Wayne Jacobsen

You’d have to be fully off the grid, not to have heard of Susan Boyle, the 47 year-old woman who recently shocked the audience and judges of Britain’s Got Talent with the most incredible performance of The Dream I Dreamed from Les Miserables. It was featured on news shows throughout the U.S. and as of today the You Tube video has as of this morning been viewed over 12 million times.

It may be impossible to watch that video and not be deeply moved. There are lots of factors to that. If you want to read her back story, you can do so here. It’s great TV—the context, the diminished expectations, the surprise or an incredible voice and the passion behind her song. But I can’t help but wonder if there isn’t something more. If you haven’t listened to the lyrics, listen carefully. This is the story of a young dream that life destroyed and the attempt to still find God in the disappointment. Here’s just a few lines:

And still I dream he’ll come to me
That we will live the years together
But there are dreams that cannot be
And there are storms we cannot weather…

I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I’m living
So different now from what it seemed
Now life has killed The dream I dreamed.

Part of the reason this is so powerful is not just her voice, but that her life seems a very parable of the song she sings. She had a dream to be a famous singer that had not be realized before last week, at 47 years of age. She’s not alone. A lot of very creative people live with similar disappointed dreams, and most won’t get this kind of break, even at 47.

Every child grows up with dreams, and the twists and turns of life often crush them. Sometimes that’s because they’ve been so abused and diminished that their spirit is crushed. Sometimes it’s simply that they don’t have the right look, or lived in the right place or had the right opportunity. But I suspect for many it’s because our dreams weren’t so much about the gift that was in us, but how rich, influential or famous we wanted that gift to make us. For every person that becomes a pro athlete, hundreds of thousands more get left in the dust. For every one who wins a gold medal, writes a best-seller, or cuts a platinum album, hundreds of thousands of others live like failures because they didn’t.

If our dreams hinge on the response of others, opportunities in this world are slim. By definition only a narrow few will end up playing professional sports, becoming a singing sensation or a best-selling author. If success only comes by being in the brightest spotlights, most of our dreams will be dashed as well. As I watched it for the fifth or sixth time last night, I couldn’t help but wonder if we’re not so deeply moved by the performance of this incredible woman because through her we are getting a glimpse into eternity. It’s not the crowd or the lights that make her performance noteworthy, but the fact that she is simply doing in the thrill of the moment what God created her to do.

In our twisted perceptions of the 21st Century, it is easy to think this talent wasted since she never got this chance until she was 47. But does the stage validate the gift? Was she, or her music, any less moving or less valuable when she sang to herself in the kitchen or in local gatherings in her village? Was it less moving to the kind of God who splashes wildflowers across mountainsides no human will ever see? Most of the best gifts I know in this life will never gather the spotlight, or wow the masses. I’m not sure God ever intended them to. Perhaps even the unrelenting attempt to find a mass audience or a bright enough spotlight so easily distorts the dream, or the gift, or the person as well. We all know how the realities of competition and glare of celebrity does more to ruin people than it does make them more whole or well-grounded.

When we finally arrive in eternity, no longer tethered by our false expectations, no longer competing against others with similar gifts, no longer measuring our worth by the false demands of a broken culture, we will all get to celebrate the full beauty of exactly what the Creator sowed in our lives. And I suspect we’ll celebrate it in each other, perhaps like we see it in Susan Boyle, and in doing so it will touch the deepest joys and ecstasies of our heart. And the Father will thrill right along with us.

I know the reality of disappointed dreams, as I coveted a mass influence through my writing from a very young age. It tortured me. The desire was a tyranny all its own, and God won it from my hands almost 15 years ago. For the first time I found myself for the first time content to write for the love of God and let him do with it what he will with the result. I found absolute joy in simply writing what was on my heart and making it available on a website. And I was blessed by each life it touched in the gentle obscurity of God taking it to those he wanted.

And now I know what it is to be involved with a best-seller over the last year and I’d be less than honest if I told you it was all the joy I dreamed it would be when I coveted it so long ago. Notoriety brings a different set of pressures and a different kind of audience, and it is now harder to do what God has asked me to do in the shadow of what the world calls success than it was before. I find more joy in helping one life find freedom than I have in perusing a best-seller lists. And now, I hardly write since my days are full of obligations and responsibilities far afield from that which God originally asked of me. Over the next few months I’ll be moving away from this space back to where Jesus has asked me to walk.

