Wayne Jacobsen

Wayne Jacobsen Needs to Disappear

12 Comments / Encouragement /

Now, don’t take that headline too literally!

I’m not. But I do hope it makes a point.

Before I get to that point, however, let me tell you how overwhelmingly grateful I am for those of you who recommend my books, websites, or podcast to others. Since we don’t do advertising here, word-of-mouth is the only way my books get passed along to new people they might encourage. Without that I’d keep writing to the same audience. Thank you for quoting them, reviewing them, or recommending them to others. Your willingness to pass it on makes a big difference in whether a book or podcast finds its way to those who will benefit from it. Didn’t most of you first hear of something that deeply touched you from someone else it had touched first?

However, the things I have written and said over the last twenty years were designed to help people discover a life in Jesus that is rich with his presence, and flows in love through them to others near them. I realize that God has given me a gift to put into words what he has already been showing others. Though they may not have found the words to verbalize it yet, they recognize what he’s been saying to them in words I’ve written. I’ve heard that over and over and I want you to know how much that has encouraged me—to know that some of the things on my heart have been woven into the fabric of Jesus’ family all over the world.

What I most hope for, however, is that those things become such a part of someone else’s journey that they no longer remember where they came from and share what they have learned in their own words, as part of their own story. Share as if Jesus had shown it to you because he most assuredly has. It may have been through the words of another, but when people actually begin to live beyond true principles and connect with him, they will incarnate his truth in their own story and not merely quote others.

That’s what I mean by Wayne Jacobsen needs to disappear. When people are excited about what they are discovering, it’s easy to refer over and over again to the person whose words or encouragement have helped them see it. “Wayne Jacobsen said…”, or Dallas Willard, or Brennan Manning.  It can be anybody, really. People who are not already partial to your story will grow weary of hearing that same name repeated again and again and will eventually be distracted from what you’re actually saying because they wonder if you’ve been brainwashed by some new guru. I’ve seen that look in someone’s eye as I’m being introduced to them. They are sick of hearing my name and we haven’t even met yet!

Now, I get why people do it. Some are not wanting to take credit for someone else’s thoughts. Others are blessed to find someone outside themselves to validate what they are learning.  “This is not just my crazy idea, I read it in Beyond Sundays.” Others are simply encouraging their friends to resources that were helpful to them. Unfortunately it often has the opposite effect of making it look like you’re just excited about another author as you chase down the latest fad. Wouldn’t it be better if you took the things you’re learning from Jesus and just shared it as part of your story? Don’t worry about crediting to me, even if you’re using my words. If they have resonated with his Spirit in you, maybe they were not my words to begin with.

I heard someone last week repeat a sentence I’ve often used without a hint of awareness that they were quoting me. They had obviously forgotten where it came from and had become part of them. I love that. Who it came through was no longer important; the truth it expressed was. I don’t need the credit and I’d much prefer that people see the truth as coming from Jesus, not from me. When your story makes someone else hungry and they are curious about the resources that have helped you, that’s a good time to recommend a book or author.

And let’s be clear here. I’m not talking about people taking other people’s words and plagiarizing them to craft books or sermons without attributing the source. I’ve had my words, stolen by others only to build their own empire. When you claim someone’s work as you’re own you’re only being advancing the kingdom of darkness with your own vanity and dishonesty.

But I hope my larger point is not lost. When something true about Jesus takes root in your heart, share it freely with others. The power is in what’s true, not who originally put it to words. Perhaps this is what John the Baptist felt when his own disciples warned him that Jesus was becoming more popular than he was. John’s response must have shocked them. He wasn’t threatened at all for he saw himself only as the friend of the groom, not the groom himself.  “The bride belongs to the bridegroom. The friend who attends the bridegroom waits and listens for him, and is full of joy when he hears the bridegroom’s voice. That joy is mine, and it is now complete.  He must become greater; I must become less.” (John 3)

I love it when my input into the life of another person disappears into a deeper relationship with Jesus himself. I love it when they share about the cross or the nature of Jesus in their own words and with their own illustrations. That draws the attention back to Jesus to whom this kingdom belongs. He’s the one who wants to take shape in you. Discipleship is not a matter of following the wisdom or principles that someone else teaches, but of recognizing his work in you and following him as he loves the world through you. Don’t be in a hurry. This takes some time to see with our hearts into his world and his way of doing things. Letting him show you, however, is one of the greatest adventures of being human.

