is working in us even though we be walking through dark and uncertain circumstances.

It is my most passionate prayer for others. That they will stop looking at this life of Jesus as a religion they have to figure out, and learn to recognize him in the way he is working in and around them.  Find that he you will be steadily won into his love, and into the trust that his ways are best even when we don’t understand them.

With him, there is nothing we can’t face, no challenge we can’t endure, and no circumstance that can destroy us.

Finding Church is available from Lifestream in printed form or by audio (with me reading) from iTunes and Audibles.  It is also available in FrenchGermanDutch, and in Spanish as Encontrando a la Iglesia in free PDF Download.

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South Africa Is Up Next

I’m over half way through my east coast trip that began near Boston, took a swing up to northern Vermont and then arrived last night in Pennsylvania.  Today I head down to Maryland and some interesting gatherings over the weekend.  It’s not too late to join us if you’re nearby. You can get details and contact info on my Travel Page.

After that I head home for a couple of weeks and then next up on my schedule is South Africa. The picture above was taken from our room in Bishopscourt when Sara and I were last there in 2009.  What a breath-taking view to wake up to!

I’ll be starting in Durban during the last week of June, then head over to Cape Town for the weekend. From there I head to a YWAM DTS south of Cape Town that bases their training out of He Loves Me.  From there I head to Johannesburg for six days seeing old friends and connecting with others who have been touched by some things I’ve written.  If you’d like to join in, don’t be bashful. There re contact details on my Travel Page. Let them know of your interest and they will let you know how you can participate.

It’s been a few years since I was last in South Africa, and though the flight is about as long as anywhere I travel, I’m looking forward to connecting again with God’s people there.

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Intentionally Relational

By Wayne Jacobsen, a new chapter for the book he’s writing on The Phenomenon of the Dones

(Read a Spanish translation here.)

I believe all those Scriptures about the body of Christ walking together in unity, encouraging each other daily, and sharing God’s wisdom and presence to express a fuller portrait of who he is and how he works in the world. I believe in the power of cooperation and collaboration between those learning to live loved by the Father as a major way he makes himself known to the world around us. I am just not convinced that institutional programs and services are the only way to do that, and unfortunately are often an unwitting detriment to the very Scriptures they seek to fulfill.

The whole of Creation began inside a community of Father, Son, and Spirit celebrating life together and working for a common good. The trajectory of God’s work in that Creation is to invite us to share in that community with him, and thus with each other. I am absolutely committed to sharing life inside the Divine Community as much as I am able—both in my growing communion with the Godhead and in growing friendships with others who are learning to live there as well.

That’s why I see church life not as an obligation, but as a vibrant treasure to be shared with delight. Each of us knows and sees in part, but the fullness of God’s wisdom and nature can only be reflected as those pieces are brought together. While I get to express a facet of God’s wonder, others around me express a different facet. As we walk together in love the fullness of God’s person becomes increasingly clear to us and to the world around us.

Unfortunately the brokenness of our flesh and the politics inside our institutions seems to encourage us to treat each other more as competitors that collaborators. Threatened by the gifts of others and striving to brand our own to build influence and market share we pull apart more than we pull together and in doing so we reflect more the spirit of this age, than we do the Spirit of the Living God.

Having been both a participant and a leader in those institutions, I know that real community is more an illusion in those environments than it is a reality. We thought we could share the life of the church by simply attending the same meetings consistently. And in some ways we did but only in limited ways and for brief seasons. The arc of our programs unwittingly drew people out of the very community we were hoping to build and at times pitted us against each other in our differing hopes for the priorities and activities of the group. Too much of our energy and resource was taken up keeping the program running and those who were supposed to protect us often exploited us for their own job security or to build their personal kingdom.

That’s part of the reason why so many people are leaving the institutional form of church life. It may work for some, but an increasing number of people are looking for something more than being a spectator to whatever has been planned for them on stage. They find themselves thirsting for real community where authenticity is treasured, where encouragement and support come easily and where it fits into our daily lives and doesn’t just happen in a building far away.

Take away the building and the scheduled meetings, however, and some people lose their connection with others. They end up isolated and alone claiming, “they don’t go to church, because they are the church.” But we are not the church alone. We can be a part of his church, but the richness of its treasure is revealed by walking alongside others who stimulate our hearts to live more deeply in God’s love and encouraged to trust him more.

Does such a church exist? Of course she does, and she thrives in every nook and cranny of our world. She’s growing in purity and brilliance and demonstrating to a broken world that the power of love is the greatest force on the universe. To find her we have to stop thinking of her as a “place” and see her as a “people.” Wherever I’ve gone over the past twenty years, I’ve found her and the kind of relationships of self-sacrifice and affection that mark her presence. I’ve been deeply bonded to people from distant countries as well as those around me.

