Wayne Jacobsen

Chapter 13: Riding the Wind

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Note: This is the thirteenth in a series of letters written for those living at the end of the age, whenever that comes in the next fifteen years or the next one hundred and fifty years. Once complete, I’ll combine them into a book. You can access the previous chapters here.  If you are not already subscribed to this blog and want to ensure you don’t miss any, you can add your name here.

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My life is a disaster. If it’s not car repair bills, it’s sick children or someone gossiping about me at work. Why does life have to be so difficult, especially since my husband passed away? I try to get God to fix things, so my life is smoother, but fail at it. What am I doing wrong?

Charmaine, 32-year-old accountant and single mom in Atlanta, GA

Dear Charmaine,

I’m so sorry your life feels so complicated; you are a single mom doing extraordinary things with your two delightful children. I’m sure you miss their dad every day. Sometimes life is like whack-a-mole, one thing after another. Honestly, however, feeling in control isn’t always the blessing it promises to be.

The most control I’ve ever had was walking onto a football field under the Friday night lights as the head official of a high school football game. That was one of the ways I paid for my university expenses. For the next two and half hours, my word was law. Every decision I made would be final as two teams battled each other. The coaches could yell all they wanted, but all the power was mine, and I loved it. 

When you’re young, everyone else makes decisions for you—parents, teachers, coaches, employers, and older people. Part of the maturing process is to take increasing control over your own choices. In adulthood, depending on whether you’re an entrepreneur or an employee, a homeowner or a renter, chairperson or committee member, people seek out as much power as they can muster. Most divorces are not caused by disagreements over finances, sexual frequency, or other “irreconcilable differences”, but control. Who gets to make the decisions? 

If growing to adulthood is about gaining control, I’ve learned that growing through adulthood is about letting go of the power you’ve gained for a greater good. Better opportunities present themselves when we are not manipulating others or trying to control every circumstance. A maturing marriage will learn to share power so that neither feels like the victim of the other.

So, Charmaine, you’re not doing anything wrong. Life in a broken world will confront us with a host of challenges. Riding the wind of the Spirit is not only about discerning his voice but also about surrendering to our circumstances, knowing he’s at work in them, too. To stay in control, you have to grip tightly and always be on guard; to flow with your circumstances only takes a submissive heart and a listening ear. 

The calamities that befall us now can help shape us to live at the end of the age when our challenges will be beyond us all. You won’t be able to insure, buy, or pray your way out of them. We are already seeing major catastrophes that destroy lives and cost billions to pay for recovery. The things that need to happen to bring redemption’s story to its conclusion are not the things we would choose for ourselves. The only question is how will we live in light of them.

 

Power Isn’t All It’s Cracked up to Be

Those who have learned to give up control and entrust themselves to God’s care and keeping will be able to thrive in the difficult days to come.  

In Revelation, John saw an innumerable multitude in white robes coming out of the tribulation, and one of the elders told him, “For the Lamb at the center of the throne will be their shepherd; he will lead them to springs of living water. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.”  (Revelation 7:17)

Out of much suffering and struggle through the darkest pages of human history, they will arrive in the final Kingdom provided for and comforted, never to suffer again. To survive those days, they will need resilient trust in God that can take them through the darkest of circumstances, still leaning into his care and voice, especially when it disappoints their most ardent expectations.

Those who do will have to let go of the need to control their circumstances and rely on the guidance of Jesus through their fears. We dare not be like the three-year-old toddler who cries when he doesn’t get what he wants instead of learning the ways of his parents, which would be for his own good. Besides, the people who fight for control are rarely pleasant people to be around. They are like that three-year-old, serving their own needs at the expense of everyone else around them and fraught with frustration and anger. 

In my younger days, when I still fought for control, I mistakenly believed prayer was the ultimate weapon for gaining it. You can’t do better than enlisting God’s power to get what we think we need or thwart anyone trying to derail you. I would quote Bible verses about God’s ability to do anything and pray endlessly for what I wanted. It doesn’t take long to realize that prayer is not for meeting our control needs when our unanswered requests start piling up.

“Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me.” (Psalm 23:4) David knew that God rarely wants to do away with the valley but to walk with us through it. The time and energy we waste attempting to use prayer to leverage control of our lives is astounding. I’ve known people to pray in mortuary freezers for multiple weeks, just certain God is going to raise their loved one from the dead. Can God do such things?  Of course he can, but our attempts to get him to do it at our whim will waste time and energy that would be better put toward learning to lay down our lives in love. 

We live in the chaos of an ever-darkening world, and calamity falls on the just and the unjust. We cannot wish it away or even pray it away, but we can come to rest in our circumstances as we ask Jesus to help us navigate them. 

 

The Great Illusion

I found it much easier to give up control when I realized it was only an illusion, and what drove me to seek control was my lack of trust in my Father’s work. No matter what dangers you can mitigate by whatever power you gain, you can’t get them all. Who would have thought four months ago that I would need back surgery and, barring healing, have to navigate cancer for the rest of my life? 

As powerful as I felt walking onto that football field, I was still at the mercy of the weather and the cooperation of the players and coaches. In recent weeks, there have been many people in Los Angeles whose futures have been decimated by the wind and wildfires that destroyed their homes and neighborhoods. No amount of planning or power could stop what had happened. Yes, you can manipulate some circumstances and people, but not all of them, and trying to do so is not how we follow Jesus.

The desire for control is mainly driven by fear, fear we’re not enough, fear that we’ll have to suffer, and fear that God won’t take care of us. If fear is the opposite of love, as I said in the last chapter, then we would instead go where love leads us and not where fear does. You cannot love someone you are trying to control, even if you convince yourself you’re only looking for their best interests. 

It isn’t easy to give up our fears, but that is where love can help us most. Whatever I fear, I need only ask, “What is it about your love, Father, that I don’t understand, and if I did, I would not be afraid. Ultimately, giving up control, or our illusion of control, is about finding freedom from our fears inside his love. 

Without giving Sara all the power over the future of our marriage when her trauma exploded, I would not be inside her healing today. Or, If I had tried to take back my position with the institutional power I had when my co-pastor betrayed me, many people would have gotten hurt, and I wouldn’t have come to know the truth about God’s love that I know today. That’s why community is rare in religious settings because people often fight over power instead of loving each other.   

But let me be extra careful with those of you who have significant, unresolved trauma in your past. You’ll know because you’re afraid of every potential threat. Your amygdala lights up and triggers responses to try to take back control of the situation, even when there is no need to. Asking people like that to give up control is like asking a bird not to sing. You’ll never be able to give up control until you first let Jesus process your trauma with you. Until Jesus disarms the fears that drive your need to control others, you won’t be able to let go of the control you think you need.  