The fellowship I have with him is what I want everyone to experience and what I hope they pass on in their conversations with others.

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Our Day Will Come

2 Comments / Audio/Video /

It sure did!

But that doesn’t mean there weren’t bumps along the way. Last week as part of the Ventura Star Storyteller Project, I shared a story from the earliest days of Sara and I getting to know each other. It has now been posted online.

You can view the video here!

It’s a great reminder that love grows in the light, not where assumptions, guesses, and suspicions are allowed to run riot. I’m glad our relationship survived this blip, and we’ve been able to celebrate it for almost 43 years thereafter.

I hope you enjoy it

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Early Reviews for Beyond Sundays

2 Comments / Beyond Sundays /

As I prepare to leave for Phoenix this weekend, I also found out a podcast aired today that I appeared on for Reports from the Spiritual Frontier.  Love that name, by the way. It’s an extensive interview on my journey and the passion behind Beyond Sundays.

I’ve been deeply touched by the conversations I’ve had with many about this new book, and the comments others have been making about the book and how it is touching their hearts.  I am grateful to those who have written to share their thoughts.  Here’s a sampling:

From Lisa in South Carolina:

I just finished Beyond Sundays.  God touched my heart so many times while reading it, bringing to mind times from the very beginning of my Christian walk that He brought people into my life and the relationships ran deep almost immediately and still do to this day!  Then He brought to mind those that He brought along side of us through our college days, preparing for full time ministry and we were blessed with deep friendships again that have remained. And when my husband got his first position as pastor, we were blessed to gain more deep relationships and quite a few of them felt the urge to walkway from organized religion when we did. Those friendships are still vibrant today. As I finished reading this book, I thought how blessed we have been to have been living relationally with others all along, it made the transition to the freedom He has given us easier than others have had who that felt that hunger for more and only had surface level relationships to draw from for support. Thank you for putting the heart God gives you down in print to encourage the faithful and to explain His pull on our heartstrings to those who don’t understand but are curious enough to read!!

Diana on Facebook:

I truly believe this is your best work. This book spoke to my heart in a very special way. It confirmed things I’d been thinking. You spoke the truth in a clear, simple, yet elegant way, not only about the church at large, but about walking in the Spirit and in the Kingdom. I encourage everyone to read this book. (I have ordered a case to share as God leads).

Amy on my blog:

I can’t put this book down! I read the first 8 chapter the first night! It’s such a great summary of what the Holy Spirit was beginning to show me over the past few years. Jesus used this book to stir up a fresh Love for people in my soul. Time well spent for sure!

Jeremy on Amazon.com:

In light of the ground-breaking and church-altering study by Packard and Hope in their book about the so-called (but poorly named) “Dones,” Wayne Jacobsen’s book encourages these “Dones” to continue following Jesus outside the four walls of institutional Christianity.

While many are using the research and ideas in “Church Refugees” to change the way Sunday morning church is done so that the “Dones” might come back and start attending again, Wayne Jacobsen praises the “Dones” for leaving so that they might better follow Jesus, love others, and live in a daily relationship with God and others, as we were called to do.

Note very carefully that Wayne is NOT saying that the “Dones” are right and everyone who stays in the Sunday morning church service is wrong. He is saying that both can be right, and both should celebrate and rejoice the choices of the others to follow Jesus. He wants both groups to stop looking down their noses at each other and judging one another.

