Wayne Jacobsen

Today is Flyday! At 11:00 tonight I begin my journey home from Brazil and will feel torn again from some new brothers and sisters that I didn’t know I had, and have grown to love in these days together.

I’m going to let Peter from Australia write my blog today. He felt impressed to send some thoughts to me about reconciliation and gave me permission to pass them on if I wanted. This post comes from the depth of someone’s pain, experience, and healing which is why it rings with such simplicity and truth.

There is so much that I love in this post and so much that I am committed to stay true to in my own heart even in the most painful of broken relationships. I have use bold time to highlight portions I think are particularly significant. Here’s what Peter wrote me:

Some recent podcast references, have stimulated some thoughts on the “broken relationships” issue. From our pre-faith days, we can truly say it was easier to make peace with worldly folk than with the religious ones! Our coming to terms with broken relationships is a work in progress, but thus far, our thinking is as follows.

Reconciliation requires (at least) two key ingredients from each party; (a) a willingness to talk (ie being prepared to take a seat at the “table of reconciliation”), and (b), a preparedness to be wrong (not manipulative capitulation, not an abdication of truth; just a humble openness).

As “young Christians” (boy, how I hate that demeaning term), we were unschooled in the ways of religion. We soon found ourselves on the wrong side of pastors, elders, and all manner of “church-folk”. We earnestly sought truth and reconciliation but were shunned in every instance. How sad that it took religion to “teach” us what shunning is. Even through our son’s battle with cancer (and his death in 2007), the “shunners” never flinched; never deviated from their “God ordained” mission to shun us into their ways. But even that was ultimately a blessing; we were “forced” into a reliance on God Himself rather than on his self appointed “representatives”.

In our isolation we sought God, and in that place developed a lasting resolve; it is to always be prepared to take our seat at the table of reconciliation, to be prepared to be wrong, to resist the temptation of taking responsibility for the decisions others make, and above all, to place the love of truth above the need to be right. It is a real test of self to discern whether we really are lovers of truth, or just lovers of the “truth” we already have, and need.

There is sadness still in that hollow place of unresolved conflict, but there can be peace also. There is peace that comes from trusting God, from keeping our eyes focused where they belong, and from not gathering up responsibilities that are not rightfully ours. We cannot sit alone at that table of reconciliation forever; but we can forever maintain our preparedness to do so. If we retain that preparedness (to be willing, humble, lovers of truth), we remain in God; for that, and only that, we are accountable. God is the “light” over the “table of reconciliation”; the table is always there, the light always on. To be drawn to the light is to be drawn to Him; it is so sad that some, who we once saw as brothers and sisters, prefer to avoid the light. But this, in itself, is illuminating isn’t it?

We have only once had the glorious experience of patience rewarded; of sitting at the table of reconciliation with a sister. She came years after the event, and at Father’s prompting. The three of us sat, in the company of God, each accepting responsibility for our actions; but without need to apportion blame. Reconciliation came. It was not followed by restoration of relationship, but nevertheless, we savour that beautiful gift as it was.

As I read this it reminded me of 2 Corinthians 5 and God’s heart for reconciliation even through the worst of our sins and failures and with no thought for his own life. Reconciliation is a painful hope. When someone attacks us and refuses to sit down at the table of reconciliation, it is easier to cut ourselves off than risk the pain of the broken relationship. It is easier to reject people who hurt us and hide behind a wall of our defense mechanisms that promises protection. But what may seem like a safe place in our flesh is only another dark hole that devours who God really made us to be. Interestingly enough many of our ‘friends’ think they help us by fortifying our own defenses and embellishing our own lies.

I truly understand why true love seeks reconciliation and am so blessed that God demonstrated that heart for all who have broken faith with him. I am so grateful he paid so awesome a price to keep the door open for us. Can we do anything less than keep the door of our heart open regardless of what others do to us? I like in this post that we don’t control the process of reconciliation, but we can keep the lights on on our side of it.

