Wayne Jacobsen

How Deep Our Faith

2 Comments / Church Life /

I was talking to a friend across the country Friday about California’s ban on gatherings of more than 250 people while they try to slow the spread of the coronavirus in our state. He said he know of a pastor who was already defying that order. He was going to have services as usual this Sunday morning claiming, “Church is the safest place for anyone to be!”

There is so much wrong with that statement. First, seeing the church as his building denies the power of the new covenant where each of us is a temple in which God dwells. Second, thinking that a gathering of Christians will be exempt from the potential to spread the virus is tragically absurd. Third, ignoring the opportunity to serve the health workers and the elderly in his community is uncaring and irresponsible. Finally, if he really thinks an institutional gathering of Christians is safe from harm, he’s never known the pain of betrayal, gossip, and judgment of religious people thrive in such environments.

The safest place to be right now is in Father’s hands, and that doesn’t mean some of his followers won’t be affected by this pandemic, but that he in them will keep them at peace and guide them through whatever challenges come. To equate that with a Sunday morning service that must go on against all wisdom not to is irresponsible.

I suspect there’s a dependency issue involved here. Someone’s either afraid that to cancel a service might expose the fact that people aren’t as dependent on it or him as he would like them to believe. People like him know the habit is critical to sustaining rituals. If services are canceled for a month or more, people might realize they are as dependent on it as they thought. Or perhaps he’s concerned that without a gathering they can’t take an offering and he is willing to put his whole congregation at risk to make sure he collects the money he needs. Oh, sure, people can phone in an offering, but we all know that what really puts it over the top are the “guilt dollars” given because people have an offering plate in front of their faces and knows others are watching. Of course, no pastor would ever admit either of those, even to himself. I didn’t when I was there. It’s so easy to convince ourselves that the people need the gathering or my sermon to cope with the current crisis.

If going to your congregation for the past twenty years hasn’t prepared you to spend some time at home in the quiet and know God is with you, then I’d question its value. If it hasn’t connected you to people you can call for encouragement and support when you need it, then it isn’t a family.

The changes in our culture over the last forty-eight hours would have been unthinkable a week ago. The amount of money being given up by sports teams, entertainment venues, the travel industry, and others as a way to protect the health of our nation is inspiring. This is a time to care for each other, not hoard a six-year supply of toilet paper, or keep meeting in ways that can spread the virus to greater numbers of people. This is a time to give up what makes me comfortable or happy to protect others.

I suspect the next few weeks will really test some people. What is life without sports on TV, a concert, little league, or a church service? If I’m using those places to hide from my own emptiness, it will be exposed now. Times of uncertainty and trouble are when we find out just how deep our faith runs. That’s a good use of times like this. If you find uncertainty upsets you, or that you have to fill every moment with activity to keep your fears at bay either from the virus or the financial ramifications of it, this will be a great time for you to get to know him better. What does it mean for you to rest in his presence and discover that Jesus is enough to hold your heart regardless of what is going on around you? He can navigate you through anything this world can throw at you.

Maybe this is where you find out that your faith is vested in the congregation you attend, or is vicariously lived through an author you admire. Those things will do you little good now. Take advantage of your social distancing from others, to draw near to him. And while you’re doing that, you can be aware of others and encourage them by phone or FaceTime. And, if you have extra resources, this is a time to be generous with people you know who will lose their income during this season.

On Friday, I also got a text from someone else out east: “I guess those who have celebrated body expressions in a more organic way outside the building type of gathering are lookin’ less goofy now, huh? 😉”

I don’t think he was gloating, but many of us have talked about how ineffective our big-box Christianity would be in a time of crisis or persecution. It’s why the earliest brothers and sisters met in homes and caves. For the first 300 years of its existence, Jesus’ church never thought of a building as a place to try to contain this living, breathing organism of the church. God was alive among them, and their close friendships of love and concern expressed his life among them powerfully enough.

If your relationship with Christ is defined by smoke-and-gold-dust worship experiences or corporate rituals in large groups of people, it may be time for you to discover that none of that is essential. As Paul wrote in Galatians 5, “The only thing that matters is faith expressing itself in love.” Everything else is fluff.

Don’t let anyone convince you that meeting in a large building these days with other Christians is safer for you or your community than giving it up for a short time so we can flatten out the growth curve of the virus. But don’t that that needs to diminish your faith or your fellowship.