So here’s what I’m thinking as I watch that video: Isn’t it enough that all of us ply our creativity, gifts and dreams for an audience of One. It is enough that God hears us sing, that God reads what we write and that the truest joys are not doing it professionally, if we lack the opportunity, but doing it as hobby, sport and passion. Saying someone is an amateur has become a put-down today. But the root of that French word is people who do what they do for the love of it, not for money or the light of the stage.

And while I understand those who would love to see their passion find a greater voice and place in the culture, it is not failure for God’s grace in you to touch the people he has put before you, rather than the unknown masses. Your story is not validated because it spawns a book; your song is not more precious because it secures a recording contract. So sing, write, paint, plant, nurture, design, act, and build however it brings joy to your heart. And let God open whatever doors he has for it. Knock where you will, search as you have direction, but don’t despise the audience God has already given you—your children or spouse, friends and family, and local opportunities to touch lives in tens and twenties, rather than frustratingly trying to find a path to the thousands.

And I wonder if some of the dreams we carry in our heart, were never meant to find their fulfillment in this life. Perhaps they, too, are portals to a different age and time. Maybe they are a glimpse into that unrestrained eternity that will allow us all to be fully all that God created us to be. I’m convinced our greatest creativity and ecstasy lies beyond this temporal time zone.

And one day we will all know the absolute thrill of doing in freedom and joy the very thing God made us to do—that gives him and us the fullest of joys.

It is so simple. It crosses theological, ethnic and cultural lines. Just treat others the way you want to be treated. Whether or not they treat you that way in return, really isn’t the issue. This comes up today because of some recent conflict on The God Journey forum. It always disheartens me that people come to forums to make their case by being obnoxious, falsely accusing others by ascribing thoughts or motives, or simply maligning people who disagree with them. I’ve had to remind some people that the key to getting along with everyone else is to simply treat others the way you want to be treated.

This also comes up because many public school students will observe a Day of Silence as a means to protest harassment and discrimination based on sexual orientation or gender identity. It has been going on for almost a decade and many parents who are against ‘the gay agenda’ feel the need to keep their kids home that day, or participate in a Day of Truth that makes sure everyone in their district knows they consider homosexuality to be immoral. Is this the way Jesus would respond.

Perhaps a better way to encourage faith-based students to respond would be to adopt the Golden Rule Pledge. “I pledge to treat others the way I want to be treated.” It allows a pro-active response to sharing the burden to increase mutual respect for all, regardless of our differing points of view. While some of it is a little ‘religiously’ with having to quote a Scripture to justify their actions, I appreciate the sentiment.

Dr. Throckmorton, Professor of Psychology at Grove City College and organizer of the pledge says, “There can no doubt that GLBT students and peers as well as other who appear different have been the target of harassment, bullying and violence. We believe Christians should stand with a loud voice to oppose this.”

“Participation in the Golden Rule Pledge helps to demonstrates Christian respect and concern and builds bridges instead of walls,” added Michael Frey, his associate and Western Pennsylvania Regional Director of Campus Ministries for Campus Crusade for Christ.

The Golden Rule Pledge may also be conducted in schools where the Day of Silence is not being observed. For more information you can see their websiteThe Golden Rule dot com, or link up with them on Facebook.

Beyond the program, however, this is the way Jesus asked us to live. You don’t need to throw a Scripture in their face to do it. All you have to do is live differently and it will speak volumes!

It’s fascinating to watch God open someone’s eyes to the Truth of the gospel when they have been schooled in religious performance all their lives. They want to believe in the reality of grace, but have so many questions about what they’ve been taught in the past. It’s as if they can’t move on in grace until they get all the questions answered to their intellect’s satisfaction.

Now I’m not one to despise the intellect. God gave us a brain for a reason. I love people who ask questions and try to sort out things in ways that make sense. But if we’re going to wait for all our questions to be answered before we move on down the road with him, I’m afraid some of us will never move.

Easter morning Sara and I stole a few, quiet moments on our patio in the cool of the day. We read the resurrection story from Luke. What a day. Women reported an empty tomb, but Peter hadn’t found anything there. Two brothers have a conversation with a man on the road, they later recognized was Jesus. Finally Jesus appears to them all at the end of the day. He came through the wall into their room and they behold him. And some of the first words out of his mouth were something I think we all need to hear in our own context:

“Don’t be upset and don’t let all those doubting questions take over.” (Luke 24:38, THE MESSAGE)

In the presence of the Resurrected Christ, they had a choice. Embrace him and let him resolve your questions and concerns in the going, or settle back in those doubting questions and never take the journey to begin with. If we’re really looking to follow Jesus, would he allow us to be deceived by a false grace? If we ask the Father for bread, will he let us pick up a stone instead?

