Wayne Jacobsen

I’ll let you read over my shoulder again, because I think this email exchange exposes a major battlefield for lots of people. Religion has so linked us to performance, that it blinds us to the reality of god’s love for us. This is part of an email exchange I had recently with a dear sister sorting out what it means to live in Father’s acceptance:

Thank you so much for writing. I was truly surprised to receive your response. I can only imagine how many emails you must receive. Your words caused an unexpected flood of emotions, and I cried and cried — not sure exactly why. I’ve read Jake’s book (can’t wait for the rest of it) and have also printed and am reading the BodyLife articles. You emphasize God’s love and acceptance and the fact that Jesus is working in us to build His church.

I have not seen anything in your writings that address my major concern. I have been absolutely miserable throughout most of my Christian life, although I appear to be contented and strong because I counsel others, smile, and say, “Praise the Lord” a lot. I’m doing some serious soul-searching away from church meetings and the church family. I truly do know that God loves me. I believe that nothing can separate me from His love. But I also believe that all of the people who are eternally separated from God will be people He truly loves. So for me, whether God loves me is not the concern. It is whether I am accepted by Him.

I assent to the fact that we are accepted only through Christ, but it is obviously not a reality for me. I live with constant internal agony. I cannot reconcile being accepted through faith in Christ (Romans) with scriptures such as Eph. 5:1-7; Hebrews 3, 6:1-2, Galatians 5:21, Colossians 1:23, and many, many others. Paul told the church to examine themselves to see if they were in the faith. Jesus gave many warnings. He spoke about the “many” to whom He will say, “I never knew you,” even though they apparently had actually done mighty works in His name. How did these many do mighty works if they never knew Him and He never knew them? At the judgment, the sheep and goats are separated based on what they did and didn’t do. I am truly afraid of being found at the judgment as one who was not accepted — a foolish virgin, the man who hid his talent, a branch broken off and worthy only for burning.

The bottom line is, I cannot reconcile that we are saved by grace through faith with the frightening warnings throughout the scriptures. I know beyond any doubt that I was born again and baptized in the Holy Spirit as an older teen. There has never been a time since then when I turned away from my faith in Christ or did not want to please Him. There have been times when I have failed miserably, and I realize that I fail often to be all He would want me to be. But this is something more. It is who I am in my inner most being and the spontaneous responses I have to life stressors at unexpected moments. The truth is, I am afraid of being cast away and lost.

I know the Word says that Jesus will not cast out those who come to Him. But I am still always afraid that God expects more of me than I am giving. I always feel that the Lord is trying to get through to me something that He requires or expects from my life. I don’t know what that something is, but I fear that I have failed and will be ashamed at His appearing.

My Response: I wish I could answer all your questions, Sister, but email is a lousy way to try to help someone through things like this. Words are so limited and I’m never sure I read them the same way you wrote them. It would be great if you could find an older sister in the Lord whose life in God you truly respect and have a sense that they are connected to Him. Share this with them and see if they can help you get through it it. I just don’t trust email as a way to sort out these deeply personal issues.

First of all, I think it is fabulous that you’re struggling with this. It shows you have a heart for truth and not just hide in comforting thoughts. That’s incredibly positive. God wants you to know his acceptance from the deepest core of your being and you don’t need to be satisfied short of finding that. So, keep on this journey with him. Let him sort out in you why you don’t know that acceptance. Because you surely have it. Of that I have no doubt, but there is something blocking your perception of that reality and finding freedom from that will be a wonderful moment on this journey and it will guard you well in days ahead…

You seem to be hung up in the performance trap—that somehow his love for you is not enough and you must be very, very good to prove your worth to him. Yes, there is much in Scripture that talks about his transformation in us, and invites us to live the way he lived in the world. Yes, this journey leads us to ever-increasing righteousness as he transforms us. Yes, there is much in Scripture about the way he wants us to live…

BUT, there is a huge difference between reading those admonishments as someone trying to perform for acceptance, and someone living out of that acceptance wanting his transformation. You seem to be stuck in the former, fearful that you will somehow fall short of his expectations for you. I don’t know exactly what you’re struggling with there, and that’s where someone else might be very helpful to sort that out, but the admonishments of the New Testament are not qualifications to earn acceptance, but the way God wants his accepted people to live in the world. I hope that makes sense to you.

All you have to do is look at how Jesus treated his followers when they didn’t believe him, tried to work against him, and even acted unloving toward each other and the world around them. He kept telling them his Father had something better for them, but he didn’t reject them. He didn’t berate them, he kept loving them into his Father’s transformation. Yes, we all fall short. Sister. None of us is perfect. But I don’t read the admonishments of the New Testament and see how far short I fall, I read them in the hope that this is what he is producing in me and what I want him to produce so badly.

But performance will never get us there. It won’t! It won’t! It won’t! You’ll never be good enough and neither will I. But, transformation comes quickest and we learn to live settled in his love and in communion with him, even at the point of our failures. Perfect love casts out fear! Fear has to do with punishment, and the one who fears cannot be perfected in love. (I John 4). In other words it’s our security in his love that begins the transformation, not our performance to escape punishment.

