Comments on: If Relationships Aren’t First…. http://lifestream.org/blog/2009/12/01/if-relationships-arent-first/ Thu, 29 Jul 2010 15:31:40 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: Wayne http://lifestream.org/blog/2009/12/01/if-relationships-arent-first/comment-page-1/#comment-30625 Wayne Fri, 04 Dec 2009 01:05:50 +0000 http://lifestream.org/blog/?p=1001#comment-30625 Amy, I think we're talking about the seasonalness of tasking together. I do agree that the relationships themselves (especially if we dismantle the task with honor and grace) should thrive even beyond it. Family is for life! I do love the long-term friendships I've had throughout my life. Even if we don't see each other for years at a time, we pick up with all the affection from our last parting. Those are the relationships I love. Amy, I think we’re talking about the seasonalness of tasking together. I do agree that the relationships themselves (especially if we dismantle the task with honor and grace) should thrive even beyond it. Family is for life! I do love the long-term friendships I’ve had throughout my life. Even if we don’t see each other for years at a time, we pick up with all the affection from our last parting. Those are the relationships I love.

]]> By: Amy http://lifestream.org/blog/2009/12/01/if-relationships-arent-first/comment-page-1/#comment-30624 Amy Thu, 03 Dec 2009 19:13:59 +0000 http://lifestream.org/blog/?p=1001#comment-30624 Yes Wayne, I agree. But, I also think that this "for a season" has become an over-used catch phrase, that is often really a smoke screen for people who mean, "I'm bored or irritated with this job, this group, or this person. I'm going to toss it and move on to someone or something else." I also have found myself fighting alone many times, whether it was just disinterest on the other person's part or a grief between us. People these days think nothing of tossing friendships. Just as people don't think material things are worth repairing, they just throw it out and get a new one. I've had it done to me 'outside the box,' too. It doesn't just happen in sticky political, institutional situations. Yes Wayne, I agree. But, I also think that this “for a season” has become an over-used catch phrase, that is often really a smoke screen for people who mean, “I’m bored or irritated with this job, this group, or this person. I’m going to toss it and move on to someone or something else.”

I also have found myself fighting alone many times, whether it was just disinterest on the other person’s part or a grief between us. People these days think nothing of tossing friendships. Just as people don’t think material things are worth repairing, they just throw it out and get a new one. I’ve had it done to me ‘outside the box,’ too. It doesn’t just happen in sticky political, institutional situations.

]]> By: Don http://lifestream.org/blog/2009/12/01/if-relationships-arent-first/comment-page-1/#comment-30615 Don Wed, 02 Dec 2009 20:01:26 +0000 http://lifestream.org/blog/?p=1001#comment-30615 Wayne, it is interesting you bring up the rift between Paul and Barnabas. That fight was over whether or not to bring John Mark along on their next journey. It is sad that years later Paul had reconciled with John Mark and commended him as profitable to the work with him in the ministry. But there is no record of whether or not Paul and Barnabas were ever reconciled. Despite the testimony of both of these men, they were still just men. Wayne, it is interesting you bring up the rift between Paul and Barnabas. That fight was over whether or not to bring John Mark along on their next journey. It is sad that years later Paul had reconciled with John Mark and commended him as profitable to the work with him in the ministry. But there is no record of whether or not Paul and Barnabas were ever reconciled. Despite the testimony of both of these men, they were still just men.

]]> By: Wayne http://lifestream.org/blog/2009/12/01/if-relationships-arent-first/comment-page-1/#comment-30612 Wayne Wed, 02 Dec 2009 17:33:55 +0000 http://lifestream.org/blog/?p=1001#comment-30612 Absolutely, Mark, perhaps fighting is a bad word. I certainly didn't mean roping someone to a chair and forcing them to be your friend again. By fighting for a friendship, I simply meant not walling off our heart even when others abuse us or take their leave of us, and continue to make ourselves available for reconciliation if there's any willingness on the other party's part. We certainly can't harass someone into reconnecting, but as much as it lies within us seek to put healthy relationships above any other agenda. Absolutely, Mark, perhaps fighting is a bad word. I certainly didn’t mean roping someone to a chair and forcing them to be your friend again. By fighting for a friendship, I simply meant not walling off our heart even when others abuse us or take their leave of us, and continue to make ourselves available for reconciliation if there’s any willingness on the other party’s part. We certainly can’t harass someone into reconnecting, but as much as it lies within us seek to put healthy relationships above any other agenda.