Toward this end, Wayne addresses many of the issues and concerns that people have about no longer attending the Sunday church service, and ultimately encourages people to follow Jesus and loves others within their relationships, whether this is in a pew on Sunday morning, or by hanging out with friends during the week.

If you are a “Done,” or feel that Jesus is leading you to something more than just the Sunday morning church service … read this book.

If you still enjoy and benefit from the Sunday morning service, but wonder why others are leaving, it is also important that you read this book. It will help you understand that they are not leaving the church, nor are they abandoning Jesus.

Oh, and by the way… one of the things I loved MOST about the book was the long list of Endorsements at the front … none of which were best-selling authors, mega-church pastors, or popular bloggers and podcasters. I assume they are all “Dones.”

You can find out how to order Beyond Sundays here, in print or e-book.

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Retreat, Surgery, Storytelling, and Bridgebuilding

10 Comments / Behind the Scenes /

Now that Beyond Sundays is out, what’s next?  I get asked that a lot.  Before I tell you, let me remind you that today is the last day to order Beyond Sundays at a $2.00 discount as part of our pre-publication special.  If you haven’t gotten in on it, you can do so here. You will also find links there to get the e-book version if you prefer.  It’s only $5.99.

Now, what’s next? Well, February turned out to be absolutely nuts!

This weekend twenty people from our God Journey Israel Tour (see picture above) a year ago are having a reunion out here in Brad and my homes.  So, for the next few days we’re going to get to celebrate those relationships again and give them some space to grow. We’ve got people flying in from Canada and all over the U.S. We’re sorry some of our international trip mates couldn’t join us, but are looking forward to a great time renewing our friendships. It’s amazing what ten days in bus will do to cultivate some lifelong friendships.

Then, Sara is having surgery again.  I know. It makes me sad, too.  She’s been through so much in the last two years, but now she needs a cyst removed from the back of her knee and hopefully that will alleviate the pain in her leg enough to avoid a knee replacement. She’s having it on Valentine’s Day, too. Though we don’t celebrate it for the holiday Hallmark wants it to be, it is happens to be the anniversary of the night I first met Sara sitting across from me at a homecoming banquet 46 years ago!  So it’s a day for us! I think we’ll celebrate the night before.

And then there’s this:

I’ll be telling part of the story of our early dating and a near disaster that almost sidetracked it at a Storyteller’s Night here in Ventura County. It’s a new thing sponsored by our local Gannett newspaper and I felt drawn to participate as a way to meet others in the storyteller community where I live. I just had my second coaching this morning and excited to tell the story of how Sara proposed to me nine days after our first date. Though in her defense, it was an accident.  And, unfortunately neither of us knew that for another six months. If you’re local and want to join me on February 21, you can get tickets here. It’s at a comedy club with six other storytellers.

Then,  I’m off for a quick weekend in Phoenix and gathering with lots of others who are on this journey…   Saturday afternoon is the time for our larger conversation if you want to join us. We’ll be meeting at 1:00 in the afternoon, taking a dinner break and re-convening at 7:00 for more time in the evening.  You are welcome at either or both.

But I know when people are asking what’s next, they often mean what book project. I have begun work on a novel called The Healing, that’s been in my heart for a long time. I thought I was going to put in on hold for another book that seemed to be crowding the novel out of my heart. However, on my recent trip those books came together as one book. The plot of the story I wanted to tell fit perfectly with the content I wanted to write helping people discovery how to synch their heart with the way God works in the world.  I am so excited as to how those tow are coming together.

However, God seems to be opening some doors again in the work I used to do with BridgeBuilders, helping mediate disputes over political and social issues. I’ve been asked to do a TEDx event at Abilene Christian University to address the increasing polarizing political discourse in our nation. It’s called “Differences Don’t Have to Divide Us” on March 23.  In addition, I’ll also be staying in Texas for a few days surrounding the TEDx event, first in Dallas/Ft. Worth, and after in the Abilene/Sweetwater area, though those gatherings have yet to be sorted out.