 

Jesus’s Passion

The best example of someone giving up control is Jesus himself. That might have been what his gut-wrenching prayers did in Gethsemane that night. He had to let go of his desire to control the situation coming at him and be at rest enough to follow God’s heart through his anguish for the next day. Remember, Jesus had the power to stop it all at any point. 

Giving up the desire to control what we can has to begin with the same kind of honest, raw, and submissive prayer Jesus offered in the Garden. “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.” (Matthew 26:39) He was honest about his reluctance to follow God through all the suffering that lay ahead for him, though he was never deterred from the result. He wanted to find another way to our redemption, but in the end surrendered to the way it had to be. 

That’s the reason Jesus told us to deny ourselves. He wasn’t encouraging an ascetic lifestyle of self-denial but warning us that if our foremost desire is to have what we want we’ll get caught up in the mistaken notion that our business is the Father’s business. When we are no longer resisting our circumstances, it is easier to discern God’s will in them. 

That night Jesus gave himself over to the disciple who would betray him to the others, who would flee from him to the religious leaders, who would lie about him to Pilate, who would make him a pawn in his political games, and to the soldiers who would beat him and then execute him. Choosing not to resist any of it, he found a Father big enough to hold him through it. 

There’s something strangely liberating about not having to resist the painful circumstances that befall us. Trying to change our circumstances when God is at work in them will frustrate us with questions about how hard or how often we need to pray. Letting God walk you through dark circumstances allows all of his goodness to be in play, and when it serves him to change them, he can let us know.  

Sometimes the greatest act of love is to stop fighting, surrender to your circumstance, and see what God wants to do. Persevering in prayer is something Scripture encourages us to do, but not when our desires conflict with his. The time and energy we waste trying to change our circumstances when he is not in it would be better used to grow our trust.

 

Navigating Without Control 

In learning to give up control, I have found these ideas helpful. Perhaps they will be so for you as well.  

1.  Just because you can doesn’t mean you should. Jesus could have called a legion of angels to avoid going to the cross. Imagine if he had! When we live by control, we always do what we can to get our way and miss so much that God wants to do in the things we resist. This is where we need to be led by his Spirit rather than by our fears and doubts.

2.   Just because God can doesn’t mean he will. Prayer needs to focus on God’s activity far more than our desires. Jesus only did the things he saw his Father doing.

3.  Don’t make it about yourself. Self-centric thinking is a death-knell to being available to the work of the Spirit. My friend Luis had a dream one night with Jesus and him talking on a park bench. Jesus asked him if he knew why Jonah did what he did. Thinking for a moment, Luis responded that his fear of the Assyrians listening to him and repenting was more than he could bear. He wanted them destroyed, so he ran. 

Then Luis realized he was talking to Jesus, so he asked why Jonah did what he did. What Jesus said next in the dream is the best commentary I’ve ever heard on the book of Jonah, and it is in five words: “He made it about himself.”

Just hearing those words gives me chills. How often have I made it about myself and shaped my prayers and efforts around that? Luis and I stood at a wedding not long after watching the family drama around who would do what at the wedding. Tempers were flaring, and tension was rising. We just sat back and watched. They were making it about themselves when the bride and groom were all that mattered. 

4.  How can I not make it about myself?  Follow what love brings, not fear. It’s hard, I know. Love whispers to us; fear has a megaphone and blasts its agenda in both ears. Quiet yourself in his love and follow that.   

5.  Ask yourself, what is God saying/doing in this? Is there a higher redemptive purpose here than my comfort or getting my way?  My rule of thumb is this: when I don’t know, I surrender to my circumstances, looking for God to give me the wisdom and courage to face them. In other words, he doesn’t have to show me my need to submit to them because that’s my default. If he wants to change them, he can show me that, too.

6. If you’ve resisted some circumstances through effort or prayer, and they persist, then you know God is using them. When I was first diagnosed with cancer, Jesus and I spoke about it often. I’d love for him to heal it without medicine, but despite my prayers and those of hundreds of others, it hasn’t happened. So, I stopped trying to get God to heal me and asked him how he wanted me to walk through the difficult process doctors are using to put it in remission. I use my strength there rather than constantly second-guessing how I should pray.  

Letting go of the need to control is not to become a victim of circumstance. It’s quite the opposite; riding the winds of circumstance is how we find victory over them and watch God work in them for his glory. 

 

Out of Weakness… Strength 

Paul tried to get Jesus to stop a messenger from Satan who harassed him and his ministry. He begged for it to be taken away three times but with no success. Then Jesus told him, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 

So, Paul concludes, “For Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” That’s someone riding the wind of circumstances instead of being conflicted by them. 

The secret to following Jesus comes by recognizing he works out of our weakness more than our strengths. His strength comes in the midst of the things we beg him to remove. But it is in those times when we are beyond our limit that he appears to do his greatest work in us. 

The more we resist our circumstances, the more they own us and the less focused we will be on what God is doing in them.

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To All the Women I’ve Known

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I grew up in a conservative community, on a grape vineyard in Central California. In life and sports, making jokes at the expense of girls and women was as natural as breathing. We did it on the golf course, the baseball diamond, or when a classmate didn’t do well on a quiz.

When we made the same comments around girls, it was even worse. Some even just played along with a laugh. But I’m sure they weren’t laughing on the inside. It was all innocent fun, or so we told ourselves. It didn’t help that I grew up in religious institutions in which women were not allowed to teach or serve in leadership roles, except with other women or children.

In my journey of living loved, I’ve become more joyfully aware of how inappropriate that kind of humor is. It was rude and cruel even when women were not present. I’ve apologized and offered to make amends to many of the women who were the focus of that humor, but there’s no way I’ve gotten to them all.

Then, last week, in a phone call, a good friend read a quote to me by Dorothy Sayers, one of the first women to graduate from Oxford University:

“Perhaps it is no wonder that the women were first at the Cradle and last at the Cross. They had never known a man like this. A prophet and teacher who never nagged at them who never made arch jokes about them; who praised without condescension; who took their questions and arguments seriously. There is no act, no sermon, no parable in the whole Gospel that borrows its pungency from female perversity; nobody could possibly guess from the words and deeds of Jesus that there was anything funny about woman’s nature.

Ouch!

When I heard this quote, I knew I wanted to be like that guy, and all the more because his example has not borne much fruit in the world.  This quote made me aware once again of the stupid things I’ve said, but even more so, that I have not been as proactive as Jesus in guarding each woman’s dignity, wisdom, and value. That’s going to change too.

So, I want to apologize to every woman hurt by a joke I told or some misplaced attempt at humor. I’m sorry. And if you need that apology more personally, please let me know.  I’d be happy to do it in person and make amends if I can.