Unfortunately many centuries ago we started using the term “church” to describe institutions and denominations, many of which no longer demonstrate that reality. When we hear the term church we don’t think of people who love each other in an “other worldly” way, but of institutions that act just as every other human institution, often with a lot of political drama and too many broken relationships. We need to look past the marquee and the steeples that promise there’s a church inside and instead look for her in the relationships around us that ooze with Father’s love and affection.

The only place I know to really share the community we see reflected in the Divine community is in ever-deepening friendships with others who are seeking to know him as well. Can that happen around pre-programmed meetings? Of course it can, though it does so almost by accident. Friends don’t grow by sitting in a meeting together weekly but by seeking each other out during the week and finding the conversations that expose our hearts and reap the insights of others.

To experience that kind of life, however, we have to learn to live relationally, and that is less a matter of what meeting we attend as it is how free our heart is to engage others the way God engages us. And this is as true for those who have found at home in a traditional congregation as it is for those who are no longer there. Growing friendships is how this family connects and how it shares its life with the world and that takes some intentionality on our part.

The Internal Realities

What does it mean to live relationally? It means to live with an open, honest, compassionate heart toward people around you, whether they are followers of Christ yet or not. That may sound easy, but it is beyond your capabilities to do it. To love others like that we will first have to learn to live in the Father’s love for us. There are no short cuts here. Our fears and insecurities will make us relationally unavailable to others no matter how hard we will try to act otherwise. It takes time and healing for us to have the relational space to see others and care about them.

I’ve written in many other places about learning to live in that affection, most notably in He Loves Me, so I won’t belabor it here other than to remind you that living loved by him is the first step to sharing that love with others. The more comfortable you get in his love, the freer you’ll be to live relationally open to other people. If you need help learning how, this is a great place for relationship to begin. Ask someone you know who lives more deeply in his love, to walk alongside you and help you learn to as well. A lot of good fellowship begins by seeking the input of others to find a way for you to live in his affection.

As you grow in that love you’ll find your heart being increasingly open in ways that nurture great relationships, rather than however unwittingly pushing people away. So instead of trying to act relational, watch how God’s love sets you increasingly free to engage others in fruitful ways. Here are some of the characteristics that I see in those who are learning to live freely in his love that encourage the kind of friendships that reflect the life of the church:

They value people, not for what you can get from them, but as fellow strugglers through the difficulties of life that provokes your compassion and as a repository of God’s treasure no matter how well-covered it might be under their brokenness. The desire to be alongside others in their joys and struggles will open doors to many relationships and some of those will grow into real friendships.

They live inside their compassion. For whatever reason some people and circumstances grab at our hearts more than others. That doesn’t mean those people are more valuable or more in need, only that God is inviting you into connection with him. You can’t possibly engage everyone around you. When your heart is touched with someone else’s situation, lean into the relationship as much as they will let you.

They live with integrity. I am amazed at the number of people who use God’s love as an excuse to be dishonest and to backstab others for their own gain. There’s a reason why God seeks out those who are genuine and honest and why those people in our lives who demonstrate character and integrity mean the most to us. Growing trust in a relationship results from someone demonstrating trustworthiness and without it people will know we’re just using them to fill our own needs.

They don’t try to fix others. Walking alongside someone means you’re there as a resource for them, when they are ready. When you present yourself as an expert that can fix their problems, you’ll already be shredding the environment in which real relationships grow. Be a soft place for them to land by being gentle and patient. Take an interest in them, and let them take an interest at their pace. Learn to recognize when others are getting defensive and back off so as not to drive them deeper into the hole they are stuck in. Your love and grace will invite them out as God makes them ready.

They learn not to take offense. Most people are so quick to take offense and even assign motives they can’t possibly know to someone else’s actions. They storm off hoping their pity-party will manipulate others to give them the attention they want. The people I know who are most connected to Jesus don’t take offense easily, even at someone else’s brokenness. They can be reviled and come back loving, betrayed and still keep their heart open. When you get hurt, take it to Jesus and find out what unmet need in your own heart responds to people that way. That doesn’t mean you have to let toxic people walk all over you, however. There is room for appropriate boundaries to people who act destructively. This is where you learn to live in your own freedom.

They share the bandwidth. In almost every grouping 20% of the people take up 80% of the bandwidth and that’s true on my social feeds as well. And I don’t think that’s just the difference between extrovert and introvert. Some people think their ideas and thoughts are what’s most important and can’t seem to leave room for other people. When you learn to love you’ll also learn to be a better listener and share the space for others. I used to be compelled to fill blank spaces, afraid that people would think nothing is happening, but in my travels almost always the best questions or observations rises out of the silence, from someone who doesn’t normally speak up easily. The space allows them to process and to risk.