In times like this, faith can deepen, and love can grow in surprising ways.

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Living in Uncertain Times

19 Comments / Culture Watch, Growing in Trust /

What a difference twenty-four hours can make. Last night as I watched at my grandson’s little league game, the coronavirus was still a distant concern. Then, the president spoke, and suddenly major league and college sports teams were postponing their schedules. Cruise lines were canceling their trips; Broadway and Disneyland are closing. Now, it seems, we are taking this seriously.

Of course, the idea is not to stop the spread, which now encircles the globe. Rather, officials want to slow its growth, so that we’ll have enough medical resources to help with those contracting the virus. Scientists have talked about the danger of a pandemic in this highly-mobile world, and it has finally come. Fortunately, this one does not yet appear to be as virulent as worst-case scenarios have imagined, but now we see that it is going to dramatically affect most of our lives.

I’m still not certain at this point what travel I’ll be able to take in the next few weeks or months. Some of us had been planning a gathering in Europe, which may have to be postponed. Time will tell, for sure. I’m all for being cautious and prudent, not only for myself but for people around me that my carelessness might put at additional risk. The best counsel I’ve heard to date came this morning in a conversation with a friend in Ireland. The UK is recommending that if you have a cough or a fever, self-isolate for at least seven days. It may turn out to be nothing, but that’s when you are the most contagious to others, whether you have the coronavirus or the cold or flu. Loving others enough to take that precaution seems minimal at best.

Who knows where all this might lead, other than God himself. John’s prophecies in the book of Revelation hint at plagues that will wipe out one-third of humans on the planet. This virus isn’t near that potent, but it does make me think, “What if?” Is this a birth pang of the Last Day? My heart leaps at the thought. Yes, it would mean a rough ride ahead, but isn’t this what our hearts have longed for—the consummation of this age and a kingdom to come fulfills all God has desired for his creation? Oh, that it is!

I know many people are afraid or at least find the uncertainty of it all disturbing. I am not among them. A long time ago, Jesus began to teach me how little control I had over my own life. I used to find my security in trying to control people and events around me; my inability to do so would cause great anxiety or fear. But ever-so-slowly, Jesus began to invite me into an ever-deepening security in his love and trust in his plans for the world that has allowed me to grow increasingly at rest in times of uncertainty. (Here’s a podcast Brad and I did back in 2009 if you want to taste a bit in the middle of that process.)

Faith is this: our whole life is in his hands—every breath—and he can enfold any circumstance into his purpose in the world. He promised each of us grace enough for each day and told us to look to the birds as encouragement because they live anxiety-free in the Father’s care. So, whether or not my planned trips come off right now or not, how much of a crisis this virus becomes is not in my control. My life is not wrapped up in the stock market curve or in my knowledge of the future. My joy is to wake up on this day, listen for his nudges, and follow his footprints. However he chooses to lead me, fear is not my friend. It will only wrap me into knots and make me respond in ways that will be destructive to me and others around me.

This is the adventure of walking with him, uncertain of what the next circumstance might bring. I’m actually learning to love this, not the tragedies in the world, but the freedom to lean into him through them. Yesterday, someone wrote this about a recent exchange I had with them during a podcast interview, “(He) has a willingness to be profoundly honest about his journey, and this wonderful lilies-and-the-sparrows trust about him which has helped me spiritually exhale more than once over the last month. For a person who’s been so successful in his career (he co-wrote The Shack, for instance), he’s also one of the most generous I’ve met when it comes to his time and his attention.” Man, that is not the Wayne of twenty years ago, but if that’s how my life encourages others right now, I’m overwhelmingly grateful.

You’ve got to know that this freedom has come through a lot of disappointment about what I wanted for my life. I’ve spent hours in fruitless prayers trying to get God to change my circumstances when he was more concerned about changing me in them. I’ve had close friends betray me and lie about me simply to get their own way. I’ve encountered circumstances that have challenged me to the core and drove me more deeply into trusting his care.

All the while, this has become one of my favorite portions of Scripture in times of extremity:

Jesus has the last word on everything and everyone, from angels to armies. He’s standing right alongside God, and what he says goes.