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Chapter 12: Rise and Shine

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Note: This is the twelfth in a series of letters written for those living at the end of the age, whenever that comes in the next fifteen years or the next one hundred and fifty years. Once complete, I’ll combine them into a book. You can access the previous chapters here.  If you are not already subscribed to this blog and want to ensure you don’t miss any, you can add your name here.

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I love your books Wayne, but this one is making me nervous. If I’m going to be alive at the end of this age, how would you tell me to prepare myself? Scriptures tell us to be alert and persevere, but I don’t know if I will not stick with Jesus if life becomes too difficult, and that could happen living in Israel. 

Benjamin, a university student in Tel Aviv studying IT 

Hi Benjamin, 

Let me encourage you not to try to prepare yourself. Like most things in Jesus’s kingdom, the direct route rarely serves us best. I remember as a child, through a critical miscommunication I ended up on the bus home from school without any of my three other brothers aboard, which never happened. When I arrived home an hour later, my fears had convinced me that I’d missed the rapture, especially since my parents were nowhere to be found.

I thought the only chance I had left to be saved was to prepare to face the Antichrist and resist the Mark of the Beast. That’s a tall order for a twelve-year-old in an afternoon. Fortunately, my family came home a few hours later, and we sorted out the misunderstanding. My crisis was averted, but looking back, I realize how crazy that was. To think I could prepare myself for anything like that, even at my age today, would be the height of hubris. 

The drive of human effort is a well-set trap. It eats up our time and energy, with nothing meaningful to show for it. We think if someone gives us a plan, we will be able to follow it, but doing it is not in our power. I used to read Jesus’ encouragements about being alert and diligent, loving my enemies, or laying our lives down without reminding myself of the most essential one—“Apart from me, you can do nothing.” 

In these last few chapters, we’ll discover how followers of Jesus will be equipped for the last days, but I want to be very careful how I invite people into that. This is less about how we prepare ourselves for what is to come and more about how we let him prepare us. Never let “apart from me, you can do nothing” get far from your awareness. It’s not skills we need but increasing awareness of and dependence upon him. 

It has taken me decades to lose the religious sensibilities of Christianity that distorted the life of Jesus in me rather than enhanced it. If I can shorten that trajectory for anyone else, this book is worth my time. There is so much to unlearn and so much to discover. I can’t tell you what to do, but I can only offer some tips to help you recognize how he leads you.

 

The Dawn Is at Hand

I love Paul’s advice to the Romans, which both warned them not to be distracted from true things by their daily necessities and encouraged them to wake up to a larger reality.

“But make sure that you don’t get so absorbed and exhausted in taking care of all your day-by-day obligations that you lose track of the time and doze off, oblivious to God. The night is about over, dawn is about to break. Be up and awake to what God is doing! God is putting the finishing touches on the salvation work he began when we first believed.” Paul (Romans 13:11-12 MSG)

If Paul was asking first-Century Christians to live with this in mind, how much more those of us who live at least 2000 years later? It is nearer for us than it ever was for them. And yet, how much easier is it for us to get lost in the demands of daily living that we miss the greater calling that rests on us? We belong to a greater kingdom, culminating in the redemption of all Creation. All he asks of us is to stay awake. 

You may have read He Loves Me and discovered the God you hoped for was real. You may have read The Shack and knew there was a different way to know God inside your pain. You may have read So You Don’t Want to Go to Church Anymore and discovered that your hunger for authentic community can be fulfilled. Now, it’s time to hear God summoning a people whose loyalty is to him alone and whose spirits are attuned to his heart and the times we live in. 

When we lose sight of his purpose in the world, it is easy to get lazy in our faith. When Jesus invites us to awaken or challenges us to stay alert, it cannot be out of fear. Fear is unsustainable and triggers responses internally that will make you less sensitive to him. We stay connected best by enjoying him and looking with anticipation at the possibility of his coming. 

Those who enjoy their walk with Jesus will have all they need at hand. Those who live in fear will lack at every turn. As we will see, fear is not a motivation in this kingdom. If we get to know him well enough, we will find no fear inside his love. 

 

Is That Why He Waits? 

I have often wondered why God seemingly delays the second coming of Jesus. Has he set a specific date in the future, or is he waiting for the world to grow darker than it already is? Certainly, it has gone on far longer than the earliest followers of Jesus would have believed; they thought it would come in their lifetime. 

Now, I wonder if God is waiting for a generation of his followers who will prepare the way for his coming, as John the Baptist prepared the way for his first one. I don’t see one person doing this, but might the bride of Christ, in her collective beauty, prepare the way for the second? And by the bride, I don’t mean all those who attend religious services; I mean those whose hearts belong to him and are learning to listen to him. 

Perhaps already Jesus stands at the threshold of human history, knocking and waiting for enough of his followers to invite him inside to finish the story of redemption. It may be that God awaits a generation who can say wholeheartedly, “Even so, come Lord Jesus,” in the full weight of knowing the risk they are taking. We’ll never be those people as long as we enjoy the world the way it is or fear the days of his coming. 

 

Challenging Times Ahead

The Day of the Lord will be a great day. Jesus will appear in the clouds as he makes his way to Mt. Zion to subdue the darkness of our world and redeem the Creation from the devastation and trauma of human selfishness. However, the days that precede it are dark and brutal. 

My opening illustration about missing the rapture came from the fear-based religious environment in which I was raised. No one wanted to miss the rapture because it was our ticket out of the horrors the world would go through at the end of this age. But that came from the mistaken belief that Jesus would evacuate the faithful before the world got too dark. I don’t believe that anymore. 

Read Jesus’s account of the end times, or the book of Revelation, looking for when Jesus actually comes. It is always as after the troubles that ravage the earth at the end. That has caused some to argue for two appearances by Jesus, one to rapture out those who are his and a second one where he comes back with them to redeem Creation. In my view, Scripture doesn’t support that possibility. 

For those alive at the end of the age, there’s no doubt they will live through challenging times. Three critical challenges await—the deception of darkness, the calamities of nature, and persecution against the followers of Jesus. It’s fitting to be reminded that Christians already endure all of these today somewhere on the globe. It will just be more widespread at the end of time.

So, what do we need to live through those challenges? We will need a heart that seeks the truth to combat the lies of darkness, as I wrote about in chapter eight. If we are not looking for truth above comfort in our lives today, we’ll be led by anyone saying what our itching ears want to hear. For the calamities of nature, we will need a growing trust in God’s ability to sustain and provide for us, even by supernatural means, if need be. Finally, for persecution we will need to draw on God’s grace when we need it most. Previous generations have shown that this is not only possible but preferable. Persecution has always focused his people and made them stronger.