This is Day 6 in Sao Paulo, Brazil, and I am having an incredible trip. I really enjoy the people I get to meet on trips like this, especially those who are beginning to see that the God of the Bible has been disfigured by the lies of religion. Most of the people I have met only know me by readingSo You Don’t Want to Go to Church Anymore. It has been translated and published in Brazil by the same publishing house as did The Shack. It has sold incredibly well through secular stores and has caused quite a buzz in this country. Traditional churches and pastors have spoken out against it, and many warn people not to read such a dangerous book. But so many others have read it, resonated with its message and wanted me to come to talk more about this amazing life with God and a different way to view the church.

We had a weekend retreat where 200 people gathered to talk with me and it was broadcast live on the Internet. They had never heard of He Loves Me or Transitions. Unfortunately most of them do not speak English and I do not speak Portuguese, so I had to work through translators, which makes it a bit more difficult. But I’ve had some wonderful translators, and one young woman who just graduated from a college in the U.S. stays with me all the time to help with personal conversations. It has been wonderful to talk to so many people and hear what Jesus is revealing to them as well as helping them sort through some of their questions.

I’ve been talking nonstop since I arrived, so I’m pretty tired. We had a five-hour meeting last night in a home with scores of questions about how to live this life individually and corporately. I love the hearts of these people, what they already know of him and what he is shaping in their lives.

Let me tell you about one moment that touched me deeply. Saturday night I shared the teaching of the cross, which has had quite an impact. It is a view of the cross that has not been taught in Brazil so many are just processing it for the first time and we had some incredible dialog about all of that since. But it is always difficult to teach that content through translators because it is highly nuanced and I’m never sure how it is being interpreted.

When I finished, I sat down next to a young woman I know understands English. I leaned over to her and asked if she thought all that made sense. So much theology in so short a space, I wanted to make sure it had communicated through the translation.

She turned to me and her eyes were filled with tears. She whispered to me in the most awed, grateful, overwhelmed in a good way, and breathless voice, “I have never heard that before,” as if she just discovered a tender Father she’d never known before. And she cried.

And so did I. It moved me deeply to see how God had made himself known to her in such a simple yet profound way. If people ask why I travel around the world, crawling into cramped airplanes for hours on end, sleeping in beds that are not my own, eating strange foods I don’t always enjoy, missing Sara, my children and grandchildren as well as the comforts and joys of home, moments like this are the answer. That one moment would have made this entire trip worth it for me if nothing else had happened here. A daughter meets the Father she never knew she had.

And she cried tears of great joy as if she had just discovered a father she never knew she had. It moved me deeply to watch her new found joy

So, yes, I guess he communicated. It has been so transforming for her and so many others. Person after person came up to me at the end and told me how much this had shifted their thinking about God. Others have struggled to grasp it, as I did when I first heard it. You want to believe its true but so much religious tradition has taught us otherwise.

One man asked me why I to the risk to share that. Because I believe it the foundational reality on which all else is built. Most people see God as the tormentor of Jesus, rather than the Father who was in Christ reconciling the world to himself. Because of that so many Christians live our lives trying to appease a demanding, angry God instead of living in the affection of a gracious Father. If we don’t get that right, we’ll never learn what it means to grow in him, share life with his family, or love the world with the same compassion Jesus did. (If you haven’t heard some of this teaching you can listen to it free on our Transition page.)

One more day here, and then I fly home for the holidays with my family.

I’m off to Brazil in the morning for a week of conferences down there. Never been to South America before, so this will be all new. Thought I’d leave you with this. I always enjoy finding powerful words and thoughts in unlikely places.

Recently professional golfing legend Lee Trevino was asked what is the greatest lesson he’s tried to pass on to his children. I loved his answer.

“One thing I’ve told them is that your word is your bond. That once you’ve lost your word, you’ve lost all your dignity. So when you tell someone that you’re going to do something, you do it. Regardless if it costs you. And it will cost you money sometimes, cost you time. But you gave them your word.”

I read that to Sara and lamented how few people live by that anymore. Everyone wants the freedom to make every decision new each day, even if their change of mind betrays the trust and love of others. I really don’t understand people who live that way. If people won’t abide by the simplest words of their own mouths how can any meaningful exchanges take place? Our society has concocted an entire legal system of contracts, lawyers, and courts, in hopes of getting people to stand by their word. But even that is a bit of a sham, because it may not count if you don’t sign a document or swear an oath. Like all systems it eventually becomes something to manipulate, rather than rely on for the truth.