Since Jesus went through everything you’re going through and more, learn to think like him. Think of your sufferings as a weaning from that old sinful habit of always expecting to get your own way. Then you’ll be able to live out your days free to pursue what God wants instead of being tyrannized by what you want. (I Peter 3:22 – 4:2, in The Message)

No, Jesus hasn’t had the last word about everything in my life, or this world. Not yet. I’ve been cheated, shunned, blamed, excluded, and insulted unfairly by people who have taken out their brokenness on me. Right now, it seems that they have had the last word. (By the way, I’ve done my share of that to others, and though I’ve tried to own those moments I’m aware of by apologizing to people, I’m sure there’s more I haven’t yet seen.) In any case, he will get the last word on all of it, and I can only imagine all the healing that will bring into his world.

And I love knowing he has been through everything I’m going through and more. I love Peter’s counsel here. I can see any suffering as an opportunity to let go of more of my plans and to embrace his purpose in the world. Who wouldn’t want to wake up every day free to do what he wants rather than be tyrannized by our own desires? And truthfully, today is no more uncertain than any other day you’ve lived; you’re just more aware of it.  

So, if you find yourself anxious in these times, this may be the best time to have him teach you how to deepen your rest in his love. Every plan we have that is a day out, a week out, or even a year out, may be turned on its head with the next twist of this crisis. This is not the time to grit our teeth and get through the next rush of anxiety, or to beg Jesus to take it away. This is the time to call out to Jesus. Ask him to help you see where fear has a hold to hook its tentacles in you. Live one day at a time and see where grace makes itself known to you. Spend less time trying to get him to change your circumstances and more time leaning into his love so that trust overwhelms fear.

If those who live loved can be fully at rest in seasons of uncertainty, then we can be a rock for others who have no such place to deal with their fear. That’s where God’s glory shines most brightly—when people respond differently than circumstances might dictate.

After all, our circumstances don’t get the last word, Jesus does.

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Leaning into His Love

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For those of you in and around central Michigan, I’m headed there at the end of the month if the planes are still flying. But what I really wanted to share was this:
A close friend from across the country wrote me a note last week. His adult son had been a bit down lately. In a phone call the dad had encouraged him, “to resist the unhealthy urge to isolate and prayerfully focus on Jesus (who is) with him in the present. Pay attention to his love, how he is loving you today and the things and people he is putting on your heart today.”
 
The next day when he returned to his apartment after work, he saw a package on his doorstep. When he opened it he found a cheap, used copy of He Loves Me. And when he picked it up he found a sticky note pictured above on the inside back cover. It read:
“Ask God every day to reveal the depth of your love for me, and teach me to trust you more.”
Not only is that great counsel, but it’s also pretty cool how God put his fingerprints on that for this young man.
Remember, the awareness of Father’s love is not something we can achieve; it’s a reality we relax into. He can show you too. Just ask him, “Father, how are you making your love known to me today?”
And if you don’t have access to a cheap, used copy, you can get a fresh one here.

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Changing the World You Live In

Culture Watch /

My dad said he read the book, and he loved it, but he also added, “You’re going to have a tough time getting people to read this book.”

A few days later, I got this note from a friend in Washington, “(This is) one of the most important books I have seen in a long, long time—very close to the heart of God.”

A Language of Healing for a Polarized Nation has been quite an adventure. It has opened the door to conversations I never expected to have with families who are dealing with gender or sexual identity issues, communities polarized over a racial divide, and those that have the ear of some pretty influential people. I don’t know yet where this little book will end up, but the conversations I’ve enjoyed over the past few months have made it all worth it.

People’s responses to it have been amazing, as the quote in the picture above that coauthor Bob Prater heard from someone. Even those who have been suspicious of its message, thinking it is just the invitation to make nice, have become engaged with the conversation. “I’ve never even heard of this perspective before,” is something I hear often. 

The language of healing is a robust conversation that can recognize our differences and still care about the perspectives of others. During my recent trip to Oklahoma, I got to share in a workshop with coauthor Arnita Taylor as we walked people through the ways to speak this language of healing that will allow us to live with conviction and generosity in the world.

I also met with two men who are influential in black churches throughout the US. They say one of their greatest needs is to help reconcile the polarity in their communities. These men were talking to me before they’d even read the book. 

And, next year Tulsa, OK, will be dealing with the 100th anniversary of the Tulsa Race Massacre that occurred in 1921. It has been called “the single worst incident of racial violence in American history.” Some of the key players in helping the community deal with this horrific tragedy are reading the book now. It will be interesting to see where that goes.