Jesus promised us that our safety in all these things depends on him, not us. “My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one will snatch them out of my hand.” (John 10:27-28, emphasis mine)

You dare not face the challenge of those days trusting in your own strength. Trusting his is what you want him to cultivate. No matter the circumstance, he is big enough to hold you in the storm. He will show you the truth if you want it, provide for you through any calamity, and strengthen you to stand in any persecution. 

 

He Is Already Preparing You

Where do we get this trust to endure the unthinkable? God can supernaturally give it to us in the last moment if he needs to, but he’d prefer that we learn to live there in the challenges we already face today. That’s why the New Testament writers said to rejoice in suffering; it can produce the very things we’ll need most in the last few days—perseverance, character, and hope. (Romans 5:3-4) The truth is, we need those things today, too. 

Whatever troubles we go through with him today will prepare us for more difficult challenges ahead. One of the motivations of my own journey is to take whatever life throws at me—betrayal, scarcity, aggression, disease, even persecution—and bring it inside my relationship with Jesus. Our stresses today can prepare us for greater challenges to come if we lean on him and do not give in to the bitterness of self-pity. 

Ask him to teach you how to rely on his grace daily; when the time comes, you’ll be ready for whatever happens. As you seek what’s true, even when it challenges you, when you trust God’s provision both physically and spiritually at the end of your rope, and when you suffer for being a follower of Jesus, absorb the pain inside his love. That’s where you’ll find Jesus’s presence, wherever love draws you, and in whatever way you can offer that love to others, even those who wrong you. 

Remember, apart from Jesus, we are insufficient for any of this, but with him inside us showing us the way, we will learn some incredible things. When we find love in less challenging days, we’ll grow to trust his love when in more difficult ones. 

You cannot learn this from a book or a seminar because it is not a matter of technique but growing trust in his love and in learning the power of love in times of crisis. That is what Jesus wants to shape in you as you learn to follow him. I can’t give you a standard approach because we all start from different places and face different challenges. Yet, he will shape our hearts through the very circumstances that we experience, both pleasant and painful. 

 

The Power of Love 

Love is the opposite of fear, so when we are afraid, we know there’s more we need to learn about love. We dare not give in to fear in the circumstances we face or even about the events at the end of the age. Anything we do from fear is destined to fail in the same way our own human effort will. It also desensitizes us to his work and his voice inside us. The first thing we all need to learn is to lean out of fear and into love, where we’ll find the freedom we seek. 

The same trust that will get you to the end of the world is the same trust that will allow you to triumph over the struggle you’re having today. 

It may seem unfair if you find yourself alive in that last generation. Why should we have to face a more significant challenge than those before us? It reminds me of Frodo in The Lord of the Rings, wishing these events had not happened to him. 

“I wish it need not have happened in my time,” said Frodo.

“So do I,” said Gandalf, “and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.” 

Whether his coming is in two years or two hundred, if you’re alive during those times, it’s because God has chosen you to be, and his love will be sufficient to carry you through it. Take hope in that and know that all those who have gone before you will be cheering and praying for you to succeed in the face of those troubles that precede his coming. 

 

Your Light Has Come 

The end of this age is “crunch time” for the followers of Jesus. This is where it all resolves, and if you focus on the challenges of those days instead of the opportunities, you’ll be defeated before you begin. 

Our focus for the last days does not need to be on the challenges but on the glory to come. One day, Jesus responds to the invitation of his bride in the words of Isaiah 61, “Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the LORD rises upon you.”

Those who follow the Lamb wherever he goes, who learn to love as he loved, will be a bright light in the growing darkness of a world separating itself from God. That’s how we anticipate his coming, not hunkering down with all the challenges it might present, but with an awakening to the reality that God the Father as the Ruler of All will be revealed in his children.

In those days his light will arise, and the glory of God will rest on his children. This is why we remain on this earth: to reflect his glory. We do not belong to the night; we are children of the light. 

That’s how Paul encouraged the followers of his day: 

“But you, brothers and sisters, are not in darkness so that this day should surprise you like a thief. You are all children of the light and children of the day. We do not belong to the night or to the darkness.” (I Thessalonians 5:4-5)

Those who follow him will not be surprised when these darker events unfold; they’ll see it coming and respond with joy—the bridegroom is at hand!

 

 

 

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Guesting on Another Podcast

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First, from the deepest place in our hearts Sara and I want to express our gratitude to all of you this Christmas season. Thank you for your engagements with us over the year and your love and support for Sara’s journey through trauma and now mine through a bit of cancer. I tell people all the time that I know some of the best people on this planet, who take their life in God seriously, but themselves not so much. That’s the best combination. We have grown so much in our conversations with you and how openly you share your own stories with us. In recent months we’ve been especially grateful for all the prayers, meals, encouragements, and kindnesses so many of you have directed our way, many from great distances, in our time of trial.

We are truly blessed to have you in our lives and pray that you have a very special Christmas with family and friends, and that Jesus will lead and guide you through the year ahead. Our hearts especially go out to those who because of family break-ups or grieving someone’s passing that you deeply loved are finding yourselves grieving while others are celebrating. We are praying that Father makes himself and his comfort known to you and fill you with his peace and joy. If we can be an encouragement there, please get in touch.

Merry Christmas, and a Blessed New Year to you and yours
from Wayne and Sara

Now on to some fun stuff—

A couple of weeks ago, I recorded an interview with Jason and Matt, who co-hosted an episode of Rethinking God with Tacos PODCAST. I love when I’m not the host and others get to probe my life and thoughts as it helps them. This is a special conversation that dropped last week. This is how they described it:

In this conversation, Wayne Jacobsen shares his transformative journey of understanding God’s love, the impact of his book ‘He Loves Me’, and the challenges he faced in his personal life, including health issues. He also shares a deeply personal story about trauma and breakthrough. The discussion also touches on theological shifts regarding atonement and the nature of true peace in the face of adversity. In this conversation, the guys explore the complexities of reconciliation, trauma, and the nature of justice in relationships. They discuss the importance of navigating personal trauma, recognizing toxic relationships, and the role of good counsel in healing. The dialogue emphasizes the need for trust in God’s justice and the transformative power of living loved, ultimately leading to restorative justice that heals both victims and perpetrators.

Also, a couple of weeks ago I wrote about a resurgence of interest in He Loves Me, and requests to publish new versions in Russia, Ukraine, and Israel. Now I get this email from Denis in France:

In April 2021 I discovered your book He Loves Me in French and it changed my perception of God’s love. Then I discovered the Shack too and I looked for nudges in my life like you! Now I share this around me, and two people have already done a full sharing (about a year) and 3 other people are just starting now. It’s like a stone that you throw on a calm lake, there are visible rebound of course but also and above all the wave that continues to propagate…it is the work of God through you!  I pray for you and Sara in this new part of your life

I got this about another book from a friend in Wales:

Something that we hope will encourage you, my wife has a home visit from a medical professional, who often opens her heart as she longs to break free from obligations and duty that her church expects from her. She has read several of your books that we have given her and recently on a flight back from Israel was reading Finding Church, so also was a fellow passenger sitting behind her over her shoulder. A conversation ensued, and some of your books are now hopefully being read in Cornwall!