That was one of my father’s bedrock lessons to me. The quality of your character rests in whether or not people can trust the words of your mouth. Even David talked about the one God loves “keeps his oath, even when it hurts.” (Psalm 15:4) Even Jesus sought to instill that in his followers: “And do not swear by your head, for you cannot make even one hair white or black. Simply let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one. (Matt 5:36-37)

How much clearer could Scripture be? If you don’t fulfill your promises when it hurts, then what good are they anyway? If you don’t respect your own words and promises, how can you expect other people to have any respect for you?

The two greatest betrayals in my life came because people wouldn’t follow through on promises they made, and refused any conversation that might have found a better way forward through any legitimate frustrations in their commitments. Interestingly enough both brothers who couldn’t justify their actions with any reasonable explanation resorted to the same lame line, “God told me to do this.” The fact that they refused any discussion of their decision tells me God didn’t. One thing I know about people who listen to God, it makes them more humble and open even to being wrong, not more arrogant, demanding and dark. Those who truly hear God are always willing to discuss, to listen and to care about those their decisions affect.

I agree with Lee Trevino, if you lose your word you lose your dignity. If you want to live in the power of friendships, let your yes be yes and your no be no. Even when your promises cost you something you didn’t expect, stay faithful to them anyway. God will do marvelous things out of your faithfulness even to your own hurt. And Jesus was right, the enemy has a field day where people deny that simple reality.

Looking through Parade Magazine on Sunday I saw this little question and answer:

Q I’m curious about what happened between Crystal Cathedral founder Rev. Robert H. Schuller and his son Robert A. Schuller. The younger Schuller no longer appears on the church’s Hour of Power Sunday telecast. Do he and his father still speak?—P.K. Sharpe, Tampa, Fla.

Apparently not. The family rift that caused the famed 83-year-old televangelist to remove his 55-year-old son last fall, about two and a half years after naming him as his successor as senior pastor of the California megachurch, seems deep and bitter. Leadership has passed to Robert H.’s daughter, the Rev. Dr. Sheila Schuller Coleman. Interestingly, the telecast is now led by one of several ministers, including Rev. Coleman and her father.

Now I’ve never been a fan of the whole mentality behind the Crystal Cathedral, but I nonetheless find it horrific that a father and son would end up no longer talking to each other over their differing views on whatever they think that fellowship should be doing. Is doctrine that important? Management style? Something else?

I know of nothing more powerful to destroy close friendships than religion or love of money. I’m always amazed how even families who profess God’s name can be torn apart over an issue of church management and end up distant and bitter. I feel bad for the Schuller’s and pray God will work a better reconciliation in their family and the wider body.

But it is an old story to be sure, but unless we put relationships of love ahead of every other consideration, even where we think we’ve been wronged by others, the body of Christ will continue to leave a wake of damaged and broken relationships in the world. A close brother and I got separated years ago. It remains one of the biggest regrets of my life, not just that the friendship ended, but that people weren’t willing to fight for the relationship against all enemies!

I’m sure glad God thought nothing more important than relationships of affection with his children and fought for it even putting his own life on the line. At the end of the day, that’s what has to come first with us too. The world has had enough division between brothers and sisters. It doesn’t need one more broken relationship.

I realize that isn’t always our choice, and despite our best efforts and our most passionate pleas, it only takes one person given to selfish ambition or vain conceit to throw away a friendship. Friendships are just too precious to toss away any one of them, so as much as it lies within me I’ll always fight for a friendship above anything else. I just that sometimes I realize I end up fighting alone.

Bo’s Café, the triumphant story of a man, his anger and his confrontation with grace is now available in audio format through Oasis Audio. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed the letters I’ve gotten from people who have really learned further how to embrace grace through this powerful story. The new audio got an awesome review in Audio File Magazine and is available at a number of retailers and at Windblown Media.

We just added two new audio recordings to the Audio Library, and tacked on those two audios and one other to the Transition page to help people wrestle with three of the questions I am most asked after someone listens to Transitions or reads He Loves Me.