The greatest joy, however, is hearing how it has changed the way people think and interact with people around them. I got this email earlier this week:

My husband and I finished listening to the audiobook this afternoon. We absolutely loved it. It took us quite a bit of time to get through the book because we would pause for conversation and provide our own examples. It was also meaningful to talk about our hopes and dreams as the material lends itself to living a transformed life in relationship with others. We find this very exciting. We felt as though we were right there, listening to conversations between the three of you. It was truly delightful!

When I was in Richmond a few weeks before, one of the families I visited asked a black pastor from a downtown church to join us. He told us how discouraged he had been that the white community would ever have any compassion for him. He said he couldn’t remember the last time a white man had invited him out to lunch, and here he was sitting with a group of us. He was really touched by the gesture and the things we shared from the book, even though he hadn’t read it yet. It restored his hope, he said.

Last week in Edmond, OK, I met a young man who had been apprehended by the police as he was walking to the store when he was eighteen years old. They thought he had just robbed another store in the area. When the police officer found out the young man he had in custody did not match the description, he angrily uncuffed him and shoved him in the gutter before driving off. Can you imagine what that might do to a young man?

We can do better. I hope this book at least gets people to reconsider how their biases and prejudices shape their unfair responses to people. Then we hope they will invite people into their lives that are different than them. It can’t hurt to reach across whatever aisle we have in our world to find out those on the other side are a lot more like you than they are different. They’ve just had some experiences that have led them to different conclusions than the one you have.

This book can change every engagement you have with other people in the world. Working on it, has for me.  It was never meant to change Washington, DC or the news media. Remember, the world changes one conversation at a time.

Compassion and courage can change the world. Maybe not the whole world, but at least the world you live in. 

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What If There Really Is Something More?

5 Comments / Finding Church /

I’m finishing up in Oklahoma City today and then headed up to Tulsa tomorrow. Arnita Taylor, one of my coauthors came up from Dallas, and we presented some of our material from A Language of Healing for a Polarized Nation (now available in audio) with a very engaged group last night.

One of the exercises we did last night was to call to mind the most polarizing person in our lives and then shared how they make us feel when we’re with them. It was eye-opening. Not one positive thing comes from the polarizing people in our lives and many disgusting things do. So, why wouldn’t we want to find a better way to relate to people than to join the polarization parade in our world?

We are continuing that training this morning and I’m really looking forward to it. But the bulk of this trip has been in conversations with people who have either been abused, maligned, or excluded by religious leaders or church systems or have spent a lifetime trying to maintain, sustain, locate, create, or facilitate a living expression of the church to varying degrees of emptiness. It has given us a lot of opportunities to talk through some of the themes from my book Finding Church. We seem to have this human need to make human versions of church and then be frustrated when they come apart at the seams. I get it. We’re only trying to do our part so that we can discover the reality of authenticity, community, and shared wisdom that the Scriptures describe when they talk about the church.

But, Scripture is not talking about the church humanity builds, but the one Jesus is building in the world.  He doesn’t build as we do. Whenever we try to help him we come up with human facsimiles of something like “church,” but it isn’t the same thing. It’s like kids making mudpies. It may look like a pie, but it doesn’t taste like one.  (Insert one of my favorite podcasts here: It’s Not Chocolate.)

I know people love the story of So You Don’t Want to Go to Church Anymore. I do, too. Imagine a first-century apostle walking through the corridors of our “churches” today and what they would think of how we have twisted the reality of a church into a human institution, and why we are so surprised when it rips us apart.  And yet, we keep feeling there is another tweak we can make that will guarantee the depth of life through human effort when only Jesus can produce it by his Spirit.

So I wrote Finding Church for those who want to go on a different journey. I poured everything I’ve learned into this book so that people who are hungry for something more, might be able to go on a bit of a different journey. Instead of trying to locate or to manufacture a ‘church’ with disappointing results, they could pursue Jesus instead and discover that community is a gift God gives. When we relax into that process, we will find that “something more” that our heart seeks. Far from disappointing us, we’ll be free to engage others as part of his body that wraps around us and extends across the whole world.

It works. I was touched by this email I received a few weeks ago from someone who is finding some freedom on this journey:

I am now working my way through Finding Church and can’t tell you how grateful I am that you put these thoughts and insights on paper!  It has been as if you are reading my mind!  When one is embroiled in the process of hungering for something more and experiencing that restlessness that says “something is wrong”, the blowback from other Christians can be staggering…as you have shared from your own experience.  I find it is a lonely and alienating experience.  At times I have felt myself to be a little crazy in refusing what many other quarters are suggesting is sufficient!