So many brothers and sisters I know get paralyzed when they haven’t figured out answers to every question, about something they sense him leading them to do, or even just believing that the Gospel of grace, is simply that. What if we trusted Jesus to sort out our questions in the going, rather than having them all answered before we head out? We talked on a podcast a few weeks ago about the gap many people talk about between their head and their heart. I have been asked countless times, “How do I get what I know in my head, into my heart?”

Robert, a friend of mine from Virginia, suggested that perhaps God’s love is won in our heart (Romans 5:5), not our heads. Instead of trying to get our heads to convince our hearts of a reality, perhaps the greater freedom is to let our hearts when over our heads. Our hearts already know how loved we are by him. Our hearts already bear witness to his reality. It’s our heads that have a hard time catching up.

Questions can be important, but we must not let them rule the day. Instead, embrace the One your heart already knows. Live out of that reality and you’ll find your questions will get sorted out in the going. Try to answer all your questions first, and you’ll never get anywhere on this journey.

An article I wrote on the crucifixion for Easter week appeared today on the Crosswalk website. While I don’t like the title they put to it, I do think Christianity needs to re-think the cross. I think we’ve got the story wrong—viewing it from our shame-induced stupor from the fall wanting to appease an angry God—rather than looking back from our redemption as God’s children and seeing the Loving Father resolving our sin in himself. Jesus didn’t die for God. He died for us.

Easter and My Struggle with the Brutality of God’s Plan
Wayne Jacobsen

Something about the story made me cringe every time I heard it, and since I grew up a Baptist, I heard it a lot: To satisfy His need for justice and His demand for holiness, God sentenced His own Son to death in the brutal agony of a crucifixion as punishment for the failures and excesses of humanity.

Don’t get me wrong. I want as much mercy as I can get. If someone else wants to take a punishment I deserve and I get off scot free, I’m fine with that. But what does this narrative force us to conclude about the nature of God?

As we approach Easter, the crucifixion story most often told paints God as an angry, blood-thirsty deity whose appetite for vengeance can only be satisfied by the death of an innocent—the most compassionate and gracious human that ever lived. Am I the only one who struggles with that? The case could be made that it makes God not much different from Molech, Baal or any of the other false deities that required human sacrifice to sate their uncontrollable rage.

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Someone sent me another Tozer quote, that is probably much truer today than it was when he wrote it. This one is from the preface of The Pursuit of God .

To great sections of the Church the art of worship has been lost entirely, and in its place has come that strange and foreign thing called the ‘program.’ This word has been borrowed from the stage and applied with sad wisdom to the type of public service which now passes for worship among us.

Tozer was definitely a man after God’s heart, with a passion and unbridled honesty that still resonates today. We have absolutely destroyed any meaning to worship in our day when we think that it is anything we do on a Sunday morning involving songs, vocalists, instruments and light shows. Worship is how we live our lives in Father. How we love our husbands, children, the obnoxious person at work and strangers on the street is closer to real worship than anything having to do with songs.

Don’t get me wrong. Singing and making melody in our hearts to God together is a special thing to. We can call it adoration if we want. But calling it worship, destroys the real term that belongs in every-day life, not something we do once or twice a week.

Orlando, Fl April 1, 2009 — They arrived by first class or flew in on their private jets for this first-ever gathering of mega-church pastors from all over the United States. They had gathered to trade secrets of their success and form a new denomination called Church of the Champions.

But in their first session as Bob Johnson, a renowned media analyst who was going to brief them on new strategies to exert pressure on the media and to take back the culture for God, started to speak a bright light suddenly appeared over the lectern and many reported later that a voice spoke out of rafters: “Pastors, pastors, why are you persecuting me?”

Observers say everyone sat spell-bound in their seats for a moment. Nothing in the room moved. Soon many of them began to weep and fall to the ground confessing the error of their ways. Some confessed to dividing the body of Christ by competing to be the biggest and best church in their area. Some admitted that they had supplanted Jesus in the lives of their followers by teaching the people to follow them instead of following him. Others said they had lived lavish lifestyles on the backs of those who lived in need. Still others confessed to manipulating people’s need for approval instead of freeing them to live as loved children of God, to providing a public persona different from the reality of their own doubts and struggles, to being in love with power and influence instead of the simple reality of the kingdom.

After nearly two hours of soul-purging confession they read together Matthew 23, admitting that they had created the same realities that Jesus had warned the Pharisees about. By unanimous acclimation they agreed to abandon their plans to form a new denomination, and instead go home and tell the people the truth, apologize for their short-sited ambitions, dismantle the institutions that blinded people to God’s reality and start living in the honesty of their own spiritual journey.