They lose the need to compete. When you feel yourself threatened by someone else’s success, or fighting for a place in the conversation you’ll find yourself being more hurtful than helpful. When you trust God to make all the room for you that he wants, you won’t need to push yourself on others, or try to outdo them in anything other than loving.

Certainly these all represent a huge growth curve in our lives that take years to bear fruit, so don’t try to rush through these all as techniques to learn. They are simply what a free and loving heart does when it is no longer twisted by its own ego or insecurities. When you think beyond groups, studies, and programmed activities you’ll engage people around you in a different way. You’ll find yourself caring about them and their story. You’ll engage them in conversation you both will find enjoyable and nurturing. This is as true for extroverts as introverts, though for introverts it will most likely involve fewer relationships that go far deeper.

Practical Considerations

I know those who’ve left their congregation want to find people quickly to replace what they lost, but he wants to bring people into our lives more organically as we simply learn to live in his love and love the people he puts in front of us each day. The ‘need’ for fellowship can actually be a deterrent to it, not only in seeing the doors God opens, but also in distorting the relationship with need before it simply becomes a friendship. Father knows what you need and how to bring people into our lives. I’m sure there are lots of folks around you to love and take an interest in. Loneliness is one of the great problems of our day and there are no doubt lonely people around you looking for a friend.

That’s what Jesus meant by leaving the ninety-nine for the one. If the people you know aren’t hungry for relationships, find those who are. Often you’ll find these among the weak and marginalized in our social groupings. Those we consider “cool” often have a full load of friends, or don’t know how to have them, content to use people rather than care about them. Think less of who you’d like to befriend and more of those who would be blessed by your friendship.

God’s Spirit is the one that best arranges the connections he wants for us. He knows the people in your area he wants you to walk with and when best to bring you together.  I’d encourage you not to look so much for a group, but simply live in the reality of his love each day and love those he puts before you, even unbelievers, without trying to convince them to believe what you believe.  Soon you’ll find yourself in some interesting conversations about Jesus and in time surrounded with other folks on this journey.  They may already be in some grouping or they may not, but his body grows by ever-expanding relationships that may gather as a group, rather than trying to find a group that believes what you do.

Save space in your life for people. Busyness is often the result of insecurity that crams our lives beyond the margins so we feel productive, but we end up with no time to engage people in relaxed conversation where friendships can grow. If you don’t create space for that, it won’t just happen by chance. And these don’t always have to be extra events. Look for ways to invite people into the routines of your day, like walking the dog, attending a little league game, or a household project.  Or better yet, share in theirs.

Make yourself available for new friendships that are not based on religious performance or the manipulations that go with it. They may be unbelievers even, but you can learn to love the people God already has before you, in you neighborhood, at work, or from chance meetings. Engage them in conversation, invite them over or out, and pursue those that seem to connect. The friendships that grow out of these connections will become a rich heritage in your own journey.

Sara and I sit down every week to talk and pray about the people God would want us to connect with that week, and when someone comes to mind, we’re quick to pick up a phone or write an email to see if there’s a need or a similar hunger on the other end. Sometimes we host a dinner party or BBQ and invite people we think would enjoy knowing each other.

If you’re the kind of person who is able to open your life and home and help others make connections in this family, by all means do it. You don’t need to organize a bunch of meetings. Just provide a place for people to connect and friendships to grow. Ninety percent of community happens over a meal, which can be as simple as bringing fast food to a park. As you’re together learn how to help people find their way into real conversations about their journeys and what they are learning. This is how community grows and helps others engage it as well.

Our ever-expanding friendships that revolve around the life and love of Jesus become a rich treasure trove of God’s grace and wisdom. We can listen to God together and recognize more easily what he is saying or asking of us. We can support each other and collaborate together in sharing as they do what he asks. And, we can pool our resources to help each other in time of need or help others around the world.

Being relational takes far more intentionality than organizing group activities and meetings, or attending them. The rewards, however, are far richer. As your friendships grow with others you will find yourself in time surrounded by an ever-widening set of relationships that not only opens the door wider for you to discover more about God’s wisdom and nature, but it also allows us to cooperate together however he might ask us to share his glory in the world around us.

That’s where the church becomes visible—not because we have a building on the corner, but because we love in a way that others want to embrace.

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This is part 17 in a series on The Phenomenon of the Dones by Wayne Jacobsen who is the author of Finding Church and host of a podcast at TheGodJourney.com.  You can read the first half here and subsequent parts below. It will eventually be made into a book for people to read more easily.

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