The two new recordings were made at a retreat I recently taught in South Africa. We were able to record those and they come as close to expressing my heart on some very difficult subjects as I have had opportunity to do. The final recording is one that was recorded this past June in Tulsa, Oklahoma. I hope they are helpful to people who are wrestling with these same subject matters. At this point we are not planning on selling CDs. You’re welcome to download and print CDs as you desire. You can access the recordings from the two linked pages above.

What is the Gospel of Jesus Christ? Recorded in October 2009 at a retreat in South Africa, Wayne shares about the Gospel of love that God communicated in the Son so that we could share a relationship with the Lord of Glory.

What Do I Do with Scriptures that Make God Scary? Recorded in October 2009 at a retreat in South Africa, Wayne seeks to unravel the two seemingly contradictory depictions of God in the Bible and shows how reading Scripture as the progressive revelation of God’s nature, that reaches its fulfillment in the Son Himself—the Word made flesh—resolves those contradictions.

What Do I Do to Live Loved? – Recorded in Tulsa in June 2009, Wayne shows how living loved is not something you can achieve at all; it is a reality you relax into as Jesus makes his life real in you.

For other audio recordings by Wayne, please visit our Audio Library.

Special Notice: Over the next week this website will be migrating to another server since we’ve had so many problems with our existing one. You shouldn’t recognize any difference, but it will mean I’ll not be able to add any new content until the move is made. So I hope all of you in the U.S. have a special, joyful, and glorious Thanksgiving Holiday and that God will continue to make himself know in you. Sara and I are definitely grateful to all of you who have been an encouragement to us over the last year and those who hold us in your hearts before God when you think of us.

What a journey, what a discovery! I know others have the same question, I got this morning in my email, so I’ll let you read over my shoulder as I answered him:

I have once again been inspired by its (So You Don’t Want to Go to Church Anymore) contents and spirit. i am a pastor but feel just as you obviously did when you stepped into a real expression of living the life, and would love to do the same sort of thing as i see the future along this path. So my question is: how do you make the necessary money to live?

Here’s what I wrote back:

Honestly, I think the need to “make the necessary money to live” is one of the first false responsibilities God liberates us from in this journey. So much of church life has been shaped by someone’s need to make an income or meet a budget. Looking back, I know there were many times as a pastor when I didn’t follow what Jesus wanted because I couldn’t figure out how my salary would get pad or how the “church” budget would be met. Institutions have to put such things first and money easily becomes the overriding source of survival.

Watchman Nee wrote some like, if a man is not willing to trust God for his finances, God will not entrust that man with his people. I didn’t like that when I first read it. It scared me. Now, 15 years of watching God provide for me without a fixed salary or income stream and sometimes in very bizarre ways, I look back knowing how real that is. I think two things have to be separated. What is God asking me to do? And, how does he want to resource me?” Surprisingly those are not the same question and they weren’t for Paul the apostle either. He saw no conflict between sharing the kingdom with people and making tents while he did it.

Growing up in ol’ the Puritan work ethic, those those things have always been one in the same for me. Now they aren’t. Now I see the work God has prepared for me in the world and him providing for me as two unconnected realities. And I don’t measure the value of the work he has asked of me by how much income in generates. Often the most significant things he has asked me to be a part of have generated no income at all. Over the last 15 years he has provided for me in incredible ways—through writing royalties, through speaking honorarium, through the generous gifts of some dear friends who wanted to see my life available to others, through painting a friends’ house, through the education consulting work, and through some really weird miraculous events that were completely unexpected and never again repeated.

God has a million ways to provide for his people. But I know that comes in the reality of God winning our trust, not people acting in independence hoping God will drop money in their lap in some magical way. I do know many people who have tried to “live by faith” by just pursuing their ministry or creative passions and have ended up financially ruined. This isn’t that. This freedom to live in his provision grows over time and the opportunity God gives us to help others on this journey. It is an organic reality won in our relationship with him, not an act of hoping God will take care of us.

I’ve seen many, many brothers go down this road and God has provided for them in so many diverse ways. Working for a salary that is tied to “our ministry” is one of the most restrictive environments in which we put ourselves. Our loyalties get divided. It is difficult to hear him when we’re always focused on how what it means for us financially. And trying to make ministry pay for itself often leads to twisted ways we distort the Gospel, manipulate others, and create dependency on our ministries that only belongs to the Father of all. When one is set free from that you can’t believe the clarity of insight and the simplicity of his leading that follows.