You can get information about the TEDx event here if you’re in the area and want to attend. The vitriol and name-calling going on in our country is not only tearing apart the fabric of our culture, but it is leading to government paralysis and decisions that only serve one side of an argument and are quickly overturned after a new election. Historically, our best decisions have been made in the collaboration of reasonable Americans who may see the issue differently but who both have a greater commitment to the common good than using government to serve their preferences or special interests.  Now both major parties put party loyalty over the good of the country and society is becoming unraveled.

At the same time I’ve been asked to collaborate on a book called The Language of Healing, along with a good friend and possibly the former mayor of a large western city.  It will deal similarly with how we can lower the adversarial rhetoric dominating our national politic, and rebuild a common ground that serves a wider interest than the narrow-margin political victories our representatives, media, and lobbyists have fostered.  There is a better way to govern, and a better way to talk to our friends and neighbors about our political and social differences. Why do people think that obnoxiousness will endear people to their point of view, or think that anyone who disagrees with them is stupid or a bad American. Mutual respect across our differences will not only help us listen better to the concerns of our fellow-citizens, but also lead to more enduring solutions to the desperate issues facing our country.

I find it interesting that both the similarly themed book opportunity and TEDx speech have converged at this time. I’m not sure where it will lead, but I’m going to follow Jesus down this trail until I see what he might have in mind.

So the next few months won’t be boring…

 

 

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Look What Arrived Today!

3 Comments / Beyond Sundays /

They’re here and we’ll begin shipping tomorrow. Beyond Sundays arrived from the printer’s today and it’s always a fun day to open the boxes and look at stacks and stacks of books that I’ve been working on for two years.  However, our day took an unforeseeable turn. We are caring for my daughter’s three children since she is in Mexico at a business conference with her husband. Sara dropped two of the kids off at school and wasn’t five minutes away when she got a call that Lindsay, the ten-year-old, had fallen from the monkey bars and broken her arm. Sara returned to get her and take her to emergency. I joined her there for most of the middle part of the day.  The things that happen when the parents are gone….   But she’s home now and doing very well.

Anyway, so we were able to get the books unpacked and ready to ship. So pre-orders will go out in the next day or so, well in advance of our release date.  I hope you find it inspiring and helpful.  Also, I noticed that Amazon and Barnes and Noble already have the e-books out, so you can order from those two. They should be up on other e-book sites as well.

Unfortunately, Lifestream is publishing this book so we don’t have access to bookstores here or overseas. If you want the printed version you will either need to get it from us or  Amazon, or take advantage of your favorite e-book outlet. I realize Amazon will not have it available in all countries and that shipping books overseas is incredibly expensive. We have had some changes to our shipping calculator that should be a more accurate representation of the cost.  We do not charge extra for postage and charge only what we are charged. That can still be expensive from overseas, but remember we can usually ship up to four books for the same price as shipping one.  When in doubt, always email our office first and get a quote for international destinations, rather than trusting the calculator. We can usually advise on the best quantity to order and give you the exact cost of shipping.  As always, if you send us more than we need for shipping we will refund any extra.

And if you enjoy the book, please blog about it, comment in social media, or recommend it to your friends. It would be nice to get a conversation going that transcends our fixation with Sunday mornings and focuses instead on the life and love of Jesus growing in us and others. Let’s celebrate the great diversity of the body rather than get caught up in a tribalism that undermines his work in the world.

 

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First Review of Beyond Sundays

4 Comments / Beyond Sundays /

Mike Edwards who blogs at What God May Really Be Like, just posted a review of my new book as a blog comment on my previous post.  I thought those who might miss it there would be interested.