Does that make sense? I don’t know why you’re caught where you are, but I have no doubt that something in your past, the way you think, or some religious infection makes you think wrongly about these things. So while you are accepted by a loving Father, you don’t know that yet. But he wants you to. So don’t give up. Don’t feel you need to pretend. Ask him why you cannot be settled in his love and acceptance and ask him to change you so that you can be.

That’s a great freedom, Sister! I can’t wait until you know it for yourself. That will be a wonderful day, and well worth the struggle you’re caught in now to find it… And know you are not alone. Every genuine child of God has struggled through this issue at some level or another. I have many people who write me with similar struggles. So keep going, Sister! Keep pouring yourself out to the Father and search the Scriptures to see whether our performance leads us to acceptances, or whether his acceptance leads us to transformation. Read John 14-15, Romans 8 and I John 4 again and again until the reality of it all sinks home…

And for all of you who wrestle with the same deep agony of being uncertain of Father’s acceptance, I pray for you, too, that you might keep coming close to him and sorting through every thing that says differently, until in the deepest core of your being you know Father’s deep affection and delight in you as his child.

Our latest edition of The God Journey entitled Accept No Substitutes! has just been posted on our sister website thegodjourney.com.

Why would we ever think we’re safer following the crowd, or following another human being, when the King of Kings wants to be our shepherd and lead us into the true freedom of God’s life? He alone is the way, the truth and the life. Learning to live dependent on him rather than our own performance or the false security of so-called experts, will allow him to unravel our religious ways of thinking and free us to go on the journey with him that opens the door to the real thing—life in his kingdom!

Isn’t she lovely??!?!?! Of course the kid is, but I don’t know about the get-up. My wife and daughter think it’s to die for. I don’t know! I don’t think I understand a lot of the hoopla surrounding Christmas. I do know this. If your life is in a good season when Christmas rolls around, it makes a great time to celebrate with family and friends. But if you’re going through painful struggles, or you’ve recently lost someone you love deeply, this season can multiply the pain geometrically.

I have just posted our Lifestream Christmas greeting on the website. It is called The Two Faces of Christmas, and we hope it encourages you however you find life facing you in this season. We are so blessed by all the connections that Father has given us in his incredible kingdom and are so grateful for all of you who have touched our lives this past year. May God overwhelm you with his grace and joy, in whatever you might be going through in this season of your life, and lead you ever closer to his heart.

In an unrelated note, I have on good authority that a new chapter in the Jake Colsen story has just been posted at jakecolsen.com. The last chapter will be posted on Christmas day.

David, who describes himself a church planting missionary in Thailand sent me a great question the other day. I figured there would be others interested in the answer, so here it is:

As I looked over the letters I couldn’t help but notice that EVERYONE had ONLY positive comments to make about the site. But, I was wondering, why don’t you post the negative letters that you receive? One of the things that I really enjoy about the site is the feeling that you are trying to be “honest” in your approach. As a word of constructive criticism please let me say, you make yourself look much less “honest” by not also sharing the letters from folks who are against what this web-site is all about.

Here is my response: Thanks for your email and your input and I do appreciate your perception of what we’re trying to do here and your concern. Let me try to answer you as honestly as I can.

The Letters we use in BodyLife are designed to encourage people on the journey or help them see how others are finding encouragement on the Lifestream site. I have never considered running negative letters there because people I’m want to encourage already hear the negative voices from people around them. That section is really meant to ‘build up’ people with positive encouragement to pursue the work God is already doing in them.

That said, I do not often receive negative email about my site. Most of the negative comments come secondhand and thus they are unusable. The negative comments I do receive directly usually fall into two categories—(1) vitriolic rants by people who are incredibly destructive, and (2) honest questions or struggles with something I’ve written or espoused. Let me tell you how I have handled both of those. I respond personally to the first group, assuming they are someone who has been badly burned by some Christian experience, and with gentleness reach out to their concerns. Most I never hear back from, but occasionally some engage an email conversation that opens some real doors in their heart to see past people’s failures to God’s reality. I don’t consider posting those anywhere because I don’t know who they would help.

I also respond personally to the second group, but if I think their concern would be shared by a number of others, I post that exchange (anonymously, of course) on the blog, with my response to show how I processed it. So that is where you would find the negative comments or struggles with my content. More often, however, differing viewpoints appear in the comment sections of the blog. I do not delete negative responses unless they are intellectually dishonest or resort to false accusations or name-calling. In the 21 months I’ve had the blog I have only deleted one comment due to these concerns.

So the disagreeing dialog is there, it just isn’t in the BodyLife “Sharing the Journey†section, because I want that to be encouraging to others just embarking on this journey. Perhaps that will change in the future, who knows? This is (or better said, I am) a work in progress and what we do here will continue to unfold. Please be assured that I deeply appreciate people who take the time to let me know how we might do this better or more honestly. And those suggestions often shape what I might do in the future.