]]> By: mark brown http://lifestream.org/blog/2009/12/01/if-relationships-arent-first/comment-page-1/#comment-30611 mark brown Wed, 02 Dec 2009 17:27:05 +0000 http://lifestream.org/blog/?p=1001#comment-30611 Good discussion guys! It's all summed up in Love. The Person of 1Cor.13... Love hopes all things, bears all things and never fails (etc.). A pat answer perhaps, when the details of "the issue" seem so important. So, is it true that "Friends Are Friends Forever, if the Lord's the Lord of them"?... an old M.W.Smith song. What about when friends choose to become "enemies"?... hurting, despitefully using, cursing. Only Jesus free in us can bless, pray for and Love them. A miracle that blows away any power in the world (or wisdom... it's foolishness to them) to be sure.. the Love of God. "So we follow God's own fool, 'Cause only the foolish can tell; Believe the unbelievable; And come be a fool as well" -old Michael Card song. Peace to you, not as the world gives. MDB p.s. - friendships are a gift from God. The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away, blessed be the name of the Lord. We must hold them with a open hand of thanks, and be careful to not hold on to them with the strength of our own will. I think you're saying to "fight" for them in His grace, love and mercy though, eh Wayne? Good discussion guys!
It’s all summed up in Love. The Person of 1Cor.13… Love hopes all things, bears all things and never fails (etc.).
A pat answer perhaps, when the details of “the issue” seem so important.

So, is it true that “Friends Are Friends Forever, if the Lord’s the Lord of them”?… an old M.W.Smith song.
What about when friends choose to become “enemies”?… hurting, despitefully using, cursing. Only Jesus free in us can bless, pray for and Love them. A miracle that blows away any power in the world (or wisdom… it’s foolishness to them) to be sure.. the Love of God.

“So we follow God’s own fool, ‘Cause only the foolish can tell; Believe the unbelievable; And come be a fool as well” -old Michael Card song.
Peace to you, not as the world gives.

MDB p.s. – friendships are a gift from God. The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away, blessed be the name of the Lord. We must hold them with a open hand of thanks, and be careful to not hold on to them with the strength of our own will.
I think you’re saying to “fight” for them in His grace, love and mercy though, eh Wayne?

]]> By: Wayne http://lifestream.org/blog/2009/12/01/if-relationships-arent-first/comment-page-1/#comment-30604 Wayne Wed, 02 Dec 2009 00:41:04 +0000 http://lifestream.org/blog/?p=1001#comment-30604 David, I couldn't agree more. In fact, I think friends will rarely work together, because almost always the task they do together becomes more important than the relationship. But even when they are meant to be more long-term, things don't always work out, or perhaps Father only meant them for a season. Paul and Barnabas' split is a great example of that. I just wish they would have respected each other enough to free each other to live differently, rather than explode all over the other. All the partnerships I've had in tasking have always promised each other that if we didn't want to keep working together we would find a gracious way to bring it to resolution, rather than on person trying to grab all they can get and betray their word to the others. Sadly, most in the end can't bring themselves to do it. As you say, they may just bee too broken to express their dissatisfaction in a healthy way, but hopefully they can recognize that in themselves and stop a moment to put the relationship above their own personal comfort. That's always a risk, which is why I think you need to fight for it... Or so I hope. David, I couldn’t agree more. In fact, I think friends will rarely work together, because almost always the task they do together becomes more important than the relationship. But even when they are meant to be more long-term, things don’t always work out, or perhaps Father only meant them for a season. Paul and Barnabas’ split is a great example of that. I just wish they would have respected each other enough to free each other to live differently, rather than explode all over the other.

All the partnerships I’ve had in tasking have always promised each other that if we didn’t want to keep working together we would find a gracious way to bring it to resolution, rather than on person trying to grab all they can get and betray their word to the others. Sadly, most in the end can’t bring themselves to do it. As you say, they may just bee too broken to express their dissatisfaction in a healthy way, but hopefully they can recognize that in themselves and stop a moment to put the relationship above their own personal comfort. That’s always a risk, which is why I think you need to fight for it…

Or so I hope.

]]> By: David Grant http://lifestream.org/blog/2009/12/01/if-relationships-arent-first/comment-page-1/#comment-30600 David Grant Tue, 01 Dec 2009 23:56:06 +0000 http://lifestream.org/blog/?p=1001#comment-30600 I think there are times when friends shouldn't work together. I'm not talking about a short term project but more in line with long term commitments with each other. Someone eventually feels threatened or feels let down. Or there is a difference in the power grid and friendships suffer when equality is not a cornerstone of that friendship. I'm not saying it isn't possible but friends need to allow each a way out of the venture that they started out together on. If they start feeling trapped they may not know how to express it in a healthy way and therefore end up doing something despicable to destroy the relationship. It's interesting that Jesus said it was for his disciples good that He had to leave. Perhaps even His deepening relationship with his disciples would have been limited by His physical presence. We know that they dealt with internal jealousies and bickered over who could get close enough to Him. What would their relationships with each other have looked like, if He had remained for 10 years? I think there are times when friends shouldn’t work together. I’m not talking about a short term project but more in line with long term commitments with each other. Someone eventually feels threatened or feels let down. Or there is a difference in the power grid and friendships suffer when equality is not a cornerstone of that friendship. I’m not saying it isn’t possible but friends need to allow each a way out of the venture that they started out together on. If they start feeling trapped they may not know how to express it in a healthy way and therefore end up doing something despicable to destroy the relationship.

It’s interesting that Jesus said it was for his disciples good that He had to leave. Perhaps even His deepening relationship with his disciples would have been limited by His physical presence. We know that they dealt with internal jealousies and bickered over who could get close enough to Him. What would their relationships with each other have looked like, if He had remained for 10 years?

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