But I know the journey to that reality is not easy. I pray you have the grace and courage to follow him as his purpose unfolds in your life. It just may be that God wants your life and gifts available full-time to help equip others in this journey, and if so he will provide for that in some wonderful ways. That will usually come when the opportunities fill your time, rather than raising support so that you can fill your time with ministry. Ministry grows organically and I find when people are needed full time to help others, they already have a resource to help them do it, even if that is the generosity of friends who see what God’s doing in your life and they want to help give it away to others. If not, just remember that the value of your gift isn’t measured by whether or not you get to do it full time.

This is a refreshingly honest look at Sunday morning religious gatherings. You can read the whole thing at Patrolmag.com or click on the picture above.

I realize this isn’t true for everyone, but does this guy ever nail it. Someone sent me a link to this article today and I thought I’d like to share it with you. Don’t read it as church bashing. It isn’t. It’s an honest look at the dysfunctionality of looking at the church as theater instead of a real-life engagement with other people who are seeking to live loved and transformed in the life of Jesus.

And, yes, I do struggle with his terminology. The church is not boring! The church of Jesus in the world is the most wonderful of realities. Religion is boring. Religious services are boring. And I find it incredibly sad that this is all some people think of when they hear the word church.

But he does describe the church accurately in the article, those involved in incredible conversations with other fellow-travelers in a variety of venues. I just spent two weeks in South Africa with the church and came away inspired, encouraged and awed by the amazing work of God in the world. I just spent last night with part of the church around our dining room table, laughing, sharing and holding each other before Jesus. And that’s great stuff.

I got this email today and thought others would find an interest in the answer as well.

I am hooked. I read you book “So You Don’t Want To Go To Church Anymore” and it resonated with me on a very deep level. You see I have been searching for the real Christianity for a long time. I even went to bible college and got a theology degree to try to get my life to where I thought it should be if I was really to be a real Christian. All to no avail. I am still searching but what you have here is really tugging me to where I know I need to be. I have some questions however which I hope you can help me with.

How does the counting the cost – and self denial – and divine discipline fit with the idea of the patient God who is understanding of our weaknesses and willing to walk with us through our journey? I think I am starting to understand but every now and then I get confused. Anyway hoping to begin to
live the life that is described in the word rather than this lifeless facsimile.

Your question confuses me a bit, because I see plenty of room inside the Lord’s compassion for us to count the cost, and deny ourselves as we follow him. The denial comes in the following, I guess. Jesus asks me to do some incredible costly things. By following him, I often have to deny what Wayne wants to do. But he has lovingly won me into that space. Look how much time Jesus invested in the disciples, loving them through their selfishness and ignorances, and then challenging them to self-denial as the expression of relationship-borne obedience. Denial is not the way we gain him. Denial is the tool we need to live in his will instead of our own. Religion sets up a list of rules and expectations and then gets us to think that our achieving those is self-denial. It is not. It is only performance by another name. It is our effort trying to gain God’s favor. Simply, that doesn’t work.

So I guess religious performance sees self-denial and counting the cost as a way to gain the relationship. I don’t. The relationship is a gift and God will be incredibly loving and patient helping us be won to his love for us. But as we grow in him, we will often face the choice of doing what God wants or being tyrannized by what we want. Will God be patient with us even if we choose our own selfish pursuits? I find he does. But we will miss out on some aspect of his unfolding purpose in us and a deepening relationship by doing so. You see, I don’t understand people who claim that they love God and that simply means they want him to bless whatever they want to do.

Knowing him means you want to engage who he is and what he is doing. He has the best ideas about everything, and he wants to walk me through the unfolding adventure of life with his light and love. That is often incredibly costly. I’ve made huge decisions suspecting that the consequence just might be incredibly hurtful and harmful, rather than a huge blessing. I do that because I’m nuts about him and the things he asks me to be involved in, even if most of the people I lay down my life for may take advantage of that generosity, or even abuse it for their own self-satisfaction. That’s the cost and that’s denial.