And this from someone in the States about his journey to live loved:

For me it was very, very, very, very hard to get God’s love for me because as a recovering Pharisee, the slant of righteousness and justice that I was presented with most of my life made being loved by God hard to imagine.  It was your book about So You Don’t Want to Go to Church Anymore” that got me thinking about Jesus being loving.  I didn’t get it, but I wanted to.  That led me eventually to talk with you in person while you were in Massachusetts, and I still didn’t get it until God spoke to me personally.

Guesting on Another Podcast Read More »

Chapter 11: Love, Rest, and Play

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Note: This is the eleventh in a series of letters written for those living at the end of the age, whenever that comes in the next fifteen years or the next one hundred and fifty years. Once complete, I’ll combine them into a book. You can access the previous chapters here.  If you are not already subscribed to this blog and want to make sure you don’t miss any, you can add your name here.

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I have been to every prayer school and intercession meeting that came into my orbit. I have pounded on heaven’s doors for the redemption of the world and for so many healings and miracles only to see meager results. I am rarely able to discern how he might respond. Can you help me understand how to engage God more consistently?
Tisha, 83-year-old widow who describes herself as a frustrated intercessor

Dear Tisha,

Unfortunately, I don’t think your experience is uncommon at all. It seems we both grew up in a time where being a radical follower of Jesus meant praying earnestly, sometimes hours a day in hopes of getting God to act on our behalf. For the first 40 years of my journey, I thought the key to an effective prayer life was intensity and desperation. That’s what we thought we needed to get God’s attention and ingratiate ourselves to him.

Groveling in repentance, repeating our requests repeatedly with a rising pitch, and trying to convince ourselves that if we believed enough, he had to give us what we prayed for. I spent countless hours in rooms full of people praying fervently, only to walk out having to convince ourselves that God was moved even though we rarely saw those times producing any fruit. Believing harder, praying harder, and trying to live more righteously didn’t endear God to our requests.

It appears you’ve been more tenacious in this than most, who gave up at much younger ages, convinced that they didn’t have what it took to engage God. I hope you’ll be able to take the passion you have had to discern God’s ways and perhaps channel it more effectively.

Gaze with Me

Four years ago, I helped start a gathering of men and women from different countries to pray about God’s work in the world. I’d known all of them for multiple decades and had witnessed them making choices to follow Jesus even when it cost them deeply. We shared a concern for the growing delusion among many Christians, who were no longer following the heart of Jesus but pursuing their own political and economic gain.

From the early days of our prayers, God revealed insights that have shaped many of us in our prayers together. Early on, he taught us how to gaze with him and not at him. That may sound like a small distinction, but it’s not. In many of my prayers, I would offer to God the need I was concerned about, placing it before him, hoping to catch his gaze and, by that, get him to act.

Gazing with him was a different thing entirely. We were still bringing our requests to him, but instead of standing between us, he invited us to stand alongside him and view our concerns from his perspective. It changed us. Standing with him in his might and power altered our perspective, and we learned to see our concerns inside his purpose instead of our desires. What would glorify his name and further his purpose in the world?

It’s difficult to be desperate when you’re standing inside his purpose, with all his resources at hand. Instead of praying out of our anxieties that God wouldn’t do what we hoped, he showed us the environment in which we best engage him, not only with our concerns but, more importantly, coming to know his. Three words summed up the spirit of our engagement with him—love, rest, and play. They became the watchwords of our engagements with him. Whenever we would lean toward anxiety or desperation, they would invite us back to the environment where our time with him offered greater insight and more effectiveness.

As we discovered the power of love, rest, and play, we spoke less to God as our adversary or as the reluctant rich uncle who needed to be prodded. Instead, we found a generous God deeply steeped in his desires to win the world into his goodness and drive out the darkness, not by the sheer force of his word, but by the gentle transformation of his people.

Jesus encouraged his disciples not to give into anxiety or the idea that worrying would add anything to God’s work. In the words of Eugene Peterson, he told his disciples, “What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving” (Matthew 6:31). What a shift in thinking! I spent forty years trying to get from God—get saved, get a healing, get a ministry, or get my prayers answered. Instead of working through my prayer list every day, I began to ask a simple question. “Father, what are you giving me today? Who are you giving me to love? What do you want to show me about yourself? How do you want to resolve the crisis I’m in?” Quite naturally, I abandoned my agenda and kept my eyes open for what He was doing around me.

Shifting from desperation to love, rest, and play is a steep learning curve. Nothing in my religious background prepared me for it and risking some of the methods of old made me wonder whether we were on a fool’s errand. It didn’t turn out that way at all. Instead, it allowed us to enter into his work with a relaxed heart that allowed us to see what he was wanting to say to us.

So how do you experience love, rest, and play with God? I’ll break it down for you in the rest of this chapter but, believe me, this is not something you’ll learn from an article, book, or seminar. You can’t mimic someone else’s language and hope to see results. This is a journey the Holy Spirit wants to take you on so that as a genuine expression of your own heart and life, love, rest, and play become the measure of your life in him.

Love

What Jesus accomplished on the cross was to prove how much the Father and Son love us, even when we struggle with sin or doubt. As beloved sons or daughters, we are welcome in his presence without the need to grovel for acceptance. Our invitation there is marked with confident belonging. We are loved by him more than we love ourselves, and his desires to work in us and around us have greater aspirations than our own.

If we come to God intimidated by his majesty, fearful that God won’t be enough, or that his way won’t be the best way, we have blinded ourselves before we begin. We may think we know what God wants, but so often we are wrong. While we want the direct approach to our comfort, God takes the eternally transformative route, which rarely means he wants to fix every hard or painful circumstance. I don’t believe for a minute that he causes hardship for us; he knows the world is dark enough to challenge us. He just wants to thwart that darkness, rarely by removing the challenge, but by using it to transform us ever more into his faithful children.

Learning to be confident in his love is a powerful process that can take significant time in our journey. As John described it late in his life, “And so we have come to know and come to rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them.” (I John 4:16) Even though John was one of Jesus closest disciples he had a learning curve as well. Early on he wanted to call down fire from heaven to burn up the Samaritans not realizing that spirit in him seeking retribution was not the Spirit of God.

In time, though, he came to learn just how loved he was and how to live out of that love toward others. So much so that he also said that’s how you know someone is born of God, because they live out of love (I John 4:7-8). When you know you’re loved, then you can engage God about the things that concern you with gentleness. Desperation has no place because you know that his love will be big enough to walk you through whatever may come. And not trying so hard to get what I want makes it easier to see what he is already doing.