Book Review:  Beyond Sundays

by Mike Edwards

Wayne Jacobsen’s book He Loves Me was a gamechanger in confirming what I thought God was really like versus organized religion’s version. Beyond Sundays can be a similar book for many who sense something isn’t quite right about organized or institutional religion when to comes to God. Wayne’s book confirms that you are not alone but in the company of millions.

This book is for you if you are or have been a churchgoer but discouraged about the ways and message, but you have no desire to leave the faith. This book can also be for those you have never attended church but have a desire or sense a need to have more of a connection with their Creator. You may be right that organized religion has gotten some things wrong.

The style of the book is a definite plus. Each chapter is brief though packed full of food for thought to consider and run with. No extra fluff here! Chapter titles like Why Are People Leaving, Your Attendance Is Not Required, Help When You’re Done, Have We Overplayed The Sermon Card, etc. are packed full of affirmations and insights. Chapter 7 will guide you if you are leaving a church and not sure of next steps.

Wayne provides many biblical insights that you may not always hear in church. Have you been guilted by Hebrews 10:24-25 that you are being judged by God for not attending church regularly?  Wayne explains it not about attending church necessarily but finding bests environments to encourage and be encouraged by others in your faith journey.

Wayne can speak from experience having been a pastor and one whose journey with God over at least the past 20 years has not involved being an active participate in an institutional church. He has traveled the world and has relationships with those who have left traditional congregations but not God.

One also appreciates that the author avoids being judgmental. He doesn’t condemn those who are best encouraged by attending church; he only advocates respecting one’s freedom to discern environments God guides them to grow in their faith. I believe those who have left the church may find their story in Beyond Sundays and be greatly encouraged. You may relate to the many reasons Wayne provides as to why millions have left the church but not God.

Imagine if millions of God seekers or followers respected and celebrated different ways to pursue a relationship with God. As Wayne asks and says: Who is right? Neither. Not a bad marriage tip as well. Wayne challenges us to stop with the language as if there are “innies and outies.”

Wayne Jacobsen’s Beyond Sundays is a voice of reason. What would a caring person or God tell us if organized religion or institutional church didn’t fit their need in their journey with God? I have a hunch Wayne would tell you to relax. Trust and have faith that God is capable and will guide you. None of us need a go-between with God. You are free to follow God as God guides. The challenge after reading this book is if others can handle your new guilt-free freedom but cut them some slack. We all have been judgmental at some time in our lives.

Thanks, Mike. That’s what I hoped people would gain from this book. If you’re  a blogger or podcaster and would like to have an advance pdf review copy of Beyond Sundays, please write me to request one. And if you haven’t heard it yet, I did an hour-long radio interview with a friend in Charlotte last week.

If you haven’t pre-ordered your copy yet, you can still do so in the next few days and get our $2.00 pre-publication discount. Just order as many copies as you want here.  The e-book should also get out later this week. Just found out that Amazon.com is listing the Kindle version.  I suspect Barnes and Noble and other outlets will be soon.

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Beyond Sundays Releases This Week

6 Comments / Behind the Scenes /

As I’m finishing up in North Carolina and prepare to head home tomorrow, we have just heard that we will have copies of Beyond Sundays in hand by this Wednesday. We will begin shipping pre-orders as soon as we get them.  If you haven’t pre-ordered your copy yet, you can still do so in the next few days and get our $2.00 pre-publication discount. Just order as many copies as you want here.  The e-book should follow later this week. We’ll post the links when its available at all your favorite e-book outlets.

It is my hope that this book helps the body of Christ be less tribal and open to all the ways that God moves in people and the variety of expressions by which his church takes shape in the world. If we cared more about whether or not someone is finding their life in Jesus rather than where they are (or aren’t) at 10:00 Sunday morning we’d be free to celebrate what God is doing to unify his bride, rather than judging each other for our differences.