It was not until I read your words that have so mirrored my own thoughts that I began to really get traction in what the Lord was doing in my heart…thank you for blazing the trail in this arena and giving such as myself hope and direction and renewed confidence in following the heart of Jesus.  I now know what it is I feel so alienated about and have hope that as I begin to look in other quarters, the Lord will bring the right people into my path…it seems it is all in what you look for… sadly too many of us have not been looking for what Jesus has always been looking for!  I can’t wait to finish the book!  Again, thank you for your courage and for all you have endured to carve out this trail… it makes it infinitely more accessible for those of us who follow!!!

I love it when people begin to see a different reality and find their traction on a better journey. The transition is rarely easy, we have to risk the false comfort of our own efforts to begin to see his fingerprints on the church Jesus is building.

And no, people around you won’t make it easy. I got this email from Europe a week ago from someone just starting out on this part of her journey.  A young woman felt the need to leave her ‘church’ because it had become so guilt-ridden and abusive. Her friends, however, couldn’t understand her decision and kept trying to convince her that she should stay:

It struck me that the system is never questioned, only the human being. There must be something wrong with me when I leave the church—not the church. That concerns me. But it also shows how wrong and sick the whole system is. I am glad that I have now dared to take the step and hope that I can also let go of the inner structures soon. I regularly meet with friends to have fellowship, to talk, to pray, to read the Bible. It feels so much freer and better. But I’m longing for more from God. To understand his word more and to find instruction in it. To experience him more and more in my everyday life and to find my personal path with him.

Something more!  That’s what the hungry heart seeks.  Inside, they know what it would mean to have people in their lives who are authentic, humble, and growing to know Jesus. They long for the connections that let people explore who God is without having others try to force them to do it their way.  That’s why I wrote Finding Church, to encourage people to stop looking for an ‘it’ to join, instead of Jesus to follow. Do the first, and you’ll be frustrated endlessly; do the latter and you’ll find fulfillment and joy on this journey.

I’ll let the last words in Finding Church make the point here:

Wherever you find an act of self-sacrificing love, a group of people who care for one another with generosity and compassion, you’ll find his church.

Whenever you engage a conversation that illuminates the work of Jesus in your life, you’ll find his church.

However you can relax into the reality of his working, rather than trying to accomplish his work on your own, you’ll find his church.

How do you find his church? By drawing to him and seeing where love leads you. Every morning I ask him, “Whom are you asking me to love today?” Then I live with heart and eyes wide open to the people I cross paths with and those he places on my heart to contact.

Follow him there and in the end you won’t have to find his church.  He’ll make sure she finds you.

 