Living in love is a beacon all its own, lighting the dark places with the quiet confidence that Father is at work around me and wants me to participate with him. Trusting his love will even set us at ease when he seems quiet, because we’re confident of his working even when we don’t see him.

Rest

Even the Old Testament teaches that we are best able to know God’s heart when we are at rest in him. “In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it” (Isaiah 30:15). For some reason we prefer to earn our own way, which is impossible with the things of God. That’s why he gave them the Sabbath, to remind them to trust God’s provision and not strive endlessly in their own flesh. Instead, they came to see the Sabbath as its own laborious taskmaster.

But the Sabbath rest in God’s eyes was about far more than to take a day off once per week; it was a way of life. Hebrews 3 and 4 underscore that reality. The writer said that Israel never entered into God’s rest, even with their preoccupation for all the Sabbath rules. So, he reminded the followers of Jesus that a rest remains for us to embrace where we “cease from their works, just as God did from his” (Hebrews 4:10).

How can we live at rest in his work? As he deepens our trust, we will come to rely on his power, instead of ourselves and our performance. Even the act of praying with desperation and “crying out to God” is an attempt for our efforts to impress God and compel him to act. False religious thinking almost always focuses on performance and proving ourselves worthy of the answer we seek. How many of us in desperation have tried to impress God by acting more righteous or more confident than we really were? As long as we invest the success of our engagement with God by our own abilities, we will miss how he works. When we finally realize that our human effort cannot accomplish any Godly thing and that “apart from him we can do nothing,” then we are ready to learn the power of engaging God already at rest in his work, instead of trying to push ours.

That doesn’t mean we do nothing, parking ourselves on a sofa and leaving it all up to him. He wants to share his work with us, and when you come to recognize how God works, then you will know what he wants from you. You’ll no longer lash out in fear and doubt hoping to manipulate God with your attitude or actions.

That’s where life becomes exciting because we don’t have to accomplish anything for God, just simply respond to him however he may guide you.

Play

References to love and rest are easily seen throughout Scripture, and knowing how they shape our relationship with God, it’s easier to see. But play is a different story; the only scriptures that refer to play accuse Israel of “playing the harlot.”

But one cannot read the Gospels honestly without seeing a playful Jesus, inviting people into his kingdom. Whether it’s with a Samaritan woman by a well, or a Pharisee late at night trying to understand what it is to be born again. And one cannot know God without realizing he is the most playful presence in the universe. I often see his playfulness in the unfolding of circumstances or “coincidences” that bring a smile to my face at the same time they speak safety to my heart.

For example, one day I was grieving the loss of a close relationship because of some lies spread about me. On my way to meet a friend at a restaurant, I struggled with what I should do to repair the relationship. I sensed he wanted me to leave it in hands and not fret over it. As I walked into the restaurant, signed up for a table and sat down, the refrain of Bob Marley’s Three Little Birds, which was playing over the sound system began to wash over my soul. “Don’t worry about a thing, ‘Cause every little thing is gonna be alright.” I smiled, certain that God was winking at me. And you know what, everything did turn out alright.

I don’t really know you can wrap your heart around this reality until you discover for yourself just how playful God can be with you. Some of the most humorous thoughts I’ve had seem to have come from him. And, yes, this is far, far away from my religious sensibilities as a youth. I used to be terrified of God, thinking he was austere and serious about everything and any attempt to bring levity into the presence of God was considered blasphemous.

Any good teacher will tell you that humor and play are the best ways to help people learn, just like any father would do with his children. Play connects us to intimacy while allowing us the distance of humor to grasp the power of truth. The Scriptures that help us connect with play are those that speak so positively about laughter, joy, and childlikeness. “Unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 18:3). Children are always at play; humor and laughter draw them into a conversation, and if you can engage that way, you will be able to teach them far more than yelling at them will accomplish.

It is possible for us to become so serious about God and ourselves that we shuffle our way past what God wants to reveal to us. Why wouldn’t a light-hearted approach to God be more fruitful than a heavy-hearted one? I find when I come to him with a childlike heart, I’m more attuned to him and relaxed enough to recognize his thoughts as well as to enjoy the relationship with him. Being playful with God is not disrespectful or sacrilegious since it originates in him. That doesn’t mean God isn’t serious when the times call for it, but with his children he often plays them into his reality with a wink and a nod.

I visited a family outside Edmonton, Alberta, Canada one fall and I could not believe how many toys they had to go out and play with in the ice and snow, and how much cold weather gear filled the closets and garage. When I remarked on it one day, the father responded, “It is so cold here for so long that if you don’t learn to play in it, it will own you.”

The same is true of the darkness and brokenness of this world, especially as we approach the end of the age. If you don’t learn to play with God in the pain and challenge of it all, it will own you. I’m discovering that afresh in a recent diagnosis of bone cancer that has already destroyed a vertebra in my back and has landed me on chemo to bring it to remission. In times past I would have lain awake in tears and pleading with God to spare me this stretch of the journey. This time, I’ve been able to entrust it to my relationship with God, knowing I’m deeply loved, that he is at work in some way amid  this extremity, and that I can be playful with him while we see where this goes.

I can’t imagine any posture being more helpful at the end of the age than those who can navigate difficulties inside love, rest, and play, especially when we know the outcomes of all these things. In time, whether in this life or the next, all will be well!

So, Tisha, when you sit down with God or take a walk with him in the woods, cultivate the environment where you can be confident in his love for you, at rest in his work on your behalf, and at play with his goodness. This is where you’ll find yourself at home in him and he will be at home in you.

There’s no better place to be attuned to his heart and able to see how his goodness is unfolding in you despite the situations that surround you.

 

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You can access previous chapters here.  Stay Tuned for Chapter 12.

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For Such a King

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This quote popped in my inbox this morning from The Plough, taken from an article by Kelsi Folsom:

I am ignited with my own litany of longings: For a king whose miracles aren’t only for those who can afford them. For a king who will shut down hospitals because our healed bodies don’t need them. A king who will stabilize energy grids, food supply, and erratic weather systems. A king whose beauty and bounty dismantle the appeal of terrorist organizations and boundary demarcating. A king under whose rule no innocent would perish. A king whose everlasting peace marks the end of evil.  For such a king, I too have waited all my life.

That quote made me want to shout, “Me too!” I await a king just like that who does these things and so many more. Isn’t this what Isaiah meant when he said the government would be on his shoulders?

For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.” Isaiah 9:6

We are celebrating the very season where that King has already come to this earth—as an infant, a young man of tremendous power and wisdom, then offering himself as a sacrifice to win us into Father’s love against all the lies and lures of darkness, as the Resurrected Savior who can live inside each of us, and the soon-coming King who will subdue the evil in this world and make the kingdoms of this world his own. I have pledged my life, my honor, and all I possess to such a king.