Friday morning I did my first extensive interview about Beyond Sundays on the Vince Coakley show on WBT Charlotte. That’s Vince and I above sharing a meal together afterwards. He did a great job getting to the heart of the book. If you missed that interview you can listen to it here:

On another note, I’ve had the most amazing time the last two weeks traveling to Jacksonville, FL and then up through North Carolina from Raleigh to Charlotte. One of the real themes of this trip is the number of people I’ve met, of all ages, who are standing just on the cusp of a new journey outside of religious obligation and  performance and discovering what it means to live in the affection of a gracious Father. Yes, it is disorienting and it may well drive your friends and family crazy, but you were created to know the Father, not to try to impress him with how good you can be.

Living in his love is not the reward of a life well-lived, but the starting gate for the adventure of a lifetime where love slowly but surely wins us into his reality, life, and freedom. And it’s yours for the asking.  Asking him, of course, not me!

 

 

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Beyond Sundays Hits the Airwaves

3 Comments / Behind the Scenes /

Friday morning I will be discussing the release of my newest book with Vince Coakley on his radio show in the Greenville/Charlotte area. If you want to listen in you can do so here through the website. We will go live from 11:05 Eastern Standard Time, 8:05 Pacific.  I always look forward to my lively chats with Vince and his audience.

Beyond Sundays is being finalized at the printers now. We should have them early next week, well ahead of our February 8 release date. We will ship the books just as soon as we have them on hand. The e-book should debut shortly thereafter as well. We’ll provide all the links here, though you can go ahead now and pre-order the printed copy for a $2.00 discount.

I’ll also be hanging out in the Charlotte area for the weekend if you’re nearby and want to join us.  Get details here.

 

 

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Worthy of His Disappointment?

7 Comments / Encouragement /

It was a short exchange, but hopefully a fruitful one. A man had written me about the hope of getting together some time. In his email he expressed some thoughts about a previous blog that gave me pause.

When you ask the question, “Are you worthy of Love?”, I had to think about it.

Until Papa wagged “her” finger (in THE SHACK) and said, “I am especially fond of that one”, I would have said that God was disappointed with me… He did die for me, so mentally, I get the gist of John 3:16. (But) I am worthy of his disappointment. (Emphasis mine.)

My response: I’m not sure how you meant, “…worthy of his disappointment.” For God to be disappointed he would have to have expectations of you that you could meet by your own strength. And yet he knows we were “helpless” in sin.

Wouldn’t it be great to know that God was never disappointed in you? Of course, he’s been disappointed in choices you’ve made and things you’ve done, just as you have been with your girls. But never disappointed in YOU as his child.

That’s the key, I think….

Then he wrote back:

Your email gave me reason to pause and think.

My comment about being “…worthy of his disappointment” comes from being raised that we are basically bad in the sight of God… From that “programming” I realize that it is my expectation to disappoint him.

Being helpless in my sin is such a different way of thinking.

While it would be GREAT to know that God was never disappointed in me, I have to get that to my heart. Mentally I can get that I am loved, not a disappointment, etc. I think that mental knowing causes obligation, where really knowing in your heart causes peace and rest and a returned affection.

So what really caused me to think was that I HAVE been disappointed in my girls as people… NOT just in the choices they made. My religious upbringing caused the expectation that you could not “sin” if you just tried hard enough. Therefore if you do, then you “meant to”…

I am this same way with the few relationships in my life that have gone sideways. I have a relationship where a church friend lied to me to get me to join him in work. Then he continued to lie, cheat, and steal from me. I had higher expectations of him, so I hold him responsible and I am VERY disappointed with him as a person. Forgiveness is very hard here. I have a similar issue with (a relative). She isn’t a nice person to me. Again, I realize that I have higher expectations of her. I don’t think of either of them as being “helpless in their sin”, but mean people who purposefully hurt me. I AM very dissapointed in them… not their actions.

Over the past several years of thinking what it means to live loved, I really do see other people differently than I used to. Maybe I just realized that I have different expectations of them. I have started to apply this to my daughters. It may need to extend further.