In what might be a related story, scientists that have been observing the fires of hell from the Haney Terrascope buried deep within the earth outside Lubbock, Texas have observed strange white matter appearing on the surface of hell’s lake of fire. “It looks like ice,” one scientist said, “though I know that doesn’t make any sense. We’ll have to run more tests to be certain.”

I saw this A. W. Tozer quote at the bottom of someone’s email over the last couple of days. It is certainly even truer in our day than it was in his:

We are in an age of religious complexity. The simplicity which is in Christ is rarely found amoung us. In its stead are programs, methods, organizations, and a world of nervous activities which occupy time and attention but can never satisfy the longing of the heart. -A.W. TOZER-

I couldn’t resist sharing part of an email I received last week, but only caught up enough with my email to read it today. It brought many a smile to my heart for lots of reasons. I love how broadly this book resonates with people and how this family travels:

Our family was making a relatively short trip (5.5 hours driving) to visit my parents during spring break and we have come to enjoy listening to books and radio plays during the drive. For this visit my wife and I decide that we would look for a suitable Christian book to listen to, something the whole family would enjoy. I should state that we are a family of faith, with some of us being more “religious” than others, so purchasing a Christian book was not a method to investigate Christianity, but way to deepen our faith, and broaden our minds.

As we spent a couple of hours doing one of my and my boys favorite things, perusing the bookstore, we looked at numerous audio books to purchase. All of which said “buy me, buy me”. We had settled on a book to purchase, “The Ragamuffin Gospels”, or at least thought we had, when a book apparently jumped off the shelves and right into our hands. You guessed it, So You Don’t Want to Go to Church Anymore. It screamed, buy me My wife, Rose, and I have long believed and taught our two boys that Jesus and the Father guide our lives, and this was one more example of it for us. We knew this was the book and we immediately put it into our purchase this pile. Little did we know how much our minds would be broadened.

We passed the time during the trip by being captivated by Jake’s journey with John. We would turn the CD player off between chapters to discuss what each of us had learned and discuss the different ways each of us approached what we had heard. It was one of the best drives to my parents house that we have ever had as a family. The insights into our lives revealed to us on that Tuesday morning and afternoon were simply incredible.

I said earlier that some of us are “more religious” than others in our family, let me explain. We are a Catholic lay-family. We have been married for 20 years this August and we, like any married couple, have had our share of ups and downs. The two things that have remained constant throughout our marriage have been our love and faith in Jesus and each other. My wife is a “cradle-Catholic”, as are my two boys, while I came to the Catholic faith about 12 years ago. There was never any pressure from my wife for me to become a Catholic, let alone go to church.

That is how my search for religion started (little did I know then that what I was really searching for was relationship, not religion). We visited numerous churches, went to numerous masses, services, worship and fellowship meetings before I decide to be baptized in the Catholic faith. Since that time I have been active, active, active in the church. I have been on parish councils, president and vice-president of parish councils, on finance committees, various planning committees, taught Sunday school (or religious formation as we refer to it), been part of the planning and execution of vacation bible schools, and a lector and Eucharistic minister during Mass. I enjoyed it all immensely (probably for the wrong reasons). I learned a lot about myself, other people, the church; but never about what it means to live in Jesus’ love. Despite the joy, I always new there was something missing, something that didn’t set right with me.

During my conversations with my wife after church on Sundays I would inevitably say something along the lines of, “There has to be more. What I see is the priest and the church espousing is a list of man-made rules and regulations. I hear The Church wants you do x,y, and z. I never hear about what God and Jesus wants.” After listening to this week in and week out for a number of years I became disillusioned with “The Church”. But I kept quiet (publicly, amongst other Catholics, never expressing my doubts). I did my duties as a good Catholic and Christian.

After all I was alone, or nearly alone, in my way of thinking. Then along came Tuesday, March 17, 2009. I slid the first CD of “So You Don’t Want to Go to Church Anymore” into the CD player in our vehicle and things began to change. Your words in this book echo what I have been saying for years. At one point, during one of John’s conversations with Jake, Rose and I broke out laughing. The words John chose were exactly the words I had used just the Sunday before to express my believe in why God sent Jesus to us. I could have written that passage and not had a single word different from yours, and I said as much. Then my 11 year-old, Nicolas, pipes up from the back seat, “Alert the Media, Dad is the Apostle John.” It was one of those family moments you had to be there for.

But that does not tell the whole tale of how engrossed the family became in this book. We finished listening on the way home a couple of days later. The boys fell asleep before we put the last disk in, but Rose and I decided to listen to it anyway. As we neared home, about an hour out, the boys woke up and the first thing they asked for was to listen to the last disk because they had missed it. That is impressive when you capture the hearts and imagination of two little boys and their parents with the same story.