For now, we can each allow that King to win this place in our hearts. He can have his way in our bodies, guide us through the horrors that the chaos of this age brings us,  draw us to himself with such beauty that no other earthly affiliation holds sway over our hearts, and lead us to rescue any innocent around us that our generosity and love might aid. In short, he can give us his Life internally, even amid the chaos of this age.

Soon, he will return to take the governance of his Creation on his shoulders, and those things we most long for will be true for all the world.

And the Spirit and the Bride say, “Come.”

 

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The artwork above is from Wayne’s book, A Man Like No Other, in collaboration with Brad Cummings and Murry Whiteman. It is our featured book this week at Lifestream this week, so if you’d like to get it at a unique discount, look here.

Kyle and I will have a new podcast entitled Survival Mode and Redefining Salvation tomorrow morning at The God Journey.

Medical update:  I had a great day yesterday and some good news on all fronts. My back continues to feel better every day. I can now walk a mile daily, which surprises my doctors. My oncologist is “very happy” with my numbers as we are halfway through the intense part of my chemo. I have two new book projects that have captured my heart, and I can work on them for 4-5 hours per day without growing weary. I still have a long way to go, and a hundred things could go wrong, but at the moment, everything looks very good, and Sara and I are grateful. Thanks for all your love, concern, and prayers.

I can also do almost everything to care for my own needs, so the load is growing lighter on Sara. She is exhausted, however, from the very demanding last two months. I pray for God to restore her strength and joy and get her back on her own track for healing from the trauma she suffered. Our neighbors have also blessed us tremendously. Even though we have only lived here for 17 months, the neighborhood is one of our communities. They keep an eye out for us, cheer me on toward greater healing, and come by to offer some delightful conversations that distract us from the challenges and renew us with words of love and joy.

 

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A Fresh Wave for He Loves Me

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While I am sidelined with my recovery from back surgery and some chemo, God seems to be stirring something with my book He Loves Me. In the last week I’ve had numerous emails about this book. Some people are starting book studies with friends or doing podcasts about it. It’s so much in one week that it has made me ponder what Father might be doing in this season with a book that is almost 25 years old.

Also, someone sent me a link to two people who did a deep dive into He Loves Me, but they did it in 21 minutes. I was impressed, though, with their conversation because it covered the significant themes in an engaging and enlightening way. You can listen to it here.

I also recorded a podcast on Tuesday with Discovering God with Tacos. It’s a funny name for it, and I thought I’d have to recuse myself since I’m not too fond of tacos, but they were gracious to let me join them anyway and talk a bit of BBQ while we’re discussing my journey. I can’t wait to share it with you when it airs. I’ll have to let you know when it does.

Finally, I’m getting emails from various places around the world that want to do translations and reprints. This includes Israel, Russia, and Ukraine. That hasn’t been easy to do with Hachette holding the rights to the book; they don’t like people putting up the book for free downloads. However, I’ve always been more concerned about the message getting out than the financial return on this book, so we are entering negotiations with Hachette to have the book returned to us so we can pursue these requests. Please pray we’ll be successful here.

What to make of all of this? I’m not sure. But it seems God is letting a whole new audience discover that book and its message. I’ve often said it is the most important book I’ll ever write because there’s nothing more critical than moving from an appeasement-based view of God to an affection-based relationship with him. He loves each of us more than anyone ever has or ever will, and when we come to discover that we’ll find ourselves on the journey of a lifetime, not only coming to rest in his goodness but also learning how that love begins to untwist sin, shame, and religious effort in us so that we can truly live as his people on the earth.

You can buy it in case lots at deep discounts here if you want to start a study on it or make it a Christmas gift to your friends.

As for me, my recovery continues to progress. I don’t have much back pain these days from surgery, so almost all recovered there, and I can manage a lot more things for myself. However, that also means we can ramp up the chemo drugs to higher doses, so we’ll have to see how that goes. I’ve felt pretty good the last couple of weeks, though, and have been able to get back to some writing and thinking that God is inviting me into. I’m grateful for that, though my endurance is somewhat limited. I do hope I can maintain that with these new drugs. Sara and I are thankful for all the love and support from so many of you at this time. God is at work, though not in the same way I would have hoped early on. That’s often true for all of us. He does know best, however, and when we trust him more than we trust our perceptions, the road gets less strenuous.

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I Will Miss You, Tony

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Tony Campolo passed away last week, and though I’m a bit late, I want to acknowledge his powerful contribution to Christian thought around the world and to my own life personally.

I never had the chance to meet him or hear him speak in person, but decades ago, his books and recordings challenged and inspired me. If you’ve never heard It’s Friday But Sunday’s Coming (the whole thing is sermon is powerful, but the story I’m referring to begins at 50:20) or The Kingdom of God Is a Party, don’t wait any longer. Any of his books are a great treat as well.

As you’ll see, Tony Campolo was among the most humorous speakers ever. Inside that humor was a constant challenge to be mindful of the poor and to realize that our calling as followers of Jesus is to lay down our lives for the needs of others. Many evangelicals didn’t like him, calling him a “liberal” as a way to dismiss his message. Indeed, I didn’t agree with everything he taught, but that’s true of most people. I have no problem enjoying the chicken and spitting out the bones. He coined the term, Red Letter Christians, to help Jesus followers take seriously the words of Jesus in the Gospels about visiting the sick, feeding the hungry, and reaching out to those in prison.

Since we’ve been talking about the focus of justice and righteousness on The God Journey before we had to take a hiatus, I’m freshly aware of the link between the Kingdom of God with God’s kind of redemptive justice for the broken, the marginalized, and the wounded and how skewed our preoccupation with personal holiness rather than the injustice in a fallen world.

I know no better illustration of that than how Tony Campolo addressed many chapels at Christian universities. He would often begin his talk with a statistic about how many children died the night before from malnutrition and related diseases around the world, numbering in the thousands.  Letting it sink in, he would then add, “And most of you don’t give a sh*t.”

Of course, the room would be scandalized at such a coarse word in their imagined holy place.

When the room settled, he would point to the heart of the problem. “What’s worse is that you’re more upset with the fact that I said ‘sh*t’ than the fact that thousands of kids died last night.”

He wasn’t always invited back. In my more legalistic days, I would have been more concerned about his use of a bad word than I would have been about a hunger problem that seems too large for me to fix. That wouldn’t be true today. Justice is holding a bigger heart for the poor and deprived. Policing the word ‘sh*t’ is just a misplaced, legalistic preoccupation with righteousness.