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Abandon Your Agenda and Embrace His
Behind the Scenes / 
I was invited this week to appear on Joseph Warren’s podcast, The Broken Catholic, where he asked me to share some of my story. We had a great conversation about what it means to find our way into a meaningful and transformational life with Jesus.  We talk about how we can align our hearts to make it easier to recognize how Father is making himself known.
Here’s the link if you want to hear it. Yes, the website is a bit more self-promotional than I love, but different strokes for different folks, right? I hope it doesn’t discourage you from taking it in if you’d like.
Also, the second half of my conversation with Richard Hanes of Richmond, VA aired yesterday.  We talk about how that whenever something God is doing gets big enough it is commandeered by humanity as a way to attempt to control him, (which always fails) or to profit from it (which works for some). When that happens, those who are still hungry for God and not just “revival” are vilified by those who want to maintain the illusion.
I’ve had a great day in Enid, OK, today, though it has been full-on in fairly intense conversations from 7:00 this morning until almost 9:00 tonight. The only “alone-time” I had today was for two miles of a four-mile walk. But I’ve enjoyed the things we are talking about and the hunger and experience many of these people have had that has opened up a rich conversation.  So, I went to bed last night really grateful for the doors God has opened here and with prayers that God works beyond our religious inhibitions to find the reality of his gift—Christ in us, the hope of glory!”
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Some Possibilities in Europe
Behind the Scenes / 
I’ll be in Europe this summer from May 15 until June 8. Some of that is personal, and some of that is available for whatever Father might have in mind.  I’ll be in the north of Europe and I have some free time between May 28 and June 2. So, if Father has something on your heart to bring some people together around living-loved or relational community and want me to join you, please let me know so we can begin to pray about it.
Also, from June 3-10 a group of believers from throughout Europe will be gathering in Sweden for a week of relaxation and fellowship. My friends from Ireland are hosting this event and a bunch of them will be joining us.  We will be in Örsa, Sweden at the Trunna Hostel and Conference Centre. Örsa is situated to the north of the city of Mora close to Lake Siljan, a beautiful part of Sweden and very popular as a holiday destination. The surrounding county of Dalarna has much to offer and is a haven for hikers and sightseers and anyone who loves the great outdoors.   It is also regarded as the cultural and historical heart of Sweden.  You can find pictures of the Trunna center at: www.trunna.se.
If you’d like to join us there, or have something else in mind for the weekend before, please let me know.
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Facilitating the Conversations That Matter
  6 Comments  / Uncategorized / 
A week or so ago, I wrote a blog about The Power of a Conversation. I would say that the vast majority of us have been more impacted by a meaningful conversation than listening to a lecture. I know many people see lectures as more fit for teaching, but honestly I do more effective teaching in conversations these days than I can ever fit into a presentation.
Tomorrow, I’m off for a two-week a swing through Oklahoma, featuring a wide set of conversations, some about the depth of living loved, and others about how to love well in the world.  With my latest book out, I now have a set of three books covering the best of what it means to live in the Father’s love—growing in it personally (He Loves Me), finding mutual relationships to stimulate our spiritual growth and to serve others (Finding Church), and how to live with a generous heart in a broken world (A Language of Healing for a Polarized World, which recently became available in audio.)
I received a lot of email about my post regarding conversations. This was one of my favorite because the writer asks a question many of us struggle with:
We’ve been out of the institutional church now since reading Finding Church roughly two years ago and love following the Father this way. We’ve seen such great fruit in our family’s life, as well as with teens (I’m a high school teacher), as we have them over on Fridays for an informal small group/Bible study.
We’ve also occasionally invited others (adults and families) over to our house to simply gather and we have enjoyed it.  Yet, we find it so hard not to rely on a “worship time” or a “Teaching Time.”  What I wish we could experience are the gatherings that I’ve heard you speak of: people coming together when you’re in town at a house or somewhere, but you don’t do a ‘teaching’ and yet all sorts of Spirit-inspired conversations go on amongst the people there.
We find that when we have others over, people don’t typically discuss spiritual or life issues with each other without being encouraged to do so.  Things just stay in the “how are you doing?” and “what’s going with you guys these days?” subjects.  Admittedly, even writing it makes me feel a little silly: how can I expect people to have meaningful, God-journey-related conversations without facilitating them?  But once I start facilitating, somehow it feels like I am manufacturing an event, which I have done all my life.  I suppose what inspired me about your stories of gatherings is that the Spirit seemed to simply move without some teacher-person managing it all.
Do you have any insights for me of where my wife and I might be able to see/do things differently in this?
Here’s how I answered him, if you’re having similar struggles.
I love your hunger and your honesty here.  These are great questions. I love them. But, honestly, they are not easy to answer. You already know there’s a way to do it that is life-giving and invites people in to a quality conversation, and there’s an artificial way of doing it that either intimidates people or causes them to check out.  The difference between those two is affected both by the person wanting to facilitate it and the people he’s hoping will join that conversation.  You don’t really know until you try and then it’s obvious that the offer falls flat, or it didn’t.