All of this above Wayne, is a long winded way of saying thank you to you and to Dave for writing this book. I know the true thanks goes to Jesus and Father for putting the book in our hands and CD player. However, I firmly believe that had Father not wanted me to come into contact with you, he would not have guided you to write this book, or me to purchase it. I am listening to it again for the second time in a week and I am enjoying it as much this time as I did the first time. I know I have to listen to it many more times to glean the nuggets of truth and information out of it.

Like Jake in the book, I have million questions to ask running around in my mind. I just wish that I had the time to ask you. I hope at sometime in our futures that Father sees fit that we meet one and another. Thank you again for this book. I look forward to reading more of your work.

After my last blog posting I got this response from a woman who now pastors in Illinois It continues the conversation in a wonderful way:

I just read the e-mail you posted on your blog. I also just recently read your book. Wow!! I realized that there are probably countless individuals who can relate to the individual who was raised in a “religious” home where “law” was enforced and mercy and love were absent.

I was also raised in a home where my Pastor father was an amazing and gracious and loving man and my mother was broken and extremely “religious”. I never knew whether she would grab a Bible or a belt. For many years I believed I deserved only punishment and judgment. I believed I could never and would never be good enough to face a Holy and righteous God. What I didn’t realize was that Jesus loved me and was pursuing me passionately. As I was running I encountered HIM.

His love completely overwhelmed me and today I am free at last….free at last!!! When I read your book I was once again reminded of his amazing and everlasting love. I truly believe that we all need a revelation of God’s great love for us and to hear of his love over and over again. I have always believed that Billy Graham has had such an overwhelming response to the invitations he gives because when ANYONE who is lost or hurting hears the first few words of “JUST AS I AM” it is just so powerful. You have written a simple and most POWERFUL book of love. Thank you from my heart!!!!!! I love him because he first loved me.

This email arrived in my inbox this morning and I wanted to share it here, not for the kudos it offers to me, but for the encouragement it might offer others who live where this woman has lived. I hope we all know by know that only God can win someone to his love and affection. Don’t get me wrong. That some of the things I’ve been involved in provided a conduit for him to be revealed in her is wonderful and encouraging to be sure. But the larger story is of how God makes his love known to people who have not known a lot of love in their lives. I want to share her story because I know there are hundreds if not thousands like her out there.

They were raised in the demands of a religion devoid of love. They didn’t find it from their overly-religious parents, and never found it whatever kind of “faith community” they were raised in. But God never gives up. He pursues us with a love that can overwhelm all of our failures and hurts.

If you’ve never known God’s love for you, don’t give up. Just keep asking him to make it real to you. And if you know God’s love be aware that some person like this one may cross your path today and perhaps God can give them a glimpse of himself through you. Perhaps a smile or a gracious word from you might open a door that will allow God to find someone he has been looking for, for a long time.

Words will not come close to expressing my thanks to you for your book He Loves Me. I was born into a pastor’s home. There was no real love but lots of condemnation. I didn’t hear God’s love preached from the pulpit. My childhood was an extremely sad place. When I was six I went forward to accept Jesus as my Savior six nights in a row at children’s camp. When my father asked me why, I replied, “Because I’m not too good saved yet”.

That has been my journey. No love at home so I couldn’t believe that God loved me. To say I have struggled with God would be a huge understatement. I have walked away for years at a time, come back when I was hurting from my choices of looking for the love and approval I so sought.

Last June after a particularly hard time I heard about the book The Shack. Oh my goodness! It tore apart all the false beliefs and showed me a Papa I had longed for. I’ve shared that book with my friends and talked about it to anyone who will listen! Over the next months I read So You Don’t Want to Go to Church Anymore. That book knocked my socks off. Then came along He Loves Me. “WOW!” is all I can say. Papa will have to bring to your heart the understanding of how powerful your book has been in my heart and my life. It has changed everything. Even that is a big understatement.

Wayne, one day we will meet in heaven and I just to warn you, I am going to be the one who jumps up and down telling you about how Papa used you in my life. We are now studying your book in our Bible Study and the women are loving it. Thank you for the remarkable work he doing in my life because of finally understanding HIS LOVE.

I think God did let me in on what happened in her heart. I teared up reading this. I can only imagine what it must be like for someone who has never known love to find for it full and free inside God himself. Isn’t that what the gospel is all about? We all have a Father that loves us more than anyone on this planet ever has or ever will.