Of course, we can care about injustice at the same time we watch our mouths, but Tony was making a point here.  I hope you don’t miss the larger issue as well. People concerned with their piety are often disengaged from how their lives impact others. That’s why they can profess Jesus while viciously fighting a culture war with a moral superiority that leaves no room to love their “enemies.”  It’s why some can think of themselves as holy; they don’t use “bad words,” but they still gossip about others to destroy relationships.

That’s why I’ve come to see, “Seek first the kingdom of God and his justice…” (Matthew 6:33) as a better translation than the word righteousness. We can seek righteousness and not always get to justice, but you can’t seek relational justice and not become more godly. Treating others the way we would want them to treat us is where the kingdom of God advances in the world. Of course, they are not unrelated, but one fixates on our good, and the other focuses on the fulfillment of God’s heart by being a beacon of his compassion in a broken world.

Tony, we will miss you here, and yet the joy I’m sure you’re finding there is beyond compare. Rest in peace, my friend. You served him well in this world.

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As for a personal update, my back continues to heal from fusion surgery, and though I still have to be careful while it heals, I’m almost pain-free there. I’ve been on a lower dose of chemo the last two weeks, so I have some really good days of late, but next week, they are going to be ramping up the dosage, and I’m not sure how I’ll be doing then.

Sara joins me on today’s episode of The God Journey podcast to share how our current challenge has also affected her journey. It’s called Expectations, Disappointment, and Hope.

I Will Miss You, Tony Read More »

An Angel at My Door

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If you haven’t heard the podcast from last week or read this blog, you may not appreciate all that’s happening here. I’m currently battling bone cancer that destroyed vertebrae in my back, causing me to have surgery there.

But yesterday, I think I caught an angel on my Ring camera.

I had been battling nausea for three days, so I could barely eat or drink enough to maintain momentum. I was physically weak and tired of the fight. Sara reminded me that we take one day at a time.

Soon, I settled in my chair, and Sara took the dogs out for a walk. A few moments later, my phone told me someone was at the front door.  I turned to look, but no one was there. I hadn’t heard anyone out there. So, I checked the feed from our Ring camera, and sure enough, a woman came around the corner from our driveway and dropped a small package at the front door.  It was not someone I recognized because the light was so intense behind her that her facial features washed out.

As she walked away, she paused at the end of our porch, raised both hands to her lips, and blew a kiss back at our house. Then she extended her hands as if praying for Sara and me. I was undone the first time I saw it; it was such an act of tenderness and love. God’s Spirit washed over me, and I felt her extended arms, conveying her prayer and the prayers of many people I know who are holding space before God for us.  It felt like an angel had come to my door.

When Sara got home, she recovered the package from the front door, and it was a small gift from a woman we have been sharing a journey with over the past few years. She’s become a very close friend and cares for us deeply. Did the fact that she was someone we knew change my view that an angel was outside my door? It didn’t. Sometimes, angels are the closest people to us, and God works through them similarly. And I know what I felt when she was there.  It was all the richer knowing it was someone who loved us.

Call it a coincidence if you want, but later that day, we met with our oncologist, and things changed dramatically. He made adjustments to my medications due to my symptoms, and I came home from that appointment a changed man. I’ve not had nausea since and have even looked forward to meals. It’s quite a change.  I’ve felt stronger and could even do a 6/10 mile walk this morning.

And then there was this: the doctor told us that the marker in my blood they are using to track the power of the cancer has decreased 97.5% in the four weeks I’ve had treatment. He said that drop is highly unusual and indicates they may get this in remission sooner than they hoped. Another great piece of news, though we have no idea yet what twists and turns lie ahead.  We are assured, however, that we are not alone on this journey and that he is faithful.

The last twenty-four hours are the best I’ve had in weeks, and we are so grateful.

And the lady doing a simple act of love toward us had no idea at the time how powerfully God was using it.  Remember, a simple cup of cold water in his name can yield incredible fruit. Don’t despise the small acts of caring or minor expressions of love; the impact is often more significant than we understood then.

Maybe Jesus has someone on your heart to love today by simply expressing your love and caring for them.

 

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How Do You Withdraw Love?

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I’ll provide a health update after I share this brief quote that crossed my computer this morning and stirred my heart. This is a more profound treasure in the mine of love. You cannot fairly hope in God’s gracious love towards you in your brokenness if you also don’t share it with those who haven’t “earned” yours.

Love the Person You See by SØREN KIERKEGAARD

 

We foolish people often think that when a person has changed for the worse we are exempted from loving him. What a confusion in language: to be exempt from loving. As if it were a matter of compulsion, a burden one wished to cast away! If this is how you see the person, then you really do not see him; you merely see unworthiness, imperfection, and admit thereby that when you loved him you did not really see him but saw only his excellence and perfections. True love is a matter of loving the very person you see. The emphasis is not on loving the perfections, but on loving the person you see, no matter what perfections or imperfections that person might possess.

Real love continues no matter how much a person changes.

Love is not an obligation nor obedience; it is a different way of living in a river of love that comes from the Father’s heart and flows through us to touch the world.  Loved by him and then loving with him is where his glory dwells.

And of course this does not mean we have to maintain contact with people who are abusive or toxic. We can still love them, though, even from afar without letting ourselves continue to be a target for their anger and vengeance, in hopes that one day his light will dawn in their darkness.

 

Health update:

Thank you for all the emails, comments, notes, and calls expressing your love and prayers for us in this season.  I am now three weeks from my back surgery, and the pain has lessened appreciably. I still have much to deal with there, but I have greater freedom of movement and have even been able to take some short walks (really short!) with Sara. I have begun treatments for the underlying cancer, and we are very hopeful that this will mitigate further damage. However, this is a long and challenging regimen, and it will be some time before we know its true impact.

So, my time, energy, and focus are limited. I can respond to some emails and enjoy phone calls with friends, but I’m only doing what God seems to inspire me to do each day. I am not worried about trying to keep up with any workload; this will continue to be a time of healing for the foreseeable future. Through it all, Sara has been God‘s greatest gift to me, though I know it is also taking its toll on her. Pray for her strength to endure these days and the wisdom to know when to take a break and care for herself. Hopefully, as I can do more, she will not be so taxed.

In all of this, Sara and I are not without hope—that our God reigns, that every breath we take is in his hands, and that the works of darkness will not thwart his purpose in us. I am grateful to be his son and to live in his growing grace and revelation. Kyle and I may even record a podcast next week, strength permitting, to process some of what I’m learning in this stretch of the journey for those who are interested.

In our prayers for my condition, I always remember Jenny, a friend from the UK who has been suffering longer and far more deeply than me. Whenever I am before the Lord for my health, I am before him for hers, too. I’ve written about her on this blog as a gifted poet finding real faith amid desperate need. She needs some significant help right now if you have some means to help her. And please pray for her too as you pray for me.

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