I struggled for a long time with this, especially when I was a pastor. When Sara and I would go out with people, we could talk sports, weather, kids, and everyone would be quite animated, but when Jesus stuff came up (if it did) the conversation got awkward and stilted.  It seemed that conversation was reserved for “church” meetings or home groups, not the fodder of normal conversation.  Still, I think this is worth working through.
The first thing I’d suggest you think about is that people have to be on a Jesus journey to have a lively conversation about it. It can’t be just a religious journey that is compartmentalized into a few hours a week. The more they have a sense of their own trajectory or growing edge, and are exploring their life and circumstances with an eye to what God is doing in them or through them, the easier this will all be to fall into the course of regular conversation. People who have a sense of God in their daily life, are seeking to hear his voice and grow in his ways, are very easy to talk to. Those whose lives are immersed in circumstances without a thought as to God’s part with them, will struggle in this conversation. I don’t look for this kind of robust conversation with people like that. I look for ways to share something from my own life that might encourage them or get them thinking, but hopefully not in a manipulative way or one that expects them to respond in a certain way.
The best conversations start spontaneously out of people sharing a meal together. It’s usually triggered when someone dares to get real and shares something from their own journey that’s meaningful and perhaps even vulnerable. It may be a request for help or prayer, or just something that’s really been weighing on them. It can also happen when someone shares an insight they had, or read something that really made them think. Then other people tag on to it and the conversation begins to go down some deeper paths. I love that best. But notice, even then, someone had the wherewithal to have something on their heart and take the risk to share it. I don’t mind being that person if it doesn’t come from someone else.
This is pretty easy when I travel, because people come ready for that kind of a conversation. They’ve read things I’ve written or heard me say things on podcasts they want to discuss or with questions they have about it. That happens whether I’m in a group or one-on-one.
Finding your way into it with more spontaneous encounters takes some doing and some sensitivity to other people in the room.  What are they ready for?  What do the relationships allow?  That’s why it may be a bit easier to facilitate a recurring group to discuss a book or do a Bible study together.  But even in those gatherings, it’s usually the vulnerable sharing that opens the door to something deeper.  And even in our past home groups, we got to the place where the conversation around the table was deeper and more relational than the study we started later. That’s when we stopped doing the study and let the better conversations around the table continue.
Let me encourage you to talk to Jesus about this, not for a plan to implement every time, but for something that might be on your heart for the next conversation you’re in.  It may be a question to ask, or a vulnerable thing you’re going through, or something you read that inspired you. At our last Christmas dinner I had a wild thought just as we were sitting down to dinner. I made a bit of a game of it, but I said no one could leave the table until they shared an experience from the past year that made them a better person. This was my kids and grandkids, so everybody was ready to jump in. I doubt I could do that at any dinner group.  But it opened up the best sharing time we’ve ever had around the table, which also included young children. Later, everyone told me after how much they appreciated it.  I did it on a whim, hoping to have a better dialog around our table. You can bet I’ll be thinking that way again next time we get together with something entirely different. I want it to be a blessing to them, not something that feels forced.
That’s why it’s important that people have some relationship first. I think people who want to intentionally share some of their journey together in a regular way, really spend the first few weeks becoming friends, if they aren’t already. Many start having meetings that tend down a religious road of sharing knowledge, rather than a relational one sharing questions and struggles. If they don’t know each other well, then the first thing is to really let people share something from their lives that isn’t too spiritual, but helps others appreciate who they are as a person.  Some may go deeper there, but it isn’t necessary to force that.  As they get closer, they will be more involved in each other’s lives and questions will flow more readily. And I think it helps if people don’t meet EVERY week. That seems to be our default, but it may be too often. When people feel obligated to attend, or not enough life has passed for there to be fresh insights and struggles, they can grow stale quickly.  Some of the best relationships I have don’t try to cross paths every week or two. Some go months between connection, but when we do, there’s no end of things to talk about.
I hope that helps. There’s no magic formula here, just people who desire rich conversations, and are sensitive to when they become forced or artificial.
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The Audio Book is Now Available
  5 Comments  / Behind the Scenes / 
We’ve had some interesting developments with A Language of Healing for a Polarized Nation. For one, the audio book was released yesterday, so those of you who would prefer to have someone read it for you, here it is!  Bob Prater, Arnita Taylor, and I read our own words in the book, which really draws people into the conversation in a unique way. You can download it from Audible or Amazon.
I have loved how my work on this book has shifted so many things in my heart.  I see the fruit of it every week, including my last week in Richmond, VA. So many times this book allowed me to have conversations with parents dealing with an LGBTQ son or daughter, encouraging an African American pastor who had all but given up hope that any white people would ever care about him, and with many others simply how to live more generously in the world as God’s followers. We are called to love, not get caught up in treating people as political enemies because they hold to different views there.