This is a great journey to explore for him, for his daughters, and for everyone else around him. Religion has pounded into our heads for so long that we are a constant disappointment to God. He is offended and angry with our sins and mistakes. Only Jesus’ death made us bearable to him. But none of that is true. God sees us as powerless against the brokenness of this age and the brokenness of our own souls.

The process of healing and freedom begins when we realize we are a treasure to God. Our failures don’t make us a stench in his nostrils, but the victims of a tragic fall, even more endearing because of the darkness of our struggle. That’s why he came to rescue us, not so that he could love us, but because he already did.

I know some see that as making an excuse for sin, as if God doesn’t care. Oh, he cares. He sees the destruction of sin in each of us individually and in the larger human experience. He abhors the pain and suffering we cause each other by our self-indulgent ways and the unintentional fruit of our coping mechanisms. But he also knows the only way out is to return to his love. People who are loved well by the Father will find increasing freedom from sin’s tentacles and become a reflection of his love and healing in the world toward others.

If God is disappointed in YOU, then you have to find your way out. If he was never disappointed in you, then you have a Father to run to and a process to engage that will set you increasingly free to live as the beloved son or daughter of a gracious Father, because that’s exactly who you are!

So in your listening to the breath of the Spirit today, see if you hear something like, “I know you’ve been through some rough waters and made some hurtful choices.  I am disappointed for the pain it has caused you and others, but I have never been disappointed in you as my child. I’ve held you in my heart every day, waiting for you to turn and embrace my love.”

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Weaponized Love

11 Comments / Encouragement /

No, you can’t really!  The title above should be the oxymoron of all oxymorons.

There’s nothing about real love that can be made into a weapon. But that doesn’t keep people from trying, especially scared parents and religious people.

They turn their twisted view of love into a weapon. When you’ve done enough, especially the things they think you should do, they will love you. When you don’t, they will not only withhold affection from you, they’ll resort to whatever means they have at their disposal to get you to change. They’ll give you the cold shoulder or disapproving glance. They will gossip about you with other family members. That will rant and rave until you conform to their desires. They will should all over you thinking that increasing levels of obnoxiousness will endear you to their point of view.

Sadly, sometimes it even works. Some people would rather give in to the manipulations of those they care about, than continue to endure their contempt or disdain. But even when people meet those expectations, love doesn’t grow. Resentment does. Feeling forced into change is not really change, and the never feel loved by doing so. They just get the money off of their backs.

That’s because true love cannot be weaponized. Why do religious people do it? Because they have been taught God does. He loves us all, sure, but he only gives his love to those who have earned it. If you think that’s true, you will do all you can to get in his good graces. And, when he doesn’t respond the way you think he should, you can still blame yourself for not having done “enough” to qualify for his love. It’s a horribly frustrating place to live and it will wear you out trying to do so. That’s why those people turn it on others thinking they are doing God a favor.

But God’s love cannot be weaponized. It’s never the incentive to change; it is the environment in which healing happens. Every sin and broken place in our lives is caused by us living as if we are not loved by the Creator. But we are! Deliciously! Extravagantly! Overwhelmingly. We just don’t know it.

He never uses his love as a reward because it is always there for us. It doesn’t rise and fall with our performance. We can ignore it, even reject it, but we’ll be no less loved. He knows that his love is the starting place to follow him out of the darkness and into his light and freedom.

So, don’t think someone is loving you when they are manipulating you to do what they think is best to earn their affection. That’s not love, at least not God’s kind. And don’t tell someone you love them when you withhold your affection to get them to do what you want. Neither express the reality of his love and will only confuse people with what love really is.

God’s love can’t be used as a weapon; it is a reality that pulsates through the universe. You are deeply loved by the God who created you, no matter how lost you feel. If you don’t know that, ask him to show you.  Oh, and stop trying to earn it; it will only confuse you, too.

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