I write this at the Boise, Idaho airport at 5:30 a.m., waiting for my flight to leave for home. They have free wi-fi here! It would be great if more airports allowed it. Usually it costs something like $8.00 even though you’ll only be there an hour or so. Really, not worth it!

I just spent an incredible weekend, however, with a broad spectrum of folks from the Boise area. I touched base with four different pockets of believers up here over the five days I was in the area. I am always blessed by the people I meet who hunger to know the Living God and are willing to follow that hunger even when it pushes them away from the safety of the status quo. I even got a chance to prune some grapevines yesterday and let others see what it looks like when God prunes up our lives to make us more fruitful.

One of the things that has kept coming up in this trip is that routine is the death knell of relationship. Whether it is our spouse, God, or the body of Christ, whenever we find more comfort in the safety of a routine rather than live in the spontaneity of the moment, relationships begin to die. Routine and ritual is the language of religion. Relationships are just too organic for such things. So if you think things are getting stale in your relationships, break out of the box a bit. Learn to see your God, your spouse and others through fresh eyes and respond to the moment rather than stay to the comfort of past routines.

His mercies really are new every morning. In the uniqueness of your life and this day may the creative God inspire you today with something fresh from his heart and may you follow him today to places that you’ve never gone before…

Our latest edition of The God Journey entitled Meet the Wives, Again has just been posted on our sister website thegodjourney.com.

We got them started, and now we’re not sure we can get them to stop! After our last podcast, Sara and Kelly were still talking about some of their issues in living outside the system. We turned the microphones back on and thought you’d appreciate the issues they’re facing today as they talk about their feelings regarding corporate worship, their children, and finding fellowship with other people, especially other women, as their journey’s continue. Those of you who asked for more of Sara and Kelly had your prayers answered before you asked them.…

I had lunch at an interesting place today in Eagle, Idaho. As you can see from the photo it looks like a building many Christians use for Sunday morning meetings. Look closely, though and you can see something is amiss. It used to be a clubhouse for the Baptists, but it isn’t any longer. Observe the sign in the front that says Rembrandt’s. (Yes, I know it is a bit small to read… sorry!) Inside, the entire facility has been converted into an upscale combination coffee shop and art gallery. The food was amazing and the ambiance delightful.

But wait, there’s more. A group of believers went together to buy the building, refurbish it and open it as a commercial establishment. But the proceeds from this restaurant/gallery go to support a youth center nearby that is an old converted fire station. Here kids can find tutors, recreation and people who care about them.

What an amazing combination. I was blessed to hear the story and inspired by those who were so proactive about their faith, their generosity with the community and their creative way to finance a youth center that doesn’t have to rely on donations.

And this has become one of the most popular eating places in town, with a full parking lot when we arrived at 11:30 on a Thursday. I think I want to nominate this as best use of a previously owned religious establishment for 2005. Any other nominations?

As I was clearing up so old files in my office the other day, I came across a quote I had cut out of a Leadership Journal almost 25 years ago now. I remember being captured by this quote when I first read it and it is as fresh and true today as it was then.

These words were written by Father John McKenzie, a Catholic scholar back in the 1970s, which gives rise to a few of questions: First, why would someone who says such things still travel with the title ‘Father’? And second, why didn’t anybody listen to him? And finally, why didn’t I actually believe these words when I first read them? They would have saved me years of grief. For I have found out in the years since that it is exactly true. Until we give up all the false places where we’ve tried to control God’s people, we won’t know the reality of the church of Jesus Christ as she has existed down through time outside the walls of our own institutions.

I guess it is easier to speak words of that ring of truth, or jot them down in journals, than to actually heed them.

We are no longer able to maintain our blog at the site where it has been generously hosted for us the past 20 months or so. We need to convert it and bring it onto the Lifestream site, which may take a bit of work over the next few days. If the site is not functional during the next few days, please understand why and bear with us.

Ahh… the growth curve! I hate the growth curve! But then growth doesn’t happen without, physically or computerally!

Thank you.

I can’t believe I didn’t get a new blog entry up here between the last podcast and this one. But it’s been a bit nuts around here, especially with the holiday week and some family events that coincided with all that. But I thought you’d want to know that our latest edition of The God Journey entitled Systems and Structures has just been posted on our sister website thegodjourney.com.

When people begin to see through the illusions of organized religion, many have the tendency to through out all structures, thinking they are inherently evil. Are they? Some feedback from Wayne and Brad’s podcast on George Barna’s Revolution and some listener questions regarding structure and associations give them an opportunity to sort through this issue, considering where structures can be a blessing by helping to facilitate Gods’ working, and where they supplant it and distract people from the simple joy of living out of their relationship with Jesus.

If you’d like to post comments or questions about this show, please do so on the God Journey Blog so that others can read them there as well. Thanks! I know it is sometimes easier to respond here, but then others on that website don’t get to interact with your comments or questions. Thanks!