Monday in Washington, DC, I met with an executive of Christian colleges and universities, whose enthusiasm for this book surprised me. She said that during the 2016 elections, animosity and fear tore apart many campuses across various interest groups. She said there was significant concern that it might repeat again this election cycle and she was excited about this book and perhaps Bob’s, Arnita’s, and my availability to help with training and consultation for administrators and student leadership groups.  So, who knows where this roller coaster might take us.
I’m home now only for a week before heading out to make a run through Oklahoma at the end of the month. Come join me if you’re close by.  I’m actually going to hold more of a workshop on Saturday, Feb 29 in Tulsa about How Will God’s Glory Fill the Earth? It combines some of the stuff from He Loves Me, with the transformations in my heart that have come from A Language of Healing for a Polarized Nation.  We’ll also be doing some of that in Edmond on Feb 25-26.  Check out the Travel Schedule if you’re close enough to join us.
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I Love How This Book Encourages So Many
Encouragement, Uncategorized / 
One of the great joys I have every day is opening my email. Yes, there is lots of pain in there as people are struggling with the brokenness of the world and how much religious obligation has twisted their view of God and themselves. But there’s also lots of joy in it as people have been encouraged to take the road less traveled, away from the dictates of a religion to a vibrant connection with God and a growing trust in his love for the Father.
I’ve gotten two recently from those who have been especially touched by what we affectionately call The Jake Book—So You Don’t Want to Go to Church Anymore. I realize between the lines here are also some of those great seasons of pain and frustration trying to fit their spiritual passion into a religious box that is far too small to contain it. But when people let me know that the gravity of life and freedom in Jesus has become more powerful than the pull of obligation, it makes my heart happy.  Here are two examples:
I cannot identify one particular thing that led me down the path of this journey that my wife and I are currently on with Jesus, but I do wish to acknowledge that a book that you wrote, So You Don’t Want to Go to Church Anymore? played a significant part in turning my life around. I was looking through a bunch of discounted books at a local bookstore a number of years ago and the title caught my eye. I have not been the same since I read it, mostly because it served as an encouragement to explore my questions about Church congregations and ministry as one serving as a clergy person, specifically as a chaplain for a Church-based retirement community and now as a hospice chaplain for a secular organization. I was a pastor for 15 years before entering the chaplaincy and did not find the pastorate to be something that encouraged my relationship with Christ. I found that I had to look beyond the “organized church” to find that.
I am thankful for your encouragement on this journey which has not been particularly easy, but has made my 60’s the best part of my life so far. I have been recovering from surgery this week and enjoyed listening to The Jesus Lens which has encouraged me to return to Scripture in a new way. I wish you well on your trip to Richmond this week.
And I sure agree with him that the 60s have been the best part of my life so far. That’s what Paul had in mind when he wrote, “from glory to ever-increasing glory…” he’s transforming us. There are lots of struggles in this journey, even in your 60s, but the freedom within and the growing connection to Jesus makes each decade better than the last.
And then, there’s  this one:
After 5 years in the church, I began to be worn out by the sermons of submission to the pastor, which makes them dependent on the pastor and not on God. They carry out activities, which not only have nothing to do with the Lord’s work but keeps them away from true communion with Him.
When I read your book, it was like a breath of fresh air. I realized that I was not crazy, and that freed me from doubts I had. Your book not only shed light on some of the shortcomings of the institution in which I have been for five years now but it also allows me to understand some of the mistakes I make in my quest for fellowship with Father. For example, John says to Jake: “Until you find out how to trust God for every detail of your life, you will constantly seek to control others for the things you think you need.”
This book is like a double-edged knife for me. It reveals the imperfections of the institution and of the men, but it also allows me to see the slags in me and to ask the Lord Jesus to show me what to do. God knows why He allowed your book to come into my hands. I am very grateful for that. It’s a blessing for me.
I am 70 years old and I arrived at Christianity in 1988, 31 years ago. It is true that all things have become new. The character of John impresses me, which child of God would not be like him? He reminds me of what our Lord said to Nicodemus in John 3: 8: “The wind blows where it wills, and you hear the noise, but you do not know where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with every man who is born of the Spirit.”
What a superb lesson of faith in God, who creates in us the will and the doing, also creates the circumstances and the situations; and He will put the words useful in our mouth for the one to whom he sends us. For me, I will wish to be a John whom God sends where He wants. I’d also like to have a John who would appear in my life when God knows I need him.
Your book is good for me and I thank God for allowing this.
And I love what he wrote about not just seeing the abuses of others that have reflected poorly in human institutions, but those things in us that contributed to it all.  In the end, his church is not an institution to be managed, but a growing family in the earth to be enjoyed.
 
 
 
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