Jesus’ warnings are fair game for us. If you’re going to live by your own convenience, you’ll miss out on the greatest joys of his unfolding kingdom in your life, which will challenge you to go where you’re not comfortable, love even when it means people will take advantage of you, and give even when it isn’t appreciated. That is how Jesus lived and told us we are blessed when people lie about us, exclude us or speak evil of us, because that is how he was treated. No, that isn’t always fun in the moment, but the depths of relationship that takes us to in him, are well worth the journey. As Paul said, “momentary, light afflictions work in us an eternal weight of glory.”

It’s all about his glory, not our personal comfort!

As I was getting dressed this morning the news was playing in the background that included a story about last night’s Country Music Association Awards. One of the things that absolutely confounds me is our celebrity culture’s infatuation with itself. I know it is in part it is driven by the publishers, agents and producers to keep their products in the marketplace. These award shows are the way to give further shelf-life to books, records and movies already in the marketplace.

But it is more than that. I’ve brushed shoulders enough with many celebrities to note their constant fascination with themselves and their expanding circle of famous friends. Watching video clips of them fawning all over each other made me shake my head in sorrow this morning. They are so delighted with their own success they have no idea how out of touch with real life and real people they actually are.

That may be painting with a broad brush, and I do hope there are some genuine souls among the celebrities of our day, but my experience tells me otherwise. And I’m not saying that celebrities are bad people, but rather that our celebrity culture damages people in ways we don’t get to see. What amazes me is how much fascination our world has with these celebrities. Look at any magazine rack, or entertainment show. It is all about exalting other humans with admiration, most of which you wouldn’t be friends with if you had the chance.

Two thoughts came to mind this morning while watching this. Why are so many people driven to live in that space? I can’t tell you how many interactions I have in year’s time with people who are driven to be the next big author, musician, actor, or movie-maker? Some want it for ‘Godly’ reasons, or so they say, but I don’t think they have any idea what celebrity will do to them. I know precious few who fly at that level that stay grounded in reality and appreciation for the people who they knew before it happened.

I read an interview this weekend with American actor Robert De Niro. He talked about how rich and famous people only surround themselves with others who only tell them what they want to hear and who give them permission to indulge their own selfishness because they have earned it. Sad, isn’t it? Believe me, there is no amount of money that makes it worth living in that space. Celebrity culture is a lie at its very core.

That was even more clear to me during my time in Australia. Most of my time there was spent with brothers and sisters on the journey of learning to live loved who saw me just as another brother on a journey. But I also did some media interviews and had some interactions with people who put me on the author pedestal for my own books, or for my work on The Shack. They are groupies, enamored with fame more than they are the Father I write about. Those conversations are less enjoyable to me and far less fruitful. One driver I had for an interview even apologized to me for even mentioning someone else’s book in my presence. When I expressed dismay that he would think to apologize for that, he told me that he knew how much famous people wanted to be the center of attention.

So my second thought in hearing this news clip this morning was this: The best thing about celebrity is that it makes you irrelevant to the people who matter. People enamored with celebrity have little else going on in their lives. People who are really grounded in the life of God aren’t impressed with celebrity. They don’t put people on pedestals, and aren’t too interested in those who are. They look for people to walk alongside them knowing we are all flesh and blood with the same human experiences, hopes and fears as anyone else. As I have often said the people I know who live most alive and free in Jesus are unknown except to the friends and family that live in their corner of the world.

Whenever we are tricked into the lie that there are people above us, or beneath us, we have lost the truth and the reality that Jesus invited us into. That’s why James warned the followers of Jesus:

My brothers, as believers in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ, don’t show favoritism. Suppose a man comes into your meeting wearing a gold ring and fine clothes, and a poor man in shabby clothes also comes in. If you show special attention to the man wearing fine clothes and say, “Here’s a good seat for you,” but say to the poor man, “You stand there” or “Sit on the floor by my feet,” have you not discriminated among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts?

Listen, my dear brothers: Has not God chosen those who are poor in the eyes of the world to be rich in faith and to inherit the kingdom he promised those who love him? But you have insulted the poor. Is it not the rich who are exploiting you? Are they not the ones who are dragging you into court? Are they not the ones who are slandering the noble name of him to whom you belong? (James 1:1-7)